SWNOVELS : Chapter 17
The pain comes just as expected.
A burning sort of cold courses through my veins as Tristan kisses me, but I push it down. It’s easier to bear now that we’ve decided to give into it, like that part of me that was struggling to hold back whenever I was around him can finally rest.
I curl the fabric of his shirt into a fist and tug, wanting more of him. Tristan happily obliges, pressing his body against mine as his lips leave my own to trail kisses down my jaw and along my neck. The warmth of his breath on my skin sends shivers down my spine, and his fingers move to unbutton my blouse, eager to remove the layers that separate us.
We step away from each other just long enough for me to slide my arms out of the blouse and for him to pull his own shirt off over his head in one swift motion. Everything about him is fluid and graceful, and there’s something predatory in his gaze that makes my heart race, but not with fear.
He takes my arm, and I yelp in surprise as he draws me toward him and he catches me in his embrace. I brace myself with my hands on his hips as he cups the back of my neck and lingers a breath away from me.
His amber eyes shine golden in the flickering candlelight of my room as he turns us around so my back is against the wall beside the window, and I’m perfectly pinned by his body against my own. My senses are a muddled mess, consumed by the sight of him, the smell of him, the taste of him, and the feel of his skin against mine. Beneath it all, my chest tightens as if it were being crushed by an invisible weight, a sharp flash radiating from my heart.
Tristan holds my gaze, his breath ragged as his eyes dart down to my lips before returning to meet my own.
‘Tell me if you want me to stop,’ he commands, and I know he means it. One word from me, and he’ll step away, breaking off all contact between us to spare me the effects of the curse.
‘Don’t you dare,’ I hiss, reaching for him again.
His fingers curl into my hair, pulling on it softly enough that it doesn’t hurt but firmly enough that I have to tilt my head to the side, exposing my neck to him so he can kiss the spots that he somehow knows give me goosebumps.
I melt into his touch with a soft gasp as his tongue slides over my skin, and he kisses his way down my neck to my collarbone, where he stops again to look at my chest.
The mark over my heart is glowing, pulsing with a silver light that burns me from the inside out, but I don’t care. I’m lost to the pleasure and pain of it all, and then he presses his lips against that spot carefully as if he could kiss the mark away.
The way he alternates between tender and passionate is dizzying. He’s gentle and demanding, soft and hard all at once. My toes curl at the sensations flooding me.
I suck in a sharp breath as another wave of pain crashes over me, and I sag against Tristan, but he steadies me.
‘Hey… if it’s too much…’ he starts to say, but I silence him with a kiss, consuming the words before he can even speak them.
I’ve made my choice, and I’ll make it again as many times as it takes.
‘I can handle it,’ I whisper breathlessly against his lips. I want this. I want him, and there’s no way in hell I’m turning back now.
He bends down slowly to wrap his arms around me, and I answer his movement with my own, wrapping my legs around his waist as he lifts me into his arms and carries me toward the bed.
He sets me down gently on the edge and kneels by the foot of the bed, resting his hands atop my knees as he looks up at me.
I reach for him, frustrated by the absence of his body against my own, but he takes my hand and entwines his fingers against mine, resting them by my lap.
‘Let me look at you, little flower,’ he says. The sight of a king on his knees between my legs reminds me of that first day I met him, when he shifted into his wolf form in that little clearing and bowed before me so I could climb onto his back.
His hand slides further up my thigh, and I don’t want him to look at me anymore. I want his touch.
I shuffle further back onto the bed and kick off my trousers, my eyes following every move of his nimble fingers as he unbuckles his belt. Stripped down to our undergarments, I lie back with my pulse racing as he climbs on top of me. Every perfect, muscled inch of him towering over me and surrounding me, and I want all of him.
He kisses me through the shocks of pain radiating from my heart, coaxing tenderness and longing into every part of me that wants to tense up instinctively in reaction to the curse. I force myself to breathe when the magic threatens to crush me and focus on every place on my body where his skin brushes against mine. Heat builds within me, battling the cold chill of the curse that threatens to freeze me from the inside out.
Tristan’s touch is the fire that melts away the ice in my veins. He feels hard against me in the most exquisite way, and I let go of everything except for this moment, giving in to the desire even if it damns me.
‘I love you, Iris. I am your mate, and you are mine,’ he whispers against my cheek as his hand slides in between my legs. ‘You’re mine.’
My eyes flutter closed with a ragged breath. But then, an odd sort of numbness creeps across me, and I feel as though I could scream with frustration as Tristan’s attention reaches the most intimate parts of me. My body is too heavy, my head too light, and I feel as though my heart is pounding with such force it’s going to beat its way right out of my chest.
I tilt my face toward Tristan to search for his kiss, as if his lips could somehow breathe air back into my aching lungs. But I have this strange sense that I’m moving further and further away from my own body, floating away from myself despite my efforts to anchor myself in him.
I cling to him tightly, my nails dragging across his bare back, and I’m vaguely aware of the sound he makes in response, somewhere between a growl and a moan.
I don’t want to go. Not yet.
I’m not ready. I still want more of him. I want to taste every inch of him, I want him to fill me until he’s ingrained in my soul. Just a few more minutes. Give me just one more kiss.
But I can’t feel him anymore.
I open my eyes, blinking a few times as a bright white light blinds me. Everything around me feels fuzzy and far away in a not-quite-real sort of way, like trying to taste something in a dream. I’m not unconscious, but I’m also not exactly awake either.
What happened?
After a few seconds, my vision adjusts to my surroundings. It looks like I’m in the same room, but it’s completely devoid of color. The bed I’m lying on is white, just like the floor, the stone walls, the curtains, the ceiling, and even the window. Everything gives off a faint sort of glow that makes things look intangible somehow. It’s like the room itself, and everything in it isn’t fully solid but rather made of clouds or… moonlight.
Where am I? What is this place?
My thoughts are muddled, and my movements are too slow, like trying to move through water or something even thicker. My body feels distant and tingly, and I can’t remember where I was or what I was doing. I get the sense that I’m slipping away, my consciousness drifting into a place I can neither identify nor understand.
I was doing something. I was with someone. Tristan. My mate. We were in the middle of… of…
I can’t think straight.
Did I pass out? Where did he go? Or where did I go? What’s going on?
I look down, surprised to see the mark on my chest shining the same silvery-white shade as my surroundings. I lift a hand to trace the crescent shape, but then I notice something else, and I press my hand flat against my chest.
The mark is glowing steadily, but below the skin and beneath my bones, there’s… nothing. No pulse. No warmth. No steady rise and fall of my own breathing.
No heartbeat.