The Raven & The Wolf

Chapter Eighteen

When I finish, Merry leans back in her seat and presses her fingertips together. After a few moments, she moves her hands to her lips. “I can’t see any other way to explain it. You’re an idiot.”

I plop my head down. “Not you too.”

“I mean you did the right thing; you just should have been smarter about it.” Merry answers, putting her hand on my shoulder. “At least you almost succeeded.”

I take a deep breath, “I guess.”

“I mean I guess I understand you not sending the other two here, and just carrying Halthin up the mountain. You needed to conserve as much strength as possible. However, for fighting Ari, you should have just teleported him using your stone necklace.”

“I swear hindsight makes everyone a genius.” I mutter sarcastically into the table.

Merry bursts out laughing. “You’re not wrong. It’s easy to see more when you’re not in the moment. In that moment, your mind was intent on protecting the ones you love. It made sense to you. It doesn’t make sense to us, since we consider your life more valuable. To you, your life is just that, so it’s easier for you to make that trade.”

I lift my head. “You value an idiot?”

She snorts a laugh. “I’ll always place value in you.” She pats my head. “You best go back to sleep. There is a lot of healing your body has to go through.”

I stand up and lean over to give her a hug. “I’m going to go for a walk, but then I will. My body is still too awake for sleep.”

“Then read a book,” she tells me, allowing Karen to bring her her tea. Karen was kept at bay during our conversation, and out of hearing range. It’s rare when I see Merry so stern with someone. “You really shouldn’t be walking around right now. If you’re not in bed by the time I finish my tea, I will send Stanya after you.”

I flash her a smile. “I will.”

“Luckily for you, licter berry tea is meant to be drank slowly,” she says, taking a slow, exaggerated gulp.

“It is best to drink it that way,” I agree before nodding goodbye to her.

When I step out into the quiet town, it’s colder than when I entered the dining hall. After walking up a steep hill, I make it to one of my favorite spots. At the edge of Ridgewilf, there is a deck connected to a memorial hall. On the deck, is a permanent bonfire centered into it; Ridgewilf’s way of honoring their dead. The inside of the hall is traditional like most Sheika clans. The dead will always rest inside marble, but each clan has a different way of honoring them. For Ridgewilf, the fire will burn as long as there are Sheiks and Illusionists living; the burning fire showing the never ending gratitude for the difference their lives put into this world.

After dragging a bench from the wall closer to the bonfire, I sit next to the fire and put my feet by the fire; letting it heat my toes. Wrapping myself up in my cloak to watch the sleeping city, I lean into the seat. It’s peaceful in this moment. I can breathe, just taking this second to watch snowfall and forget about the responsibilities I bare on my back. It’s so quiet, and I’m living in this moment.

After ten minutes of sitting in peace, I hear footsteps coming up to me. It looks like Merry finished her tea. There is a knock when the footsteps round the corner, “Nat, may I approach?”

A smile touches my face, “You may.”

He sits next to me and puts a blanket over our legs. “Here,” he says, handing me a cup of hot honied milk tea. “I put honey in it, and cinnamon. My mom used to make this for me when I was sick. I think your injuries make it close enough to earn her tea.”

I laugh, “At least I get something good out of it.” I take a drink and immediately smile. “This is amazing.” I croon, taking another sip.

Gedric laughs. “I’m glad you like it. Now giving you tea isn’t the only reason I’m here.”

I raise an eyebrow and look at him. He’s wearing a scarf and a wool jacket. He really doesn’t seem to like fur. Maybe I should tell him that the fur we use is synthetic. The wool is real though. Believe me, the fat sheep and llama’s do not miss them when they’re shorn. It’s nearly impossible to escape the heat when summer and spring show up here. “Why are you here then?”

He blushes a little. “I went to check on you, but you were gone. After I calmed Healer Malay down, she listed a couple of places I’d find you. From what I know about you, I figured you’d likely be up here. I got some things to help you hide out a bit longer.” He motions to the blanket and the cup.

That surprises me. “How did you figure that out?”

“Well, when we were in Brighton, you brought me to your favorite spot, remember? The spot was quiet, isolated, and most of all peaceful and beautiful. You looked happy there. You are so needed in your community, that I figure you go to places like this to be alone and be by yourself.” He looks out to watch the city. “I can’t say that I blame you. Take a moment to re-find yourself before the chaos does.”

I look him over again, seeing him in a different light. “You got all of that, just because I took you to that one spot?”

He looks back at me and nods. “Pretty much. I’m good at learning people. For instance, I know that you’re still grieving Brin’s death, but you’re trying to show you’re indestructible for your people.”

I feel as if he’s ripped the air out of me. “How-how do you know that?”

He shrugs, “You keep mentioning him. Your eyes slightly harden when you hear his name too. Like you’re trying to push back your emotions.”

This unnerves me some. “You can’t possibly know this.”

He points to my chest. “Now you’re covering yourself up, because I’m exposing some pretty raw truths.”

I look down and, sure enough, my arm is crossed across my chest. I correct it immediately. “You’re too good at that.” I breathe, looking down. “It’s hard to be thought of as the strongest sometimes.”

“Which is why you’re up here,” He motions around us. “No one is here to watch you, so you can reflect without that wall you built.”

I shake my head. “Got me again, Gedric.”

He nods, accepting the edge of the bitter tone in my words. “My grandfather always did say I have a way of getting under people’s skin.”

“A gift is more of a fitting term,” I say, agreeing with his words. I look at him, measuring him. “You felt his pain, didn’t you?”

Now it’s his turn to stiffen. “You can’t feel other’s pain.”

I shake my head. “No, you can’t. However, you can sense it, and get an idea of their pain. Forest Folk are renown for it. It’s how they connect with animals so much. The intensity in which you sense their pain, is also why you’re likely a good healer.”

He clears his throat. “Speaking of healing, I need to check your wounds. It’s time to redress some of them.”

I smirk, glad I’m not the only one that got exposed tonight. Gently, I turn slightly so he can check my wound. “So what did I manage to hurt this time?” I ask through my teeth while he tears off the gauze covering my wounds.

“Well, you almost punctured a kidney. You’re lucky you landed right on me so I could find it as quickly as I had. You nearly bled out. You also dislocated your shoulder and kneecap. I’m sure there are some rib fractures somewhere on you too. I’m amazed you’re up and walking.”

I shrug and regret it. “Ow.”

He chuckles, “You might want to slow down, and think before you do normal body movements, for a minute. You’re pretty hurt and are stuck healing like a normal person.”

I groan, “Ugh, I hate the humble healing rate.”

“Welcome to experiencing something like the majority of earth’s population.” He bursts out laughing when I look over my shoulder to give him a dirty look. He just keeps on working though, replacing the gauze and checking me over as gently as he can. I turn to face him when he’s finished and watch him throw the bloody bandages into the fire.

He gives me an awkward look. “I need to check your shoulder next.”

I cock my head, “So?”

“Your shirt is too thick to see how swollen it is.”

“Oh,” I blush. “I guess we can have you check it later.”

He nods and we both turn to awkwardly face the fire. In silence we watch the fire crackle and pop. His body is tense, and I’m not sure why it’s as tight as it is. Maybe he’s getting too cold. Finally, he breaks the silence.

“Okay, I just have to ask you. What is wrong with you? You bowled Ari over, and that was the last we saw of you. Then Stanya was screaming as if a wolf bit her. I had no idea what was going on. The only words Stanya could get out is that you went off to die. You were gone. What was going through your head?”

I give him a tired look. “I couldn’t fight him anymore. I was tired. The more I tried to fight him, the weaker I got. I wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain he was causing to stop. If I killed him, if I killed us, it had to stop. It just had to.

“So I took some of the blood magic from Halthin and went to Ari to return the favor. I infected him with the very thing he was killing Halthin with. I was going to kill him with his own sickness. I was so close. His heart was near its last beat, but he saved himself, and me. He learned my nickname, and I failed.”

I shake my head and clench my fist. “I failed to kill him.”

“You’re not meant to kill him.” Gedric’s voice comes off distant.

“Son of a…” I trail off, recognizing a push of magical energy coming towards me.