Chapter Thirty
My heart swelled.
Our lips moved in sync in a sensual dance - Louis’ soft and gentle against my desperate and wanton - igniting sparks behind my closed eyelids and deep within my body. It made this weird pull between us even more powerful. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I wasn’t so indifferent as I wanted to believe; that maybe my werewolf-ness was not the only thing that pushed us together. Because when I straddled Louis the very next second to deepen the kiss, it was all me.
Louis let me take over completely, indulging me in my need to control at least something amid all the chaos, my jumbled emotions and uncertainty about the future. His hands snaked up my thighs towards my butt cheeks and stayed there as he helped me adjust position. My core landed directly on his middle. I gasped into his mouth, grasping his shoulders for support as I felt him underneath me. The potent smell of our lust filled the air, causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach and goosebumps to run up my arms.
But then, Louis just stopped.
My eyes flew open, meeting his hooded gaze.
“As much as I love to continue what we’re doing, we should talk about what happened in the forest,” he whispered against my lips.
It was the last thing I had on my mind, though. I ignored Louis’ words of reason, pressing my mouth against his, trying to get back to what we had been doing. But he didn’t kiss me back. Granted, he didn’t pull away either, waiting for me to come to my senses and make my decision. The right one, apparently.
I sighed, slowly leaning back, looking everywhere but at his face.
“Raph said he recognized the smell of the wolf that bit your mother. It was the same one that attacked you and Mikey...” Louis stated carefully, his intense gaze piercing the side of my face.
I heard an implication in his voice and a silent question.
I bit my lip, wordlessly crawling off his lap. Wrapping my hands around my middle, I strolled to the window and peeked outside. My eyes immediately wandered to the moon, pulled by its silver glow.
I still refused to say anything for a minute or two, partially transfixed by the waxing gibbous but also playing for time, trying hard to delay the inevitable.
Call me an idiot, but I didn’t want to rat out my father like that. I knew it would come to it one way or another, but it felt just wrong. Even though he was hardly a man I recognized and respected anymore, I still had this nagging impression it wasn’t entirely his fault. Not all of it, at least.
Maybe I was too naive.
“Josie,” Louis prompted gently.
I threw the waxing gibbous one last spiteful glance, hating what had become of my family. Then, I sighed in defeat, turning around, my eyes skimming to mum’s unconscious form.
She looked so small and fragile underneath the fluffy duvet - a mere shadow of a strong, cheerful woman who gave birth to me and brought me up. Seeing her like this broke my heart.
I missed her. I missed the old times.
I flickered my eyes back to Louis, my gaze raw and full of anguish.
“My father. Your wolf’s my father.”
* * *
Mum had been unconscious for two days now.
There was nothing wrong with her on a physical level. Her body had fully healed except for that ugly bite on her calf, which had also eventually started to bruise.
And yet, mum didn’t open her eyes.
I began to wonder if that would ever happen.
Louis was mostly outside, doing business for the Alpha. Ever since he had asked me about my father, he and other Enforcers seemed to indulge themselves in the witch-hunt, or rather, a wolf-hunt. They came late and went out early, holding those hush-hush conversations behind the closed doors of Jack’s office.
Nobody told me anything.
The thought that it was my dad the Pack was after made all of it harder to stomach. I was edgier, moodier, and more violent, especially now that the full moon approached us without pity, getting fatter day by day, laughing at my expense as it grew fuller.
I was jittery. I couldn’t help myself. The nerves were getting the best of me; my thoughts were constantly drawn to my brother’s and mother’s imminent shifts.
I dreaded them.
There was very little to nothing I could do to prevent my family from going through the same shit I had had. I felt helpless. No one was able to tell me what would happen once the full moon forced mum and Mikey to change. I could lose both of them to the madness, just like dad.
I could also lose them for good.
The mere thought made my skin crawl, so, once again, I found myself in the woods. I was desperately trying to outrun the ever-present feelings of restlessness that had as much to do with the approaching full moon and my reluctance to shift as it had to do with the general uncertainty of our situation.
To say that our future was bleak and depressing was a misunderstanding. I was beyond myself with worry and fury, and my wolf was fighting me for control more and more, trying to take over and force the shift.
Just like now.
I was bent in half, propping my hand against the tree, trying to resist the urge to change. I hadn’t shifted since the encounter with my father, choosing to subdue the wolf whenever this weird itching in my body told me the beast was close to the surface. Today was no different, except that Jonah had witnessed my struggle before I ran out of the house. He had tried to stop me, but I pushed him out of my way and stumbled onto the pavement, my mind focused on the trees in front.
I was still shit scared of letting the beast take control since I was well aware of what had happened to my father. I didn’t want to end up like him. But as the days went by, it became harder and harder to resist the need to shed my skin and stay sane.
I was slowly but surely going crazy-
The pain made me double over.
I curled my fingers over the tree, feeling the rough, uneven surface underneath my pads as I gasped for air like a fish out of water. My elongated nails pierced the bark, causing splinters to rain down onto the forest’s bedding. The beads of sweat rolled down my cheeks and dribbled onto the ground in salty drops. I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing on the here and now instead of the panic attack that tried to cut off the oxygen from my oesophagus. The wolf crawled at my brain, fighting me and trying to push my consciousness into the deepest corners of my mind.
I looked heavenwards at the spiky peaks of the pines, praying for strength I didn’t possess.
I could do it. I could do it...
I almost did it.
That was when I heard the soft rustle of leaves and smelled Louis.
His mere scent drove the beast forward. It lurched at me with renewed strength, struggling to get to its love interest. My frustration skyrocketed. I wanted to scold Everton for intruding on my internal battle, but my body betrayed me once more.
A soft whine left my lips.
My eyes flickered to Louis’ - to silently ask for help or rebuke him, I wasn’t sure - but I was instantly shut by the look of disapproval on his face.
“Jonah told me you’ve been refusing to shift for three days now. Do you know how dangerous it is?” Louis’ growl was sharp, filled with anger and disappointment.
I whined, my wolf unhappy with the chiding. She was desperate to please him, especially since we hadn’t been seeing each other much lately. He was busy looking for my dad after all, and I was pretty much camping in mum’s room, neglecting even my brother.
Wordlessly, I closed my eyes, heaving loudly. In my current state, it was difficult to utter a word.
“Josie, you need to shift. Your resolve is commendable, but at the rate you’re going, you’re a step away from driving yourself mad,” he said, taking a few steps toward me.
I bit my lip, bending as another wave of pain jerked my body. I crouched on the ground, propping myself on my outstretched arms, my fingers digging into the cold hard soil.
Louis squatted in front of me, his light silver eyes meeting my own. They were a tad gentler now but still hard.
"Shift.”
The command hit me like a tidal wave.
Before I knew it, fur sprouted from the pores of my skin. I tilted my head so I was facing the sky, feeling my eyes roll to the back of my sockets while I let blood curling scream that quickly turned into a howl.
I collapsed on the ground in a heap, panting heavily while my body gradually finished adjusting to its new shape. I blinked, once more assaulted by white noise and the potent smell of nature that made me sneeze. I stood up, my limbs shaking like the newborn foal’s, and rid myself of the last remnants of change.
Surprisingly, it felt nice to be a wolf. The last time I had shifted, my mind had gone completely blank, so I didn’t remember a thing from my first change. And grudgingly, I had to admit it wasn’t that bad. With my wolf in control, I had a chance to take a moment’s respite from my whirling mind. My other side was delighted to finally be free of her confines, and her emotions flooded me, lightening my mood. My problems seemed minuscule and trivial when I felt this overwhelming feeling of freedom.
Everything seemed so simple.
“Wasn’t that scary, was it, ay?” Louis flashed me a crooked smile, his voice taking on an affectionate note.
He was right, though I would never admit it out loud. My wolf approached him and started to rub our head against his stomach, purring loudly as we breathed his masculine scent in.
Mine.
Louis chuckled, scratching us behind the ear, giving my wolf exactly what she wanted.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, making her preen. She was quite vain if I could even say so. Vain and flirty.
She batted our eyes at Louis, then shoved him playfully, making him land on his butt while she hightailed, stopping between the trees. She bent our front legs, jutting our backside in the air as her/our tail wagged furiously in the air. I wasn’t sure what was in her mind, but clearly Louis had no problem reading our body language. He smirked, then began undressing to my wolf’s delight.
Louis crouched, propping himself on the ground with one hand, his smile turning wolfish. We shuddered in anticipation and excitement, watching him turn into a huge, dark gray beast. Our mate.
As Louis shook his fur, getting rid of the last itch, we whirled around, pushing our legs as hard as if the whole band of hellhounds was on our tail.
A howl caught up to us a second later, ripping through the stillness of the afternoon. Louis began his chase.