The Kings Mate

Nearly three hours later Ryder still hasn’t returned and it’s making me sick. All five of my guards are in the room with me along with Ellie. Ellie seemed equally worried about Maxon who had ran out after Ryder and Alexander but she seemed more concerned with me as she tried to talk me into sitting down instead of pacing back and forth in front of the much locked door at the entrance to our suite.

Eventually she ended up telling me that I was close to giving my guards a heart attack and when I finally stopped to get a look at them I could see what she had meant. My stress was causing them to stress and when I stopped pacing and move back away from the door they visibly relax.

My heart is racing being separated from him. I can feel my eyes watering at the prospect that he could be lying out somewhere in pain and I’m locked in here with no way of helping him. There’s a part of me that knows that if something where to happen to him I would feel it.

When Ellie leads me into the bedroom Reynolds is the only one to follow us. He even stands outside the closed door of the bathroom when Ellie pulls me in there. She forces me into the shower and she tried to joke that I smell like Ryder but it just made me worry more.

Now it’s after midnight and I was alone in the bed with everyone else in the other room. Even though I didn’t let Ryder get close to me in the bed I did allow him to sleep in the bed, the only physical contact we ever had was his hand in mine but even with the little contact I’m missing it.

The pain that I had first felt in my left side half an hour ago acts up again and I groan curving into it. The pain was in the same area that the cut on my stomach is but it’s not the same type of pain that I felt from the earlier injury.

When I first felt the pain Ellie had to catch me from collapsing to the floor and I know they tried to hide it but I could hear my guards whispering about Ryder and our bond together. After that I let her and Reynolds help me into the bed and tried to even out my breathing to reduce the pain. Ellie had stayed with me for a little while but I asked her if I could be alone.

I didn’t realise that I had fallen asleep till I feel a hand lightly pull mine lightly into there’s. My eyes slowly open to see Ryder knelt down near the bed my hand gripped in both of his.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up.” he whispers.

When he moves to lie down in the bed next to me I notice the discoloration of the skin on his mid-section. Pushing my body up he tries to brush the pain off and stop me but my hands still land on his stomach around the area of the wound.

“Ryder,” my voice is quiet but I know he’ll hear it.

“It’s ok Lottie, its healing.” He says taking my hands away from the bleeding wound.

It’s open and looks to be like a big bite mark across his torso but what worries me most is that there’s seems to be a large chunk of his skin pulled out but it’s already healing even through the many layers of skin.

“Just stay close baby and I’ll be alright.”

Sighing I lie back down next him. He freezes unsure of what to do when I place my head on his chest lying as close to him as I can without touching his stomach. Finally his arm comes around my waist to hold him to me.

“I was worried about you.” My hand moves slowly over his shoulder and gently over the vein in his neck.

He’s tense and I can feel the pain he is feeling. What I said before was wrong. I’ll always be worried about him.

“I know, I felt it,” he replies with a wince and I feel a stab at my heart at the action. “This is why I wanted to wait to mark you, to tell you that you were mine. I have to protect my people and the rebels can be dangerous and I don’t want to leave you here waiting for me.”

Shaking my head I bury my face into his neck wrapping my arm around him tighter almost telling him that I’m his and I’m here to stay. Once again he winces in pain at my action and I struggle to control how I feel about it.

“Is this how you felt when I was hurt?” I ask my voice slightly muffled by the warmth of his chest.

“In a way,” he replies his lips moving against the top of my head as he runs a hand soothingly through my hair. “You won’t feel it us strongly as I do without a wolf but you will feel it when I have an injury as large as this. Whereas something small on you can easily bring out my wolf.” It’s only one laugh but I can still tell that it’s strained.

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you look at it sooner than what I did.” My voice is tight but now I know the pain that I put him through when I was hurt.

“Don’t be. If I had gotten there before the guards did then you wouldn’t have even been hurt.” Ryder’s voice is nearly dead and I know he regrets what happened to me. There was no way he could have stopped it.

I press a small kiss to his shoulder in reassurance knowing that no matter what I say to him he’ll continue to tear himself up inside but with the small intimate interaction will divert his attention to something he can control. He’s here with me know and that’s all I’m ever going to need from him to have him here next to me.

The quite sound of his evened out breathing tells me that he’s allowed the pain of his wound to take him into a deep sleep to relieve the pain more than what I am capable of doing. When I was unconscious Ryder hadn’t left my side even when my temperature had dropped he was in the bed alongside me keeping me warm with his own body heat as he helped my body heal and once he claimed me it took a little over twenty four hours for my body to heal except for the faint line that’s still across my stomach. I’m going to be here for him now to help him heal.

Eventually I let myself fall back to sleep my hand gently running over his toned stomach beneath the blanket that I had pulled up over us once he had stopped bleeding and the tea towel that he had walked in holding over it had soaked up the last of the bright red liquid.

Green surrounds me on every side of me even when I look down I see green clinging to every inch on my body from my wrists to my waist before it flows out lightly around my legs. Running my hands over the soft material, I take a slow look around where I am.

I’m in the castle’s gardens I know that because I can see the tall shooting spires of the castle the dark blue tiles contrasting against the light blue of the sky. The colours don’t make sense the bright sky and the way that the sun hit’s the tiles of the castle tells me that it’s a happy day who isn’t happy with sun pelting through the sky to warm there skin.

Something within me tells me though that I can’t be happy. No matter what comes my way nothing will be able to turn the dread I feel into even the slightest sliver of happiness. Something is really wrong and I just can’t figure out what that thing is.

Footsteps crunching against the gravel leave me to turn towards the sound. The sharp tiny jabs against the soles of my feet telling me that I don’t have any shoes on. A little way down the high hedges is an opening that I can’t remember being there before.

It’s a little boy running past his lace up shoes kicking up the pebbles as his short legs carry him as fast as he can. When I go after him I can’t feel the small rocks against my feet as I try to keep up with the little boy trying to figure out why I’m here.

He doesn’t slow down as he runs through the maze of hedges and unlike me he knows where he is going. When I round the corner after losing sight of him from the slightest second I see the boy again. He’s in a fountain splashing around in the water the hems of his denim shorts being soaked. He turns and finally I get a look at his face.

“Ryder?”

He looks to be around five but I still know that it’s him. He looks similar and even now, knowing that this is just a dream I can still feel the mate bond between us. I’m standing right at the edge of the fountain but he hasn’t noticed me.

He looks happy and carefree. He seems happy when he’s around me but I can tell that he’s stressed by everything’s that’s happening with the rebels and his father and even though he’d never blame me I’m another reason behind everything.

I wish he was still like this, innocent. Eventually he let out a random loud laugh and plonked down into the water a large splash following him. Droplets of water move towards me don’t I feel them as they hit me nor do they stain my dress.

“Your highness,” A high pitched voice exclaims.

A tall lean woman who looks to be in her late sixties comes behind another hedge. She’s dressed liked the other maids that I see moving around the castle yet her skirt reaches to the floor her grey hair wrapped in loose braids.

“What are you doing,” she scolds him as she stands next to me at the edge of the fountain holding her hand out to pull him to her. “Out of the fountain now, this is inappropriate.”

In response to his nanny he just laughs again and dives into the shallow water his hair a lighter shade than what it is now plastered to his forehead. His nanny sighs and I let out a small chuckle as he spits out a stream of water looking like he’s trying to be his own fountain.

The woman who also hasn’t noticed me scowls at my young mate and reaches over the edge to take a firm grip on his arm and she pulls him up out of the water much to his protests.

“Your father is looking for you and you’re out here, you are going to be the King of all werewolves one day. You do not need to be playing around.” I’m disgusted by the way that she talks to him.

He’s a child he should be playing, having fun not ruling a country and making battle plans. It makes me sick to see the way that his face drops and he just seems to mindlessly follow after the horrid woman. I had never seen her around the castle and I hope that she is no longer around to put him down the way that she is.

I follow close behind them and when I’m passed off by all the guards I realise that I’m completely invisible to all of them. Eventually she lets go of him almost depositing him in his father’s office, giving him a bow before she leaves. Even though I know I couldn’t be seen by them I still felt nervous to be back in this room and be back in it with Alexander, making it even worse is when I finally get a look at him. I’m shocked by how he looks nearly exactly the same as what Ryder does now.

“Where have you been?” his father asks coldly.

Ryder is stood on the opposite side of his father’s desk his hands clasped in front of him shivering lightly as the water drips from his soaked clothes.

“Outside,” it’s all his says and I feel my face drop at the fear that is laced through his voice.

No child should be afraid of their parents. They’re the ones that are supposed to keep us safe and protect us from everyone that threatens to hurt us both physically and mentally. My trust had already been broken by the people that had tried to fill those voids in my life. I thought that all parents treated there kids properly but I was wrong.

“Outside,” his father repeats finally turning to look at his son. “You have a duty to our kind and our country and you’re playing outside.” Alexander’s hands slam down on the table as he finishes his sentence. I jump but Ryder only flinches lightly.

“I’m sorry,” Ryder says his voice small.

“You’re sorry,” Alexander says as he gets up to walk around in front of his son. He’s nearly double the height of Ryder and he’s using that to intimidate him.

“Yes father,” His jaw tightens as he looks down at his feet not braving the look up at his father.

Alexander exhales as he bends down to meet Ryder’s height. Alexander waits for a few seconds before he raises his hand and brings it down hard against the skin of his cheek.

I don’t know why but I can feel the force of his hit against my own cheek. If I felt it as strongly as I did and the pain had bought me down to my knees I couldn’t even imagine that pain that he might be feeling.

When my eyes land on his, they’re locked with mine but he’s looking straight through me, I can’t see an ounce of the pain I know he’s feeling but his jaw as much tenser than what it was before.

“Get out, go to your room and think about what just happened.” Alexander moves back behind his desk dismissing his son from his presence.

Ryder’s jaw clenches but he nods timidly and walks from the room. He’s five why would anyone do this to him. When I follow him out the door it’s like Deja-vu. We just walked out of Alexander’s office and back into it. This is more present day and the Ryder standing next to me is the one that I know, the one that’s taller and stronger than his father.

The vision doesn’t last long as it blurs to black.

I jolt from the dream that wasn’t even mine. I’m on Ryder’s chest my weight not at all disturbing the unsteady rise and fall of his chest. He’s still asleep and it’s disturbed. Slowly I raise my hand and run it lightly over his cheek. Its eighteen years later so of course there isn’t going to be a mark but it still hurts to know that he had been treated like that.

“Ryder,” I begin softly. “Please wake up baby, come on.” I continue pressing a small kiss to his lips hoping that the shocks that I feel he will feel to.

He groans before he snaps out of his deep sleep, his arm tightening around my waist to pull me into his touch deeper. He growls lightly looking around the room. He pulls back away from me, sliding out beneath me as he sits on the edge of the bed, burying his head in his hands.

“Please, don’t tell me you saw that.” His chest is rising and falling rapidly and I move to rub his back in attempt to calm him down.

Ryder stands up when I don’t answer and I struggle to untangle myself from the sheets to follow him. His stomach has completely healed and when I get close to him he takes a step back.

“I can’t right now Lottie,” he says taking another step away from me.

When he opens the door and walks out I can’t help but follow him. He must have said something to Reynolds because when I walk through the door he raises his arm up to stop me but he doesn’t actually touch me.

“Let him be for a little while.” He says as he gives me a quick look up and down. “Go put some warmer clothes on and then I’ll take you to him.”

For a second I watch where Ryder disappeared to. Slowly I nod and walk back into the room doing as Reynolds said I go to the closest to put something warmer on. Slipping of the shorts I pull on a pair of jeans and my hand runs over a jacket with fur lining the inside of the already thick material. Sliding it on, I instantly feel warmer despite the warmth the room already holds. The coat falls to mid-thigh and despite the black material on the outside being so thick it hangs easily. It fits perfectly.

I had taken my time getting dressed and by the time that I leave again Reynolds is there waiting talking to Charlie. Both of them stop mid conversation when I reappear in the room and Reynolds nods his head as if he is agreeing that I have rugged myself up enough to by warm outside of the suite and the walls of the castle.

When I finally get Ryder within my sights I had pulled the hood of my jacket up over my head and I couldn’t feel my nose and from past experiences I knew that it had turned red. Ryder’s sat over the same edge of the fountain that he saw in his dreams his feet in what must be the freezing cold water.

Reynolds and Charlie stay a couple of meters away and out of sight. When I get closer to him his tense shoulders relax I can hear the sigh he lets out even from the couple of feet away from me. Sitting down next to him I feel the warmth he radiates and sensing that I’m cold he pulls me into him lightly, pressing my cheek into his shoulder.

“How are you not freezing?” I ask nodding down to his feet.

“I’m more worried about your face then the water.” His hand comes up to cup my cheeks and give me the extra warmth.

“Ry,” I begin but he cuts me off with a small shake of his head.

We don’t say anything for a while and Ryder continues to hold me close trying to warm my face up. I just hold him, like the many times that he held me when I would shut down like this. He hadn’t shut himself out at all but I could sense how upset he was over what happened.

“He only ever did it the one time.” His voice is quiet and I barely hear it over the noise of the running fountain but I still hear it. “It’s one of the first memories that I have. You felt the hit didn’t you” His hand comes up over my cheek and I flinch at the painful memory.

Leaning up I press a kiss to his cheek. “It was weird, I could see you standing here, and I could feel you following me. When he hit me I felt your pain but I felt your distress over me more.”

“Does your mum know?”

He shakes his head and pulls me over to sit on his lap burying his head into my neck his lips ghosting over the slight skin discoloration that is his mark. I groan at the feeling, my hands locking into his hair to hold him to me.

“No she doesn’t need to know.” Ryder says and his voice is as tense as what his shoulders were when I first saw him after he stormed out of the room. “You don’t understand Lottie, you don’t have a family.” He groans burying his head further into my neck.

My heart pulls at his words and at that moment I just want to be as far away from him as I possibly can. When I try to get out of his hold he starts apologising and stringing together sentences that don’t make any sense. Bringing my elbow down over the spot where he was hurt only a couple of hours ago I make a quick escape knowing the impact wouldn’t have done much to halter him.

“Lottie,” He calls after me, “Charlotte, stop I didn’t mean it. I was angry.”

“If you don’t want to tell your mum that’s fine,” My voice is quiet as I turn slowly to look at him, tears already threating to spill. “But don’t talk to me like that.” I seethe turning away from him again.

When I pass my guards I can see the regretful looks on their faces and it’s only Charlie that follows me closer than what he was before and I’m glad he is close because when I hear Reynolds and Ryder start to argue loudly behind us. This time Reynolds is telling Ryder to leave me alone other than the opposite way around and Charlie has to lower his hand to the small of my back to force me to keep walking back up to our room.

Slamming the doors to the bedroom I slump against them finally letting the tears fall. Charlie tells me that he’ll be just outside the door if I need him. I don’t need him, I need Ryder and he’s the one that put me in this position.

There’s a small knock at the door and I jump sensing him on the other side. “Lottie, I’m sorry.” He says quietly and I stop my tears hoping that he won’t hear that I’m less than a foot away from him. “I can hear your breathing. I know you’re there, sweetheart.”

“Go away,” I know it’s a juvenile thing to say to him but I can’t handle the caring and truthful sound of his voice.

“I’m not going to leave you baby. Not like this. I’ll be out here with Reynolds and Charlie. Please just know that I’m sorry.” His voice is retreating away from the door.

Letting out a final deep sob, I slowly move away from the door collapsing back on the bed. When I smell his scent saturated in the soft sheets of the bed, I let out another sob.

With the amount of times Ryder has had to hold me to keep me calm through anxiety attacks I never expected for him to turn around and increase the insecurities that I have about my life before I meet him. What makes it worse is that I thought that he was my family now.

For over half an hour I try to sleep not bothering to remove the warmer clothes that I had on since the warmth I usually had received from Ryder was missing along with him. Pushing myself from the soft mattress I slowly make my way over to the door hoping that the heightened senses of the men in the other room won’t be able to hear me.

My hand moves slowly as I gently inch the door open enough to fit through the gap. Ryder is lent against the wall beside the door his legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes look up to meet mine and they watch me closer as I slowly sink down adjacent to him against the other door that leads into the bedroom.

“You’ve been crying,” is the first thing he says, a shy smile pulling at his lips.

“I wonder why,” I joke trying to stop from crying again.

He sighs and runs his fingers lightly over my knuckles before he lightly pulls his hand into mine. “I don’t want to tell my mum because I think she already knows and I don’t want to verify that. She shouldn’t have to know just like you shouldn’t have seen it either.”

He doesn’t meet my eyes after he finishes talking and I have to scoot a little closer into his hold to have him look up at me. All I can see in his eyes is regret both ever having my found out about the small hiccup that he experienced in his childhood and also about the way he had hurt me.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I was wrong. I’m glad that you don’t understand it. You don’t deserve a father like that.”

Watching him closely I lean up and press a small kiss below his ear at the highest point of his jaw. Intertwining my fingers with his I wrap my other arm around his elbow to hold myself to him as I gently drop my head down onto his shoulder.

“Thank you,” He says pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“For what,” My fingers tickle over the skin of his muscled arm.

“For forgiving me,” I laugh lightly looking up at him, “For mostly forgiving me.”

“That’s much better.” He shakes his head and hooks a hand underneath my jaw to pull my face up to his as he presses a slow and sensual kiss to my lips before he pulls back he bops my nose with another kiss.

“Can I come back to bed now?” He doesn’t wait for my answer as I scrunch up my eyebrows in mock thought.

His arms wrap around my legs lifting me from the ground and carrying me back into the bedroom and it’s only then when he has me hoisted up over his shoulders that I notice the guards are no longer in the room with us.

I am grateful that they had given us the privacy that we needed to solve what had happened. Ryder gently drops me down onto the bed. I look up at him my breathing evening out, slowing down as I fall deep into his eyes as they stare into mine. His hands are slow as they move down to undo the buttons of my jacket pulling it off my shoulders and throwing it across the room the thud of it hitting the soft carpet inaudible against my ears.

His hands wrap around my thighs and he pulls me down. His grip stops me from connecting my crotch with his but he still moves my legs to wrap around my waist. With me connected to him he slips an arm around my back to move into the centre of the bed as he comfortably positions himself between my legs.

All this time his eyes haven’t disconnected from mine. When the back of his fingers glide slowly they close involuntarily as I let out a satisfactory sigh. His hovering just above me not touching me but his heat radiates of him as he bends him to rest his weight on it as the other now moves to glide down my side. With his hands touching me I can’t stop mine from moving up his chest, feeling every contour of his muscled chest as I begin at the line of his shorts till I can lock them around his neck.

“You really do have no idea what you do to me.” He says breathlessly as he drops some of his weight down on him so I can feel him completely and his lips finally connecting to mine.

His lips move slowly against mine and I part mine to allow his tongue entrance into my mouth. It moves alongside mine almost attempting to tease a moan at of me. Not just yet has he invoked one from me but my hands have come up to pull at his hair. I didn’t expect him to pull away from me but the gap between us doesn’t last as I follow him reconnecting.

With his tongue making its way through my mouth I don’t notice his hand slowly making its way up my shirt and I don’t notice it till I feel his fingers run over the side of my sports bra.

Quickly jolting back away from him I press my hands back to his chest holding him at a distance away from me. He’s breathing heavily like me as his hands connect back with mine. “Ryder I–I can’t.”

“I just want to kiss and hold you Lottie. I need to kiss and hold you, please let me.” His voice is pained and I feel his hand shaking faintly as it caresses the side of my ribcage.

“Ryder–,” I start bringing my hand to cup his cheek.

There’s some deeper meaning behind his impromptu intimate make out session and it’s worrying me a bit.

“Please baby, I need you.”

My heart pulls for him again and when I pull him back down to kiss him I just hold my lips against his before I pull back and press a small kiss to his nose like he did with me earlier. “I love you.”

He shakes his head again almost unable to believe that I had told him that I love him. His hand squeezes my hip before his lips are back against mine. Ryder’s hand wonders over my stomach and side before they tickle over my spine and the sensation that I feel causes my back to arch up into his chest.

He lets out a small chuckle over my reaction and his hand slowly moves down my spine and when it leaves the sensitive area to hold my thigh around his waist I whimper at the lost touch. My hands which haven’t removed themselves from his hair since his lips begun there assault again, tug at his the dark strands as he moves from my lips and down my neck starting at my jaw.

They weren’t kisses. He was sucking at the skin of my neck and leaving a different kind of mark to the one that says I belong to me just a little further down. I moan as he gets closer to the spot and I feel his lips tug up. With one sharp tug of his hair it disappears, replaced by his tongue licking over my mark.

“Ry–Ryder,” I moan loudly trying to get him away from my neck.

When his lips continue to move down and over my collarbone, over the top of my chest just above my breasts my hands finally slide from his, down his back my nails scratching at the taunt muscles that are holding his weight.

“Babe,” he groans surprisingly feeling the pain of my scratches.

“I–I can’t, s-stop.” My voice is breathless and I can barely get the words out.

With a final exhale Ryder releases his lips from my chest and rolls over onto his back pulling me with him as he somehow manoeuvres us under the sheets. I’m half on his chest now my head resting in his rapidly rising and falling chest.

“Sorry,” His arm has a tight hold around my waist and I don’t think he has any intention of letting go. “You might want to leave your hair out tomorrow.”

I don’t hear his words as my fingers leisurely trace invisible lines across his chest. As much as like the onslaught of his kisses I know he was trying to distract himself from something and the thought reminds me of something he once said to me.

“Ryder,” I start my chin rests on his shoulder as I lock my eyes with his. “You told me not to bottle up everything that happened with my foster father and to talk about it with someone. Do you want to talk about this?”

He drops his head back his free hand coming up to wipe over his face squeezing the bridge of his nose. “You didn’t see everything. I ended back up in my father’s office but it has never happened before. My dad’s always pressured me to be the best King I can be. I’ve never known why but since that hit I’ve been afraid of disappointing him. I’ve never been able to please him though.”

“He thinks that having a human mate makes me weak. To him you are the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. Having a pup is his way of making everything right. The best way to hurt me is to hurt you and that’s what my other dream was about. He had you and he was hurting you. He was hitting you. He had guards there to hold me back as he forced Eleanor and Riley to do what he promised to do.” His hands shake against my hip and all I want to do is cuddle myself tighter into his hold.

Ryder exhales as he continues, “You were screaming for me to help you and I couldn’t do anything. I needed to feel you just then, feel you were safe.”

His head drops back again and I have to pull myself up closer to him to get him to look up at me. “Ryder, I know you won’t let him do that and I believe that you’re a good king.”

He laughs lightly and pulls me tighter into him, his hand caressing my cheek as he continues to keep my eyes attached with his. “Just promise me that you won’t leave mine or your guards’ sight at any time.”

Nodding slowly at him I press a kiss to his a cheek before I bury my face into his neck. It’s about three am in the morning and I finally feel tired resting comfortably in Ryder’s arms. I’m safe in his arms.

“I love you baby, I won’t let him hurt you.” Ryder tells me with a kiss to the top of my head.

“I won’t let him hurt you.” I tell him just before I fall asleep. Well at least I think I told him.