SWNOVELS Chapter 34
"Stop!" he orders. I have so much anger in me I think I will explode and I have no way to release it. I fell to my knees and I burst into tears I can't control this emotion even if I wanted to. So much I have never experienced before and for the first time ever I longed to be home safe and overly protected within my own walls.
"She was right I am a foolish little child," I say in almost a whisper through the tears, "I won't have any choice in what I do. I am a slave and dolls clothes." I don't look up at him I just want him to leave. I lean over and look through my tears at the floor. I watch as a couple of them fell from my face and land on the floor in front of me.
"I didn't," he starts, "I didn't lie about everything. I didn't lie about falling for you. My father is really dead." I hear him stepping towards me. "If I didn't win your heart you'd be sitting on some isolated planet alone with no one and nothing but your own thoughts to accompany you." He says as he steps closer to me I see the tip of his shoes coming into my range of sight. I want to attack him with everything I have in me. "You don't belong on the floor my queen." He put the emphasis on 'my queen'. He bent over and pulls me to my feet, but I still refuse to look him in the eyes.
"I am a slave and we both know slaves bow at the feet of their masters. Tell me what is it you want from a master?" I say with every intent of pissing him off. I want to hurt him, not sure how but I want to make him hurt as much as I did.
"I'm your husband not your master." He responds and I can hear the distain at my calling him master.
"I am not sure you know the difference. You certainly don't know the difference between love and lust. You lusted for power and now it is yours." I still have tears in my eyes and anger, hatred and confusion buried in me. However, I find it is more directed at myself for being so easily fooled.
"I saw you on that ship, I saw what you were truly capable of and I knew instantly that your powers had to be under control. I was taught from the time we first found out about you how to handle you how to calm you down and how to make you fall in love with me." I interrupt him
"How to fool me?" He put his hand on my cheek as I continue to look down. I pull away and turn my back to him. I am completely disgusted by the way it felt when he touches me now, and as the thought of last night entered my mind causing me to cringe.
"I am sorry for what I have done, for what your mother has done, for what everyone has done to you." He has raised his voice now; I guess since he has control he has nothing to fear. "How can I make you see that I don't want you to be my slave?" He asks he sounds earnest, but at this point I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth.
"Just tell me what you want from me or dismiss me to my quarters as standing in your presence makes me nauseous." I won't fall for any more of his lies. He may still have held a piece of my heart but he was losing the rest of me rather quickly.
"I will find a way to make you see what I did was for the best. I will find a way to show you that I love you and I will have you love me again." He moves around to the front of me and leans down to go in to kiss from me, but I stand still and don't return the gesture. He sighs in frustration, "You are angry I understand, I won't torture you any longer. This discussion is over for now; you're dismissed to our room." Just the thought of having him in that tiny space with me makes me look at him with anger. "I will be there later, but right now I do have things I have to take care of. I do love you." I pull away from the hand he has placed on mine and walk toward the door turning just as I reach it.
"You may have control over my powers and I must obey your orders, but I will never love you again nor will I ever offer myself to you again willingly. You are not my husband you are a master and I hate you." Deep down I know that it is a lie. I don't hate him but I want him to feel what hell he and all those who have conspired with him has made me feel. This time I look at him dead in the eye to see his reaction.
"I will see you later." He has a hint of hurt, yet disbelief in his eyes I am sure he doesn't believe me either, as I turn and quickly make my way to the elevator. My father's warnings of miss trust ran through my head over and over as the doors slides shut. How could I have been so foolish?
The elevator moves ever so slowly to our room. I exit the elevator walking down the hall, the realization that it is all a lie hit me harder. It is nothing more than exactly what my father had warned me about. I take my time in the solitude of the empty hall leading up to the room. I see the window coming up and I approach it. I look out the window staring at the ship that I had destroy. I see the ship now silent and I long for its cold embrace. If I have just been left in there I would be drifting into space free from all of this pain only haunted by the faces of those I had killed. I feel so confused I've been hurt or rather had my feelings hurt before, but not like this. My heart felt as though it had shattered like the panel I had just thrown at Patrick's head and it hung so heavy in my chest. I just stare for a while wondering what would have happened had we stayed on my planet instead of fleeing like cowards.
I make it to the door of my chambers there are so many memories surrounding this small space. They all flood back into my head hitting me all at once that they were all lies. I walk over to the couch and fold it out the bed. He has laid on it for several nights but we have never slept there together. I do not want to go into the bedroom. If he is not cold enough to order me to sleep with him, I will remain out here. I couldn't bear to lay in that room, in that bed of lies. I lay on the bed I have just pulled out and stared off into space hoping that I will fall into a deep sleep so that I could avoid any other confrontations with him. I can't tell anymore rather it is night or day in the vastness of space there is no differential in the time. No sunrises or sets, no beautiful colors stretching across the East Mountains, no song birds to lull me awake in the morning. I am so restless that I stand back up and walk around the room pacing with an uneasy dread that he would be here soon. I walk over to the shelf where all his trophies are sitting and I hear the door open behind me I don't even turn to look at who is entering as I do not care any longer. I pick one of the trophy up and chunked it at his head again, and again I just barely miss.
"Still angry with me I see." Patrick says as the door closes behind him. I glare at him with all the anger I have in me. I can feel my powers growing and I know that there had to be some sort of glow surrounding me as he looks at me funny. "Fine do it. Throw fireballs or whatever you want at me but please don't shut me out." Now I turn and look away from him. I don't want to use my powers on him mostly because he told me I could. I want the inner turmoil to end.
"What is it you wish of me master?" I ask, as I look away from him instead of at him. There is still so much about him that makes me weak and it sickens me that I still care. I want to hate him; I want to be able to hurt him. I know he has to be controlling part of me without me knowing or feeling it because I really want to hurt him but I'm not sure if I can.
"Aaaagh." He says completely frustrated with me at this point. "Did you actually watch all the videos? Did you see all the arguments on my parts against all of this? Or did you just skim through? Please be angry at me or something this master treatment that you are giving me is driving me insane." He has raised his voice at me again.
"If you were so objected to all of this to lying to me, to fooling me, then why did you decide to go along with it at all?" I respond as I have not watched all the videos and had no clue as to what he is talking about as far as arguing against the way that I am treat. I am not really sure I even care.
"I... I didn't plan on actually developing feelings for you. You are beautiful, and sweet, and passionate and..." I am facing the shelves the awards are beckoning me to grab them. I look at them trying to resist for a second but it doesn't work.
"Lies all lies!!" I turn and chunk one of the large pointed edged trophies at his head. He catches it witch makes me even angrier at him.
"Is that what you think, you think my love for you is a lie? You know nothing about the complications that come with being pressured into something because you have to obey orders. Because you are the future of ruler of your people and you have no choice but to do what is necessary." I glare at him as he cannot comprehend what it was like to be me and have no control over who I hurt. He has no clue what it is like to be raised in a gilded cage hidden from the all. So protected from everything I could not prevent myself from being led so easily to this point.
"Well I guess and you will teach me won't you. After all being held prisoner in your own home in order to protect every one can't be all as bad as following orders." I pick up another trophy from the shelf. Before I can throw it at him he is up against me holding my arm. He has come all the way across the room to me to stop me physically instead of just ordering me to stop. This causes only a momentary pause in my anger.
"I don't want you to serve me. I have plenty of servants. I just want you to continue to love me as you did before you found all of this out." He holds me against himself as I try to pull away, but physical at least he is indeed stronger than me. I am so angry I lit myself a blaze and he stumbled backwards on fire. "Ah okay yes I deserve that." He looks at the glow of flames still surrounding me. I know he had no clue as to what was going to happen next.