The Purge

“Jugadores juegan.”

Sky Key; James Frey and Nils Johnson-Shelton

I have let myself get burned.

I don’t know what I feel but I let myself surrender. I had let myself fall.

I’ve always been jealous of girls who are so brave to fall in love, have their hearts broken, fall in love again, and breaking hearts. I thought I won’t be able to feel anything again. I know it’s normal for a person to feel something but when the Republic destroyed me, I was deprived of everything even myself.

A nightmare had waked me up. It was about Conleth. I dreamt that I couldn’t reach him. An invisible wall separated us and I couldn’t save him. Our hands touched from the other side. I dreamt of helplessness. I dreamt of death descending on him right before my eyes. It was a relief that it was but a nightmare. But it felt so real. It felt like a warning. It felt like it was going to happen.

I turned to face him. He was sleeping peacefully beside me. My eyes wandered at his face. It traced every detail of his face, keeping into memory.

Why am I letting you make me weak?

He opened his eyes and they met mine. I let my hand fall on his face. He reached up, held my hand and laid a kiss on my palm.

I think I already knew the answer.

I love him.

Desperately. Totally. Tragically.

“The Frost has lifted.” Athren said once I descended the staircase.

I looked out the window to find the gloomy sky back on its place. I let out a sigh.

“Looks like someone enjoyed last night.” Chivas hooted in the background. I turned to him and he leered at me. “You got pretty cozy last night, eh?”

I felt my face burn. I let it down but I was not ready to let it go.

“So? I’m sure it’s normal to have sex unless you haven’t tried it, Cantemir.”

“Busted.” Athren coughed as he got out of my way.

“Um… I think I’ll try and find something to eat.” Halley said as she went out of the living room.

I crossed my arms at Chivas and I raised my eyebrows at him. His eyes moved behind me. I felt his presence before he stood beside me.

“Did I miss something?” Conleth asked.

“Well yeah.” Chivas said. “Finding love at the right time but in the wrong place.”

“Bitter.” Athren coughed again.

I glared at Athren.

He shrugged at me. “Love is in the air.”

“Oh shit.” Chivas cursed. “I better hold my breath.”

“Ignore them.” I told him as I moved pass him to the kitchen. I sat in one of the stalls and wished for a hot breakfast in front of me. I pulled out the pills that were given to us by Zenith. The red pill was supposed to keep us away from any disease and the blue pill was to keep us satisfied for days without food. But I haven’t taken any since we left Battle Camp. They might use it to locate me or worse to poison me. I placed them back in my shirt pocket and I fiddled with Con’s mood ring. He sat right in front of me and I felt my face burn again. We looked at each other knowingly. His lips slowly curled up into a smile and felt like catching my heart. I smiled back as he reached out and held my hand. I let go of his mood ring and I placed my hand on top of his. The memories of last night seem hard to fade away.

“I didn’t know you still have it.” He said.

“I always have. It keeps me sane.”

“Stay with me.” he grasped my hands as he leaned in close.

“I am here.” I said and my heart ached.

“I don’t ever want to lose you.”

I wrinkled my nose.

“Don’t you feel the same?” He leaned in to me, so close that I could feel his breath brushing my lips.

“I do. I was just thinking: what if the world doesn’t have to be like this. Would we still have met anyway?”

“Wherever you may be, I will find you. And I will fall in love with you all over again.”

I chuckled. “Like the highschool jock and the geek?”

“No. Just simply you and me.”

“You and me.” I whispered back.

I smiled. “It’s just ironic.”

“What is?”

“What Chivas said.”

“Don’t listen to that loon. You know he’s a dumb ass.”

“He is but he’s right. We found love at the wrong place.”

“So you love me?” he teased an eyebrow at me.

I knit my eyebrows playfully. “I guess. If that’s what they call it.”

“You only said it once.”

“So?”

He raised his eyebrows, challenging me. I raised my eyebrows back at him. I bit my lower lip and I placed my hand back on his mood ring. I let go of his hand and I stood up.

“I’m gonna return this once everything ends.”

“You can’t return something you already have from the very beginning.”

I smirked at him. “You’re flirting with me, soldier.”

“And you’re flirting right back at me, chief.” He prompted.

“That’s just against the rules.”

He stood up and went right in front of me. My heart immediately thundered inside my chest.

“Rules breed rebels. I’m a rebel.”

He leaned in so that our foreheads met. “I love you, Bri.”

I looked down at his lips and I closed my eyes. I bit my lips shut. I felt him smile as he kissed my forehead.

“I always will.”

We started to head out of the house. I wish somehow the owner had some ammo or guns or swords that we could use. But it seems, we only have our powers to defend myself. Conleth was in charged with Chivas since the team decided it would be a complete distraction for us both to be together pointing to “what happened last night”. So I walked along side with Halley while Athren became vanguard.

“You seem a little off today.” I began after a few minutes of silence between us.

She smiled weakly. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About you and Con and about my powers.”

“What about me and Con? Wait. Are you jealous?”

“What? No.” she laughed. “Con’s like the brother I never had.”

“Oh.”

“Are you jealous?”

“Well, I was. Before. I thought… Con likes you.”

“Well, we all know he loves only one girl and she is walking alongside with me.” she turned to me. “I am not a threat.”

“I’m sorry.” I admitted.

“It’s okay.”

“You know, what you did back there with Chivas. It was really nice thinking we all disagreed to trust him.”

“It was just the right thing to do. He’s no different than us. He’s Addonexus.”

I smiled back at her. “You always see the good in people even they aren’t to you.”

“I will always have a good heart no matter how fuck up people are. You don’t that what battle they are fight on the inside.”

“A kind heart in a dystopian world.” I sighed. “Have you learned about your powers before?”

“Well…” she paused and hesitated. “I did…before. I didn’t ever want to show it.”

“But why? Don’t you want to harness them?”

“I do. But I no longer want to hurt people, Bri.”

“I see. But you know, that’s your only weapon to a harsh world. You need to protect yourself if you want to survive.”

She hugged herself. “I’m scared, Bri.”

“I’m scared too. But I should not think of myself. That’s why I had to be tough. I want to protect those I love.” I looked at Con ahead of me.

“Do you think we’ll ever get home?” she asked.

“Wherever that home is, I bet we will.” I answered. “It’s not easy to be brave. But when the time comes, just trust yourself, okay?”

She smiled and nodded. I was about to continue our conversation when all of a sudden she paused, her smile faded and she blinked back at me.

“What’s wrong?”

Her eyes lit back at me again. “It’s back. My display’s back.”

My heart pounded. I looked back at the others. They all had it back too. Except me. And then I heard the voice I’ve been dreading to hear for days.

You think you can beat me, Bri? Never.

The game is just beginning.