SWNOVELS Chapter 16
After the London trip, the days blend. I bounce between nonstop cleaning and schoolwork with an occasional catnap in between. It takes me a good portion of the week to catch up on all the housework I missed when I was away for just a couple of days, but I guess the silver lining in being busy is that I don’t see much of Sebastian.
I shut down the part of myself that misses him.
Instead, I try to remind myself a million times over that regardless of the reason for it, what we did was wrong, and I have no right to be fantasizing about sleeping with my boss—yet I can’t pretend I didn’t enjoy what we did. Even if the entire reason it happened was because of Yanov.
Yanov. Even thinking of him makes me nauseated. I had assumed that when I disappeared, shipped away by my father once again, he would conclude that something happened to me and move on. My father had stupidly promised me to him as his bride, but that was years ago, and several thousand dollars in debt later, he had to use me to pay for his debts. I wasn’t complaining about the circumstances, though. For the most part, I was content living here, happy even. I didn’t live in fear anymore, and even if Sebastian was a bully at times, he never treated me like my father did.
Was it too much to hope he thought I had died? Fate apparently had other plans because now he knew I was alive and well here. That discovery only ignited the embers of an obsession that had never burned out. Yanov isn’t just a stalker. He’s worse, so much worse, and I hope I never have to tell Sebastian about the things he’s done to me.
Speaking of, I can only imagine what he thinks of me now.
Weak, probably? An idiot, for sure. I don’t know. He saw me in my most vulnerable state, and while he had the chance to break me down further, he didn’t. I’m not dumb enough to think it’s because he has a heart, though. No, he’s most likely storing whatever he can away to use it against me later.
That’s just the way he is.
I amble back down the staff corridor to my room. I’m exhausted, practically dragging my feet as I walk, and all I want right now is to fall into bed and sleep forever. Before last week, I’d never been out of the country, but I now understand what people mean when they talk about having jet lag, which makes them sleep for days. It’s no joke.
When I reach the door to my room I let out a sigh of relief. Home at last. I unlock the door and shove it open with my shoulder. I can’t wait to fall into bed. Except sleep is the last thing that enters my mind when I catch a glimpse of my bedroom. I blink against the faint rays of evening sunlight that slice through the window.
What the fuck?
The place is trashed…torn to shreds. There isn’t an item left in its original spot. All I can do is stand there, staring in horror. The bedding hangs over the edge of the bed, slashed to ribbons, the stuffing from my pillows strung out across the floor. The dresser’s been ransacked, the clothing ripped out of it, or rather, hanging out of it.
What the hell? I try to keep it together, but the more I look around at the one place I could call my own, the only place I’ve been able to view as a kind of sanctuary, the closer to the edge I get. But it’s the sight of a couple of my academic books, the pages ripped and tossed half under the bed, that makes me completely lose it.
A whimper slips past my lips, and I clench my fists together as my knees buckle. I can’t afford to replace them, but I also can’t study without them.
What am I going to do?
The memory of Sebastian tearing into my dresser and throwing my clothing out onto the floor in a similar manner appears in my mind. Sebastian. He did this. It had to be him. No one else in this house would put this much effort into hurting me. No one hates me like he does. This is probably his way of getting back at me for having to “save” me at the club and messing his plans up.
I wouldn’t have needed to be saved if I hadn’t been there in the first place.
Forcing air into my lungs, I latch onto reason even though what I really want to do is march up the stairs and confront the asshole. If he thinks this makes us even, he’s in for a rude awakening. I blink back the sting of tears, reminding myself that I’m stronger than this. That I’ve been through worse.
I’m burning with rage, but I know confronting him will only end in a fight, which I also don’t have the energy to deal with, so I choose to take the remainder of my energy and funnel it into cleaning up the room. I shove the clothes back into the drawers, telling myself I can fold them and put them back nicely when I’ve had more sleep.
I can’t do much about the pillows or blanket. Those items are trash, but thankfully, the extra linens are just down the hall. About twenty minutes later, the room looks a little more put together. Once I have the bed fixed, I start picking up the floor. I pluck the two books I need for class up off the floor and pray they’re salvageable. As soon as I open the first, pieces of torn paper fall out and drift across the floor.
“What the hell!” I growl angrily and bend down to pick them up so I can shove them back into the book. The tips of my fingers barely touch the first piece when I see bright red writing on the page. It’s a single word, written in all caps.
YOU
Fear and confusion become one. I can’t stop my hands from trembling, and my stomach knots to the point of pain. I look at the other pieces of paper that litter the floor. They have the same bright red ink staining their pages, each with one word scribbled on them. I practically fall to my knees, the impact not registering in my mind as I scramble to put the pieces together. As the words come together, the blood in my veins turns to ice.
YOU. MIGHT. BE. HIS. FOR. NOW.
BUT. YOU. WILL. ALWAYS. BE. MINE.
I’m suspended in a moment of time. The pounding in my head intensifies, and I press my palms to my temples to try to alleviate the pain.
No! No! No!
It’s not Sebastian at all. It’s Yanov.
This can’t be happening. But it is. He’s here. He’s coming for me.
Dread swamps me. What do I do? I have to leave, to go somewhere, to get away from him…but there’s nowhere to go. No one to protect me.
There’s Sebastian.
No. I shake my head, sending the thought away. Confiding in him will only make all this worse. It’s not his job to save me or protect me. I owe him enough already, and I’m not about to hand him another reason to hate me. My pride can’t take anymore hits.
My only option is to deal with it myself, but that seems impossible. I can’t even be in the same room with him without being paralyzed by fear. How will I ever fight back against him? How will I ever be free? Tears sting my eyes, and when I blink I feel the cold trail they leave behind. It’s so hard to be strong when you’re tired, and not just the physical kind of tired. It’s like fate wants to see how much more shit it can stack on my shoulders before I topple over. Now I have to think about where I’m going to sleep since my room isn’t a safe space anymore. I’ll have to go back to being hypervigilant and sleeping wherever I can. Whenever I can.
I’ll have to find a closet. Or a bathroom. Somewhere small without windows. The thoughts swirling in my head leave me reeling. I wonder if he’s out there now? Outside the window, watching me, laughing in the face of my fear.
I look around the room at the destruction he’s caused, and I can’t bear to stay in here another moment. I grab my bag and a few other belongings I’ll need for the night. I hate the idea of sleeping somewhere else, but the risk of him finding me here alone outweighs that uncomfortable feeling.
Next time, there won’t be a warning or the piddling destruction of my things.
Yanov’s one and only motive is me. I knew this would happen. Why did I think I’d get lucky, and he would forget about me? If anything, seeing me at that club reignited his sick obsession with me.
With my things in hand, I leave the bedroom and climb the stairs to the first floor. My immediate response is to hide, at least until I can figure out a plan that doesn’t involve bringing Sebastian into it.
Because that worked so well the first time.
I guess there’s one thing I have now that I never did before: protection. Sebastian technically owns me and will continue to protect me as long as I remain under his ownership. I’m reminded of his hold on me at the club and how he came to my rescue when he spotted Yanov touching me. Even if he denies giving a shit about me, denies how attracted he is to me, there’s one thing he can’t deny, and that’s that I’m his. So even if the only reason he protects me is to keep me, to own me, I’d rather be owned by him than abused and used by Yanov any day.