The Indifferent Luna 1 - Austan wolf

I walked out of the hospital room wrapping my hands around my waist as Maria supported me. I was weaker than I had imagined and I looked like a woman who was mourning the death of her mate. Well, I was mourning the loss of my mate.

I walked slowly, lost in my downgrading thoughts when the scent hit my nose. I felt my spirit lift a little and I raised my head slowly to look at him, but he was not alone.

Eric was standing a few feet away from me, his Luna, Layla by his side beaming. The moment she saw me, she wrapped a hand around his waist, and I felt sadness wash over me like water as I came to reality once again.

“Look, she’s awake.” Layla said with excitement, while Eric just stood there staring at me, his face expressionless. Has his face always been this expressionless? I asked myself as I stared back at him, wanting to shout at him. Wanting to ask what I had done wrong, wanting to shout until his ears bled and he asked someone to gag me.

Tears filled my eyes again and I looked away, fighting it. I won’t humiliate myself any longer. I wouldn’t cry in front of a man who had no regard for my tears.

But I thought he did? When his mother made me cry, he became very angry with her. Was he faking it? How does one fake such feelings? Adolphus..... Was Adolphus faking too?

I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to push the thought away, but instead, tears fell. I immediately wiped it, but it seemed to have no manners as it kept on falling.

“Oh, she’s crying,” Layla said with a pitiful voice and I knew she was acting the part to mock me.

“Silveen, you shouldn’t be up yet or out of bed, you need a lot of rest. You are not quite okay yet.”

I looked up to see an elderly man adorn in a white coat talking to me. He must be the doctor in charge of me.

“I am perfectly okay. I just want to go home.” I said, almost surprised that my voice wasn’t breaking.

“Look, you don’t understand, not many can survive what you are going through, you have to ......”

“If you try to keep me here, I will kill myself.” I deadpanned and he looked at me stunted before turning to Eric, who seemed surprised but nodded to him slowly.

Good, let him be surprised. I thought as I started walking again with Maria but Layla immediately rushed to me.

“Come, let me help you get home then, since we live in the same house.”

“Get your hands off me!” I shouted, yanking my hand out of her grip. She immediately fell to the ground and I staggered backwards dizzily before someone caught me.

Just then, I heard onlookers murmur as to how I could treat the nice Luna like that, and I realized that she was putting on the show for them, to win their approval, but I didn’t care, I couldn’t worry about them now, not when sparks of electricity were traveling through my body. I looked up to see that Eric had been the one who caught me. I immediately found my footing and pushed him away slightly.

What was wrong with my body? Why was I still feeling this way? He must have mated with Layla, so why was I still affected by him? Was I still holding on to him, despite the fact that he was with another? I can’t do that. That would be torture.

I looked up into his eyes and could have sworn I saw a hurt expression on his face before it disappeared and, yet again, I must have been imagining it. Maria came to me and held my shoulders as I began to turn away. Layla had helped herself off the floor, pouting.

“You didn’t have to push me, I was just trying to help,” she said loudly for everyone to hear, I didn’t mind her but turned to Eric.

“I won’t be coming back to the house. I will be going back to Lady Freya’s house, where I belong.” I said silently, then turned around and allowed Maria to take me out of there.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

It’s been how long…. two weeks? Since I left the hospital and returned to my tiny room in Lady Freya’s home. I was wasting away. I had refused to see anyone, leave my bed, or take a bath.

I had refused to eat except for the porridge that Maria brought in the morning and forced on me claiming that she wouldn’t let me die on her watch. I had lain there ignoring everyone and everything, crying myself to sleep and ransacking my brain to think of what his reason might be.

Eric must be living happily with his new Luna. They were probably on their honeymoon, seeing he didn’t even come to look for me. It should have been me. I should be the one with him now. I thought as tears filled my eyes.

“You know you’re giving them what they want, right?” I heard Lady Freya say to me from the door. I didn’t hear her come in, but I had been like that for the past two weeks anyway. I never heard anyone come in or go out. It was as if I was in this world but still detached from it.

“You have to stand up and move on with your life.” she said, and I couldn’t help but wonder,

Life as what? Her maid? How can I continue living when I knew my mate was in the arms of another? Did he mate with her? I asked myself as the stabbing pain returned to my heart. I clutched it and buried my face in the pillow that had been my cushion these past weeks, letting out a silent scream in it as tears fell down my eyes.

“Are you okay?” lady Freya asked, her voice closer to me now as her hands fell on my shoulder. I groaned as the spasm of pain faded, then I let out a deep breath. The doctor had told me to not think too much. He had said the pain I felt was not that of a heart attack but a result of my mate’s betrayal and rejection.

He had said it was bearable because I hadn’t shifted yet and that was when my Lady Freya and Maria knew for the first time that I was an unshifted female, but they were glad that I hadn’t shifted yet because, according to the doctor, who didn’t know that my mate was the Alpha but thought it was some random guy. If I had already shifted, the pain would have killed me because my wolf would have transferred a large share of her pain to me and the pain would have been too much for my human body to bear, thus plunging me into a coma resulting from brain damage.

I wasn’t too happy with his news though. I wanted to die, I wanted the pain to kill me, not add to my torture. I wanted Eric to live with the guilt of being the cause of my death for the rest of his life. I wanted to meet the so-called moon goddess and ask for an explanation of this mess she called my life.

I would have been happy if I had never met Eric, if I had never followed Lady Freya to that picnic all those weeks ago. I was happy not knowing, I should have kept on hiding from him till the end. Why did I let my heart deceive me into falling in love? Why didn’t I listen to my logical self? Why?

I felt the pain intensify and this time I pushed my head away from the pillow as I could feel myself suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. I was struggling to get air into my lungs but it just wasn’t coming in. I began to whiz for air, amidst my struggles I heard Lady Freya crying and calling out to me.

“Silveen! What is wrong with you? What’s wrong with you, Silveen? Maria! Maria! Help! Something is happening to Silveen!” I heard her shout as I felt my head become dizzy and my eyes blur as I began to drift into unconsciousness.

“Silveen! Silveen! I will go call the pack doctor.” I heard Maria say from somewhere far away. I didn’t hear when she came in, but I heard her run out as Lady Freya wept uncontrollably hugging my limp body.

Where was the man who swore to protect me? Who said protecting me was his job? Where was he when I needed him?