The Reluctant Mate

Amanda

When Carrie had reached out to me, I was relieved to hear from her and instantly responded. I wanted to make sure that all my suspicions were wrong about where she had landed herself. Sure, she had seemed happy at the club, but the fact that she had quit her job right after getting serious with her boyfriend seemed like a possible sign of controlling behaviour. It reminded me of how much Steven had gradually taken over every aspect of my life, so subtle at the time, so obvious in retrospect. And I was going to help Carrie avoid that if I could.

She looked good when she came walking into the Coffee Buzz, although there was also something a bit off. It could be just stress, so after we got our drinks I launched into a description of everything that had happened since she left, and encouraged her to tell me how things were going for her.

She was irritatingly vague and kept turning the conversation back on me. Deflection, another red flag. I just couldn’t tell if things really were good or not. I considered trying another plan of attack, when she caught me off guard with her next question.

“So, how did things go with Jason’s friend you met? He didn’t really say anything.”

I didn’t need her bringing him up, my own irritating brain was more than good enough at doing that at the most inconvenient times. Weeks had passed, and if anything, I was thinking about him more, not less. My friends had commented and prodded me about my changes in behaviour, obviously concerned. And they should be, even though I played it off like nothing was wrong.

And I did that again, pretending like I wasn’t bothered in the slightest. “He was too intense, so I broke off whatever he thought we were.”

“Oh really? I thought he was really into you.” She said it like it was a good thing.

“Yeah. Seemed like he was.”

She shrugged. “I’m just surprised because it almost seemed like you were as into him that night you met as he was you.”

“Well, he’s really hot,” I admitted. “But that’s not the only thing that matters, you know?”

“I do.” I wasn’t sure she did.

“I want to live my life and I don’t want to be tied down. And everything he did was just so—I don’t know. Like I said, intense. Like he would do anything to keep me with him, like he wanted to lurk behind me everywhere I went. I’ve been with that sort of guy before, and I don’t need to fall back into another relationship with some overpossesive bad news jerk who’s going to try to control my every move. I already made that mistake, and that’s not what I want, you know?”

“I do.”

“It’s a shame, though. I mean, he seriously blew my mind in bed.”

“Too bad it didn’t work out,” she agreed.

“Wait, is this the only reason you wanted to see me?” I asked, suddenly suspicious. We’d had plenty of moments at work that had solidified our friendship in my mind, but coming out was not her usual behaviour of the past.

She shook her head. “No. I was actually just feeling bad that I had refused you so many times. I was feeling depressed when I got here and I let that get the better of me. Well, maybe Porter was a bit of it.”

“What do you mean?” There was a catch in her voice that worried me, in spite of all my better judgement. Was something wrong with Porter?

“It’s just he was so happy after he met you, but now he’s wandering around looking miserable.”

It wasn’t my fault that he had completely misunderstood everything, except maybe at the very beginning. But even then, how was I supposed to know the guy who I hooked up with would want more? It hadn’t happened before. I hadn’t even given any a chance to think like that. Which had been the point of it. “Well, I made him no promises.”

“I know. I’m just surprised. Porter’s a great guy, and the way you two were that night...I would have sworn you were soulmates. Jason thought that, too.” I shook my head. “But I’m not trying to pressure you. You know what’s best for yourself far better than I do.”

I let it go, since she seemed willing to. We chatted, but she was still annoyingly closed lipped about her situation. I grew more and more convinced that there was something she wasn’t telling me, and I was afraid it was something serious.

Finally, we finished our coffees, and with a glance at my phone I realized I was almost late to meet the girls. Just because I couldn’t seem to find anyone interesting anymore didn’t mean I shouldn’t go and be a wing girl for my friends. And pretending nothing had changed was better than moping on the couch. “I better get going. I’ve got some plans for tonight.”

“Well, like I said, if you feel like coming out to check out Jason’s business, just give me a call.”

“Actually, I would like to do that. Would next week work?” I asked. I’d get a better peek into what was going on if I could actually go there. Or maybe...

“Sure. When are you off?”

“Wednesday.”

“How about two? We can have you over for dinner.”

“That sounds perfect. Oh, but I guess I need the address.”

“Of course,” she agreed. My phone pinged.

“See you next week.”

Carrie waved a bit as I set off out the door. I’d walked there since the weather was nice, and I analyzed our conversation as I went. The more I thought about it, the more I was certain that there was something she was hiding. And it probably was the same dangerous thing that Porter was hiding.

The war with myself continued. The right thing to do was to stay away from Porter. Far away. Yet my mind kept drifting back to him, over and over again. He was stuck in my head and it kind of irritated me. I needed to get him out.

So I reached a conclusion. If I just satisfied my curiosity and finally witnessed how bad whatever they were hiding was, I could get him out of my head. And maybe convince Carrie to leave all the trouble behind with me. I just needed to find out the truth.

And then I could move on with my life without any more difficulty.