The Pharmacist

After only four days of not taking her medication, Alice couldn’t believe how much better she felt. Tiredness remained her constant companion, but that awful feeling of heaviness, of wading through a treacly fog, had lifted. Each morning when she awoke, there was still that initial, startled sensation of not knowing where she was, but the reality was present after only a moment or two, her mind once again active and no longer letting her down.

This new-found clarity did have its downside, particularly regarding Tom. Why was he not coming to see her, to sort out this injustice of being kept against her will? Alice couldn’t fathom why he was suddenly absent from her life. Silently dismissing that he was dead, as Rachel insisted, Alice’s mind led her down several paths of explanation, most of which were so unpalatable that she refused to entertain them. The recollection of the red coat hanging in her kitchen became a representation of ‘another woman’, and Alice shrugged off such thoughts. She knew Tom better than that.

The reality of her situation was now depressing. At least when the drugs kicked in, Alice was primarily unaware of how desperate her situation was, but now, the returning lucidity was accompanied by a deep sadness, an almost physical ache in her chest, and so many unanswered questions were stacking up in her mind.

If the staff noticed a change in Alice, it was only that she was quieter and appeared more resigned to being at The Elms. There’d been no concerning incidents over the last few days and she’d become a popular resident, always polite and grateful for their care, a much easier charge than the ‘wild Alice’ who’d thrown things and become agitated at the slightest provocation in the days after her arrival. This new calmness was attributed to the medication, which was undoubtedly true, but not in the way they assumed, as Alice had become adept at concealing the tablets from the nurses to dispose of later.

A young woman tapped on her door one morning. ‘Hello, Alice. I’m sorry to be so early. I hope you’ve had your breakfast.’ The woman was tall and slender with a pleasant face and a gentle smile.

‘Yes, I’ve already eaten, thank you.’ Alice returned the smile, hoping that this visitor was the one for whom she’d been waiting.

‘Good. My name’s Fiona Williams, and I’m here to have a little chat with you today if that’s okay with you?’

‘Are you the Best Interests Assessor?’

‘Yes, were you expecting me?’

‘Not specifically this morning, but I knew you’d be here some time.’ Alice peered into the woman’s eyes, noting her surprise. The assessor’s kind attitude was perhaps a little condescending, as if she was talking to a child. But her demeanour instantly altered to a more business-like manner, as if she’d reassessed Alice. Fiona asked permission to sit down.

‘Please do, but there’s only the bed unless you’d like to fetch a chair from the day room?’

‘No, this is fine, thank you.’ She perched on the edge of Alice’s bed, took a file from her oversized, well-worn handbag, and balanced it on her knee. Smiling again, she started the assessment.

‘Can you tell me your full name, Alice?’

‘Alice Roberts, no middle name.’

Fiona smiled. ‘And your address?’

The assessment began well, with nothing Alice couldn’t handle. For the first time in weeks, personal details were clear in her mind and she felt confident in her replies. She smiled at the simple questions on politics and delighted in seeing the younger woman’s evident astonishment at her answers. But then the tricky bit came.

‘Alice, can you tell me how you came to be in The Elms and a little about your family?’

Remembering Sarah’s husband’s sage advice, Alice decided to be completely honest.

‘I came here from hospital after a suspected stroke. My daughter filled me in on the details, which I don’t remember, as apparently I couldn’t speak at first and became very confused. I want to say that the confusion has gone entirely, but there are still some things I find hard to accept.’ Alice paused, mentally practising her words so she didn’t sound insane.

‘I’m having difficulty remembering that my husband died several years ago… and also that I don’t have a granddaughter, who seems to be so real to me. It appears I’ve even invented a past career for myself as a teacher, which, according to my daughter, Rachel, is pure fantasy.’ There, she’d been honest enough with no accusations or denunciations of her daughter and the lies she was feeding her. Alice fought back the tears. She wanted this interview to go well, to be allowed to go home as soon as possible. Fiona Williams leaned towards Alice and squeezed her hand, her eyes full of compassion.

‘So, what is it you’d like to happen now? Where would you like to be, Alice?’

‘I want to go home! They’ve been very kind in here, but it’s not where I belong, and I’m certain that I’ll feel better in my own home. Please, let me go home.’

‘It’s not entirely up to me, but I can say that after our little chat, it appears that perhaps you are in the wrong place. Naturally, I need to speak to your doctor. I have an appointment with him later this morning and we’ll certainly discuss your case. If you were to go home, Alice, how would you manage on a practical level?’

‘There’s nothing physically wrong with me, although I’m stiff from sitting here all day, so I’m quite capable of looking after myself and my home.’

Fiona smiled. ‘Yes, Alice, I think you are.’

* * *

There was another unexpected visitor for Alice that afternoon. Dr Patel knocked on her door and introduced himself, asking permission to talk with her. Alice smiled at the opportunity to show off her new-found confidence, correctly assuming that this was the psychiatrist who would also have an input into her future.

The assessment was almost a repeat of her chat with Fiona Williams. Alice played it in precisely the same way, admitting to some confusion but ready to accept others’ judgement and advice. Her answer to the question of where she would like to be was the same, at home. Alice was sure she’d convinced him when the doctor left but was still anxious, longing for some feedback.

The feedback didn’t come until Sarah entered her room just before tea time.

‘You’re the talk of The Elms, now aren’t you?’ She laughed, a huge grin on her face.

‘What do you mean?’ Alice was impatient.

‘The assessor, Fiona Williams, told the doctor and the nurses you shouldn’t be in here. She thinks you’re more than capable of making your own choices and has recommended that the DOL order is lifted. Whatever you said must have worked because her recommendation is to discharge you as soon as possible, and the psychiatrist agreed with her decision. Are you pleased?’

‘Delighted!’ Alice jumped out of her chair and hugged Sarah. ‘And it’s partly due to you and your husband.’

‘What?’ Sarah screwed up her face, but Alice was beaming and already opening her wardrobe to look for her case.

‘Wait a minute, you can’t just walk out, there’ll be paperwork to complete and the doctor will need to see you. I think they’ll want some sort of care plan in place too before you leave. But maybe that doesn’t apply in your case?’

Alice tutted. ‘Do I look like I need a carer? I’m not that ancient yet.’

‘But what about Rachel? She’ll have to come and pick you up, won’t she?’

‘Ah, well, that’s the best bit. Rachel’s away on a business trip and won’t even know I’m going home until I’m there.’ Alice’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

‘But who’ll take you, see that you’re okay?’

‘I’ll get a taxi. When can I see the doctor?’

‘Probably not until his rounds in the morning. You’ll be on his list for then.’

Alice sighed. ‘I suppose I can bear one more night here, but I can’t wait to get home.’

Sarah smiled. ‘Have we been so terrible, Alice?’

‘Not you, never. Here, take your books back and thank you, I’ve enjoyed reading them. They’ve helped to keep me sane.’

‘Thanks, but I’ve read them all too, so I’ll put them in the library. I’ll miss you, Alice. You’ve made working on this ward so much better than I imagined it would be.’

‘I’ll miss you too, you’ve been so kind, but it doesn’t have to be goodbye, does it? You could always come and visit. See me at home and then you might not think of me as crazy.’

‘I’ve never thought of you as crazy, and I’d love to visit. I suppose we’re both newcomers to the town.’ Sarah fished a small notebook from her pocket. ‘Here, write your address and telephone number down for me and I’ll give you a ring to see how you’re settling back in. And I’ll give you my mobile number too, you can ring anytime, especially while Rachel’s away if you need anything, you know? So leave the packing until the doctor’s been in the morning. You don’t want him to think you’re too eager, do you?’

Alice spent the rest of the evening with the television on, oblivious to what the programmes were as her mind was focused on one thing only, going home. It was a bonus that Rachel was away. It couldn’t have come at a better time and would be fait accompli before her daughter even knew and could devise some way of thwarting her plans, which Alice was sure she would try to do.

The morning couldn’t come quickly enough, and Alice made mental lists of her priorities for when she was back in her own home, number one being to find out exactly where Tom was.