The Guardian's Mark

The following morning was the first one in a while I’d had waking up and not recalling a nightmare. Either Lucifer was taking a break to reconvene or had other tricks up his sleeve. Regardless, I was grateful for the break.

I dressed in my usual training outfit and went to visit my brother. After ensuring that he was comfortable and still breathing, I headed for breakfast in the kitchen. Natalia was there when I arrived and I almost walked right back out. Unfortunately she had seen me and of course, as much as I wanted to, it would be childish to run away. I needed to face her.

The woman Gavin truly loved.

“Good morning Ava. How did you sleep?” She was slicing fruit at the island counter, in a gracious way only she could pull off. As usual, she looked enviously beautiful. Her long golden hair was pulled back into a French braid and she wore a pastel blue form fitting dress that accentuated her slim hourglass figure perfectly. I didn’t have to see her feet to know she was wearing heels. She always did.

I walked over to the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice, feeling drab in my all black attire. “Good. Thank you.”

“Gavin tells me Lucifer has been giving you nightmares.”

I quickly subdued the jealousy that threatened to rise and reminded myself that she was only trying to help. “Yes, I didn’t have one last night but they’ve been pretty consistent.”

“I’m sorry you’re going through that. If you like I could teach you a few things in order to better defend your mind. There are different ways to block him out.”

“I’d like that.” I wanted to dislike her but I couldn’t. She was so sweet and generous. I couldn’t even accuse her of being fake because her tone was always so genuine.

“I also wanted to say I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother’s girlfriend. It shouldn’t have happened. Had we been more prepared we could have prevented it.”

“Thank you. It wasn’t your fault and knowing she’s in a better place now is all that matters.” I wanted to ask if I would see her again in angelic form but somehow felt that would be inappropriate.

“She certainly is...”

There was an awkward silence as we moved about the kitchen. I was slicing an orange myself on a cutting board when she spoke.

“Ava, stop me if I’m being too forward but...I feel as if there’s a personal issue between us that I’d like to resolve.”

That uncomfortable feeling when an awkward situation arises, formerly swept under the rug, came crawling up. I had a feeling she suspected my forced distance from her but I didn’t know if she was aware of the reason. I turned to face her and crossed my arms, an unconscious defensive move.

“Does my friendship with Gavin bother you?”

Friendship? Did she really think I still didn’t know?

I shrugged. “I do like you. And I don’t want to lie and say it’s nothing. It’s just something I have to deal with and get around mentally.”

“So, it does bother you?” She leaned back against the counter. “I assure you we are only old friends. This situation with Amos has just brought us closer.”

And again with the lies. When was it going to end?

“Natalia, I know you two are more than friends. You don’t have to keep it from me anymore.”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “What makes you think that?”

Well, now that we were airing out our dirty laundry I guessed it was alright to admit I’d been snooping. “A few nights ago I heard the two of you talking. I think it was about whether or not to tell me about Amos. But the conversation was very...revealing.”

As I’d been speaking her expression had softened and now settled into a small smile, an almost pitiful one. “Is that what you think we were discussing?”

“You asked him if he cared about your relationship.”

“I was referring to my relationship with Amos.”

Oh...

“I don’t understand.”

There was a combination of amusement and pity in her eyes. “Amos is the one I love, not Gavin. I’m ashamed now to have tried to use my relationship with Amos to guilt Gavin in coming clean to you. I thought it was important you know because anyone we can get on our side gives us a bigger chance of clearing Amos’ name. So no, Gavin and I are not together. We have a platonic friendship, nothing more.”

“I’m sorry.” I paused, feeling extremely foolish. “I should have waited to find out the whole story before making assumptions.”

Her smile was forgiving. “We all make mistakes. I should have told you sooner. I never wanted to compromise the trust between us.”

Nodding, I shifted my weight awkwardly. I was really feeling like a horrible person now. “You haven’t. I don’t even know why it bothered me so much anyway.”

“Because you care about him. I know the signs of love when I see them.”

Love? Well that was quite a leap.

I giggled uncomfortably, brushing off her statement. “I don’t love him. And even if I did, I couldn’t. It’s forbidden.”

“Those laws come from the committee, not our Lord. I do not believe the Lord would shun love of any kind, let alone forbid it.”

“Well...he also has to return to being a guardian once this is all over. And loving me, which I doubt he does, is only a distraction.” Even to my own ears it sounded as if I were fishing for excuses. Why was I so afraid to admit I had real feelings?

“Ava...There is nothing more powerful on this Earth than love. There is also nothing more unbreakable. A person can completely destroy and betray you yet that love will remain. No matter what, you will always protect those you love.”

I thought of Carter in that moment. All he’d done to me. After all we’d done to each other, we still loved and cared for one another. Though I wasn’t in love with him anymore, I would always love him. Now I was in love with Gavin and knew without a doubt I would defend or protect him with every last breath in me.

She was right.

I was in love with Gavin.

“I just...I don’t want to get my hopes up for something that might end.”

“You can’t worry about the what ifs. That does more harm than good. Go for what you want and the Lord will take care of the rest. You just have to leave it in His hands.”

She was undeniably right. I had no excuse or defense for her this time. Only acceptance. “Thank you Natalia...I’m sorry about what’s going on with Amos. I’m sure his name will be cleared soon.”

She nodded although a bit of sadness had crept into her vibrant eyes. “Thank you. I know we will. I talk to the Lord about it every day.”

After finishing breakfast and giving Natalia a well-meaning hug, I headed for the training room where I was to meet Gavin.

He was standing in the library however he hadn’t moved to open the hidden door. Instead he stood from where he had been leaning against the mahogany desk. “Good morning.”

“Morning.”

His training outfit today consisted of a thin black sweatshirt and dark grey sweatpants. I wanted to ask him why he didn’t dress like the rest of the fellows but didn’t want to sound critical.

“How did you sleep?”

I smiled lightly. “I didn’t have any nightmares so I’d say fairly well.”

“Glad to hear it. I figured we’d work on target practice today. Do you have your dagger with you?”

I nodded. “Yes. Should I grab the...gun? I left it in my room.” I still hadn’t managed to touch it, having no positive experiences in the past to motivate me to do so. Both guns and knives killed people but somehow a gun felt so much more...ruthless.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got a few you can practice with.”

I nodded but I was only half listening to what he was saying. My conversation with Natalia had revealed how ridiculous I had been these last few days and now I was studying his body language for any hints about how he felt. He was annoyingly composed though and gave away next to nothing.

How infuriating.

“Rainen might join us later and train you on using a samurai sword. He’s the expert in that area.”

I was slightly excited to hear this after witnessing Amos in action. His precision with the sword had been mesmerizing.

We made our way out to the large backyard where multiple wooden targets had been set up. We began the training with throwing the knife at the targets, varying in distance and angle. Following that we practiced with multiple sorts of guns and moving targets. Gavin didn’t go easy on me but his tone was never harsh and his requests never seemed ridiculous. His warmup certainly wasn’t as intense as Natalia’s. I got the distinct feeling he was going easy on me but didn’t comment on it.

Rainen joined us a few hours before my training was to end and showed me some basic techniques and combinations with a samurai sword. I didn’t want to admit it to them but something about the samurai sword just fit with me. It felt natural in my hands and I picked up the techniques with surprising speed. I actually was enjoying this part of the training the most and of course Rainen was divine eye candy. Most of the fellows were in fact.

And yet my candle for Gavin burned the brightest. I was hyper aware of his presence at all times and found myself actively avoiding his eyes lest he see something I didn’t want him to. Like how hard I was falling for him.

Once the training finished I headed for the edge of the grounds that led into the woods. I could feel Gavin’s eyes on my back as I walked which was exactly why I needed the coverage the trees would provide. I didn’t want any prying eyes.

After walking for about ten minutes I found a creek within a small clearing. The woods were peaceful, only the chirping of birds and crickets disturbing the silence. I found a large rock beside the creek and sat down, touching the stone at my neck. I was reluctant to practice in the mansion because I didn’t know what sort of damage I could do but here in the woods there wasn’t a person around.

Or expensive property.

Closing my eyes, I did a few breathing exercises and attempted to clear my mind of any unnecessary noise. Unclasping the necklace, I held it out in front of me and attempted to pull the energy out of it as I had done before.

It reacted immediately, this time swirling upward into a much larger vortex then spinning into a revolving circle and glowing brighter than it had the previous night. It pulsed and grew as I directed it, spinning intricate patterns.

I glanced at the tree directly ahead of me and directed the energy at it. It rushed forward with supernatural speed, smashing through the wood with ease. I sat wide eyed for a moment before hearing a crack.

The tree was going to fall.

I scrambled to my feet and ran to the side, barely missing the oncoming tree trunk. It hit the ground with a loud thud and sent dirt flying, birds startling and launching out of the trees. The wood was sizzling where it had been severed but the lines were perfect as if cut by a laser.

Woah.

That about described it I figured. The flap of much larger wings rushed to greet me and in a moment Zamira was landing on the other side of the tree. She surveyed my handiwork and raised a brow, the beginning of a smirk making its way onto her face.

“Dang girl. You did damage.”

I smiled, laughing nervously. “Do you think anyone else heard that?”

She nodded, her golden eyes laughing. “I’m pretty sure anyone within a ten mile radius heard that. I’ll tell everyone not to worry. Maybe aim for something smaller next time. Like a bush?”

I nodded, self-consciously putting the necklace back on. “Will do. Sorry.”

She smirked. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve been wondering if you had the power everyone’s been whispering about. Guess I was wrong about you.” She launched herself into the air, giving me no time to respond, and flew back toward the mansion, her red hair brilliant like fire in the sun.

Well, at least I hadn’t put a hole in a wall.

That evening dinner was less tense than I expected it to be. Perhaps it was because the fellows were used to constant turmoil in their immortal lives or perhaps because positivity was the only way to get through it.

Ullrick led the conversation with beautiful tales of the past, all ending in some sort of victory. I was glad I’d decided to sit next to him so I could listen in, the rest of the table lost in their own conversations.

Gavin was seated to my right which made me increasingly anxious. The tension between us was unwavering and I couldn’t tell if I was the only one affected or not.

I excused myself early and practically ran to my room, eager to be alone. I also wanted to practice more with the stone.

Dressing down in a pair of shorts and a tank, I sat cross legged on my bed as I had the night before and began to practice. I was in the middle of holding a ball of energy about two feet in diameter when a knock sounded on the door. The energy rushed back into the crystal, lighting it up before dimming. I stood from the bed and grabbed my white silk robe from the armchair, wrapping it around my body. Shorts seemed a bit inappropriate around fellows.

I opened the door and was surprised to see who was standing there. “Hi?”

Gavin was leaning to the side, one hand on the door frame, his body language tense. He glanced down at my robe before returning his eyes to my face. Something swam in them but it was masked well. “Hi. I’m sorry to bother you.”

There was an uncomfortable pause as he seemed to be searching for the right words. “Do you want to come in?” I noted that the fellow that had been standing guard outside was nowhere to be seen. Maybe Gavin had sent him away?

“Yes, thank you.”

I left the door open and turned to walk back into my room. I crossed my arms, giving myself a mental pep talk on appropriate behavior with a guardian, then turned to face him again.

Gavin had shut the door behind himself and closed the space between us, standing much closer than I expected him to be.

I looked up into his green eyes, surprised. “Is everything okay?”

He was holding my gaze firmly. “Yes, I just needed to see you.”

Well, that was confusing.

“You just saw me...All day in fact.” I smiled sheepishly.

“Not like that.”

My heart skipped a beat, shivers running up my spine. “Like what then?”

“I made a mistake.” He took a small step forward. “I’ve tried but I can’t get you out of my head. During our training today you were just so surprising. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

I wanted to point out that it was only logical seeing as he was supposed to watch me for mistakes but maybe this wasn’t the time to make that sort of statement.

“Being around you I just...feel like my nerves are always on fire. I don’t know how to act around you. I can’t compare it to anything I ever felt as a mortal. It’s almost inexplicable.”

It wasn’t inexplicable because I knew exactly what he meant. It was an insanely intense connection. And I felt it too.

I bit my lip, battling with myself over whether to let him finish or kiss him.

“Ava...I never should have pushed you away. I’m sorry I did that.”

I nodded, backing up a small step and breaking eye contact. For a moment I’d forgotten the reason he’d done it and how much it hurt. Now it all came back to me and the sadness was consuming. “Gavin, I don’t know how to feel. One minute you’re telling me you care and the next it’s the cold shoulder. And what about the rules? You aren’t supposed to have any kind of romantic relationship with me. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

“I don’t care about that anymore.” He advanced on me, reaching up to cup my face, a move that instantly turned my legs to jello. “We’re past the point of following rules.”

I was weak in his presence, all of my defenses out the window. He had a power over me I couldn’t fight. “Gavin-” I protested but my voice sounded weak even to my own ears.

“If you don’t be quiet and let me kiss you.” He closed the last of the space between us and caught my lips with his own, his free hand meeting the other side of my face.

The reaction was instant, a fire surging between us as our lips moved in sync, rough and desperate. Everywhere in my body ignited, reacting to his touch and perhaps something more. I grabbed a handful of his shirt, my other arm snaking up around his neck as our bodies melted into one.

Gavin’s kisses were hard, his body language commanding. It was all incredibly sexy and unexpected. He was a confident person but this was different. He knew what he wanted and he was taking it.

I moaned into his mouth as we devoured each other, walking backward until the back of my knees hit the bed. I quickly untied and shrugged out of my robe, climbing onto the bed.

He was quick to follow, moving his body over mine as I laid down, and capturing my lips again. His hand was gripping my waist, fingers slipping gingerly under my tank before moving down to grab my thigh.

I lifted my leg, allowing his waist to settle between my thighs as the warmth from our bodies crawled through every inch of me.

Gavin reached up and grasped my other hand with his own, pressing it into the pillow as the kisses deepened. I didn’t know what it was but a simple kiss with him was never just that. It was this all-consuming passion that demanded desperation and short circuited any of my more reasonable nerves. I was beginning to feel a warmth from his hand travel into my own and work its way through me. Through my closed eyelids I could see a dim blue light but didn’t dare open them for fear of ruining the moment.

He had moved to my neck, his lips dancing across the sensitive skin and eliciting more moans. My back arched up off the bed, the warmth traveling into my chest.

There was a noise like a spark then and the stone ignited, shocking me. It was such a surprise my eyes flew open and Gavin pulled back.

“Was that your Elioud stone?”

I laughed, looking down at it as the glow dimmed. “Yeah, I think I should probably take it off.”

“Maybe I should also stop doing this...” He moved to nuzzle and kiss my neck, prompting a giggle from me.

“I’d prefer that you didn’t.” I turned to kiss him before sitting up and removing the necklace, placing it on the bedside table, the light immediately going out. I laid back down and turned on my side, looking into his eyes.

Gavin smiled lightly and placed a hand on my hip, propping himself up on his other arm. “You’re trouble you know that?”

I smiled, biting my lip. “Look who’s talking. Being an angel doesn’t automatically make you innocent I’ll have you know.”

His fingers began tracing patterns on my skin. “You’ve got me there.”

I reached up to gingerly run my fingers through his hair, resting my hand at the back of his neck. It was a relief to finally be able to touch him after everything. I almost wanted to hide from the world and lay like this for a few days. Saving the world could wait a little bit, couldn’t it?

He leaned in and caught my lips again, this time softly. He pulled my waist forward, moving slowly as if to savor the moment. Deepening the kiss, his lips and fingers worked to create a magical combination.

Glad to know I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t get enough.

When we pulled apart again I was breathless and tingling.

“These last few days have been absolute torture. I shouldn’t complain though because I did it to myself.”

“I understand why you had to do it.”

His eyes were intense and almost seemed to be changing color, alternating different shades of green. “I know. That doesn’t mean it was fair to you.”

Well it also wasn’t fair of me to hold a grudge over a relationship I’d created in my mind. That was one thing I was going to keep between Natalia and myself though. I couldn’t bare to confess it to him. “Can I ask you something personal? And tell me if I’m being too forward.”

“Of course.”

“How did you...pass. I want to know what your life was like and why you died so young.”

He paused for a moment then rolled over onto his back, pulling me close so my head rested on his chest. “Well, my life was fairly good when I was younger. My parents were great and my older sister was my best friend. We were very close. I joined the military when I was eighteen. I wanted to give back and protect my country. I also knew of all the horror going on in other countries and wanted to make a difference in a positive way.”

There was a moment of silence, a moment I assumed he needed to pull himself together. I reached up for the hand he’d laid on his abdomen and laced my fingers with his, offering unspoken support. He cleared his throat, continuing. “My first tour I didn’t see too much. I spent a lot of time doing surveillance and dealing with the occasional insurgent. I never pulled the trigger on my gun. As ridiculous as it sounds, I went home disappointed. My second tour however I got what I wanted...I killed my first man and it didn’t feel as I thought it would. In eight months’ time, I killed twenty-seven men...I wasn’t the same after that. My parents and sister did what they could to help me adjust when I came home but I was too far gone. My PTSD was so bad I started drinking and using. When I finally finished my years with the military I couldn’t figure out how to function in society. The guilt of what I’d done ate at me every day. I was never able to sustain a relationship and I pushed away everyone I cared about. The accident that took my life happened when I was thirty-two.”

My heart hurt for him but I didn’t speak. I listened, knowing that was all I needed to do in that moment.

“I was on a bender and driving home in the middle of the night in a storm. I was living in Jersey and the road I had to take wound around the side of a hill. My car hydroplaned just as I was passing another car and I ran us both off the road...A man and his daughter. They were both killed instantly. I made it to the hospital before I passed an hour later. My sister was there, She held my hand as it happened.” He paused again and I was pretty sure if I looked up there would be tears in his eyes.

“I became a guardian because I don’t belong here. I’ve killed people but through a loophole I made it to heaven. I don’t deserve a second chance but I was given one and for that I intend to do all I can to give back. Which is why I’m so focused. I made too many mistakes in my time on Earth and I don’t intend to make as many in the afterlife. My job is to protect at any cost. Even if it means denying my own deepest desires.”

I had a feeling I was one of his deepest desires and I almost felt guilty. Things would be so much easier if we didn’t feel this way about each other. But we did and there was no way around it.

“What you did doesn’t mean you’re dark inside. You made a mistake with the intention of doing right. God wouldn’t let someone intentionally evil into Heaven.”

“That doesn’t mean accidents don’t happen. I don’t belong here Ava. The others were valiant on Earth, most passing from disease or accidents out of their control.”

“Your accident was out of your control as well. You can’t blame yourself. You were hurting.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“No, but it does make it forgivable.”

Gavin was silent for a moment, seeming to toss my words around in his head. “I should let you sleep. I’ve already kept you up long enough.”

No! Don’t shut me out when you’re finally opening up.

“Stay a little longer?” I moved up to nuzzle his neck.

He sighed but was smiling. “Alright, I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

“Deal.”

I did eventually fall asleep but it took a while. My head was swimming with pitiful thoughts over what he’d told me. I didn’t want him to suffer and I certainly didn’t like the idea of him feeling guilty for a mistake he’d made while in a bad place. He was a good person, proven even more so by how hard he was trying to make it right.

It was scary how much I was beginning to care for him. His burdens were becoming my burdens. Wasn’t that what love was? Whether or not you were in denial about it? The burning need to keep that person happy, so much so you were willing to take on the world for them? At least that was what I assumed it was. And if my assumptions were right, I was definitely in trouble.