Chapter 18
Days later, the hallway incident, as I’ve come to think of it, still bugs me. I step into my bedroom and close the door behind me, running a hand through my hair with a frustrated sigh. Striding over to my minibar, I pour myself a drink and tip it back, letting the whiskey burn a path down my throat as I grapple with shit I have no easy solutions for.
I’ve been doing my best to ignore her, but Ely always seems to be right in my path. I’ve considered her words, played them over in my mind a thousand times, and I still feel, in my gut, that she’s lying. She remembers something from that night, something that she could use against me, and she doesn’t want to tell me because she’s afraid. It’s the only thing I can think of that fits with her sudden behavior change.
The fear, the forgetfulness, how easily distracted she’s become…like she’s lost in her head somewhere far away…it’s not like her. Even if it isn’t her memory returning, something is going on, and I need to figure it out.
When I clench my fists around the lowball glass in my hand, a few drops of cold condensation wash over my fingers, breaking the spell. I throw myself down into the chair near my bed so I don’t send the glass flying.
I’m better than this.
Get ahold of yourself, dickface.
Why is every day an even more difficult test of my control? Control of my anger and of other things…my mind immediately shifts to the memory of her kneeling on the floor with my cock in her mouth. I clench my jaw at the sheer need that ripples beneath my skin.
So what? I want her. That’s not news. It also doesn’t mean I have to act on that desire. In the end, it’ll be easier if we continue to avoid one another. It’s worked this long; there’s no reason it won’t continue to. Yeah…if I can stop myself from looking at her, watching her every move, even when she doesn’t think I’m watching her.
If I wasn’t watching her, I wouldn’t have noticed the change in her demeanor. On top of that, I swear she’s lost a couple of pounds, and that, coupled with the heavy bags that always seem to be under her eyes, tells me she’s not getting enough sleep. Maybe I need to monitor that, as well.
Just in the interest of making sure my employees remain healthy.
I throw back another swallow of whiskey and consider what else I might do to ensure she doesn’t go off the rails. Finding a new maid isn’t an option. Especially with Tanya sneaking around. No doubt she’d hire someone she can trust, someone I’d never be able to rely on…even for just cleaning. So for now, I need to keep Ely safe and as healthy as I can.
After all, if she’s not cleaning or doing what I need her to do, then she’s not really working to pay off her father’s debt, which is only half the reason she’s here. The other half she has yet to discover, and hopefully, she never does because that would change things between us. In a bad way. I finish off my drink and slide the glass onto the bedside table. I need to stop drinking to get a grasp on everything, but without the whiskey to dull my senses and desires, I run the risk of losing control, and control is all that’s standing between myself and my little prey.
With that in mind, I stand, button my suit jacket, and head out into the hall.
The house is quiet, but that’s okay; I prefer it this way. I’m not particularly interested in seeing Tanya or her pet bodyguard. I doubt he’s her fucking bodyguard, anyway.
Well, maybe the fucking part. Heh, heh, heh.
I head downstairs to the back room that houses the security cameras and guards. It’s an open space without a door. It leads right into a room with a bank of monitors, with a small armory against the wall and a set of lockers for the guards. A room next door houses some bunks and a small kitchen for them. It’s the best I can offer, and at the very least, it stops them from traipsing through the length of the house, making a mess and drawing attention.
I hear one of the guards chuckling softly and stop just outside the entrance.
The first guard nudges guard two and points at the cameras. Quietly, I creep closer to get a better look. They are pointing at an upper hallway, where on the screen the video plays, and I spot Ely in the frame. She tiptoes into the spare room with a bundle of blankets in her arms.
What the hell? I lean against the wall and listen as the first guard laughs again. “She’s been doing this for a while now, and the other day, I got curious and went upstairs to check what was going on. I thought she was sleeping in the room, but nothing was out of place when I walked in. The closet door was cracked, so I opened it, and that’s when I saw all the blankets piled up. It looked like a damn bird was roosting in there with how she had it all arranged.”
The other makes a humming noise and laughs, too. “What a fucking weirdo. Why stay there if she has her own room down here? Wouldn’t having an exit make her feel safer?”
I consider what they are saying. Ely is sleeping upstairs in the guest rooms? How did I not know about this? And in the fucking closet, no less. I’m both pissed off and concerned. I’m angry with myself for not noticing. For not knowing about it. Yes, I saw the change in behavior, but I didn’t realize other things were going on.
I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit and in trying to keep away from her that I missed the biggest sign that something is going on.
“She’s weird, sure, but I’d definitely fuck her. Did you see how tight that ass is?”
I lift my gaze and lean my head back against the wall. I concentrate on their words, listening a little bit more intently. I’ll let them finish before I fucking destroy them with my presence. Let’s see how deep they dig their own graves first.
There’s some typing, and I slowly peek around the corner, watching as the first guard points at something on the camera. “But yeah, you’re right. They say the craziest ones are the hottest in bed. Any of the women in this house…”
I snap, like a string pulled too tight, and step into the room before they sign their death warrants in earnest. “If I hear either of you utter another word, I’ll cut out your tongues.” The weight of my knife rests in my hands, and I blink, trying to recall when I pulled it out.
It doesn’t matter.
Both men spin in their chairs to face me, bracing their backs against the computer console table. “Sir, you…we didn’t…”
“Well, obviously, you fucking didn’t know I was here, or you wouldn’t have been so damn stupid to talk out of your asses.”
The guard on the left gulps, his worried gaze ping-ponging between my face and the blade. I step closer and lean in a little bit. I want to make certain that both of these fuckers know that Elyse is off-limits to them and everyone else in this house.
“Keep Elyse’s name out of your mouths, or I’ll ensure you don’t speak again. And if you so much as glance at my sister, no one will ever find your bodies. Are we clear?”
Both men nod frantically.
It’s starting to feel like I can’t trust anyone in this house.
I release a sigh of frustration and fight against the desire to sink my knife into their guts. I need to think rationally and not with murder hazing my mind. I take a step back and weigh my options. Attacking them won’t fix the issue, nor will it give me the information I need when it comes to figuring out what the fuck is going on with Elyse.
“I’ll deal with Elyse. Your jobs are to find actual threats and make sure no one that isn’t supposed to be here gets in or out. Elyse isn’t a fucking threat, so forget about her. Put your efforts into other shit.”
I’m past the point of annoyance now, and I can’t tell if it’s because of these fuckers and what they said about Elyse or if it’s because she’s been sleeping on the floor in the guest room closet. If I’m being honest, neither of those things should evoke such a strong emotion out of me, but when it comes to her, I don’t know what’s up or down.
Elyse has a chokehold on my emotions and my heart in her tiny little fist.
“I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.”
“Damn right it won’t happen again because if it does, you’ll be helping each other put your intestines back in your bodies.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, interrupting my thoughts, and I fish it out. I check the message, noting it’s from Bel.
BEL: Are you coming to dinner, or am I just eating alone?
I squeeze my eyes shut for all of a second and shake my head at myself. Fucking shit. I forgot we were supposed to meet for an early dinner. How the fuck did I forget? I spin the blade around in my hand to point the sharp edge down my forearm and type out a quick response.
ME: Be there in ten.
When I turn my attention back to the guards, I stare them down. I really want to fuck with them a little, scare ’em, teach them a lesson, but right now, I need to get to my dinner date with Bel. I hate that I forgot and that she’s been waiting. That’s not like me at all.
“Get your asses back to work. I’ll be checking in with both of you later,” I announce, checking my watch before I step out of the room.
All I can do is shake my head in disappointment, mainly toward myself. My fixation with her has backfired on me. While I accomplished avoiding her for the most part, I’ve failed in other areas. I’ve missed big things going on right under my own nose and in my own fucking house. Now I’m late for a dinner that I set up. I barely recognize myself right now.
I jog down the hall and toward the exit leading to the garage.
It only takes a minute to hop in the car and speed down the drive to the gate. Once on the road, I slam my foot on the gas. There’s little-to-no traffic since everyone is finishing classes. I make it to the restaurant in minutes and leave the car with a valet. We come here often, even Ely, since they have a great to-go coffee counter next to the bar. It’s also close to campus, so it’s not a surprise to see a good number of students sipping coffee and sharing a meal.
The hostess opens her mouth to greet me, but I shake my head. “The person I’m with already has a table.” I find Bel in my line of sight as I peer over the woman’s shoulder.
Bel looks up from the table and right at me, her face lighting up instantly. When I reach the table, she shoves herself up and out of her chair and wraps her arms around me, engulfing me in a tight hug. I hug her back, allowing myself to enjoy her touch. Ever since I found out Bel was my sister, small parts of my heart that I was certain would never beat again did just that. Supporting her and caring for her throughout our mother’s death brought us closer.
It was because of Bel that I felt I had a purpose. She needed me, and I needed her so fucking much. She just didn’t know it.
When she pulls away, I apologize, “Sorry I’m late. I’ve been distracted.” My watch tells me she’s been waiting fifteen more minutes since she texted me.
“It’s okay. No big deal. It just surprised me since you’re hardly ever late.” She waves me off and twirls the glass in her hand, sending the coffee and cream mixture swirling with the ice and straw. “I ordered you a whiskey, but I think maybe you should drink some water instead. How much have you had to drink today? You smell like a distillery.”
I ignore the way she wrinkles her nose at me, fighting against the prevailing anger building in my gut at her judgment. “You’re not my babysitter, Bel. I don’t need you to dictate when and what I can drink or eat.”
I don’t need to look at the menu, so I just wait for the server to return. She glances between us, at me in my Armani suit and Bel in ripped-up jeans and a hoodie with the Oakmount logo printed on the front. I can already see the questions in her mind, but she doesn’t ask anything, thankfully. She takes our orders quickly before heading back to the kitchen.
The restaurant is pretty busy, and there’s a short line at the coffee stand a few feet away. “How many cups of coffee have you had?”
It’s her turn to narrow her eyes. “You’re not my babysitter, Sebastian,” she mocks, using the same tone I used on her.
“Fine. I get that you’re worried about me, but you have nothing to worry about. I didn’t come to dinner so that I could argue with you. I just wanted to share a meal and spend some time together. Can we do that?”
She blinks at me slowly as if asking, can we? “Sure. We can do whatever you want.”
Her tone still holds a smidge of attitude, but I decide to ignore it and move on.
“Okay, so you said you wanted to talk about something?”
She ducks her chin to her chest like she’s insecure, and I watch her carefully. “Yes. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I want to see if I can find my dad. My real dad, that is. Find out who he is…and if he wants to meet me.”
My knee-jerk response is to tell her no because if he wanted to see her, he would’ve tried to find her already, but then I remember who I’m talking to. Bel. My sister. The light to my darkness. I can’t berate her for wanting to know more about her father. And Bel’s so stubborn that if I tell her no, she’ll do it anyway, and in a way that leaves me out of it. The thought of anything happening to her makes me feral.
“What if he’s not a good person? What if you regret meeting him?”
I think back to my own father, the fucking asshole who beat my best friend for most of his life. Who made our lives miserable. Yeah, not a great guy. I was shocked for all of five minutes when I found out the truth, but it didn’t stop me from ending his pathetic life. He deserved what he got.
She shrugs and adjusts her glasses. “But what if he’s a good guy who has been searching for me?”
I sigh and sip my drink, letting the alcohol burn through some of my anger. We have to change the subject. I’m unstable as it is, and now I have to try to wrap my head around Bel wanting to meet her father. Our mother claimed he was a good man, but he could very well be a terrible person by now. Yeah, doesn’t sound like a good idea.
“Let me think about it and see if I have any information that might help. Before we do anything, we need to find out the type of person he is.”
She nods and then leans in a little closer, a smile tugging at her lips. “Sooooo…how is Elyse? How did it go in London? Did she love it there?”
A sharp pang of guilt knifes me in the gut. “It was a very short trip, for business only. She didn’t get to see much.” She actually hadn’t gotten to see anything, a fact that makes me wince a bit when I allow myself to think about it. I had been knocked so off-balance by Ely’s mouth on my cock and the grimness of the situation surrounding Yanov and Sidorov that I wasted no time getting us back on the plane and home.
“Then why did you take her?”
“I needed help, remember?” It’s not a lie, but it’s also not the whole truth.
If Bel found out the real intent or discovered how Elyse truly came to be a part of things, she’d lose it. I don’t like withholding information from her, but she has no idea about the decisions that must be made on behalf of our family, nor would I ever share that information with her. I decided as soon as I found out she was my sister that I wouldn’t let the darkness of our namesake taint her. I haven’t done so since that day.
Her green eyes narrow with suspicion. “I remember, but I also think you could have taken Lee, or Aries, or any other one of your ridiculous friends. They can fend off the cougars just as well.”
I scoff. “My ridiculous friends are your ridiculous friends, remember?”
“Don’t remind me. Things have been crazy busy, and I haven’t seen her lately. Is she doing okay?”
It’s my turn to shrug. “I guess. No one told me she’s dead.”
“Seriously?” Some of the light leaves her eyes. “I can’t… What is wrong with you?”
“Okay, maybe that was harsh.” I swallow thickly. “To be honest, it’s not like I sit around waiting to see what she’s doing. We don’t talk regularly. She cleans and goes to class. Why would I know about how she’s doing?”
“Oh well… I guess I just thought…” There’s a certain reluctance to her voice.
“What,” I snap, losing my patience. “You thought what?”
She frowns, shaking her head, and I hate to see her withdraw from me right before my eyes.
I grimace. This is Elyse’s fault. I haven’t been the same since that trip to London. She’s under my skin, in my lungs, and in my head. I take a calming breath and gentle my tone.
“What did you think, Bel?”
She stares down at her coffee, not even looking up at me when she speaks. “It’s nothing. She’s just different—super sweet and kind. The two of you seemed to be spending a little time together. I thought that meant you liked her, and that maybe you’d stop sleeping around with all The Mill bunnies.”
Trying my best to stifle the frustration I’m feeling on the subject, I pinch the bridge of my nose and breathe through the anger. I remind myself that Bel doesn’t know anything about Elyse and me. She doesn’t know a lick of how I came to be the head of the family.
“First, I haven’t slept with anyone who hangs around The Mill in months. Second, Elyse isn’t anything to me. We haven’t been spending time together. She works for me, remember? I’m her boss, and ethics and morals aside, to sleep with her would be breaking every rule there is. Never mind the fact that she’s the fucking maid. I told you she went with me to London because I needed help. She did her part. It wasn’t a date. It wasn’t anything.”
Bel’s gaze shifts away from me, and her lips part like she wants to say something, but I don’t want to hear it right now. I need her to understand, to fully grasp the concept that there is no us. Elyse and I do not exist, nor will we ever. “No. Let me finish, please. I need you to understand so you stop pushing the matter. Elyse means nothing to me. She’s my employee, and that’s it.” Bel looks back at me, her eyes hard, and I get the feeling she doesn’t believe me.
Fuck. “She’s the fucking maid, for God’s sake. You don’t think I might aim a little higher?”
That hits the nail on the head. Bel’s mouth snaps shut, her eyes glaring. “And I think I’ve had enough of your asshole attitude for the day.”
I grit my teeth, pressing my lips together. Why do I keep fucking things up? Bel shoves out of her chair and gestures to something, or maybe even someone over my shoulder.
Shifting in my chair, I notice Elyse standing there, her delicate features pinched tight like someone slapped her. There’s no guessing whether she heard what I said. All I can do is shake my head in disappointment, at myself, at this entire fucking situation.
I open my mouth to speak. To say what, I don’t know. Not that it matters since Elyse whirls around on her worn sneakers and disappears in the flurry of bodies. As soon as she’s out of sight, the guilt trickles in. My stomach twists into a knot of despair that I can’t untangle. I look back at the table, wondering how I can fix this.
Bel throws some cash down even though she knows I always pay, and when I spot the disappointment shining in her eyes, I find it hard to breathe. “When you’re done being a dick, come find me so we can actually talk. But not until after you apologize to Elyse.”
I sit in silence, watching as she walks out of the restaurant.
Fuck. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m even more careless than usual, and now it’s fucking up my relationship with Bel. The only person I really give two shits about. I have to fix this, even if it’s only to make Bel happy.
It doesn’t matter if what I said was or wasn’t true. The further I can push Elyse away, the easier this will all be. If anything, I made things easier for myself. But easier for me doesn’t change the fact that by saying those things, I’ve hurt Bel because Elyse is her friend.
I don’t want to do it, but I know I have no other option if I expect Bel to talk to me ever again. As much as I need Elyse to hate me so that I don’t lose control and claim her like I’ve wanted to every night since London, I can’t lose my sister.
So even if it pains me, I know she’s right. I have to apologize to Elyse. I just hope she doesn’t look too deeply into things because I don’t know if I can continue to fight against my impulse to claim her. I want her so badly that some days it physically hurts me.
All of this would be easier if I could play my part as the evil monster in her story, but I can’t. Not when I want to be the predator who hunts down all those who have hurt her, forcing her to be at my side and trapping her in a cage of gold that she’ll never escape.