The murder card

Dear diary, two weeks passed since I saw the activist group. I was starting to think they wouldn’t show up again. The store has been open for a few months now and so far, they have only come twice, two days in a row. My hopes of realizing my dreams were slowly starting to fade and soon I have accepted the fact that I won’t meet them again. I didn’t lose anything, nor did I gain anything, so I was in the same place as before, just knowing a little bit more, a place I will be in until the day I die. Soon the group completely left my mind and just as it did, I saw them in front of the store again. The blond man I talked to before was there again. As it was expected, because if Mary is correct, he is their leader. I paused and watched them, long enough for him to saw me. When he did he waved at me and I waved back, this time more enthusiastic, I even give him a hint of a smile. He seems very open and eager to share. But at the same time, he knows he can’t just tell everyone everything, it would get him in trouble. So I had to gain his trust. I wasn’t exactly sure how I would do so, but I tried. Without him even asking, I told him that I was recently on EasyTell duty. I wanted to appear open. He asked me how I feel about that. The truth is, that it doesn’t bother me that much. I was afraid that it would, but as I realized, I can handle it. Sure, some stories were disturbing and required a strong stomach, but for some reason I wasn’t repulsed. Maybe something is wrong with me, I don’t know. But that’s beside the point. I knew I couldn’t tell him that. He would have thought of me as heartless and cold, something I have been labeled all my life, despite not being the truth. I had to think what he wanted to hear, which was obvious. He wanted me to say that it was horrible, that I couldn’t bear it, that it broke my heart and that he was right all along. But I couldn’t say that either. It would be to obvious, so I had to find middle ground. I remember how Diane acted, when she was repulsed and I just repeated her behavior. I looked down, as if I was trying to hide my face, but I didn’t say anything. I looked up and then I looked away. “It was… interesting of course.” I say and take a moment to pause. “But I handled it just fine.” I said with a shaky voice, while trying to appear strong, pretending. “Are you sure it was fine?” He asked. “Well, it is certainly something I didn’t want to hear. And now that I had to, I keep having nightmares about it.” I lie, directly to his face. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He said with sincerity.” Well, that’s just the way it is. We can’t do anything about it anyways.” I say to him. That hooked him. By just saying one simple short sentence, I made his whole life purpose meaningless. Like his efforts are in vain and truthfully, I think they are. EasyWay is a strong corporation and they are just a small group of regular people who don’t seem to fit in society. “It doesn’t have to be this way. We can fight it. The more people resist, the stronger are our chances are, to make things right again.” He really though so, he actually thought he could change the world for the better, or rather his better, which is a hard task, for anyone. Most people like the idea of Murder cards and it would be hard to convince them. But the real question is, should he even do so? I tell him, that I think he can’t do it. That was one of the rare things I didn’t have to lie about. “EasyWay is too powerful.” I add and hit a sore spot. He was well aware of that, but he didn’t want to admit it. “Do you really think you can take them on!” I ask, to appear as if I was considering his side of it all. “I don’t know. But I can’t not try. I can’t just let them do this.” He said with great sadness mixed with hope. How, I asked. As soon as I did, he didn’t want to talk anymore. He closed himself and wasn’t willing to share any more information. He was about to leave, so I had to say something to get his attention back. “You can’t do anything unless you have someone on the inside.” I say, trying to keep quiet, as to not appear suspicious. I didn’t have anything to fear, because Mary asked me to get involved with them, but they didn’t know that and they can never know that. I said it quietly because I needed to appear as if I am trying to hide from EasyWay. “Okay. So what are you trying to say?” He bluntly asked me. I needed to show interest, but too much. The last time I spoke to him I ridiculed him and I think it would just be suspicious if all of a sudden I would support him. “What do you think?” I answer. I wasn’t pleased with my answer, it seemed so generic, but at that moment, I didn’t know what else to say. “Do you know something?” He asked. I got his attention back, now I just have to get his trust. I didn’t say anything, so he asked me another question. “Do you have some information we could use against them?” This time, he asked me impatiently, but still curious. “I know a lot of stuff, but I doubt anything would be useful to you.” I say. “How do you know? Anything can be proven useful if used correctly.” He says, trying to convince me to spill something. “Why would I even help you. I don’t even know you.” I say, appearing disinterested and cold. “Because what they are doing is wrong. If you would just think for a second and open up your eyes, you would realize it too. And others as well.” He was sure of himself, but I wasn’t. Despite what he told me, I still didn’t agree with him. “Maybe. But anyways, I have to go now, I wouldn’t want to be late.” I left with a bit of hope, that maybe, just maybe I’ll see things his way, but at the same time knowing that I won’t. Just before I left, I asked him for his name. Ian Fallon he tells me. I say goodbye and I go, to meet up with May. I didn’t have much information for Mary yet, but I was working on it, slowly but still. She was not pleased with that. She wanted to know more by this point and was quiet disappointed that I wasn’t able to give her any more information. But now she at least knows the name of their leader, someone who was presumed dead, according to official records. How they have such well developed technology to manipulate the chips is quite a mystery for now, but if I do my job well, it won’t be for much longer. I thought a lot about what Ian has told me, about his believes. I wondered how he came to such conclusion, what led him to him convictions. Does he have actual prove or is all just a mere speculation? I think it’s the ladder because if he had actual proof, I think he could had showed it to the public. I researched a bit, trying to see if there was anything in the news that was negative about EasyWay. Nothing, not one little article since it opened. That shredded the last though that Ian might be right. Two days later, I saw him in our grocery store. As hard as he tried, he did not blend in. He seemed confused and nervous, desperately trying to hide himself in the crowd. He was seeking clues, but didn’t know where to look, so he just wandered around the store, lost like a child. At one point, I felt bad for him, so I approached him. “Hello, can I maybe help you with something?” I asked him, just like I would do with any other customer. I scared him, but the feeling passed as soon as he noticed it was me who asked the question. “I was just…just… looking for uhm, water.” He anxiously replied. “No you weren’t.” I replied. I wasn’t sure as why he lied. He must have known that I wouldn’t believe him. “Fine. You’re right. To be honest, I was thinking of working here.” When he said that, I wasn’t sure if it was just another lie, or a serious attempt, so I asked. “Are you serious?” I say. “Yes, very serious. Who would I need to talk with in order to do so?” He asked. “You can’t work here; you would be caught instantly. Before you even started working. Even now you don’t blend in” I say. “I know, but what other choice do I have? You are right, we need someone on the inside, to get more information.” Never before have I seen a person so lost in a store that wasn’t a toddler. But not only was he lost, he was very uncomfortable. Again, I felt sorry for him. But I needed him, or rather what was in his head, so I told him the first thing that popped into my mind. “They pay us in store credit.” I said quietly. “One can work so many hours per week, but most of us work well beyond the legal limit. So they can’t legally pay us for those hours, so they just give us store credit. Or a free card.” The information wasn’t much, just something many companies do. But it was big enough to get his attention. He was pleased that I told him and he even gave a smile. Warm and adorable smile. “That’s the kind of information we need.” Before he could continue, I stopped him, as this wasn’t a good place to discuss this. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to meet, he simply asked me where I wanted to meet, as if he just assumed I would tell him more. But that is exactly what I wanted. I needed him to be engaged so that I would get some information too. So I invited him up to my apartment. Even though I don’t know him very well, I feel no danger when I am around him. I can trust him and I hope he thinks he can trust me. We met at 8 p.m. and he was right on time. I made dinner for the both of us. Manly to appear more trustworthy, but it also felt nice to be able to cook for some else again, not just for myself and I. Cooking was always a pleasure for me, and ever since I ended up alone, I don’t do it as much. He seemed famished as he quickly ate his dinner. I think he hasn’t eaten in a while, at least not much. He told his group which is ironically named the RightWay, consisted of about fifty people, not much. It was started by his father, when the Murder card law first took place. When he passed away, due to illness, he took his role as a leader. He kept going on and on about how murder is wrong and should be against the law once again. He again tried to pervasive me that EasyWay is just using us, but didn’t state for what. The more he talked, the more I realized how harmless he is. He is against all forms of violence, and believes anything can be solved with words. He was convicted that our current situation is just a faze and it will end soon, so everyone will someday he will be able to lead a normal life or what normal is by his perceptions. Something old fashioned. He didn’t tell me much more about his group, he only asked me if I wanted to join. I told him I would think about it. The evening went on and I found myself having a good time. I liked talking with him. He is sincere and honest. Very nice and charming. If he wasn’t so rebellious he could have been very successful. He has the kind of face people can trust. I can’t really put my finger on why exactly I feel like this, I just do. When he left, I felt a bit of guilt. He was so honest and sincere and all I did was pretend to be interested in his cause. But still I am sure I did the right thing, despite that tiny shadow of doubt, telling me, I might be the one who is wrong.