The Photograph

Aelin

Cara bends down to peer through my window at whatever is happening on the doorstep while I slam the door of her car shut. “What happened?”

After dropping my bags on the back seat, I yank on my seatbelt.

“Let’s go. I’ll explain on the way.”

When we pass the gates of Holloway, I sigh. “Holloway is Gabe’s childhood house, his mother’s childhood home.”

As we stop at a red light, Cara turns to me. “And he didn’t tell you before you started working on it?”

I shake my head, and stare at my hands. “I knew it had to be a personal project for him. I guess he didn’t trust me enough to tell me how personal it was.”

Cara makes a small noise and squeezes my hand while a ball of emotion constricts my throat.

“I made a painting for him for his birthday. It’s a depiction of a mother watching her children playing in the gardens of Holloway… God, I feel so stupid.”

The car veers toward our neighborhood. “I thought you didn’t know about his relation to Holloway.”

I sigh. “I didn’t. I just painted it and thought he’d like it.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Why does it hurt so much?Tears press behind my eyes.

When we get home, I get changed while trying not to cry and join Cara in the kitchen while she makes us lunch.

I sit on the bench by the window while Cara pulls out the ingredients for a quiche Lorraine from the fridge. She sets the mixing bowl on the counter and starts whisking.

“Who is she?”

Someone he can sleep with. “I think she’s Gabe’s ex. She says they’re old friends, but the way she says it means they have history.”

Cara pulls the grater from the drawer and grabs a block of Gruyere. “But why was she there this morning?”

I get some water from the fridge and rest the back of my head on the cold metal.

“I don’t know. I met her the day you called about our father. She and Gabe apparently planned to catch up then. I suppose they’ve been catching up since. He invited her on Friday, and she knew where he was this morning.”

Cara puts the dish in the oven and pivots to face me.

“You broke up with him, angel. So technically—”

I push off the fridge. “I only broke things off because—”

Her eyes dance with amusement. “He wouldn’t fuck you. Yes, you said.”

I growl at my sister who bites on her smile. “Not funny.” I sigh and again tears pool behind my eyes. “You have no idea what it’s like to be treated like you’re broken.”

When my sister’s brows knit, heat flushes my face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lash at you, I just—”

She cups my cheek. “You’re right, I don’t, and I’m sorry. I don’t always realize how difficult things can be for you.”

Needing her love, I wrap my arms around her and burrow my face in her neck.

We both jump when the doorbell rings, and Cara grins. “I’ve invited Gertie for lunch.”

Since I’ve introduced them, Cara and Gertie have become friends and we have her over as often as we can. I open the door and kiss the older woman’s cheek.

“Hello, Gertie. Come in. Cara’s making a quiche Lorraine.”

Gertie hooks her hand in the crook of my elbow, and we make our way to the kitchen.

****

Cara and I laugh at one of Gertie’s stories who has a wicked sense of humor. When my cell rings, I step into the living room.

“Hey, Emma, how are you?” You are? Awesome. Yes, Cara made us lunch… Yep. I’ll… Okay … okay we’ll pick you up at 2:00. Cara and I need to talk to you about something … okay, love you, too.”

A couple of hours later, after walking Gertie back to her home, I return to the kitchen while Cara closes the dishwasher. We sit at the kitchen table, her with a coffee and me with a tea.

Cara grins. “Em’s back?”

“Yes, Mindy took Sam to Disneyland, and they’ll be back on Tuesday. We can go see her and tell her about the trust fund.”

Last week, we met with our financial planner who was beyond surprised we were actual people and not some company’s wacky name. I’m still in shock about the amount in the account we refused to touch while our father was alive. I split half of my share between the Other Rainbow and two other charities. We also paid off the house and opened a trust fund for Sam. Emma will fight us on this, but we will take care of her and Sam.

I wink at Cara. “And we can have a girl’s day. I saw this off-shoulder Lagerfeld dress last week, and I think I’m going to splurge.”

“I’m sure you’ll look fabulous. I’ll just wear the Rodarte dress you got me for my birthday.”

“You have to try Damian, Cara.”

She raises her head. “Your hairdresser?”

I nod. “He’s a legit magician with hair.”

After a quick glance at my hair, Cara grins. “Okay, let’s do it.”

****

Emma’s sobbing in our three-way hug.. Holding her tight, I look at Cara over my best friend’s shoulder.

“What?”I mouth to Cara.

“I don’t know.”

“Em, what’s wrong? We thought you’d be happy.”

Emma lifts her head toward me with a trembling smile. “I am… “She brings our hands to her chest. “You … you … oh, my God. Thank you, you guys … fairy godmothers have nothing on you. You’re … amazing. Thank you for Sam.”

Her last words come out as a sob, and we hug again.

To celebrate, we go for dinner in one of Cara’s friend’s brasserie and shove our several bags of shopping in the corner of our booth table. We talk, laugh, and eat a delicious meal before I drive us home where we try on our gowns after Cara convinces Emma to wear a Prada dress she bought on a whim after her first big paycheck and never wore.

When Emma Facetimes Sam, Cara and I join in, happy to listen to our baby girl babble about her day. We stay up late, and drink wine, before eventually going to sleep.

****

I stomp to the front door.Who in the freaking hell shows up at…?I check the clock of the front room which laughs at me. 7:41 AM.Seriously?

Tightening the belt of my bathrobe, I yank the door open. The delivery person steps back

“Ms. Thorne?” I nod. “Delivery for you.”

After grumbling a thank you, I tiptoe to the couch of the living room with my eyes on my box.

Emma trudges from the guest room and yawns loudly, then drops heavily on the couch beside me. Her hair is all over her face as she burrows in the corner of the couch. “What is it?”

I examine the cardless package. “I don’t know.”

“Well, open it then.”

I unwrap the package slowly, relishing the seconds before the discovery.

“Jeez, Ael, do you have to be so slow?”

Giggling, I open the box slowly and gasp while my heartbeat quickens.Oh, my God.The drop earrings are a perfect match to the pendant Gabe bought for me. I take the small card.

Thank you for making my childhood dream come true. G.

Emma reads the card over my shoulder. “Well, the man has a great way of saying thank you.”

“Who are we talking about?” Cara asks from behind us.

Emma points at the package in my hand. “Gabe sent Aelin diamonds.”

My sister bends over the back of the couch to watch the earrings and smiles. “They’re beautiful. Are you going to talk to him?”

Why is he so confusing?

I whip my eyes to Cara who’s all dressed up and wearing makeup.Someone’s going on a date.

Sitting up to admire my gorgeous sister, I grin. “Where are you going?”

Her face flushes which is adorable. “I’m going to spend the day with Mitch.”

Em wriggles her brows. “Oh, so you’ll have the best loved up glow to go with your dress tonight.” Which makes Cara blush harder before she dashes back to her bedroom.

When she rolls her bag in, I check it to make sure she has the makeup and hair accessories she needs for the party.

At 1:00 PM after a light lunch for me—I’m too nervous to eat—I go through last minute details with Joan and settle at the kitchen table to make a few calls to rearrange some of my next week’s appointments. Em comes back after checking on Sam.

She slides her cell in the back pocket of her jeans and slants her hip on the solid wood table.

“Gabe met Sam?”

I lean back and smile. “Yes, the last time I had her, Gabe came over and we all had dinner.”

“Sam said something about him … repairing the TV?”

Children will humble anyone.“She was watching Dora and must have turned off the TV. Gabe restored the image or something while I was in the kitchen.”

****

A couple of hours later, I whistle as Emma step-dances her way into the living room. Damian piled her blonde curls on top of her head in a ‘deconstructed’ chignon, and she looks just … wow.

The deep green strapless gown I wear has a panel of material shaped like a bib covering my chest leaving my arms bare. My hair has volume and body. I’ve applied heavy kohl around my eyes to make them pop and a peach lip gloss. My new earrings set off the outfit perfectly.

Gabe sent Jason to pick us up and when he knocks on the door, Emma and I grab our clutches and beam at him.

While descending the steps, I lift the hem of my dress. I feel watched. I wave at Gertie who waves back from behind her window. She declined my invitation for the opening, but I promised her pictures of the event. I also invited Ann and Cynthia who couldn’t travel because Cynthia is pregnant.

In the car, I rest the back of my head on the comfortable seat and close my eyes. This event is a make-or-break in my career. If people hate it… I snap my eyes open when Em takes my hand.

“It’s going to be great, Ael. You’re very talented and people will get to see that.”

I squeeze her fingers.I hope you’re right.

After what seems to be only minutes, Jason parks a few meters from the front door.

Fairy lights stream through the hedges surrounding the gardens and there’s actually a red carpet leading into the house. When we enter, two hosts greet us, and I gasp. I can barely recognize the house draped in white, burnt orange, and silver.

The guests will arrive in a couple of hours.

I take Em’s hand. “Let me show you around.”

****

Gabe

Flanked by Mike and Cal, I move steadily through the small crowd in the makeshift ballroom, stopping every two steps to greet the guests. All two hundred and seventy-one of them, not including the press.

Cal leans closer. “From one to shoot-me-in the head, how bored are you?”

I drive my hands in my pockets. “Did you bring your gun?”

A blonde, over made-up, and underdressed woman steps before me.

“Gabe, what a wonderful party. I’m having a little party myself, next week, and—”

“Moira—”

“Maura,” she cuts in with a grin. “It’s Maura. We should talk, and you should definitely come to the new boat…” Her voice falters at my expression. “…but I’ll let you go back to your guests, and I’ll call you.”

Please don’t.Two more steps in and I stop dead in my tracks. And my body hardens. Aelin smiles at whoever is talking way too close to her ear. Fucking Justin Murray, the little fucker who used to love giving details of his conquests during work meetings.

When the bastard whispers something in her ear, I clench my jaw. She pulls away, only to be stopped by another of her acquaintances who kisses her on the cheek.

Mike nudges my shoulder with his. “Dude, relax. You look like your head is about to explode.” Before I can reply, my brother’s gaze zeroes in on his woman. “Cara’s here.” And he’s gone.

“Let’s get out of here,” Cal says.

We start for the side entrance when a short individual I can’t quite place steps in my path and extends his hand.

The man narrows his ferret eyes and straightens his back. “Bob Kings, pleasure to meet you, Mr. Matthews.”

This is going to be a fucking long evening. “Same. Enjoy your evening.”

The Bob guy steps besides me. “You know how to pick them, man. I envy you,”

I turn toward the short man. “Excuse me?”

Bob Kings chortles, his eyes on Aelin. “You’ve got great taste, man, she’s just gorgeous and I’ll happily pay for her services. After all, she did a great job on the house, too.”

Fisting my hands in my pockets, I bend down toward the little man. “Bob, is it?”

“Yes, Bob Kings, at your service.”

“Let’s talk outside, Bob.”

Bob almost runs after Caleb and me to the nearly deserted garden at the side of the house. When Cal tips his head down, I grab the pig by his neck.

“Who do you think you are, you fucking little turd? You’re coming into my house and disrespect my people? I hear you talk about a woman like that again, I will annihilate you. Nod if you understand.”

When he does, I release the piece of shit who folds over and coughs.

“Get the fuck out my house.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Matthews—”

I lean in. “You’re not, but you will be if you don’t get the fuck out of my face.”

Bob rushes past a waiter who darts away just in time to let him run toward the gates.

Cal and I re-enter the house through the open French doors, just as a woman whispers, “Now, this is getting interesting. Vanessa just arrived. My God, she’s unbelievable. Did you know…?”

I stop listening, but whoever was the gossip, was right. The woman is relentless. Dressed in a tight, white gown, she sways toward me, smiling big for the benefit of the crowd and the journalists in attendance.

She touches my chest. “Gabriel, darling, this little get-together is such a success.”

When she loops her hand around my neck and purses her lips, I unhook her arms and step back. “Where’s your husband, Vanessa?”

She pales and clears her throat. “Philip couldn’t make it today which leaves us plenty of time to catch up, you and I.”

Not going to happen.“There’s nothing to catch up on. Have a good night.”

Her lips pinch tight for a second, and not wanting to lose face, she waves at someone in the crowd while I walk away.

When Cal lifts his chin to signal me, I track his gaze to Aelin surrounded by a small group of people.

She looks like a dream. Beautiful, sensual. As if she heard me, she twists and flashes me a blinding smile that punches me hard. She’s also wearing the earrings I sent this morning, and I get harder.

“I’m out.” Cal grunts and disappears.

Fifteen minutes later, Aelin comes out of the kitchen, and I stride to her as she walks out of the busy space.

She stops and her gold eyes widen. “Gabe, hi.”

“Aelin. You’re beautiful.”

Her lips stretch and she reaches up to place a soft kiss on my mouth. “I know you don’t like me kissing you in public. I just wanted to thank you for the earrings, I love them.”

What?

She scurries back into the crowd.When have I ever told her not…?Damnit. That day at the restaurant. The way she kissed me—slow, deep, made me so hard I had to fight myself to not ravish her on the table.

This miscommunication bullshit stops now.I zero in on her as she steps out through one of the French windows into the gardens.

I stride toward my woman when someone grips my arm. I turn to Vanessa.

“Gabe, can we talk?”

“Vanes—”

Her grip tightens. “Please? It’s important.”

Let’s get this over with.“Come with me.” I open the old study Aelin transformed into a library. There are books on mounted shelves covering three walls while the fourth wall is a digital heaven. Three flat screens are pinned to the wall with keyboards concealed in sliding shelves next to a tower of headphones, mice, tablets, and USB keys. I like what she did with the room.

After shutting the door behind us, I dive my hands in my pockets. She breathes out slowly and smiles.What now?I’ve always hated how affected she is. Giving herself airs she had to learn.

“Philip and I are getting a divorce … and I think, I think that’s because he knows I’m still in love with you.”

Here it goes.“And it took you ten years to realize that?”

She puts her hands on my chest, her eyes pleading. “I miss you and I know you’ve missed me, too. We’re meant for each other.” A tear tracks down her cheek. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I now know in my heart that I love you and will never be happy without you.”

Or without my money and the lifestyle you think you deserve.Staring at her performance, I shake my head.

“Vanessa—”

Her hands clutch the panels of my jacket. “I know you, Gabe. The real you. That girl will never be me.”

And thank fuck for that.

I shift back and lock my eyes onto hers. “Let me get this straight. You accepted to marry me only after I got you the perfect ring even though you hated how much I had to work to be able to afford it. You get pregnant while we’re engaged, abort the baby without so much as a discussion with me, then you leave me with a note saying you needed more while my brother is fighting for his life. A month later, you marry someone old enough to be your father, only to realize you were in love with me after all?”

She curls her lips into a semblance of a smile.

“I was young.Wewere young, Gabe. All you did was work. You had no time for me, for us. You can’t blame for finding someone who only saw me … just me, and for whom I was enough.”

Christ, she’s unbelievable.“Vanessa, you’ve always been enough for me. The problem is, I wasn’t enough for you.”

The woman I thought would be my life partner and the mother of our children shuffles on her heels, unable to say the words that would force her to admit, even to herself, that no one, nothing would ever be enough.

Swiping off her crocodile tears, she says, “I’m sorry, okay? I was wrong and I should have been more … patient.”

“Yeah, maybe wait until I knew my brother would survive his accident.”

“I saw Michael earlier and he was fine, I—”

“Vanessa, go home.”

She clutches my shirt. “I’m going to fight for you, Gabe, I know you still have feelings for me—”

I pull her wrists down. “You’re right, I do, but they aren’t of forgiveness. Your husband is divorcing you because you fucked your way through half of London. Did you really think I’d take back your lying, cheating ass?” She gasps. “I never will, and the only thing I’m grateful for is you showed me your true colors before I married you.”

Her eyes turn cold, and she jabs her finger into my chest. “You think that girl’s any better? You’re great in bed, Gabe, but she’ll tire fast of your caveman-I-don’t-have-any-feelings routine, and the only reason she’ll stay if she can accept your perverted sexuality is because you have money.”

The fucking nerve of that woman.“My perverted sexuality?”

She smiles a cruel grimace. “I bet you haven’t told her she’ll be your tied-up fuck toy.”

The woman’s a snake. A venomous bitch who finally remembers to call me Gabe. “Vanessa, you’re the one who couldn’t come if you weren’t tied up.” I lean in. “You won’t get anything from me. Go the fuck home, Vanessa.”

I step in the ballroom where alcohol has loosened the atmosphere making the crowd louder.Where’s Aelin?

Moving to the back of the house where the security and catering team have set their equipment van, I slow down at the sound of gravel crunching.

“You’re beautiful, Aelin.”

Lover boy’s voice.Whipping my eyes to the corner of the house, I retreat back into a dark nook.

“Thank you, Johnnie.” There’s a smile in her voice. “You look very dapper yourself. So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Us.”

I jerk upright and shift closer. Caught between the moonlight and the glow of the fairy lights from the gardens, Aelin stands before the other man with her hands behind her back and her face tilted up.

“John, I love you. You know I do.”

My body goes solid. She loves him?

“But only as a friend. We’ve talked about this.”

The bastard cups her face and leans in “Aelin, you’ve loved me before. You can love me again and I love you enough for both of us.”

Aelin grabs his wrists to pull his hands down. “Johnnie, you were comfortable and safe, but I was never in love with you and if you’re honest with yourself you know you weren’t in love with me either. We dated for less than two months, but we’ve been friends for years. This is what we are, and this is the only part of me I can give you.”

“Is it because of him?”

Mind your tone, asshole.

“No, its for me.” After a heavy sigh, she steps back. “John, I can’t be having this conversation again. I’m going back inside.”

She pivots halfway toward the door when John catches her arm.

“He’s not good for you, angel. I know you were in hospital, and we all know that your website wasn’t down for maintenance. He hurt you. I told you you’d get hurt. That’s what people like him do.”

Rolling her shoulder back to get out of his grasp, Aelin dips her head before looking back at the lovesick man before her. “You’re hurting me now, John. I’m not in love with you. I was never in love with you, but I love you. You’re one of my dearest friends. Please … don’t make me lose you.”

The pain in her voice makes me almost wish the bastard would stay in her life.

“I want more, Aelin. I love you and if you can’t love me back, we’re done.”

Her voice breaks. “Goodbye, Johnnie.”

As she returns inside, I follow her to the kitchen where she’s staring at a glass of water in her hands.

“Aelin.”

She snaps her gaze up and plasters a smile that stays on her lips as I get closer.

The grief she tries to hide is gnawing at me and I want to punch the bastard all over again. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, I brush my knuckles on her satiny cheek.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m all right.” She walks back to the party.

An hour later, I’m past done with the crowd. I stride past the stairwell, and veer toward the cordoned off stairs leading to the bedrooms.

Once there, I pull off my tie as I enter the darkened lounge separating the main bedroom from the other bedrooms. And stop to scan the large room before I make my way to the balcony.

“How do you find the best hiding spots in places you’ve never been before?” I ask Cal who’s sitting back in the lounge chair with a beer in his hand.

“Good training, second nature. Your pick” He lifts a brow as I settle on the second chair. “Did you talk to the ex?”

“Yup. She’s apparently divorcing hubby because she loves me.”

“Huh. Ballsy.”

After undoing the first buttons of my shirt, I roll my sleeves up and grab a beer from a pack Cal has brought up.

“I love this room.”

At the sound of Aelin’s voice, Cal and I sit up and look at each other.

Who’s she talking to?

Emma’s voice comes a little slurred. “Babe, you love everything about the house.”

“I do.”

I can finally have some time with her. I push on my knees when a third female voice snaps through the quiet. “There you are.”

Vanessa, making a pest of herself.

As I step toward the French door, ready to kick Vanessa out, Cal’s hand lands on my shoulder. “Aelin can take her.”

“I need to talk to you, Elaine,” my ex says.

“My name’s Aelin and the party is downstairs, Vanessa. If there’s an issue, I’ll meet you there.”

Cal wriggles his brows and smirks.

My Aelin has bite.

I push my shoulder against the wall closest to the other room.

“Aelin, can I speak with you alone?”Was she always that snotty bitch? Yeah she was.

After a couple of seconds, Aelin whispers, “Do you mind, Em?” At the sound of shuffling steps, Aelin’s voice cuts through the silence. “What can I do for you, Vanessa?”

I cross my arms wondering the same.

“I want to talk about Gabriel.”

“Why do you call him that?”

Cal and I exchange a quick glance, and he lifts his beer in a silent cheer.

“That’s his God-given name.”

Christ. This woman.

“But he prefers Gabe.”

“Don’t tell me what he prefers. You have no idea what he wants!”

Aelin sighs loud enough for us to hear. “Vanessa, you wanted to talk, I’m listening.”

“Let me give you some advice, Gabriel’s not for you, and trust me little girl, you’re not equipped to deal with someone like him.”

I clench my teeth and glare at the wall.

“But I guess you are?”

Vanessa’s tone sharpens. “More than you’ll ever know. I saw how you’re all over him, Gabriel hates that. So, do yourself a favor and stop throwing yourself at him. It’s embarrassing.”

I don’t. But Aelin thinks I do because I didn’t explain.When there’s a pause, I straighten up, ready to intervene when Aelin speaks again.

“Vanessa—”

“Let me make it clear for you. Gabriel and I belong together, and I won’t let anyone take him from me. I’ve known him for nearly twenty years. We’re family and we have something you’ll never understand.”

Another sigh from Aelin. “Which is it? I’m either not equipped or I’m a threat … but seriously, Vanessa, do you really think anyone could make Gabe be in relationship he doesn’t want to be in? I’m not standing in your way.”

Shaking my head at the beer Cal hands me, I exhale slowly while Vanessa continues.

“Did he tell you we were engaged? This is how important we are to each other.”

“Aren’t you married?”

“My life is none of your damn business. I know Gabe, I know what he needs, what he wants. Gabriel will come back to me because we’re meant to be together.”

Not in this fucking lifetime.

Aelin’s tone softens. “I’m sorry he left you, but—”

Vanessa scoffs. “Dear, you’re not pretty enough to be stupid.”

“Oh. You left him?” When Aelin laughs, Cal chuckles silently. “Oh, my God, you did. You left Gabe?”

What’s so fucking funny? You left me, too.

“Vanessa, you’re telling me you had Gabe when he was young and wanted you to be his forever.” There’re a few seconds of silence before Aelin continues. “You had him, and you left him?”

High heels hit the wooden floor. Aelin resumes, her voice is clearer, closer, so she must have been the one whose steps we heard. When she speaks again, her tone is low.

“You miss his kisses, don’t you? Those deep drugging kisses that make you forget your own name and would drive you to do just about anything to get more of him, right?”

When Cal snaps his mocking smile at me, heat crawls up my face and I shuffle on my feet.Damn, baby.

Vanessa snorts. “Don’t be naive. Trust me, it takes more than sex to make a relationship work. And I can tell you now, he’ll never marry you.”

“What makes you think I want to marry him?.”

Why the fuck not?I grit my teeth while Cal’s chest shakes with laughter.

Aelin laughs again and the silk of her dress rustles as if she’s getting closer to Vanessa.

“Vanessa, he wanted you, and you left and married someone else.You left him and I’m the stupid one?”

The door slams.

“Told you she could take her,” Cal says.

A few seconds later, Emma’s voice raises. “Ael, are you okay?”

The heavy sigh that sifts through makes me clench my fists.

“I’m fine, sweetie. Dear God, this woman’s nasty.”

Emma grunts in agreement. “Your Gabe has shit taste in women. I mean except for you.”

Aelin chuckles again, but there’s sadness in her voice. “He was never mine, Em. I was just the woman who needed to pay for hurting his brother. And I agree, he has shit taste in women. Apparently, he likes them mean.”

Is this what you think you are to me?

I settle on the armchair next to Cal as Emma giggles.

“‘His kisses are so deep you forget your own name?’ You might have pushed that one a bit far, babe, but I wish I was there to see the bitch’s face. Love it!”

Wincing at the grinding of a chair being dragged across the floor, I grab a beer bottle while the women are settling down.

Aelin’s friend gasps loudly. “Oh, my God, your face! You were serious? Does he really kiss you like that?”

She doesn’t say a word, but I know she’s biting her bottom lip. The vision makes me hard. Harder.

“Holy shit, Ael,” Emma whisper-shouts. “I remember you breaking up with a lot of dates just because they kissed you wrong.”

The women laugh while Cal and I gawk at each other.

“I have one question,” Emma says, and Aelin groans. “No, no need for the scowl, I’m not asking for details. I know you’re private and blah blah. But you have to tell me, on a scale of one to ten, how good was he in the smooching department?”

Another groan cuts through the warm night. Aelin.

Emma giggles. “Ael, come on. All you said was ‘the way I feel when he touches me is like flying higher and higher’ which by the way I never felt. Seriously, it’s just a freaking number.”

Shit.I fucking love sex with you, too, baby.I hang my head low while my cock hardens to the point of pain.

When Cal makes a noise, I whip my eyes to my friend who slants sideways and mouths,“Do you need a moment alone?”

“Fuck you, Cal.”

“Only if you make me fly.”

I flip him focus on Aelin’s reply.

“Well…”

“Well, what?” Emma says.

Aelin’s voice lowers to a raspy whisper. “Honestly, Em, he’d have to get his own scale.”

“That good?”

“Mmm. You have no idea.”

Baby. Fuck.

Emma’s tone softens. “He’s a lot of man, though, with a lot more experience. Weren’t you scared?”

When Aelin hums, the warm sound ripples through me, and I rub my chest.

“It was my first time for everything, so of course I was, but never of him. I don’t know… I felt like I could try anything with him and that … freedom in itself is scary … but good. I really felt safe with him, Em. And sexy.”

Cal whips his eyes to me and mouths,“You’re her first?”

I grit my teeth.“Didn’t your mama teach you it’s rude to eavesdrop?”

His smirk returns.“Yeah, same as yours did, but I was here first.”

Emma says, “I know you did, babe. For the safe part, I mean.”

I stop dangling the bottle.How?

“Yeah? How?” Aelin asks.

“You left Sam alone with him. And you’ve never done that. With anyone. Don’t look at me like that. Cara and you, but mostly you, are hyper protective of her. It took you two years to leave Sam with my mom. And she still talks about it.”

I stare at the ground.Baby, you’re killing me.

“Well, that was before…” Aelin murmurs, and I snap my eyes to the wall between us.

Before what?

“Before what?”

“Before I told him what happened to me.”

More rustling for a few seconds as their voices are clearer. They’re close to the balcony. “When did you tell him?”

“He came to see me a few days after the hospital, and I… I thought he was coming to apologize or tell me he’d made a mistake… Em, I was in so much pain. It felt like my insides had been ripped out. He was mean and angry, so I told him.”

And I’ll never forget.

“And … I called him that night and he hung up on me.”

I spring to my feet and my chest tightens.

“What?” Emma says.

The hurt in her voice guts me. Cal pushes on his knees to stand beside me.

“You were in New York, Cara was on the other side of the world, so I called him, and he hung up on me.”

Emma’s gasp echoes my sharp intake of breath. “Jesus Ael… I’m so sorry.”

Pressing the heels of my hands on my eyelids while my breath saws out, I stagger to the door. I thought she was pleading to stay while she was…

Cal grabs my shoulder. “Bro, she’s past it.”

“Cal, she fucking called while she was—”

My friend’s hand digs in. “G, she’s past it. Let her be past it.”

I can do that for her. I drop back in the chair.I’d do anything for her.

“Babe, you’d have had to tell him one day anyway, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose, but I wish I hadn’t because before it was, it was … you know.”

“Yeah. It was about the woman and not the trauma,” Emma whispers.

Another silence. “I’m sorry, babe, it sucks, but you couldn’t really expect him to treat you like nothing happened. Or like a whore.”

Aelin chuckles. “I suppose not, but I wish I could have… for a little bit longer.” Another deep sigh—I’m starting to hate that fucking sound— “I told you it would change things. I’m not sorry that the whore part is gone, but… I liked the … undamaged woman part.”

You’re not damaged.You’re beautiful.I hurt her. Deeply, and in so many ways. I stalk to the door. And stop. Another pair of heels cuts through the silence.

If Vanessa—

“Hey, angel.”

I retreat back on the terrace.