The Heart of the Ocean

“I hear your voice in silences.”

-Anonymous

He didn’t know what was happening to him. He could not understand why he felt so angry all the time. At first, things were not so complicated. He had some outbursts of anger, but they were caused by specific events. They were justified reactions -someone was to blame for his behavior, someone had provoked him. But now...now, things were getting out of hand.

He did not know how he got to the pond in the first place. His mind was clouded -the images and faces swirled in a mixture of colors until nothing made sense anymore. He did not remember when he left Atlantis. He did not remember how long he swam to get here or what path he had followed. He did not remember when his features changed form, letting his real nature come to the surface.

All he could understand was that he was no longer himself. He was breathing heavily, hidden in the shadows of the familiar underwater caves as he tried to stop the panic boiling within him. His hands gripped his hair tightly only for scarlet rivers to appear as his talons pierced his skin. A strange sound escaped him at the burning pain -a mix between a sob and a snarl.

He was constantly irritated nowadays. He had tried so hard to hide it, but he had failed miserably. He had thought that perhaps if he concentrated on work, he would have no time for strong feelings and miserable thoughts. That he would be so tired and exhausted that his own problems would disappear. He was so damn wrong –his exhaustion only led to sleepless nights or impossible dreams.

As time went on, he could not bear to be surrounded by many people. They were all so happy, talking about their families, their children, their loved ones...about things he could not have. Therefore, Amias was his only companion -the only person upon whom he could rely. His brother was always there for him –having his back no matter what. Until the day, he had found his soulmate.

By all means, Evander was glad his older brother had finally found the missing piece of him. Jedrek was a great person –he made Amias extremely happy and took great care of him. He brought forth a side of Amias he’d never seen before –a gentle one. He couldn’t blame him –mates do that, bring out the best of us. However, the whole situation made him feel more alone than ever. It felt like rubbing salt on an old, bleeding wound.

He could not stay long beside them. He could not bear to see how happy they were together. Not when he didn’t know where his own beloved was. He was so worried for her. Was she alright? Did she take good care of herself? Did she ever think of him? Had she forgotten his existence? So many questions tortured his mind every night, remaining unanswered in his thoughts.

And the moment came that he could not pretend anymore. His facade fell to the floor, shattering into million pieces. His emotions were uncontrollable -the bottle holding them was broken beyond repair. He was not happy -his sanity was barely held by a thread. He had tried to be strong for so long and now, he couldn’t go on like this any longer. He was just so tired of trying. He just wanted to let go.

So, he screamed angry words to the people he loved most. He threw punches before realizing his hands were moving. He let the world know how he felt –the unfairness, the pain, the fury. And then, he left quickly, unable to hear any more meaningless words. His instincts brought him to the place he cherished most, where he could hide his tears and embarrassment from prying eyes. He stayed there for hours and hours –thinking, crying, snarling, trying to regain back control.

That’s how Amias found him. His back was resting against the sharp rocks of the caves –his green tail curled around him. His head was laid back, his eyes closed as silent tears escaped them, and became one with the ocean. He was breathing heavily, his body trembling in anguish. His palm was holding tightly into a necklace –the blue shell seemed like a lifeline in his trembling hold. When his gaze finally met his brother’s it continued flickering between colors.

Agonizing purple to a vibrant red.

Amias swam slowly towards his form as if he was approaching a scared child. He could feel tears stinging his eyes, but he did not allow them to fall. He had to be strong for Evander. He had to support him through this time of need. That’s what they always did –they had each other’s back.

“Don’t.”

The cracked whisper echoed through the darkness. Amias’ heart almost stopped at the pain that filled the single word. His hands balled into tight fists.

“I don’t want to hurt you”, Evander shook his head.

The merman didn’t stop his approach.

“I don’t care”, was all he said.

When at last he came close to him, he knelt before him. His golden gaze took in every detail of his heaving form. He couldn’t control his body anymore –his talons and teeth were out, even though he wasn’t feeling threatened by him. Amias let his palms take hold of his brother’s face –his tearful eyes were still changing colors. When a forceful sob escaped him, he let his forehead meet his.

“Why?“, he asked in a trembling voice, “Why didn’t you tell me anything? Why didn’t you come to me?”

Evander shook his head in denial.

“There was nothing you could do about it.”

“We would have figured something out!“, Amias insisted.

“We both know that once it starts, there’s no turning back”, Evander mumbled in a weak tone.

“How long did you know?“, Amias asked frantically, “Has this happened before?”

“Have I attacked somebody else? No, it was the first time”, Evander gulped loudly, “Was I having other symptoms that I tried to ignore? Yes, for quite some time.”

Amias’ golden eyes widened as the realization settled in.

“Anger issues, social isolation, tiredness...“, he mumbled to himself.

“Sleep disorders, overthinking, attention split...“, Evander continued, “and now...memory loss, blackouts and inability to control my transformation.”

Amias opened his mouth to say something but decided against it.

“You’re hiding something from me”, Evander smiled sadly, “Is it my eyes? They are burning for some reason.”

“They...are flickering colors”, Amias confirmed, “They changed completely when we were speaking in Atlantis.”

“Don’t you mean when I attacked you?“, he whispered ashamed.

“Evander”, Amias took a tight hold of his shoulders, “This isn’t your fault.”

“But it is, brother. We have to face the truth”, Evander sighed deeply, “What color did my eyes turn?”

“Evander-”

“Tell me”, his voice trembled, “Please.”

Amias looked at his brother mournfully.

“Red”, he finally whispered, “Your eyes turned red.”

A tense silence filled the caves as the two brothers stared at each other. And then, a burst of laughter filled the darkness that surrounded. A laughter so miserable that it slowly turned into uncontrollable sobs. Amias hugged his brother as tight as he could, not knowing if he’ll ever have the chance again.

“I’m turning into a Tenebris”, Evander finally whispered.

“No”, his brother growled loudly.

“You need to stay away from me”, the merman begged him.

“No”, Amias’ form was trembling, “We are family –we are going to get through this together.”

Evander sobbed harder.

“Amias, please”, purple eyes met golden ones, “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to harm your mate. I don’t want to kill someone when I blackout.”

The older brother shook his head in denial.

“Listen to me. Listen!“, he finally said, “You are the strongest person I’ve ever known. Nothing will happen to you. I won’t let you turn into a fucking rogue! We’re going to fight this together. Do you understand?”

“How?“, Evander asked in a hoarse voice, “This is an instinct, Amias –not something you can control! How are we going to stop an instinct?”

Amias smiled softly.

“Yes, merpeople have very strong instincts”, he agreed, “But there is a specific one that overpowers all.”

The two brothers looked at each other intensely.

“We’re going to find your mate and bring her back home.”

Evander didn’t know what to say at this. He didn’t dare to express his hopes or his feelings. However, Amias could see the immediate change in him. His eyes stopped flickering colors; purple had finally won. Could it happen? Was it possible to see Aide again? Perhaps, things could be fixed. Maybe, their love wasn’t doomed after all.

He didn’t say anything.

His hold on the necklace tightened as he held it closer to his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of chapter 19!!

A/N: I’m so sorry for the late updates! I’m just trying to keep up with everything...

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Until next time!!