The Misbegotten

[He flicks back to the original train of recollection, a smile growing on his face.]

So, I followed Ramona into my parent’s house on the second day Katie was with us. I watched her ass cheeks clench and unclench as she made her way to the TV room. Despite the lovely view, a million things raced through my mind. I was struggling to figure out how I was going to get out the mess I found myself mired. It had happened too fast.

First, was to let Katie know. Through her weird-ass intuition, Ramona had already discerned there was more than basic affection between us. My girlfriend knew it was more than mere moral support. She knew there was a physical component involved.

As with everything else, I guess I would just have to wait. I would see what the outcome of this little “talk” Ramona might unveil. I hoped she wouldn’t go off the deep end as Tirza had.

No, I prayed.

She had talked about respect and promised there wouldn’t be a major blow-up. At least, I had her at her word she’d refrain from taking us down that possible outcome. It was a matter of whether she’d stick to that statement when the truth started flying around.

I wasn’t sure if she’d control herself once the idea of Katie and I fucking seeped into her brain. Ramona could be possessive at times, to the point of extreme. I just couldn’t see her taking this any other way than ballistic.

She and I walked into the TV room to find Katie and Jacob standing in front of the coffee table. They were talking.

Already Katie had her hand on her hip and a tired expression on her face, which told me Jacob, was up to his old tricks. The dickhead had no doubt ignored what I’d told him earlier that morning.

Ramona walked around the other side of the table, nonplussed and sat down on the couch. She snatched up the remote, her face set. She changed the channel from the all-news station to another. This one showed re-runs of that sleazy east coast reality show, the one that had been on air for over ten years. The members of its cast were so worn down from all their heavy partying; they looked more like Keith Richards or Alice cooper. This despite the fact none of them could’ve been older than thirty-two years of age - the females included.

I grimaced at the flat screen. True, I was a fan of reality TV, but jeez, that show was the absolute worst. But knowing Ramona had all the cards this day, I sat down on the couch. My eyes, on automatic, searched out Katie’s. I saw her roll orbs at something Jake had said a few seconds earlier. I hadn’t heard what has passed between them.

He was wearing a typical Jacob ensemble that day. This consisted of beat up jeans with army-fatigue-print on them. Whether they were authentic or not, I couldn’t tell, because they were so faded and torn. He had a sleeveless Addicts t-shirt on, complete with holes and rents. It was as faded as his jeans. On his arms he wore the usual wide, leather wristbands studded with spikes, three-quarters of an inch long. On his feet, he wore his pride and joy, the only things on his person that appeared new and of some value. These were his double soled, 10-hole black and white, Doc Martins. The only thing he kept immaculate at all times.

Because my biological father and his mother were only half-related, we were not full-blooded cousins. Still, he and I shared many physiological similarities. So it was easy to figure out we were kin.

He was about my size in both build and weight. If I were to let my hair grow out as long as his, our hair would have appeared near the same. It was dark brown, wavy, without curls, and somewhere between course and fine. We both shared narrow faces and triangular chins. Plus, for the most part, our facial features resembled one another. Although the end of my nose is more bulbous than his and he had deep, deep-green eyes. I have dark brown.

“So, what are we going to do?” he asked looking around the room. He bounced on his heels as though he was trying to shake a turd slide down his pant leg.

Ramona shrugged, not taking her eyes from the TV.

Katie’s eyes became slits. She hadn’t missed the chill emanating from my girlfriend.

We locked gazes.

I arched an eyebrow and sighed, chancing a quick glance at Ramona that I hoped Katie would catch.

My cousin’s stare intensified for a second. She looked between Ramona and me a few times in rapid succession. She had sensed something was off.

“We could have an orgy!” Jacob smiled, speculative as if the mere mention of a group session made it possibility.

What a tool!

My girlfriend sniggered. “Almost walked into one,” she muttered.

Katie and I glared at her, mortified.

“What?” asked Jacob.

“Nothing, Jake, nothing,” mumbled my girlfriend. Maybe she hadn’t meant to speak as loud as she had.

Yeah, right!

“Uh, ok… so what are we going to do?” He asked again.

Katie snapped her fingers, which got our attention.

I watched as she appeared to consider something involving my other cousin. At once, I knew she was up to something.

“Well?” Jake inquired again, anxious almost excited.

“Hey Eff, you think he knows where to score some of what we were talking about earlier?” Katie was wondering aloud at me, which made my eyebrows rise.

The fucking girl was good!

“Score what?” Jake was glancing back and forth between the two of us.

“You mean the bud?” I clarified with a question of my own.

Katie just nodded, but Ramona was staring daggers at me. Her face was a mask of calm.

I knew it was a bullshit cover. I could see she was raging to intercede, but held her tongue. Maybe she was afraid if she opened it, she wouldn’t be able to close it once she got started.

“Bud? You guys wanna smoke some mota?” said Jacob, his eyes lighting up.

I could read what he was thinking before he though it himself. He was hoping we would all get high and horny. Then he could go at it with Katie. Motherfucker!

“We don’t have to go nowhere, though, guys, ‘cuz I already got a joint right here and that’s all we need to get this party started.” He began gyrating his hips, howling an annoying series of “Oooha, Oooha, Oooha’s”. He thrusted his hips this way and that with his eyes closed. He held the joint before him like an idol of some forgotten deity. Oh, come on!

Katie closed her eyes as if looking at him caused her pain. Ramona’s bland mask melted into exhaustion. Having known Jacob since grammar school, all those years of enduring his antics, had tired her beyond measure.

“Jake!” I bellowed at him.

He didn’t hear me as lost as he was in his own world

“Jake! Jake, dude, will you cut it out. Pay attention!”

He stopped, confusion on his face. “What? I thought we were going to get hiiiigh?”

“Dude, she’s not talking about getting high right now.”

Beside me, the tension making Ramona stiff, drained away. She must’ve worried if we all smoked a joint, it would be me fucking Katie and not Jacob. This was the only thing I could think of that would make her so aggravated.

Jacob frowned, his head twisting to the side, mouthing noiseless “what’s” at me. He stretched out his hands, pleading.

“What she means, douche-wad” I informed him. “She would like to know if you could score us a decent amount of weed we could smoke over time.”

He squinted rat-like, crouching. “Depends on how much money you have. How much you want,” he said it out of the corner of his mouth.

“What could we get for like $250 bucks?” wondered Katie. Both of her hands she had on her hips, sensing Jacob was already going into “dick” mode.

“Depends on the potency of the shit you wanna smoke…” He shrugged his shoulders, knowing we were in his territory now, and he liked it.

“Jake, stop acting an ass,” I interjected, getting tired of his crap. “Could you get us some strong to semi-strong weed that would last us for a while with $250 or not?”

He stood up straight, his eyes still like gashes on his face. He weaved his head right than left, tucking his long hair behind each ear as he considered my question. He sucked in his cheeks, making his lips look almost fish-like.

I glanced at Katie, who shrugged, noncommittal. I eyed Ramona, who didn’t meet my eyes.

She was watching the TV again.

Fine act like a baby, I thought of my girlfriend when Jacob spoke.

“Okay, ‘cuz, I can do that. For you, I can do that, but I’mma have to make some calls and see what I can set up. You know scoring the good stuff is harder to come by these days. The NIA drug is crackdown down hard and shit.” He was all business now, no messing around.

“You think you could get on that, while Eff and I order some food for later?” suggested Katie. She was trying to be as nonchalant as she could. No one said Katie was stupid.

“Gonna need the Mula first, luscious cheeks,” retorted Jacob. He was raising his brow like Groucho Marx¹.

“Not a prob,” I piped in. I was already on my feet. I headed toward the kitchen where Katie had left to $380 my mother had left for us.

When I got back, Katie was sitting on the couch with Ramona. Both of them watched “the party animals from the east coast”. They chuckled as one of the cast fell down drunk at a club. Next, she threw-up on her one thousand dollar Jimmy Choo’s².

Jacob was already on his cell phone, rummaging through his pockets for something to write with. He held a much wrinkled and dirty looking scrap of paper in the other hand. He glanced at me when I handed him the money. He snatched the bills out of my hand. He stuffed them in one of his front pockets, then pulled forth a tiny nub of a pencil. He walked out of the TV room, so he could hear whoever was on the other end of the phone.

I walked over to Katie and handed her the remainder of the money. “You’re the guest, so whenever you are ready, order whatever you want, ok.” I smiled at her.

She returned it, her eyes sparkling for me. “Thanks, Effy,” she muttered. She scooted away from Ramona, making room for me to sit on the couch between the two of them.

The girls, sitting silent to either side of me, seemed focused on the program. It flashed with the strobe lights from one club to another. The aging cast members floundered, and argued. They fought their way through another alcohol-infused Saturday night.

On purpose, I didn’t watch. I despised the show. I couldn’t make myself pat attention. As time went on, the silence stretched. On occasion, Jacobs’s voice broke the quiet, flouting into the room from the hallway beyond.

I could feel this tugging sense of dread that either Ramona or Katie would say just one thing and the whole precarious situation was going to blow up in flames. I could feel Katie’s bare feet against my thigh. Her toes flexed now and again, making it hard for me to concentrate. She was sitting with her legs tucked under her like she was wont to do.

On my other side, I could feel the soft flesh of Ramona’s hip against mine. This was just as distracting for me knowing how many times I had used that particular area for purchase while I entered her from behind. I would center up between her legs, giving her a nice doggy-styled pounding. She had the perfect hips for holding onto in that position, perfect!

Dude, stop!

I sat there with my hands in my lap, covering a twitching cock. It couldn’t make up its mind in what direction it wanted to point. My mind was racing. I kept trying to calculate what would happen should someone say something wrong or get out of line. If that happened, the whole state of things could get out of control.

This was a certainty if word got out that Katie and I had more than a cousin’s love between us. If our parents caught wind of it, we’d both be at the head waters of shit creek in less than a heartbeat. It was true, I wanted to be with her more than anything, even if she was my mother’s sister’s daughter. I didn’t care. That wasn’t the issue.

What bothered me, deep down, was what it would do to my mother. She had always been there for me, had always supported me, in every single one of my childhood endeavors.

I didn’t care about Katie’s parents. Yeah, they were my uncle and aunt by blood. To me, if Katie and I somehow became a couple, it would still pale in comparison to what those two had done in their lifetimes. From that perspective, what did it matter that Katie and I were first cousins and in love. Their cocaine and heroin-induced, fuck-frenzy’s would still be the cherry on top of the cake regardless of what we did.

No, what bothered me, was my mother. She had never been that way. She’d never done reckless things or anything extreme. I’m not saying she was a saint or anything. I know once she got away from my demented biological father, she partied. She had gone out there to “find herself” as she often told us.

But hey, I’m not stupid either. We all know when most people come out of an abusive relationship and go in search of themselves, what “finding myself” implies. Often there is a sexual component to that. So, I know exactly what my mother was saying when she talked about things like that. I know she had a few one night stands. I know there was a time when she dated more than one man at a time.

To tell the truth, everyone should be able to experience what they wish to experience of their own free will. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else, who the fucked cared?

Still, that’s what stuck in my mind that morning, now becoming afternoon. I didn’t want to do something that would hurt my mother.

Looking back though, I don’t think even that would’ve stopped me. As things flushed out and became less murky, I knew myself better than anyone else. I knew my tendencies. Once I wanted something, I went for after it – one hundred percent. I wanted Katie. This told me, even though I had a willing and wild sexual partner with the rockin’ body of a twenty-something, I knew. When push came to shove, I’d most likely be willing to face the consequences with Katie.

When I looked over at her as she watched TV, with Ramona at my side, I couldn’t help but think she was worth it. I knew then, I would risk hurting my mother. I would, and I had a deepening sense of foreboding that Ramona knew this as well. That scared me even more.

I sighed, letting my head rest against the back of the couch, looking up at the ceiling. I stretched my arms above and behind my head. I felt Ramona shift her body away from me. I visualized she was turning to face me. I was wondering if the time for our little discussion had finally come when Jacob came back into the room.

“Alright, fuckoids, my boy from around the way, says he has some good stuff for us –.” Us? “But, he said the shit is a hot commodity and it’s selling fast. So, I’m gonna bone out and go get it before it’s all gone. He lives close by. I won’t be gone for long,” explained Jacob with a satisfied grin on his face.

“Hey Jake,” I started, “Is this guy on the real?”

Jacob waved a hand at me. “Yeah, yeah, ’cuz, I’ve been buying shit off him for years. He’s always been straight up, at least with me. He knows what family I come from.”

“You sure?” I had to double-check, right? I mean, he was a jackass, but he was still family. On the flip side, if the guy knew our family – meaning our family from the other side of the tracks – then Jacob was good. He knew what he was talking about. No one fucked with those guys, not even us and we’re related.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll be back in like a half hour or so,” was his answer. He put his cell back in his pocket and began back-peddling out of the TV room.

“Then, you’re good?”

“Yes, Eff, I’m fucking-a good!” he said with irritation creeping into his voice.

“I’m not talking about you, fuck face. You know how things can get out there sometimes for a guy all alone, out of school when he should be in it. There’s fucking eyes everywhere nowadays. Stupid people are dying to turn someone in for that Muto Bounty. Are you good enough to avoid it all?” I asked. There was genuine concern in my tone. Jacob might be a pain in the ass, but what the fuck, he was still my cousin.

Jacob snorted through his nose. “You know me, cuz, I’m always ready. With my huge dick in my hands who’s gonna fucking try and stop me? I’d just knock ‘em flat by shaking it to the right!” He began to shake his hips to the right with ridiculous gyrations, thrusting, and then swinging. It was all loathsome and redundant at the same time. I’m sure the three of us on the couch had all rolled our eyes in unison.

In typical Jacob fashion, he didn’t notice and kept on and on and on.

“Alright then, beyotch!” I interrupted, loud. “Get the fuck out of here, will ya? You’re grossing us out. I want to be able to eat what we’re ordering when it gets here.”

He stopped with a lopsided grin on his face. “Sounds good,” he said. Then he glanced over at Katie. “You make sure you take care of that nice ass body of yours until I get back!” Then, he was gone.

“What a fucker.” I heard Katie say, voice soft, though she never looked away from the TV.

From my other side, I felt Ramona jiggle with a quiet laugh.

{ ¹Groucho Marx: Born, Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977) was an American comedian and film and television star, widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era. }

{ ²Jimmy Choo: a Malaysian Chinese fashion designer based in London, United Kingdom, known for his handmade women's shoes. }