The Parallels

“Absolutely not!” Levain objects. She’s wrung out her hands so much that they’re turning red. We’re huddled in Levain and Silas’s tiny quarters discussing the decision I’d made weeks ago.

“We just got you back; there’s no way you’re leaving again.” Rhian chimes in.

I soften my voice, hoping to calm them. “I can’t place everyone in danger. If it’s me he wants, then it’s me he’ll get. Only me,” I add before Rhian interjects. “I couldn’t live with myself if any harm came to you.” I stare up at Silas who watches me thoughtfully. “It’s not up for a vote.”

“And what makes you think you can stop us from stopping you?” Levain spits. I’ve never seen her this angry.

This time it’s Rhian who speaks. “Because there’s something she’s hiding.” His eyes pierce me down to my core. “Something that makes her certain that handing herself over will end all of this.” He waves his hand in the air. For the first time, his magic leaves me feeling completely vulnerable, and I don’t like it. “There’s no need to be angry,” he continues. “We’re the ones who should be angry!” His voice rises ever so slightly.

There’s a knock at the door, and when Silas opens it, Veda and Erique stand at the entryway holding hands. I hug Veda tightly and cross my arm across my chest as Erique does the same. I can’t help but smile, at least this ordeal had made them come to their senses. They stand near the door, listening to us argue.

“You’re not going,” Rhian says, folding his arms over his chest.

After everything I’d been through, he’s the last person I would have expected to stand against me. I do my best to stifle my agitation. “And why should you be angry, Rhian? I’d think you like it if I were gone!”

He stands and the room swells with his anger. “You weren’t smart!” I jump to my feet ready to have it out, but he continues. “Do you have any idea what we’ve been through? Do you have an idea what it was like seeing your troop return without you?”

“I didn’t plan on getting captured! And, what you’ve been through?” I throw my hands in the air. “Do you think I wanted any of this to happen? Don’t you think I would take it back if I could; if it meant that Laurel could be here instead of me?” And there it was, the truth. I wish I’d been the one to die in the tunnels, then at least they’d all be safe.

He opens his mouth then closes it. I feel a small touch on my back and spin around, ready to fight whoever has interrupted us. Veda holds up her hands in a peace offering.

“He was just worried, that’s all.” She glances at Rhian. “He begged the council to send soldiers to find you, and when they didn’t, he just went out on his own.”

“Veda.” There’s an edge to Rhian’s voice.

She waves him away. “You don’t get to interject now, Rhian. You had your chance to tell her how you feel, and you didn’t. Haven’t you learned that this time when she leaves that she might not come back?” She rolls her eyes. “Of course not.” She turns back to me. “Jules, he loves you. I think he’s loved you his whole life.”

“Curse the Fade, Veda, stop now!” Rhian shouts.

She continues as if she didn’t hear him. “When he thought you were,” she doesn’t need to say what’s written all over her face, “his magic surged uncontrollably. When you arrived here tonight, I thought the walls of our tiny cottage would burst open with his happiness. Mire, I think he probably made all of Lanel happy tonight.” Her eyes flicker to the spot behind me, and then she shakes her head. “He knows you don’t feel the same way, but that doesn’t matter.” She sighs. “We love who we love; there’s no reasoning with that.” This time she looks at Erique.

I spin around to Rhian, but he’s already charging past me and out of the cabin. The walls shake as he slams the door behind him.

“Give him time,” Silas says. “He’s cared for you his whole life; he just needs time.”

Unfortunately, that’s the one thing we didn’t have, and I can’t leave things unsettled between us. Because this time, I’m confident I won’t be returning.

“I have to talk to him.” I gather my satchel and coat. “I’ll meet you at the cavern before I leave,” I say to them. Levain throws her arms around me.

“Please think about this,” she whispers before letting me go.

Silas steps forward and plants a kiss on my forehead. “You’ve been the light of my life, my daughter.” I can’t stop the tears that well up in my eyes. “When you come back to us, I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” He smiles, then pulls me to him.

Erique gifts me his sword before Veda walks me out of the cabin and into the center of the village. “He’ll be cliffside.” She points down a narrow pathway. “You can’t miss the ladders. It’s where he goes to think,” she says, hugging me. Instead of pulling away, she holds me in her arms. “I’m sorry about Laurel, Jules. When you’re back, we’ll celebrate her life properly.” I sink into her arms for just a moment before pulling away.

“Thank you, Veda. A feast seems fitting, don’t you think?” I wonder if the aching heaviness in my chest will stay with me until the end.

She smiles, though it’s laced with grief. “We’ll make sure Levain bakes enough to feed all of Lanel.”

I give her one more hug before following the pathway she’d pointed to, and sure enough, I find the ladders propped against the rock wall. When I make it to the top, I’m not surprised to find Rhian waiting.

“Hi,” I say, stepping from the last rung out onto the open cliff face.

“Hi.” He leans against the stone face looking out upon the forest below. “I’m sorry about earlier with Veda,” he finally says. “She’s never guarded her tongue, and it’s only getting worse as she gets older.”

“Was it true though?” I ask.

He doesn’t say anything for a while then finally breaks the silence. “I know it’s different for you. I realized that when we left Qyis, and I shouldn’t have let you leave without saying goodbye.” He slams his hand against the rock. “But when you rescued us at the post, I realized that I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.” His voice holds a thousand lifetimes of regret.

“I’m sorry,” I say, but he shakes his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Jules.” He pauses. “Let’s go back to before and be best friends sitting on a tall cliff, enjoying the night. Deal?” Finally, the Rhian I’d known all my life was back.

“Deal,” I say.

And for a moment, it’s real. I imagine that we’re back in Qyis, staring out onto the expanse of trees and it’s just another night watch. Any moment now, Laurel will emerge from the forest wrapped in her heaviest jacket despite the warmth of the night’s air. She’ll climb the platform and nudge her way between Rhian and me, claiming it still felt like winter even though the trees below blossomed with leaves. Tomorrow, we’ll visit the apothecary before trudging through a long day of Oreya’s training, counting the number of times she thwacks a young trainee on the back for not paying attention. I smile at the thought of what tomorrow could bring and try hard to convince myself that it will happen again before Rhian reminds me that it won’t.

“Jules,” he says softly, “was she...I mean in the end,”

I hold onto my hope, I had to stay strong for what was to come. “She was at peace; there was no pain in the end.” That much I knew was true. I push away the image of Laurel lying helpless underground, stuck there forever, alone.

“I wish I could have helped. I wish I weren’t so weak,” Rhian says bitterly.

I rest my head on his shoulder. “You weren’t weak, Rhian. There’s nothing you could have done after what the Herrings did to you. I should have found another way out.”

Rhian wraps his arm around me, steadying me. “You were with her in the end, to grant her Passage from that place. She wasn’t alone, and that’s all that matters.”

And we stand at the edge of it all both grieving the part of our trio that wasn’t there. I wish to the Mire that I could stay with Rhian all night, but there was a promise I had to keep and one more goodbye I had to say, though it tore me apart to do it.

“I have to go, Rhian.” I pull away from him. “Keep them safe for me, okay? Tell them,” I blink away the tears forming behind my eyes. “Tell them I had to do this...that I had to end this all.”

We’ve never lied to each other in all the years we’d been friends, and I wasn’t about to start now. One look at Rhian and I know he knows what I’ve decided.

“Ay,” he says softly before bringing me into him. He kisses me softly on the cheek before walking me to the edge of the cliff. I begin to descend the ladder when he looks over the side.

“Bring the Fade to his feet, Jules.”

I stare up not at the boy I’d known my entire life but at the man who had taken his place.

“I will,” I say.