SWNOVELS Chapter 15
Dedicating this chapter to chassy, thank you so much for your votes and support
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Chapter 15
January 24th, 1910.
Dearest Oceana,
I am going to skip all the formalities and jump right away to the reason why I am writing this letter. I’m so lost, my dear friend and you are the only person I can write to for help. Dr. Blackwood is in London! But worse than that, he has traveled all the way here with the express purpose of courting me! I don’t how what happened to his work at the hospital, but it is quite obvious that he plans to stay here for a while. Oceana, what should I do? How should I react? I don’t want to tell him no, but I feel I can’t tell him yes. And what shall I tell Miss Patterson? I know she will not approve of him. Please, answer me as soon as possible.
Your loving friend,
Elizabeth.
***
February 2nd, 1910
Dear Beth,
How romantic to know Robert Blackwood has made the journey all the way to London to court you. Turns out he was even more taken with you than even I suspected. And to think you once told me your paths would never cross again. You have surely been proven wrong. What I can’t understand is why you are so hesitant. Why do you care for all that society hogwash? Need I remind you that your own father was involved in trade? Didn’t he own a printing business? Dr. Blackwood is a very respectable gentleman and he is able to provide and care for you, should all this lead to marriage of course. Either way, I see no harm in you being courted by him. My suggestion is that you introduce him to Miss Patterson and take it from there. But to start with, you need to calm down. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Keep me informed of how things are getting along. What a pity I am tied down with my duties at the school and cannot travel to London to support you.
Much love,
Oceana.
***
February 19th, 1910
Dear Oceana,
I introduce Dr. Blackwood to Miss Patterson as you suggested and I don’t think she was very impressed with him. Oh, to be sure she was very polite, but she was rather aloof and I have known Miss Patterson long enough to understand it was her way of showing she didn't think much of him. I didn’t tell her Dr. Blackwood had expressed a desire to court me, but I think she suspects. I don’t know how to handle this all and I just wish you were here.
On another note, Dr. Blackwood asked me to give him a tour around London, and I found myself agreeing because I felt like I owed him after all he did for us in Edinburgh. I did this without Miss Patterson’s consent and am still overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. We did have a splendid time though. It’s a pity the weather has to be so dreary and dirty and sooty, but that is London for you.
The other day I took Dr. Blackwood to visit Dr. Wilkens and Stephanie. I almost regretted the fact that we went there because those two doctors got so lost in discussing medicine we ended up leaving a lot later than I had planned. I guess I should have suspected as much when I took him there. Dr. Wilkens and his family where very impressed with Dr. Blackwood and asked me to bring him again. He was very happy there as well. I have never seen a man take to children to smoothly as he did. Eric, the youngest of the Wilkens climbed up on Dr. Blackwood’s knee and I wish you could have seen how Dr. Blackwood played with him.
Dr. Blackwood has of course been very attentive all this time and I don’t know how to respond. At one hand, I enjoy his attentions very much, but I know Miss Patterson will disapprove of my behavior should she find out. I don’t want to do all this behind her back but I am terrified of telling her about it.
Where are you when I need you, Oceana?
Waiting for you reply,
Elizabeth.
***
March 1st, 1910
Dearest Oceana,
I got tired of waiting for you to reply to my last letter so I’m writing another. If you fail to answer this one as well, you can be certain our correspondence will come to an abrupt end.
There is so much for me to tell you, I fear you will find this letter to be quite long. Now that the weather is getting warmer and dare I say, pleasanter, Dr. Blackwood and myself have been taking rather long strolls in the park. I still haven’t spoken to Miss Patterson about all this, which is terrible I know, but I don't have the heart and will power to tell her.
During our walks we would of course get into long discussions about many different subjects. Somewhere along the line I admitted to him that I was an orphan, and you know what? It turns out he is an orphan too. He said his parents died when he was eleven years old and that was when he moved from Glasgow to live with his mother's sister, Mae MacMorrow. For some reason, when I found out he was also an orphan, I found myself more at ease. I suppose it takes another orphan to understand one. It was after that I told him the full story of my life, from my family to the death of my parents to my stay in the orphan asylum to Miss Patterson taking me in. He was very interested and compassionate. There was only one thing he didn’t understand. He asked me why I was ashamed of that fact that I was an orphan. He said that there was nothing shameful in the fact that my parents were dead, it wasn’t like it was my fault and it didn’t taint me in anyway. It was so nice hearing this from him, because for so long, I have always had the fear of people looking down on me because I am an orphan, but when around Dr. Blackwood I feel safe being who I really am.
But all the while there is this nagging feeling that I should put an end my communication with Dr. Blackwood. You remember how Mrs. Alberna reacted when Stephanie married Dr. Wilkens? I don’t want to go through something like that.
Oh, Oceana, is it wicked of me to think such things?
I await your answer impatiently,
Elizabeth.
***
March 14th, 1910
Dear Beth,
The only wicked thing is that you are ashamed of something so wonderful! Search inside yourself about how you feel for Dr. Blackwood, and if you find yourself falling in love with him then for pity’s sake just tell Miss Patterson. Who cares if she approves or disapproves! It is not like you are a little girl. You have already turned twenty years old. You can’t go about letting other people make decisions for you, you’ve got to make them yourself.
You and Dr. Blackwood seem to have so much in common, that was obvious back in Edinburgh, even more so now. Granted you have only known each other for two months, but I still think there might be something there. This is a journey and there will be many choices only you can make, so if you ask me one more time what you should do, I’ll be very upset. Elizabeth Warren, if you love the doctor, that is not a crime. And don’t let anyone ever tell you it is. I am sure something can be worked out, just use your head.
What I found very upsetting was that you dared to draw a parallel with Stephanie. You know as well as I do that Stephanie is happier in her marriage than a lot of the so called ‘aristocracy and high society’. Beth, money and good names are not something you should strive for. How can you care about money and names when there is something so much more beautiful? I, for one, would rather be the wife of a pauper than the wife of a duke if it meant I would have true love. If you ask me your whole argument is ridiculous and you are behaving silly. I am sick of your sobbing! Your letters are pathetic and you need to pull yourself together or stop writing me.
Much love (and a little anger),
Oceana.
***
April 10th, 1910.
Dear Oceana,
I know it has been nearly a month since your letter came, but I’ve been caught up in so much I haven’t found any time to write. However, a certain incident has forced me to take up my quill and write you this letter.
Robert kissed me! It all happened about a week ago. I took him to the field of daffodils Father used to bring me too. I can’t remember exactly how it all came about. We were standing under the old apple tree, I was talking about my father and how we used to come here and suddenly he leaned over and kissed me. Oh Oceana, I felt I was falling in love with him for a while already, but after that kiss I knew for sure. I have gone beyond the point of no return. And you know what? I find this knowledge dose not bother me. Quite the opposite, it brings a warmth to my heart. Of course I still haven’t told Miss Patterson anything, which is horrid, but what can I say in my defense?
I’m dying to take Robert to the orphan asylum where I spent so many years, but I can’t because Miss Morgan knows Miss Patterson and she will of course tell her everything. I have shown him my old home and my father’s old printing office.
I know what you will probably be wondering, what about Robert’s work at the hospital and how is he supporting himself. He hasn’t told me such details, he can be so mysterious at times, but I got the hint that he has some sort of arrangement and that he will be here till the beginning of autumn. I already dread the idea of him going away. It is hard to believe I have only known him for three months, because I really feel like I have known him forever! Edward courted me for a long time and I never truly felt the same way about him the way I feel for Robert. I suppose it is because I am more open with Robert, or perhaps he is just a different sort of man. I enjoy listening to him tell me about his family. You know he has sixteen cousins? Eight from his mother’s sister (the MacMorrows), four from his mother’s brother (the MacDarrons) and another four from his father’s brother (the Blackwoods). He also has an older sister, but she married a missionary and they live in China. He keeps in touch with her by letter and hopes she will one day come for a visit. They are all a very tight knit family, a real clan I guess you could say. I couldn’t help but wonder how they felt about him courting me. You know how as a rule the Scots don’t like the English. He said they didn’t mind very much, and that James MacMorrow (your remember him) said I was a good lass and they took his word for it.
Oh dear, I’ve have gone off rambling, I will end this letter now because I fear it is really becoming too long.
I am dying to hear from you,
Elizabeth.
***
April 23rd, 1910.
Dear Beth,
It is really nice to hear so much about you in all your letters, but I am beginning to wonder if you ever wonder how I am getting along up here.
That aside, your last letter was very surprising. I see you are now on first names with Dr. Blackwood…or shall I call him Robert too?
Beth, I urge you to talk to Miss Patterson about everything! No, urge isn’t the right word, Beth, I command you to tell her. Tell her the truth, tell her how you feel about Dr. Blackwood, tell her how he feels about you (what does he feel for you by the way? You go on and on about how you feel, but I’ve never once read you telling me what he feels). I feel things are getting serious between you and the Scottish doctor and you must approach Miss Patterson about it. Come on, it is not like she is going to punish you somehow, or banish you from her presence. She is a kind lady with a warm heart. A little too wrapped up in fashion, but this can be forgiven. Once more, Beth, I order you to talk to her about it.
Don’t write me until you have done as I have just told you.
I love you just as much as ever,
Oceana.
***
May 1st, 1910.
To my beloved Oceana,
You asked me how Robert feels about me? I think he is has quite made up his mind to marry me one day. The only catch is he doesn't want to move to London so that would mean I would have to move to Scotland. But I am getting ahead of myself, we've never even discussed the word marriage yet, it is far too early. Suffice to say, I know he loves me, he told me himself numerous times.
Now, on to less pleasant news:
I did as you commanded (who would have thought) and talked to Miss Patterson. As I expected, she was less than happy and dare I say more than upset. She asked about Dr. Blackwood’s connections and who is family was. I told her everything, how the MacMorrow’s and the MacDerron’s are involved in the steel business and the Blackwood’s are wine merchants. That fact that Robert’s sister is married to a missionary didn’t add anything to Miss Patterson’s good opinion of him.(Though I find I like the idea of a missionary's wife, talk about true courage and bravery, but that is off topic)
I told her that I loved Robert and I wanted her to give him official permission to court me. Miss Patterson in turn told me that she disapproved of the whole idea, not only was he completely wrapped up in trade (what do they all have against tradesmen?), but he was a Scot on top of that. I asked her what was wrong with him being a Scot and she said she had a bad association with them. (I think she was alluding to Callum here. You know she still hasn’t really forgiven him for getting you before she did.)
I asked her what was wrong with Robert being in trade, pointed out that my own father had been in trade and that tradesmen are actually a lot closer to me than anyone in so called ‘London Society’. I also pointed out what a perfect gentleman Dr. Blackwood is, and that he has been nothing but noble and honorable these past four months.
The whole discussion ended with Miss Patterson asking me if I wanted to end up like my mother and telling me to search for love among a slightly higher class. She was glad that I am over Edward and came up with a long list of eligible bachelors, all with a good name, either gentlemen of property or high connections; some of them heirs to grand estates. I told her I didn’t want money, I wanted love. She said I could have both if I looked hard enough. I told her that I had tried to find both with Edward and having been let down I was now searching in other places. With that I stormed out of the room. If you ask me, this is all much ado about nothing. It is not like Robert is asking for my hand in marriage, he only wants to court me. I don’t know how some people manage to be so thick headed. I also do not want to do things without Miss Patterson’s consent. I am very indebted to her for taking me in and raising me, I owe her so much I don’t want her to think me ungrateful. I feel a little caught right now, almost as though I am sitting on a fence and it is not a very comfortable place to be. What would you do, if you were in my place, Oceana?
Oceana set the letter down on the table, deep in thought. Beth was truly in a bit of a sticky situation. Miss Patterson was concerned about family name and position when she should be concerned about Beth’s heart. Beth was never very good at persuading, so it was up to Oceana to do the persuading for her. It was time for Oceana to take matters into her own hands.