The Maze Bummer: A Parody of The Maze Runner

As soon as the walls opened up, Minho sprinted through the opening and Thomas followed him. Gosh, we’re running fast, Thomas thought. How am I gonna be able to keep this up all day?

“Let me know if you notice anything out of the ordinary!” shouted Minho from in front of Thomas. Thomas kept looking around as he ran, but it got boring pretty fast. It was basically just walls and ivy everywhere.

Thomas decided to try to pass the time by contacting Teresa. He didn’t know exactly how to contact her telepathically, so he just said words in his head while concentrating really hard.

Hey babe, it’s me, Thomas said in his head. You were lookin’ pretty cute yesterday.

Thomas listened for a reply, but didn’t hear anything. But then a few seconds later Thomas heard a voice in his head.

You were lookin’ pretty cute yourself.

But it wasn’t Teresa. It was the voice of a dude.

Uh, who is this? said Thomas in his head.

It’s Brian. We worked together at the Box Forest. I totally saw you checking me out. And I liked it.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Thomas shouted, smacking himself in the head.

“What’s goin’ on back there?” said Minho, continuing to run. “Pay attention, klunkhead, we’re about to turn.”

Minho turned down a corridor and Thomas followed. Once they were a far enough down the corridor to be completely out of view of the Sausage Fest, Minho fell to his knees and collapsed, breathing heavily.

“Whoa, you okay?” said Thomas, stopping beside him.

“Totally,” said Minho. “Just exhausted. That’s a little farther than I usually run. Normally I make the earlier turn.”

“You’re exhausted?” said Thomas. “But we’ve only been running for ten minutes.”

“Who do you think I am, a professional marathoner?” said Minho.

“So how long will we rest for?” said Thomas.

Minho looked at Thomas like it was the stupidest question ever. “’Til the gates close, klunkbrain! Just remember to look really exhausted when you run back in. Want some pizza?”

Minho pulled out some slices of pizza wrapped in tinfoil from his fanny pack.

“Wait a second,” Thomas said. “Are you telling me the Joggers only jog the Maze for ten minutes a day?”

“Actually, I think the average is more like six minutes,” said Minho. “But who’s counting.”

“Then how do you map out the Maze?” said Thomas.

“We don’t, you piece of klunk,” said Minho. “Why do you think we keep the map room locked up? We don’t want anyone to see that there aren’t actually any maps.”

“Minho, don’t you feel a little bad about this?” said Thomas. “You’re supposed to be helping everyone get out of here.”

“Are you really klunkin’ asking me if I feel bad about not shoveling klunk all day?” said Minho.

Hi Tom, how’s your day going?

It was Teresa. Thomas would’ve preferred to keep talking to Minho instead of talking to her, but unfortunately telepathy didn’t seem to have a “reject call and send directly to voicemail” option.

Everything’s fine, Teresa. What’s up? said Thomas in his head.

I think you might want to get back here, said Teresa.

Because you finally woke up and are dying for a butt massage? said Tom.

No, said Teresa, because I just triggered the ending.