The Kingdom of Secrets and Ruin

Ruairi

I’ve not been able to get the sight of Dalliah out of my mind since this morning. Especially the pained expression on her face when having to explain the cruel joke made by Gretchen and the tear that had escaped her in the process.

It’s hard to look at my court the same, but I should have expected as much when I inherited most of the members from the Leverers. I was foolish to think that whoever they saw fit to distinguish would be worth the honour, and while I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt I should have noticed sooner when I was wrong.

That’s not something I admit lightly, even if it’s to myself. As king it’s my job to be sure of things, to know what I’m doing and lead this kingdom to a better future. How can I do that when I can’t even get the right people at my table, better yet, how could I have let them think that was okay?

If this was my court back on the islands, nobody would have thought of such a thing, never mind spoke it, and as I realise this, all it does is make me more homesick.

Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to stay in Apheya. Like all of the other regions, I could leave someone behind to manage it, maybe even Avery as a way of thanking him. There’s no reason why I cannot rule from home if the people I trust are here in my place, right?

But that’s the thing, I’d be leaving behind the people I trust.

Apheya is close enough to Tedric that he practically lives at this court, ruling Yeolan from a slight distance as and when needed, but that wouldn’t be possible in Writhage, it’s too far. Then there’s Avery, who’s been by my side without fail for the past 15 years, I’m not sure what I’d do without him. He truly is my right hand… and ruling and responsibility aside, they’re my brothers.

No, I can’t leave, that would be the coward’s way out. I need the space and security this castle offers, it just means I’ll need to be choosier with my court and trust less. I don’t know why the concept is so hard for me, after all, I was at war with this place for years.

The kingdom, not the public.

The logical voice in my head shames me and for the thousandth time, I run my fingers through my hair as I try to process all of my thoughts. I need a break.

“A break from what?” Tedric looks up from the book he’s reading, the fire beside us roaring which makes hiding my flush of frustration easier.

“This place. These strangers.” I answer honestly because he’s one of the few people who might actually understand what I mean.

His eyes narrow, as if only just realising how deep this conversation might get off the back of a simple question, and so the book in his hands is slowly closed and placed on the table. A rarity where he is concerned.

“Is this about the lunchen?”

“Yes… Well, I don’t know anymore.” I sigh, not just at my loss for words but the look on his face, he’s expecting me to continue now that he’s committed himself to the conversation but I wasn’t prepared to actually talk about this out loud.

Tedric scratches the stubble on his chin for a second, “Is this about the girl being upset or about the words?” I can tell from his tone that he’s tiptoeing around me, unsure of what my reaction will be depending on the answer.

I don’t blame him, he knows me too well.

“Both… More… I just don’t understand what impression I gave that would make these people think that that was okay. How could that end up being my court after everything I’ve fought for?”

I bare my soul to him, more so than I expected to and yet he shocks me by rolling his eyes, not a great strategy if he wants to continue the tiptoeing if you ask me.

“You can’t blame this on the court Rhu, the blonde was jealous… it was bound to happen. Hell, all anyone can talk of half the time is that maid.” His voice trails off into a laugh and I try to ignore his point.

The idea of others discussing Dalliah frustrates me far more than it should and I don’t have the energy to dive into that side of things.

“This never would have happened in Writhage.” I argue, feeling somewhat responsible even if it was out of jealousy that Gretchen spoke up.

But I can’t have been that obvious in my preference for Dalliah, right? If so, you’d think I’d have better results than what I currently get in return, which is the bare minimum displays of respect and blatant disinterest.

“It couldn’t have happened there because we were at war the whole time and before that you were just an heir… not worth the effort mate.” I ignore his smirk while the rest of his logic hits me hard and I find that I can’t dismiss him fully which annoys me.

Maybe my reasons are wrong, but still it’s a lot to process and keep awareness of. This kingdom was never ruled under one person before and I’m tired. I don’t like all the pressure I’m under and if I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, ruling during the war was far easier.

All I had to think about was keeping my men alive and outsmaring our enemeries. A slight over simplification but nothing like what I’m facing just now. I need a break.

“What would you say if I were to head to the coast for a few days… as in tonight? Under the radar.” I start before I can stop myself, “I can head off there now, meet Avery wherever he’s staying, and you can send supplies and my family tomorrow with a bit more notice.”

I feel like a child asking my father to stay up past my bedtime, despite being the king of this whole kingdom asking a friend what I know he’ll already grant. He’ll be missing the sea as much as I am and he gets along with my mother and sister far better than anyone else.

If anything, me sticking around to plan for tomorrow would just have them complain about how last-minute we’re being. I could do without that right now.

The only downside is that Dalliah won’t be able to come with me, not when there are still things to be done here. But maybe that’s a good thing, it’ll give me chance to recover from whatever spell she has me under and clear my mind.

“I’m surprised you asked,” Tedric grins in agreement to the plan, “But next time let’s have Avery stay behind for once… I’m starting to feel left out.”

I slap him on the back, rolling my eyes at the complaint, knowing that he knows as well as I do that I love my brothers equally. Just like they feel the same towards me.

We’ll enjoy ourselves on this trip I think, a chance to try and remember the boys who were made to grow up too soon. I can forget about being a leader for a little while and just be a friend, a brother and a son.