The North

Chapter 12

***

I grinned as Father walked up the stairs ahead of me with pups running around our feet. His movements were easy, each step fluid and free from pain.

“You will love it here, Tabhin,” Mother gushed, his hand clasped tightly between her own. “The pack ask about you everyday, and are eager to finally meet you. You will have to come to the kitchens with me one day too and I will show you all I have learned in the art of cooking.”

On and on she told him of all he had to look forward to. Her rabbit stew had been a hit the evening before, and the compliments she gained had her walking with her head held high still.

Father peered over his shoulder at me, and winked. I chuckled, nearly deafened by my siblings attempting to shout over each other to get a chance to share their own news. You’d have thought we hadn’t visited him at all with all the excitement. Maybe we’d all held back telling him things until we were sure he was in the clear. And now he was, released by Eirny only moments ago and already having to throw himself into life again.

I trailed into their bedchamber and hung by the door, watching Father take in the space. Two beds, one bigger than the other, sat at opposite ends of the room. Niamh and Anndra shared but more often than not, like me, they preferred to curl up on the floor together. Whether Father was impressed or not, I couldn’t tell. A crease furrowed his brow as he sniffed the air before turning to me.

“Where do you sleep?”

“Next door,” I replied.

His eyebrow lifted at that, and Mother beamed as she took his arm and led him to sit on the bed. “The Alpha gifted our female her own room, and a position amongst his high ranked.”

“Not his high ranked,” I argued. “Just his council, and I haven’t even been to a meeting yet. I don’t hold any standing.”

And Alpha Hati made sure I knew that. Being followed was a sure way to make sure I didn’t think otherwise. Beta Caldar had grown tired of it and often snarled impatiently until he was relieved of a duty I was certain he thought beneath him. Not that I could blame him. After our near fight in the courtyard, I’d tainted any chance of us becoming friends.

“I am very pleased everyone has settled in so well,” Father said, brushing his knuckles against his mate’s cheek.

I was pleased too. We were lucky.

Allowing Father to get used to the new environment, I sat on the scratchy throw by the fire where Niamh and Anndra sat playing some new game they had learned. Small discs were pushed across a circular board, more often than not flying off all together. For a while, I enjoyed their screeching laughter and bickering that would have turned to physical blows if I hadn’t been there. A real sense of contentment settled over me, broken when I heard my name whispered from my mother’s lips.

Turning my head slightly, I fiddled absentmindedly with one of the discs so it appeared I was still invested in the game. She knew something was wrong. Could see how tired I was from being woken by the faces of the dead haunting me every night. The dreams of running in fields had taken a dark turn once Yousuf had joined their ranks. Not that I’d told her the reason I was getting little sleep.

“Tell me what you have been doing with your time, Eabha?” Father spoke up.

He hasn’t been fooled by my pretence at not eavesdropping. Turning slowly, I tried to think of something to say that would ease any concerns he had. But then that ease would only be ruined when he found out about my apparent ability to hear the dead. Mother’s friends would probably tell him themselves, smiling politely at me all the while.

“I watch the pups, and Astrid sends me on simple chores.” Like collecting buckets of water, or firewood, Picking at the hem of my sleeve, I muttered sullenly. “I haven’t found a talent or skill deemed worthy to put to use.”

Eyes as dark as my own narrowed slightly, and I had to avert my gaze. I’d said too much. If I thought my mother was hard to lie to, my father was harder still. For the next few hours I’d have to make sure we weren’t alone together or he’d ask about my words, and I wasn’t sure I had the strength to lie. I ached to tell someone. To confide in how much I hated it here, how lonely I felt, how guilty I felt for feeling that way when this was what was best.

The sound of a clanging bell from downstairs announced food was being served in the hall. That would hopefully provide enough distraction for Father that I could slip out to bed later without notice. As much as I didn’t feel like joining, I pushed myself to my feet and took one of each sibling’s hands so they might not cause an accident in their race to eat.

By the time we reached the lower levels, the corridors were already empty and the drone of conversation came from the swung open doors of the hall. I tightened my grip on my siblings, guiding them to sit at the empty end of a table close to the doors. Oighrig was there already, surrounded by faces I recognised as friends of the family, and they greeted us all as we arrived.

Once Niamh and Anndra were sat, I rounded the table to help Father too.

“I’m not broken, Eabha,” he grumbled, batting my hands away.

I didn’t take it personally. With watching eyes, he wouldn’t want to appear incapable. He sat down slowly at Mother’s side without so much as flinching, and only then did some of the tension leave my shoulders. Food and hearty conversation was shared as Father was introduced to everyone. It was nice to see him smile again, to see his eyes glint as a joke was told, and his eagerness to share a tale or two himself.

My mood perked up as Fionnlagh and his usual band of followers joined us too. He shared a smile with me but then his head was turned to talk to the young female across from him. A female who stared into his eyes as he spoke, and held his utmost attention in turn.

I sank back in my seat, my gaze dropping to focus on what I ate. It was a good meal at least. Perfectly cooked venison coated in aromatic herbs, and sweet vegetables that made my mouth water. If the wolf I’d been only a month ago could see me now, she would have turned her nose up.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t sense someone coming up behind me until a tingle prickled up my spine.

Strawberry hair was pulled back in a respectful braid today, and Ingrid's smile seemed genuine as she paused at my shoulder to survey my parents. An older male stood behind her, his hair a shade darker and greying at the temples. Slate grey eyes took me in, a sneer changing his welcoming smile into a look of disapproval for a split second.

Ingrid’s father.

“It is good to finally meet you, Tabhin. I’m so glad to see you looking well, the pack has been worried for you,” Ingrid lamented.

“I appreciate the pack’s good will,” Father replied, but I was happy to see his guarded expression.

Ingrid’s father pushed forward then, bowing his head ever so slightly. “My name is Gerlac, I thought I’d introduce myself before we saw you at the council meeting tomorrow morning.”

Every set of eyes at the table suddenly darted to me, and Ingrid smirked as I stiffened. For what reason, I wasn’t sure. Tired of feeling invisible, I turned to face them. “It is no secret that I was chosen to sit on the council. I’d like to know why I wasn’t told about the meeting.”

“It was my duty to tell the council members, and I assumed as your father is now better-“

“You’d be wrong to assume,” I cut in, shocked at the bite to my tone. Faltering, I cleared my throat. “At least, I have not been told by Alpha Hati that my position has changed, and until he does, this is the way it will be.”

Mother looked aghast, her eyes warning me to stop, apologise, submit. Her anger then turned to her mate as he chuckled heartily.

“My Eabha is strong, and more capable than I at such a task. She has a voice worth listening to when she chooses to use it. All I wish for is to spend time with my family in peace.” Father gave me a quick quirk of lips before turning his gaze back to the two now bristling wolves. “I thank you again for wishing me well.”

Gerlac took his female's arm and urged her towards their own table. “We shall see. Welcome to the pack.”

I remained turned away from the table and seething until I watched them sit, Gerlac taking perch as close to Aloha Hati as he could. Anger simmered in my veins and I wasn’t against rising from the table and marching cater them. Being avoided I could take. Being spoken of behind my back I could stomach also. But being openly disrespected, that I could not. Which surprised me. Only after being forced to be the pack’s anchor did I find I could no longer be content with ducking my head. I was trying to bite back a smile too, for the look on Gerlac’s face had been worth starting a potential challenge.

Father broke first with a snort, and, dismayed, Mother swatted the back of his head. I couldn’t contain my mirth anymore and allowed a real laugh to bubble up alongside the low rumble of my father’s. It bounced around the stone walls, and I knew who’s eyes suddenly found me as my skin burned. I tried not to turn and look, but couldn’t help a quick glance towards the Alpha’s table.

“What will I do with the two of you, so distrustful of strangers!” Mother scolded, glaring at us both. “They were trying to be kind.”

“Forgive me, a mhàthar. I meant no ill will,” I said, shifting to sit properly on the bench.

Father nuzzled his cheek to hers and purred. “Yes, my mate. Forgive us. We will both try harder to be kind, won’t we Eabha?”

I nodded enthusiastically but the look on Mother’s face told us she didn’t quite believe us. I continued to eat with a smile in my face, going so far as to finish everything on my plate for once. Things would be better now that Father was well again, I decided. I often felt lost without Mànas at my side, but it was nice to know there was still someone willing to have my back.

Niamh tugged on my sleeve to get my attention, doelike eyes looking pleadingly up at me. “I’m finished, can Anndra and I go play now?”

“It’s too late. You’ll be off to bed soon.”

“Let them go, Eabha,” Mother argued. “Just don’t go past the gates.”

With a grin, Niamh grabbed Anndra's hand and the pair were off running to find their friends before anyone could change their mind. I stared after them, resisting the urge to gather them up and bundle them in their room where no Blood Drinker could reach them. It was dark outside, and while the courtyard was always watched and well lit, who knew what might happen.

Father caught my gaze again, reading my worries so clearly. He pressed a kiss to mother’s cheek and whispered something in her ear that made her glance at me before nodding. Nerves churned in my stomach as he stood and held out his hand for me, his tone teasing, “Come, an nighean agam. Walk around the hall with me before I can’t get myself up from all the food.”

His comment was met with chuckles, and just like that, father too had found his place. There was no use resisting. I stood and came to his side, sliding my arm around his so he could lean on me without any wolf sniffing weakness. We walked slowly around the perimeter of the hall, squeezing past benches and groups of wolves with no care for the space they took up.

Father watched it all with a smile.

Someone played a whistle closer to the head table where the highranked sat to keep an eye on everything, and the high fluttering tones only warmed the atmosphere all the more.

“I’ve not seen so much food and drink since the last summer hunt we shared with those packs on the islands,” Father said wistfully, patting my hand. “It gives me hope. Why does it not give you the same?”

I sighed and looked over the room too, trying to see it as he did.

“It doesn’t feel right to be living within walls. Most of my food is caught and cooked for me. There’s power and politics at play that I don’t understand, nor even wish to. Even the families who lived like us before seem to find fault in me.”

It was nothing I hadn’t eluded to already in his presence but to say the words properly out loud lifted a great weight from my chest.

We paused by the roaring fire that might drown out our words a little. The heat billowed against my skin and I let myself close my eyes and relax for a moment.

“I understand,” Father finally said. “I feel much the same way. It will take a lot of getting used to and it might take you a while to find your feet. And you will find your feet, eventually, you know this. You’re not naive. I know you also understand the reasons that this is how it must be for now. . . So what is bothering you that you have not already spoken of? Is this about Alpha Hati? You mentioned him before but didn’t finish.”

My gaze flicked over to the head table, finding the male himself easily. Orange eyes were bright and filled with affection as he laughed along with those closest to him. My feelings surrounding him were strong enough that the sight of him rocked me on my feet. Unfortunately, I had yet to figure out exactly what I was feeling. Confused mostly. In one sentence, he could have me regretting any rude action towards him, then with the next, wishing I had done much worse.

“Eabha?” Father cupped my cheek to turn my face towards him and I relished the warmth that spread through me at the show of concern.

“Nobody has hurt me or anything like that,” I trailed off, chewing my cheek. “I’m not sure if I am allowed to be saying this because I’m not sure how much is common knowledge, but I will tell you. . .if you promise not to say anything to Mother.”

His hand fell back to his side but he gave a jerky nod of his head.

The image of milky blue eyes had been seared into my memory, flashing again now as I readied myself. “About a week ago, I went running with a patrol. We stumbled across the body of a young male who’d been killed by a Blood Drinker. I knew him, Father. He told me how to get here and I left him behind. Mànas would never have done such a thing. It was so close to the walls too. So close. What if they only get closer?”

“They won’t. Alpha Hati will make sure of that. We are safe, and what happened to the pup is not your fault. He was free to choose to come with you should he have wanted to.” He tutted gently and brought me against his chest. “Always so hard on yourself since. . .”

He couldn’t finish. Hadn’t spoken my brother’s name once since he’d died. I squeezed my eyes shut to picture his face, that steel glint that had always been in his eyes.

“Your mother told me you weren’t for leaving the castle.” He changed subject swiftly. “The Blood Drinker was nowhere near the pup when you found him? It couldn’t have seen you?”

His question caught me off guard for the way he lowered his voice. Putting it down to fear of what could have happened to me, I quickly shook my head. “No, they said it was long gone. Don’t worry about me, Alpha Hati doesn’t allow me to leave without my own personal warriors since it happened.”

Dark eyes darted to where Alpha Hati sat and his expression became grave. “Who accompanies you?”

“It changes every time. Magne mostly. Farrin started to as well, and Beta Caldar. Why?”

“I’m being a protective old male.” Father waved a hand, dismissing my question. He gave me a meaningful look and tipped my chin up with his thumb. “Try to leave your own paw prints; don’t live your life trying to follow in your brother’s. He was a very different wolf from you, but you have your own strengths. That Gerlac, he will see why you have been chosen instead of I. You’ve made your mother very proud.”

With brimming tears, I accepted his advice, however hard it would be to follow. Turning us back around, he guided us to walk again. “My fierce huntress, you could put the pack’s best to shame. You should show them that too. Bring back a deer to be cooked, and they will forever eat out of your hand.”

I laughed at that, leaning against his side. If I brought back a deer, they would claim I had help, but the idea did sound good. Even if they doubted who had caught it, wolves were always grateful to be fed. Suddenly, Father groaned loudly, gripping his side and staggering against the wall. For a split second, my heart skipped a beat in fear I’d hurt him. Eyes turned our way, and Father put his all into his act with another pained cry while I asked him what was wrong. . .until he’d decided I was sufficiently distracted. He straightened with all the bravado of a young wolf, his laugh loud and hearty.

I swatted at his arm.

“Damn you for scaring me! You could have injured your other side, amadan.”

“I’m sorry for wanting to put a smile on my female's face. You’ve grown far too serious. I wish to see you smile freely again.”

My head shook in disapproval but my lips twitched none the less. I didn’t even care that our laughter had caught the attention of most the hall. For once, it wasn’t with glares or accusations, but smiles and amusement.

Heading back to our table, my mood had brightened considerably and I grinned at my cousin as I retook my seat. Dark eyes roved over my face before he smiled back and left his friends to sit next to me.

“Will you come hunt with us tomorrow, cousin?” he asked as I sat beside him, swinging an arm around my shoulder. Looking over at his friend’s his chest puffed up as he told them, “Eabha must be one of the finest trackers here. She can stand on the peak of a mountain and catch a scent from far below.”

I laughed and leaned into him, avoiding the eyes of his peers. “You exaggerate. I just know where to look.”

One of the males smirked, a heat in his gaze as he watched me. Fionnlagh quickly reached over and swatted his shoulder. “You definitely aren’t worthy, Henn, don’t look at her like that.”

“Much too young for me,” I agreed, eyeing the brazen male with ice blue eyes that appeared almost white.

Henn lifted a hand in surrender. “I wouldn’t think of it. Not when Beta Caldar has been seen sniffing around you.”

That had me laughing so hard tears nearly streamed down my cheeks. I had to grip the table to stop myself from falling off the bench. Fionnlagh stared wide eyed and I couldn’t blame him. Gods when was the last time I laughed so much, when I’d felt genuinely happy?

“Beta Caldar has no interest in me,” I managed to say once I’d calmed down, wiping my eyes. “He’s simply been instructed to keep me company when I leave the castle. Have you not seen the way he glares at me?”

A smaller female across from Fionnlagh shrugged a shoulder and pushed a lock of night dark hair behind her ear. “These pups don’t know anything about how to show they like a female.”

Henn growled and she elbowed his ribs in retaliation. I grinned. This female I liked. And I had the feeling Fionnlagh did too as his cheeks burned a bright red and he scowled at the table. Not that he had anything to worry about, because whenever he wasn’t looking, she was; with shy eyes and smile playing about her lips.

“What’s your name?” I ask her, leaning closer.

“Ulli” she told me, deep sea eyes flicking once more to my cousin before settling on me. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Eabha. Fionnlagh is always singing your praises. If it’s true, he has you to thank for how he’s proven himself to us. He took down Henn in a matter of seconds the day before yesterday.”

She reached out to brush her hand against where mine rested, and I couldn’t have appreciated it more. Fionnlagh too straightened up and smiled, happy I was being accepted by the little pack of his own he now had. Henn was less pleased but perked up as Fionnlagh playfully, but I imagined still painfully, kicked him under the table. I would never understand males.

Shedding my need to keep to myself, my body turned towards the group as I was introduced quickly to everyone else. They were a wild lot, and insults flew as often as compliments. Self-confidence built slowly again, and while I didn’t say much, I was included. For a long time we sat and spoke, long after my siblings had been put to bed and even Oighrig bid goodnight.

We were laughing at a joke when a shadow fell over us, and the presence made even the most rambunctious of the group fall silent.

Beta Caldar was the epitome of irritation as he cast his gaze over suddenly still pups, then glared right at me. Even I stiffened under his gaze, but I held it none the less which made him lift his lip.

“Alpha Hati would like you to remain behind until he can find a moment to speak with you,” he informed me gruffly. “There are traditions that must take place before you can join the meeting tomorrow.”

“A meeting I only found out about tonight,” I remarked, more than annoyed. It was growing late into the evening and bed was the only thing I had on my mind now.

Beta Caldar gave an unsympathetic grunt. “Take that up with Alpha Hati.”

Once more, his eyes trailed over each of us, his tattoos rippling as he flexed his arms. He was a grumpy male, but he’d never been this bad with me, openly displaying his strength and stature. I had to duck my head to hide my smile, because that would give away the male was only playing with the younger ones who nearly shook and whimpered where they sat.

When his gaze caught mine again, I found he too was doing his best not to smirk.

Everyone remained quiet as he left, and Henn snorted only once he was out of earshot. “Maybe we were wrong about him liking you after all.”

“Oh, he likes me well enough I think. Or he would have sent someone else to deliver the Alpha's message.”

“Do you want me to stay until Alpha Hati speaks to you?” Fionnlagh murmured.

I shook my head and bumped into his shoulder. “No. It’s alright. I’ve spoken to him alone enough now.”

Fionnlagh grinned with a glint in his eyes that made me tip my head curiously. His gaze ducked and his cheeks warmed as mine often did when there was something I wished to say but couldn’t.

“Cousin?”

“It’s nothing bad,” he said quickly, leaning in closer and lowering his voice. “There’s been talk about you, you know. They say you’re some sort of Cailleach, and that you’re helping Alpha Hati with something.”

I tried not to laugh but felt my lips pull up at the corners. The rest of the group must have heard because suddenly they were quiet and watching me with bated breath. Not with fear though, much like I’d expected after hearing the more malicious rumours myself. This one was amusing. And perhaps not entirely wrong, for I had been helping Alpha Hati with something, I just wasn’t quite sure what. . .

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m a Bana-bhuidseach.” I smirked and eyed each of the younger wolves in turn. While Fionnlagh tried not to laugh, they stared wide eyed and intrigued. “A Völva who sees the dead.”

Henn looked like he might choke, the others unsure what to make of my claim. Then I met Fionnlagh’s gaze and neither of us could hold it in any longer. We burst out laughing at the audacity, and they realised I was kidding.

Ulli rolled her eyes. “Strange things happen around here; you can’t blame them for falling for it. Seidr lingers in this land if you believe the stories.”

Indignant, Henn scoffed. “You believed she might have been a witch too. Don’t act better than the rest of us.”

“I most certainly did not!”

The pair squabbled like siblings, going back and forth so much, I was sure any moment they would shift to fur and find a winner that way. Tutting gently, I pat my hand against the table for their attention lest I have to intervene in a physical fight.

“I don’t blame you for believing it,” I soothed. “If I was in your position, I would have too. It’s getting late, you should all go to bed once you’ve finished your drinks.”

Having a group of youths pout up at me was an odd sensation, odder still was that all it took was a stern look for them to bow their heads, bare their necks, and decide to obey. Maybe the stories about me had done something for my standing; none of them looked eager to challenge me.

“We aren’t pups,” Fionnlagh muttered, then growled as I pinched his ear.

With the female he liked watching, he could try and puff up as much as he liked, it wouldn’t faze me.

“You always will be to me, little cousin. You’re finished, so off you go. To bed with you.”

He grumbled but stood, and I was sure he didn’t notice that the others rose with him, following his lead. I smiled up at him, and he paused before darting to wrap his arms around me, his cheek pressed so tight to mine my face was smooshed.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

My heart clenched. Had I really been so distant? So withdrawn into myself? Hugging him back, I nuzzled into him and nipped his jaw.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Mother explained you needed time. That you have a lot to heal from.” He pulled back slowly. “I love you. I know you have had to bear things I don’t understand, heavy things, so I never had to, and I’m grateful.”

A lump formed in my throat, my nose tingling as tears welled but I wouldn’t let them fall. I squeezed his arm and cleared my throat. “I love you too. Oidhche mhath, a Fhionnlagh.”

If he hadn’t had Ulli’s attention before, his heartfelt words certainly made her smile that little bit wider.

“Goodnight.”