The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart

Desert oak

Meaning: Resurrection

Allocasuarina decaisneana | Central Australia

Kurkara (Pit.) have deeply furrowed, cork-like bark, which is fire-retardant. Slow-growing but fast to develop a taproot that can reach subsurface water at depths over ten metres. Mature trees form a large, bushy canopy. Many found in the central desert are likely to be more than one thousand years old.

By the middle of spring, when the mint bushes had stopped flowering and the seasonal rains came, Alice had learned to read Dylan’s moods the same way she’d learned, years ago, to read the tides. As long as she was mindful, alert and responsive, they were blissfully happy.

After a week of nonstop rain, the dirt roads and walking trails around Kililpitjara turned into a sodden glue of red mud. Notices warning against getting bogged appeared on the boards at headquarters. Alice read them thoroughly, but that didn’t help her when she was out on patrol behind Kututu Puli. She drove straight into a bog. Her tyres were compacted and spinning. She tried to dig a little, or idle out, but nothing worked. Eventually she radioed for help.

Thugger was the first to respond, and pulled her ute free with a winch. Back at headquarters, the rangers were having knock-off drinks and nibblies.

‘Come for a bevvy,’ Thugger said as he got out of his ute, covered in red mud. ‘We’ve bloody earned it.’

‘Pinta-Pinta,’ Ruby called across the car park, waving from under the desert oak where everyone was sitting, with an Esky open and a table of finger food. ‘Don’t be a stranger.’

Alice forced herself to smile at Thugger and wave back at Ruby. Dylan wasn’t there. Maybe he was on his way. If he was on his way, she should stay, otherwise he’d be upset if she went home without him. But if he wasn’t … She shook her head free of noisy thoughts, and went to join the group. She wouldn’t stay for more than an hour.

Ruby handed her a beer. ‘So good to see you, Pinta-Pinta.’

It was wonderful to see Ruby too. Alice couldn’t stop herself from grinning when she glanced down at Ruby’s budgerigar trousers.

‘Yeah, mate, we haven’t seen much of you about. You didn’t make it to the Bush Ball?’ Nicko asked.

Thugger elbowed him in the side. Silence settled over the table. Alice’s cheeks flamed.

‘Aaaaaanyway,’ Thugger said. He raised his beer.

Cheers went around the table as everyone clinked bottles. Alice took a long swig. The beer loosened her shoulders, eased the furrow in her brow. A lightness spread through her chest. The uncomplicated warmth of the group’s company was a balm.

After finishing her third beer, it occurred to Alice to check the time. She gasped when she saw she’d been there for two hours.

Hurriedly, she excused herself from the group and drove straight to Dylan’s. When she got to his gate, it was locked. It was never locked. She called out to him but her voice was swallowed by the wind. Where was Pip? Was she with Dylan, wherever he was?

Alice sped around Parksville and pulled up hard and fast in her own driveway. It had been so long since she’d spent a night there it no longer felt like her home. Behind the gate, Pip turned in excited circles to see her. Dylan must have dropped her there. Alice unlocked the front door and stepped into her house.

Inside, the air was foul. Alice hunted through the house until she discovered a rat in the trap under the stove. She cleaned it up, dry retching. Threw open every window and door, washed out her oil burner, and lit sandalwood and rose geranium oil. Her bookshelves were covered in a fine film of red dust. As she wiped them clean, she ran her fingers along the spines of her neglected books. After rummaging through the pantry, Alice warmed a tin of baked beans, which mostly went to Pip; she couldn’t eat. She called Dylan throughout the night, but he didn’t pick up. Shivering on her back patio under her fairy lights, she looked across the dunes at the silhouette of his house backlit by stars.

The pit in her stomach widened. He was punishing her. For not going home to him. For not checking with him first if it was okay that she stayed for a beer. For not doing the right thing by him. She knew it.

Alice went inside and locked up. She took a quick hot shower, trying to loosen the knots in her shoulders, then got into bed. Pip settled beside her, snoring softly.

Just as she was on the edge of sleep, a noise outside her window jolted Alice awake. A snapping of twigs, breaking underfoot. She sprang from her bed to the window and inched the curtain back, her blood pulsing loudly in her ears. Pip barked. As Alice’s eyes adjusted to the starlight she saw her backyard was full of shadows. But none that she recognised as his.

The next morning, she couldn’t get more than a sip of coffee down. She shook on the drive to work. When she pulled up at headquarters he came to greet her, smiling, and held her face in his hands. She fearfully searched his eyes but they were filled with tenderness. He kissed her, stroked her cheek.

‘I got a terrible migraine, took some painkillers and knocked myself out,’ he said. ‘I should have left a message on your machine, or a note. Sorry, sweetheart. Did you have a nice time with everyone at headquarters though?’

Alice nodded slowly, a flushing fool. What was wrong with her?

It was all in her head.

She was making the man a monster.

The days stretched longer, each twilight richer in gold than the one before. The night Alice stayed for drinks at headquarters wasn’t mentioned again. Neither was the idea of them socialising with anyone else. When it was just the two of them, things were peaceful. And that was okay. Some people just weren’t social. Every morning that she woke wrapped in his arms, it was exactly where she wanted to be. They’d had their ups and downs, but relationships weren’t easy, she reasoned with herself. There had to be bumps every now and then as they figured each other out.

One particularly clear day, Alice was the first home from work. Earlier that morning she and Dylan had decided they’d go for a long walk together, maybe pack a couple of beers and sit on a dune awhile to watch the sun go down. She’d just taken off her work boots and laced up her sneakers when the phone rang.

‘I’m gunna be late, Pinta-Pinta,’ Dylan sighed. ‘A diesel bore is down. I’ll be as quick as I can, but I doubt I’ll make it for our walk today.’

‘No worries, darlin’,’ she said, hoping to hide the disappointment in her voice. She’d been looking forward to the fresh air after being in the office all day. ‘I’ll just hang here with Pip, and get something delish going for dinner.’

But, not long after they’d hung up, Pip started scratching at the screen door. Alice looked at her hopeful furry face. Outside, it was a stunning afternoon. The dunes would be nearly rose-red in the sunset light. Alice bit on the inside of her cheek. She hadn’t taken Pip for a walk alone together since she and Dylan started seeing each other. An image of the desert peas, blood-red at sunset, flashed through her mind’s eye. She’d said she’d wait here for him. But it was such a glorious afternoon. He surely wouldn’t want her sitting inside.

‘C’mon, Pip,’ she cooed. ‘Let’s have ourselves some girl time.’ Pip chased her tail in circles until Alice clipped on her lead and they headed out the door, over the dunes, towards the crater.

Alice came upon treasure after treasure: everlasting daisies in pastel pinks and yellows, trails of grey and white feathers, boughs heavy with blossom buds on the gum trees. She breathed in the warm earth and appreciated the sky, a blend of soldier-crab blue and every shade of purple in a pipi shell. The desert’s an old dream of the sea. Alice smiled at the memory of her first sunrise with Dylan. As she and Pip climbed the crater wall, retracing the path she’d walked so often when she’d first arrived, her chest filled with nostalgia. She’d been so new to the landscape, and so unsure of what she was doing there. But now she had a job she treasured and a man who loved her like she’d never known.

When they reached the top of the crater wall and Alice saw Kututu Kaana, Heart Garden, in achingly beautiful red bloom, she leant her head back and closed her eyes in contentment. She’d finally come home, into a life that was all hers.

Alice came over the rise in the road, mucking about with Pip and pondering ideas for dinner. She came to a halt: Dylan’s work ute was in his driveway. Nerves rippled through her core. She fumbled with the gate. Tried to even her breathing. She didn’t know how long she’d been gone. She hadn’t left him a note. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. She walked up to his front door. Don’t make monsters.

Inside, the house was dark and still.

‘Dylan?’ she called. ‘I’m home.’ She unclipped Pip from her lead, and kicked off her sneakers. ‘Dylan?’

Later, when she tried to remember what happened and how, everything seemed simultaneous: Pip’s agonised cries; Alice’s scream as she turned to see Dylan kicking her dog in the ribs; rings of white rage around his eyes as he lunged for her.

‘Where the fuck have you been?’ He grabbed her. ‘Who were you with? Who? Tell me.’

Black spots formed in her vision. Her throat burned as he shook her hard by the neck. Her spine clicked and popped.

‘Tell me.’

He shoved her so hard her feet left the ground. There was a loud crack as the bedroom door hinges gave way from the force of her impact. Alice fell to the floor.

She lay, heaving raggedly for breath. Her mind bobbed around outside herself, as if she was a spectator, not really there in the scene. She stared at a cluster of dust balls gathered against the skirting board. They fascinated her. They were right underfoot, right in front of her and she’d never seen them before. How had she never seen them before?

A nearby whimpering made Alice look under the bed. Pip’s tail poked out of the shadows.

‘Here, girl,’ Alice croaked. Her throat was raw. Blinding pains shot across her back. She had to cajole Pip a few times before she’d come out. Alice scooped her dog into her arms, scooting back against the wall. Rocking Pip to and fro, Alice stroked her ears and flanks, gently pressing her ribs for any reaction. Though she was shaking, Pip didn’t seem to be in any great pain. As she stroked her, Pip licked Alice’s chin.

She closed her eyes, trying to focus only on breathing. Her skin ached in all the tender places where she felt bruises forming.

Time passed. Around her, the house was quiet. The hum of the fridge. The tick of the roof cooling from the heat of the day.

Out in the lounge room, she heard something. Held her breath to hear better.

It was him, crying.

Alice sighed with relief. Tears meant it was over.

She stood shakily to her feet. Pip scurried back under the bed.

Dylan sat on the sofa, his head in his hands. At the sound of her, he looked up. His face was blanched and tear-stained.

‘Pinta-Pinta,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘I’m–I’m–I’m just so sorry.’ He hung his head. ‘Is Pip okay? I–I–I don’t know what came over me.’ He tried to catch his breath. ‘I was just so worried when I came home and you weren’t here.’

‘I just went for a walk with my dog.’ A memory of Toby came clearly to her; the sound of his body hitting the washing machine.

‘You don’t know,’ he cried out. ‘You don’t get it. There are a dozen blokes here who are better than me. You don’t see how they look at you. But I do. I do, Pinta-Pinta. And what if you’re out walking without me and one of them sees you on the path, and you start talking after work the way we used to do?’ He sniffled. ‘What if that happened?’

Alice’s head spun in confusion. Did he not understand how much she loved him?

‘What if you start talking with one of them and they fall in love with you?’ Dylan went on.

‘It wouldn’t ever matter, Dylan,’ Alice implored him. ‘Can’t you see that? I don’t have any room to feel a thing for anyone else.’

He clawed at his face. ‘I’ve only ever wanted to impress you,’ he cried. ‘And look what loving you does to me. I just don’t want to lose you. I freak out when we’re apart. I just always want to be with you and I lose my shit when I’m not. You’re the love of my life, Alice. The love of,’ his voice cracked, ‘my fucking life.’

Alice began to cry.

‘I would never hit you, you know that, right?’ Tears rolled down his nose. ‘I would never hit you, Pinta-Pinta.’

It was true, she reasoned. He hadn’t hit her. His fear had just got way out of control.

‘I love you,’ she emphasised, her voice wavering.

He pulled her close. ‘I just need you to help me out by not doing things like this afternoon and setting me off like that. Can you do that for me? For us?’

She searched his face, the plea in his eyes. Nodded.

‘It’ll never happen again. Never again.’ He leaned in close. Kissed her shakily. ‘Never, ever again.’

Her lips burned where they met his.

Later that night, after hours of tearful apologies and talking, after checking Pip over again, and sweeping the floor clean of splinters, Alice let Dylan lead her into the bathroom. He turned on the hot water in the bath. Tenderly undressed her. She sat in the warm water as he washed her skin with slow, gentle strokes. Murmured his love and apologies over her body like prayers. After a while he shed his clothes and got in with her. Alice relaxed in his arms, almost renewed, almost able to forget that he had caused the very harm he was trying to heal.

The next morning Dylan left a cup of hot coffee and a scrawled note on her bedside table. He had to start early, didn’t want to wake her, felt horrible after last night, but loved her more deeply than ever.

Alice winced as she sat up. Everything was sore. She hobbled through the house to the toilet to pee, stopped by her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her neck was covered in bruises the shape and size of his fingers and hands. She turned her face away, went to the toilet and got into the shower. She didn’t look in the mirror again.

When she was ready for work, Alice called Pip to put her outside. She didn’t come. Alice kept calling, searching, growing more and more panicked until she found her hiding in the bushes. Alice checked Pip over. There was nothing wrong that she could see. She made sure Pip had food and water before rushing to headquarters so she wouldn’t be late.

‘Bit warm for a scarf, isn’t it?’ Thugger teased as he passed Alice in the tearoom. She forced a smile and readjusted the scarf around her neck.

Once she was at her desk, Alice did a quick Google search, opened her emails and didn’t let herself think twice as she started typing.

Hi Moss,

Sorry I haven’t been in touch sooner. I’ve been living and working as a park ranger at Kililpitjara since I left the Bluff. It’s great here. I’m doing great. Trust you are too.

I’m hoping you can help me: Pip got kicked by a brumby yesterday, and though I’ve checked her over thoroughly and she doesn’t appear to be in any pain, I’m still worried. She seems lethargic and I’m wondering if she’s in shock. Is there anything you’d recommend I give her, like an anti-inflammatory? Would be so grateful for any advice.

Alice read it over once and clicked Send before she lost her nerve.

A few weeks later, Alice and Dylan drove to work separately. Sarah had asked him to check a few fences on his way in.

‘Go ahead, I’ll see you for lunch,’ he said, as they got into their utes.

‘It’s a date.’ She kissed him goodbye.

Alice watched him go. They’d come full circle again; she’d been particularly careful to be mindful of her behaviour, to help him as he’d asked, and they’d been peaceful. Happy.

Moss had replied the same day to her email, mentioning an anti-inflammatory he’d prescribe, insisting Alice bring Pip to Agnes Bluff for a checkup. Alice had deleted his email immediately and searched online for the medication without success. The next day an express post satchel arrived in the mail, full of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories. She’d snuck Pip the medication, and watched with great relief when she returned to her normal, happy self.

Alice was keeping it all together. Her seams of gold were holding.

When she pulled in to headquarters, her workmates were gathered in the car park. The air was charged with adrenalin.

‘What’s going on?’ Alice asked Aiden as she swung out of her work ute.

‘It’s fire time.’ He nodded towards Sarah who’d just come out of her office with a stack of papers in her hands.

‘Wai. Palya, everyone,’ Sarah called out. ‘Palya.’ The group settled. ‘Righto. Let’s get sorted. Today’s weather conditions are perfect for cool burns, so our focus is paddocks around the southern rim. Let’s break into groups – group leaders must be experienced burners – so Nicko, Aiden and Thugger, divide everyone up as evenly as you can. Suited in full fire gear, please. Each group takes one of the water tankers plus whatever other vehicles we have spare. Safety first, guys. Watch your drip torches, don’t get trigger-happy. Pay attention to what the wind is doing. Most importantly, follow your group leader’s instructions. Maps are here, take one. I want a fully charged radio on every person in the field.’ Sarah handed out maps and turned to go back into her office.

As the groups came together, Alice stood on her tiptoes looking for Dylan. It’s fire time. She battled a flurry of childhood memories. People all over the world use fire, her mother said that winter day in her garden. A spell of sorts to transform one thing into another. Alice’s palms were sweaty. She continued to scan the group, looking for his face. He wasn’t there. Dylan wasn’t there.

‘Uh, Sarah?’ Alice called after her.

She turned. ‘Alice?’

‘Sorry. I, um, I’m just wondering if Dylan’s doing fire work today?’ She cringed at how childlike her voice sounded.

‘No, mate,’ Sarah said slowly. ‘I need staff on the ground, and Dylan’s already been out on plenty of burns.’ She searched Alice’s face. ‘I can’t have anyone out there today who doesn’t have their head in the game. I picked you because you’re a hard worker and show a deep interest in skill development. But if you’re distracted …’

‘No,’ Alice interjected. ‘No, no. I’m good. I’m good to go.’

‘You sure?’

‘I’m sure.’

Sarah nodded. ‘Aiden,’ she called across to where Aiden was standing by the uniform shed. ‘Alice is with you today.’

‘Palya,’ Aiden called back.

‘Follow Aiden’s directions.’ Sarah turned to walk away. ‘And enjoy your first burn,’ she called over her shoulder.

Alice hurried to the shed. This was fine. It was going to be fine. Sarah had chosen her to learn and diversify her skills. It was perfectly logical and understandable. Alice wasn’t intentionally excluding Dylan. And he would surely understand that Sarah had given her a job she hadn’t expected, so if she didn’t meet him for lunch, he’d be okay with that.

But on the drive towards the southern paddocks, Alice tried to imagine cracking a beer at the end of the day and telling Dylan about the thrill of being picked for fire work. As the desert landscape rushed by in purple streaks where the parakeelya was in bloom, memories of her father awakened an old and frighteningly familiar sense of fear in Alice’s body.

They parked at the southeastern rim of the crater.

‘We work in a line, together,’ Aiden said to the rangers as they readied their drip torches. ‘Important reminder, whether this is your first or fiftieth burn: do not start fires in front of you. Do not go into the fire. Start fires behind you. Go away from the fire. Palya?’

Alice nodded. Her hands were sweaty inside her fire gloves. She gripped her drip torch tightly, but its weight made her arm shake. The sound of the fuel sloshing about inside made her queasy.

‘Radios?’ Aiden asked. The group checked their radios. ‘Right. Let’s light ’em up.’

One by one the wicks of the drip torches were lit. Alice flinched as hers ignited. It hissed like a living thing. Her hand shook.

‘Make sure your breather valves are open,’ Aiden called. He turned to Alice. ‘Drop the flames to the ground behind you, like this,’ he said, lowering his drip torch to a spinifex tussock, setting it alight and walking away. He burned and walked, burned and walked. ‘Walk away from it.’

The hiss and crackle of the earth catching fire rose around them. She tried to focus on her boot-clad feet as she walked at a slow pace through the red dirt and bushes, lowering her drip torch and dropping flames behind her.

One, two, drop. One, two, drop.

I’m, here, drop. I’m, here, drop.

The memory played out in front of her: the blurred ground beneath her as she and Toby ran from her father’s shed. The hot wind on her face. The lightning cracking the sky into pieces. Her beautiful mother, coming beaten from the sea.

‘Alice.’

She hadn’t realised she’d stopped walking.

‘Keep going,’ Aiden instructed the rest of the group. He called her name again across the paddock, fifty metres away.

‘You’re just going to take a step, towards me, now.’ His face was calm and his voice was steady.

She looked down at her feet. They would not move.

‘Alice, you can do this. Walk to me. Now,’ Aiden said more urgently.

She was shaking; the can of fuel and drip torch wobbled heavily in her hands. Her feet would not budge. Heat from the wall of fire behind her began to radiate through her fire gear.

‘Alice.’ Aiden began to run to her.

She could not move.

He reached her side, bracing her. ‘I’m going to take you by the arm and we’re going to run together, okay?’

Alice nodded. Using his weight Aiden jolted her forward. She ran awkwardly by his side, watching her feet move out of time with his.

When they were safely away from the fire line, Aiden took his pack off and opened it, retrieving a water bottle and some jelly beans.

‘Here,’ he said, handing her both. Watched her carefully as she ate and drank.

‘Thank you,’ she muttered, handing his water bottle back once she’d had enough.

‘Has it passed?’ he asked.

She nodded.

‘Lulu has panic attacks too sometimes. Tries to tell me they’re vertigo.’

Alice glanced away. She didn’t know Lulu suffered from anxiety too.

‘How are you feeling now? Do you need me to radio HQ and ask someone to come and get you?’

‘No,’ Alice answered. ‘No, I’ll be fine.’ She tightened her grasp on the drip torch. ‘I’m fine,’ she said again, willing strength in her voice.

Aiden studied her. ‘Righto,’ he said, nodding as he put his pack on. ‘Let’s work together, though. Follow my lead.’

As she and Aiden walked the paddock, working together to light a methodical line of fire, Alice felt her shoulders relax and her hand steady. With his support and watchful eye, she got the job done.

After an hour, they were collected by the pick-up team on quad bikes and driven ahead, until there was a decent distance between them and the fires. At the top of a dune they stopped to have lunch in the shade of desert oaks. Alice closed her eyes as she took a long drink from her water bottle. Her armpits were damp from the cold sweat of fear.

While the group ate their sandwiches and chatted, Alice sat to the side and kept her back turned to the distant wave of orange flames behind them. When she caught Aiden’s eye, she didn’t suppress her grateful smile.

At the end of the day, back at headquarters, Alice hurried to finish up and get home to Dylan. She was just about to leave when Aiden interrupted.

‘Mate, I’ve been called out to help on sunset patrol, which leaves us short a set of hands to tick off safety checks. It shouldn’t take too long. Would you mind?’

Alice swallowed her rising fear. ‘Sure,’ she said, masking her nervousness.

‘Hey, Pinta-Pinta,’ Ruby called from across the car park. ‘I’ll give you a hand, then you can give me a lift home.’

‘Great,’ Aiden said. ‘More the merrier. Thanks, Alice.’ He turned away but stopped and came back, his arms open wide. ‘You did great today. Well done.’ He gave her a short but warm hug.

‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘I really appreciate that. And all your help today.’

After Aiden left, as Ruby and Alice walked towards the work shed, a revving engine caught Alice’s attention. Her stomach plummeted as she recognised Dylan’s profile in a work ute, speeding away from headquarters.

By the time Alice and Ruby wrapped up, Alice’s gut was twisted in a hard knot of fear.

‘Nyuntu palya, Pinta-Pinta?’ Ruby asked as she climbed up into Alice’s truck. ‘You okay?’

Alice didn’t answer. She couldn’t trust her voice.

‘That fire scared you today,’ Ruby stated. Alice nodded again without replying. ‘Uwa, fire can be scary, yes. But it is also many other things. Like medicine. Fire keeps the land healthy, and so keeps us healthy. Where we have fire, we have home. That’s not so scary, is it?’

‘Medicine?’ Alice asked distractedly.

‘That paddock you burned today,’ Ruby explained, ‘was covered in seedpods that need fire to split open and germinate. Without your fire today, the land gets sick. The land gets sick, our stories get sick, we get sick.’

‘Fire has never been medicine to me,’ Alice said quietly. ‘I thought it might have been once. But I’ve only ever known it to be the end of things.’

In her peripheral vision, Alice saw Ruby studying her. Their hand radios interrupted, crackling to life and calling Ruby’s name. Ruby unclipped hers from her belt, responded, and clipped it back in place.

They drove the rest of the way home in silence.

After Alice dropped Ruby off, she doubled back to the work yard. Dylan’s work ute was parked outside the workshop. Had he seen her hugging Aiden? Would it be a problem? Surely not, she reasoned. They’d not had lunch as planned, nor been in touch through the day, but he’d understand that she’d been out on fire work. And, as Sarah said that morning, Dylan had been on burnings many times. He wouldn’t begrudge her the chance to learn.

As Alice walked in, she flickered with hope that he would not be jealous, of Aiden, or her day. He’d told her she was the love of his life. What kind of disservice was she doing to their relationship if she didn’t trust that and believe in him? She imagined how the scene might unfold: he’d wrap her in a hug and tell her how proud he was of her. Whisk her home, crack a beer, and ask a flurry of questions, wanting to hear all about her day.

He didn’t look up from his emails when she walked in. The screen threw a sickly light on his face.

‘Hey,’ she said, forcing herself to smile.

His jaw was set. He didn’t respond. She waited.

‘Did you hear? I did my first controlled burn today,’ she said. The tightness of her smile hurt her face. He still didn’t look at her. A muscle twitched in his cheek.

‘I heard,’ he said, staring at his computer. ‘No surprise there, though, the darling of the park getting chosen to do fire work.’

Fear cut through her stomach. When he turned to face her, his eyes were dark and sunken, his lips pale.

‘But this is what you do, right? With your big eyes, and your butterflies, and your smile. People can’t get enough of you, can they? And you play them like a fucking song.’

Her feet were root-bound.

‘So, how was fire work, then?’ His lips stretched in a cruel smile. ‘Go on. You want to tell me all about it? Tell me all about it then. Who were you on a quad bike with? Hey?’ He shoved his chair back; she flinched. ‘Who’d you have your legs wrapped around on a quad bike, Alice?’ He slammed his hand on the desk. ‘Because I checked your training sheet and you don’t have your quad bike licence. So, who the fuck were you all cosied up to? And don’t you fucking lie to me.’ Spittle gathered in the corners of his mouth. She couldn’t speak.

‘Tell me who you were with,’ he screamed.

Tears slipped down her cheeks. He moved so fast she didn’t have time to brace herself. He grabbed one of her arms and wrenched it behind her back.

‘Tell me,’ he whispered.

When he threw her into the wall, the force of his strength winded her. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t hear. She willed herself to flee.

‘Yeah, that’s it, run away, you fucking prick-tease. I saw you hugging Aiden. I know what you are. Go on. Run away.’ His voice roared after her. ‘Good fucking riddance.’

Later she would remember her body moving independently of her mind. Twisting out and away from him. Running to her truck. Turning the key in the ignition and simultaneously pressing her foot down on the accelerator. Again, her mind floated somewhere above her, disconnected, watching herself drive. She stopped at Dylan’s gate to gather Pip into her arms, returned to her truck and allowed the headlights to guide her safely home.

When she drove around the bend in the road there was a dusty rental car parked in her driveway. Alice pulled up and walked shakily alongside the car, peering through the windows.

Low voices came from around the back, the rich scent of tobacco smoke. Pip ran ahead through the garage.

Her legs were leaden. She walked slowly out to the patio.

There, in the last of the day’s light, stood Twig and Candy Baby.