The North

Chapter 9

***

The clang of a bell rattled through the dark, signalling food was being served in the hall. I ignored it, happy to finish lighting the torches outside to avoid having to deal with the crush of wolves vying for food. Younger wolves spent too much time snapping at each other to decide who would eat first and I was in no mood to listen. A dark cloud hovered over my head as I watched the wrought iron cage filled with logs and sprigs of hay crackle to brilliant life.

I tossed in the taper I’d used, and peered down at myself, lit in an orange glow, with a slight frown. Ash smeared my blue dress in various shades of black and grey. It covered my hands too, and if some hadn’t found it’s way to my face as well, I would be surprised. Spending my time before the evening meal lighting fires wasn’t exactly exciting, but it gave me the chance to further explore every nook and cranny of my new home; at least within the boundaries set. It was an easy task, and nobody bothered me except to ask for their own rooms to be ready and warm for their return.

I didn’t mind that that was the extent of my interaction with the pack today, I told myself again. If I really wanted to make friends, I’d approach the groups of single, unmated wolves despite the way they looked at me. Alone completing menial chores in between visiting Father, watching the pups in my family, and helping Astrid, was exactly where I was happiest.

Heading for the barrel of water in the corner of the South facing courtyard, I did my best to clean my hands. The water was icy cold and stung my skin, and my gasp drew the attention of the only other wolves outside missing a meal. Two hulking males stood sentry at the gate, but once they’d acknowledged my presence with glowing eyes, they were unconcerned with whatever I was doing.

The gates beckoned me in the dark. My body rocked forward as the wind urged me forward. It would be easy to shift and run out before the guards could think to chase after me. But it was their very presence that held me back too, more so than any order to remain. The realisation that it was fear that kept me rooted made my mouth fill with a sour taste. The nightmares that broke sweet dreams flashed to vivid and bloody life, reminding me of the dangers roaming the trees beyond the castle walls.

I took a slow step back.

I’d heard whispers from returning patrols too, telling of more Blood Drinkers showing up near the territory boundary. Nobody seemed quite sure why. Of course, they never got past the huge number of intimidating warriors that scouted every inch of the forest, but it only took one slipping past to unleash terror. . .

With fear twisting at my gut and my eyes playing tricks with the shadows, turning them into monstrous shapes leering out from the dark, I turned tail and darted for the safety of inside. I felt no better leaving the chill evening air for the stuffy interior of the castle. Each step that took me deeper seemed to further drive an invisible force down on me. My head ducked, my shoulders hunched in, and I moved through the echoing halls with a resentful scowl.

I hesitated at the door that led to the food hall, closing my eyes to try and pick out a voice I recognised so I wouldn’t be stuck looking for a friendly face in full view of everyone. Once I was certain I caught onto my mother’s timbre, I shook myself and entered. Mother and Oighrig sensed my approach immediately but it didn’t stop them from continuing to converse with those around them. Fionnlagh sat opposite them, so engaged in his own conversation that he didn’t even look round as I sat next to him.

“Here, Eabha.” Mother placed a wooden plate in front of me and motioned to all the various meat and vegetables on offer. Then her dark eyes focussed on my face. Uncaring of her watching friends, she licked her thumb and leaned across the table to scrub at my face.

I cringed and let out an irritated growl but she silenced me with a simple lift of her lip. “What were you doing? You’re covered in muck.”

“You’ve never cared about that before,” I muttered, forcing myself to remain still until she was satisfied.

She gave me another scathing look, then nodded to my empty plate in silent order for me to eat. All I could do was stare at the food. When was the last time I’d eaten something I’d caught myself? How could they be happy to eat this soft, cooked meat that was the wrong kind of warm, and free of any blood.

I ate it anyway, listening quietly as everyone chattered happily away. The pack asked about Father, about our home, and listened intently as Oighrig expertly wove our tale for them, probably not for the first time. Smiles lit up my family’s faces, their hands moving animatedly and eagerly in a way they hadn’t since before. I did my best to nod when the odd question came my way, but I was scared my words would ruin the mood. The past hadn’t been forgotten though. It lingered in silences where Mother would stare off into the distance with a slowly fading smile. I’d lost my brother, but she’d lost her male. Her first-born. But unlike me, she managed to drag herself back and laugh again.

Was nobody else struggling to hear anything at all when so many voices caused a buzz akin to thousands of midges clustering in the air? It was too loud as well. With too many scents and too many wolves squeezing past. In fur my hackles would bristle to warn others off but nobody noticed a tight lipped snarl in such chaos. Nobody else seemed to be longing for the open space of forest or glen instead of this.

Everyone tried to make it to the hall for the evening meal if they didn’t have other duties to tend to. I gathered, as was tradition in my own pack, sharing a meal was a time to bond, to spend time with pack and family. . .and yet I felt entirely alone.

Fionnlagh laughed boisterously at whatever the male beside him said, shaking so hard he bumped into my shoulder. Water spilled from the mug in my hand and I growled, giving him a glare. He eyed my soaked lap in apology, then rolled his eyes at my bared teeth.

“You’ve been in a foul mood for two days now,” he grumbled before turning his back on me.

I stiffened, but swallowed the next growl that wanted to rumble out at his act of insubordination. Only the fact he’d spoken true saved him from being put in his place for all to see.

Could anyone blame me for being testy? If they had been forced to remain stuck like this, they too would be snapping their jaws.

I needed a run. In fur. Out in the open.

Every night it grew harder to sleep as a building restlessness made my skin crawl. In the past, I liked my space to sleep, but I did miss the nights in the stormy heart of winter when the whole pack would pile together in a tangle of legs and tails. Beyond that, I despised being cooped up in these damned walls as much as I despised my own fear being part of reason I was trapped here.

“I’m going to go to bed,” I announced, rising from the table.

Mother’s dark eyes appraised me slowly, and those she’d been conversing with paused to watch our interaction. “You never go to bed early. Why don’t you go for a walk, or a run rather. I think you need to. . .clear your hear.”

I tried to laugh and agree but my heart clenched at the very idea. “Maybe tomorrow, it’s cold outside.”

“Cold!” Mother scoffed and shook her head at me. “Very well, go to bed, but you’re going to be grumpy tomorrow if you oversleep.”

Oighrig tutted and clasped her hand. “Maybe she is coming down with something, Laoghaire. Rest will do her more well than a run if that’s the case.”

I shifted uneasily, annoyed they spoke so openly about my health in front of all their friends. Even Fionnlagh and his group had fallen quiet to listen in. Eventually they would notice I kept skipping invites to run with them, or avoided being asked to go at all, but feigning illness would get me out of it this time.

“I do feel quite warm,” I said, pulling at the neckline of my dress. “My head hurts too.”

Pity shone in both Mother and Oighrig’s eyes, the tension between us fading away. It hurt to lie to them but I couldn’t tell them the truth.

Walking around the table, I pressed a kiss to my aunt’s cheek and one to my mother’s. Her warm hand grabbed mine before I could retreat to my room, and I almost crumbled under the look in her eye. It was near impossible to fool a mother-wolf; even Oighrig eyed me with the knowledge something in my nature had shifted since we’d arrived here.

“What troubles you? I’m told you spend your days wandering the halls like some spectral aibhse.”

To bring up Mànas or Aonghas would only dull the twinkle in her eye. So I smiled until my cheeks hurt and kissed her cheek once more. “Nothing, a Mhàthair. I find the building and its walls intriguing, I’ve found out a lot about how it was built and how it’s maintained. I’ll check on the pups, shall I? They should be asleep by now.”

I backed away slowly, and though her eyes narrowed, she let my hand slip from hers.

The whole walk to the door, eyes followed with no attempt to be inconspicuous but I kept my gaze straight ahead. I wished I had the ability of my family to integrate so well. A small part of me couldn’t help but wonder if my run in with Ingrid had anything to do with wolves giving me a wide berth.

My steps quickened and my hands fisted by my sides. With rage and an aching loneliness coursing through me, it was interesting to take note of the wolves who stepped aside at my approach, and those who demanded I do so for them. It was a quick way of finding my place in the new pack hierarchy, that was for certain. Even some of the hulking warriors decided moving out of my way was a better decision than to test my teeth.

By the time I climbed the stairs and was at my parents' bedroom door, I’d worked out some of my frustration, and seeing the sleeping faces of Anndra and Niamh was like a bucket of cold water over burning skin. After a few seconds of watching them, I smiled to see a small twitching tail that had to belong to Seumas.

Maybe I couldn’t go for a run and stretch my legs, but I could shake out my fur and curl around the dreaming pups for a while.

“Psst!”

I froze halfway through the door, questioning my hearing until I heard the noise again, echoing from the top of the winding stairs.

“Psst!”

With an eyebrow raised, I leaned back to see Astrid standing there, summoning me over with frantic waves of her hand. It felt as if I hadn’t seen her in days though we’d spoken briefly this morning. Closing the door gently, I hastened towards her. If it weren’t for the shimmer in sky blue eyes, I’d have thought she was in possession of some tragic news to share with how impatient she was.

“Your mother said you left looking quite upset and think you are in need of company. The patrol is about to go out for the night, do you want to come with us?”

Sighing mournfully, I leaned against the stone wall. “You know Alpha Hati requested I stay inside the castle until he decides otherwise.”

“Well,” she sang, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “I am to see to the well-being of the pack, and I say you need to let yourself run free for an hour or two. Hati won’t be mad if he knows you’re with me and other seasoned hunters, if he need find out about all.”

If she believed that, then why was she talking so quietly?

I had no intention of getting onto Alpha Hati’s bad side, but with the promised safety of a small group of wolves, the temptation to go was nearly too much to resist. It was if I could feel the call of the moon as I did when she was full and basked in our howling song. Already my skin prickled and I saw the glow whisky glow of my eyes reflected back in Astrid’s.

She knew she’d won me over. With a conspiratorial giggle, she guided me down back passageways until we reached the familiar courtyard that looked South. The closer we got to the inky blackness of the forest, the more nerves coiled in my stomach, but Astrid wouldn’t let fear get the better of me.

“The longer you hide, the harder it will be to come forth again. You can’t be any safer than you will be with us.”

Maybe I had made a friend after all.

I smiled to myself, peering at the tall blonde female from the corner of my eye. Her gaze darted around and her head cocked towards every little sound. I had no doubt she would be more than capable of holding her own against a Blood Drinker.

Only when we approached the furthest reaches of the torchlight did her demeanour change. The gathered wolves readying for patrol turned towards me with defensive snarls. It might have gone easier if I’d dropped my gaze and tried to supplicate them but I stared down each one, and each one in turn looked away first. The fact I was about to implode into raging fur if I didn’t have a taste of freedom soon must have been clear.

Farrin folded his arms with a small shake of his head. “Astrid, my mate, what are you doing?”

“She needs to spend some time in fur and the poor thing is too scared to go without protection.” She threw a look of apology my way when I made a sound of indignation.

I didn’t need my fears told for everyone in earshot.

Her mate was unimpressed with her reasoning however, and my heart fell as I watched Astrid press her lip together, scrambling for something else.

“Alpha Hati has been cruel not to grant her leave yet. My mother, Healer, has overruled his orders on the basis of concern for Eabha’s health. You can go and ask her yourself if you doubt me, and if Alpha Hati disagrees, he can take it up with Eirny. Eabha is a shifter from a home of mountain and glen, are we to stand by until she loses control and finds herself in need of discipline?”

I opened my mouth to protest that she was exaggerating now, but no words came out. Maybe because I was lying if I thought her words weren’t true to some degree. I’d already snapped at my family members more than once since we’d reunited.

The wolves gathered shared looks of amusement at the image Astrid provoked and my cheeks grew hot. She must have trusted her mother would cover for her to be willing to put her in the Alpha’s potential warpath, so, if this was what it took, I’d play along.

“You need to stop finding new ways to antagonise Hati, lover,” Farrin rumbled.

Astrid smirked. “You’ve never complained before and neither has he. Let her come. We might get back before Hati even knows she’s missing.”

With a sigh, he looked between his stubborn mate and where I stood feeling very much the lost pup. Moss green eyes softened with resignation as he took in my near trembling form, then he stepped aside.

“Very well, but you take whatever punishment Alpha Hati seeks to give for allowing her to come. You know how he feels on this matter.”

The meaningful look they shared piqued my interest. It was as if I’d missed some meaning that the warriors around us all understood. Their sharp eyes pierced into me with renewed interest, but none questioned breaking an order given by their Alpha. Astrid and Eirny must have held more sway here than I understood.

With a triumphant grin, she stood taller and waved her hand. “He will not punish me when he sees her mood has brightened. Come, Eabha. Leave your dress in the shed so it will be dry if the sky decides fracture above us.”

A quick glance at the thick clouds hiding the stars, and a sniff at the icy air, told me if it did fracture, it would more likely be snow than rain. I followed Astrid into the small shed and tossed my dress next to hers. It was the shoes I had trouble with. My own creative knot to keep the thin leather laces in place weren’t as easily unravelled as Astrid’s. Eventually I managed to loosen them enough to kick them off, and as soon as I was free, I gave into my urges. Fur sprouted in sharp tingling that erupted all over my skin, my body shuddering with how good it felt to stretch unused muscle. I fell to four paws and wrinkled my maw as stiff joints greeted me.

It had been far too long since I’d been in fur and I was paying the price. Heightened sight and smell played havoc with my concentration, every little skittering creature or flash of movement catching my attention. I spun around to see Astrid’s wolf too. Thick cream fur dappled with grey shimmered and ruffled with every movement, and with her head held high, she stood a good head taller than I. Despite the impatient grumbling of the wolves waiting for us outside, Astrid padded over with ears perked up and tail swishing behind her. I bumped my cheek to hers, licking at her jaw in thanks for allowing me to come.

Any linger doubt I had about breaking the one rule Alpha Hati asked me to abide by faded with baser thoughts at the forefront of my mind. We stepped back out together and approached the group who lifted their noses to sniff the air around me. Those close enough brushed against me, chuffing in amusement as I staggered. Only when my own scent was nearly hidden by everyone else’s did Farrin lead us on our way.

I stayed toward the back at first but soon found myself being ushered by Astrid and others to the middle so I was surrounded on all sides. It allowed me to stretch my legs a bit more too and we ate up the ground at a steady pace. It amazed me how two of my strides matched just one of those around me, and if there hadn’t been a reason for our run, I would have been eager to test just how well I could keep up with them at their fastest.

Further down, the worn path split into two. Nips and bumps soon sorted out who would go which way, and I was impressed with the swiftness of a wordless decision. Our group streamlined into two and I hesitated until Astrid nudged me to keep following Farrin to the right where the path looped back towards the castle.

Our pace slowed to a careful trot so no scent was missed nor track passed unnoticed. Their noses must have been far better than mine for once or twice they stopped to investigate something where I found nothing. At least, nothing that gave me any cause for concern. Even with the constant stopping and starting, and the shadow of the castle walls still looming over us, I revelled in being able to stretch my legs.

The frozen ground crunched beneath my paws and branches creaked overhead. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend I was back home.

With three capable warriors, the alert part of me looking out for any stench of blood or death was silent, trusting in the others to watch my back as I strayed to burn off energy. The only thing missing was the rays of moonlight as I chased shadows and small rodents to keep hunting instincts sharp. I refused to grow lazy, and getting familiar with the surrounding landscape would help if I ever did get to go hunting on my own.

The trees grew thicker as the path veered suddenly away from the castle, a canopy of thick fur trees hiding the little light that came through the pregnant clouds overhead. I could sense Astrid draw a little closer to me as a mouse escaped my snapping jaws, burying into its nest beneath the mossy ground. I dug a little but I knew I wouldn’t catch him.

So focussed was I on messing with my prey, that I ignored the first low groan that echoed on the breeze. The second time, my ears twitched, trying to place the sound. Too high and broken to be an owl. Not gritty enough to be any growling creature. It was almost as if someone was crying out, but who would be out in skin alone at this hour?

Glancing around, I could see the Farrin and the other warrior in our group drinking from a nearby stream, either unconcerned with the sound or unable hear it. Glowing eyes occasionally swept my way, probably to check I was still within view, but even Astrid who should have been able to hear it only shook out her fur and waited patiently.

I lifted my head and listened intently, but the air was suddenly still and quiet. It should have put me at ease but something about the sound and it’s timbre had felt familiar. Tail swishing nervously, I was about to put it down to an overactive imagination when on the next icy gust, I caught the scent that always came with a sense of dread weighing down my stomach.

Twice before I’d smelt it, could taste it at the back of my throat like days old meat that got caught in teeth.

Death.

A whimper slid from my lips, and that immediately caught everyone’s attention. Ears pinned back and tail tucked in, I appeared even smaller when the group surrounded me, nipping and jostling with questioning whines as I fought with the instinct to fight or flee. It was Farrin who caught the scent next, his big head whipping around, and his bristling hackles set the others on edge too. Braver than I, he made to follow it. Astrid and the other male did too. I wouldn’t be left behind.

Deeper into the trees we crept, ears perked and alert while low warning growls rumbled from Farrin’s chest. It was the other, smaller male, who spotted the source of the smell first. Farrin leapt forward as if to block the way, his stance wide and threatening with barks that urged me to turn back. But I’d already seen what he tried to hide.

Curled up on himself, the still male was as pale as the snow that made up his deathbed. Splattered red blood looked almost black in the darkness and the copper tang lingered on my tongue. It was his face though. A face I couldn’t place at first but when it came to me, a mournful howl rang out to alert everyone to what we’d found. Not that it mattered, the creature responsible would be long gone and probably quickened its steps knowing the wolves would soon be on his trail.

I was vaguely aware of Farrin’s companion moving like quicksilver back the way we’d come as Astrid nuzzled into my neck. Her comfort went mostly unnoticed too. Again she and Farrin tried to guide me away but I my claws were rooted into the churned up mud beneath me. Slow steps took me closer, closer than I should have with the new knowledge that a drop of Blood Drinkers’ own blood was deadly. Morbid curiosity got the better of any fear I felt.

Shuddering breaths rattled my chest and when I was but a length away, fur gave way to skin so I could let tears spill. I leaned over to cup the male’s face, brushing twigs and leaves from the dark locs splayed around him. Milky eyes stared blankly ahead and warm brown skin had lost its colour. He’d been dead a while, but I could have sworn it was him I’d heard crying out in pain. Even though I’d spoken to him for only a matter of minutes, my heart ached. He was young. Far too young. I never should have turned my back on him.

I should have convinced him to come with me.

Astrid shoved her cold nose against my hand and I clung onto the thick fur of her neck gratefully. Farrin changed to skin too, kneeling opposite me to examine the body. I wanted to snap at him as he touched him, rolling the young male onto his back. The revealed injury made bile burn up the back of my throat. I would have flung myself away to retch in the snow if cold terror hadn’t frozen me.

The shredded and gaping wound nearly decapitated the pup's head completely, revealing bone and tendon, and leaving us in no doubt that the Blood Drinkers were getting closer.

“Take her back, Astrid, now.”

“I’m not leaving,” I choked, shaking my head vehemently.

Farrin snarled, green eyes flashing as he glared at me. “Magne went back to get Alpha Hati. He won’t be happy to find you here-“

“Even if I go back, he’ll catch my scent the minute he arrives if he doesn’t catch it in the way here.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, unable to look away from the male I should have saved. “We can’t leave you out here alone either, Farrin. I won’t do it.”

Astrid chuffed in agreement and turned to slowly circle the area with her nose to the ground. Running a frustrated hand through his hair, the male looked ready to implode but rose to his feet. “Very well. Do not move from this spot, do not make a sound, do not touch his body again. I don’t smell any bad blood but it only takes a drop.”

Nodding numbly, I sat naked hugging my knees in the grass and dutifully watched over his body while Farrin and Astrid searched the area nearby, always within view. I wished I’d known who the pup had prayed to, then I might have been able to ask them to care for him in the afterlife.

Any relief I’d gained was for nought.

I regretted ever leaving the gates.