The Grey Ones

THE VASAATH

The general regarded himself as a rational being. In even the most challenging situations, he was known to keep his head cool and remain focused on the task at hand. Now, his task was clearer than it had ever been before, and he could not find any rational reason why it shouldn’t be—he wanted Juniper to be his, in every way possible, even if that meant that the only intimacy he would have with her was sleeping next to her.

Never before had he slept as peacefully as he had that night. Just before he woke up, he dreamt that his lips touched hers. It had been a vivid dream, it had felt so real, and the only comfort he had when waking up was seeing her lying there next to him, in his arms.

She must have turned in her sleep and her small frame was resting against his chest as he woke up, her breath tickling his skin. He hadn’t been able to resist touching her hair, not when it was in such close reach of his fingers. It was like silk, luscious and soft, and he had to fight the urge to grab a fistful of it. When she had stirred, she hadn’t moved away from him, she hadn’t objected to his touch, and when she suggested they stay in bed all day, he was indeed tempted to do so.

It was unlike anything he had ever experienced—not even his vas-maasas could bring him such joy and calmness of mind as she could just lying close to him. Of course, neither did they bring him such torments.

When she joined him by the table, she was smiling. “It sounds like the rest of the camp has already wakened,” she said and gently blew on her tea.

“I suppose they have,” said the Vasaath. “It’s long past sunrise.”

“How long did we sleep,” she asked, suddenly worried.

“Well, we stayed up long past midnight, so it isn’t surprising that—”

“I need to go to the Kamani,” she rambled and hurried to stand. “Forgive me, sir.” She curtsied and hurried out of the tent.

The Vasaath stopped, frozen, and he furrowed his brow as he watched her rush out. He had almost forgotten about the Kamani people. He exhaled deeply when he was all alone, and all his troubles came back to weight him down.

Kasethen entered only a few minutes later, bowed deeply, and joined the Vasaath by the table. “Finally, you’ve risen. I have heard from rasaath, Great Warrior, about the advantage points around the docks.”

The Vasaath placed down his cup. “And?”

“If we expand further east, we’ll cut off any possible flanking possibilities, and they will have to face us head-on.” Kasethen poured himself a cup of tea. “If they come, my lord.”

“They will.”

“If so, I believe it’s time we take control of the harbour. According to the kaseraad, the Duke expects a full shipment of produce from Illyria, and we will drain our food supply if we keep expanding like this.”

The Vasaath looked at his advisor, surprised. “Welcome back, Kasethen. Finally, you advise me to advance.”

Kasethen sighed deeply. “My lord, the longer we stay here, cooped up in this camp, the more restless the men will become. Smaller food rations will make them short-tempered. It doesn’t matter if this is the Saathenaan—sooner or later, they will lash out.”

The Vasaath sighed. “You are right, Kasethen. It is time we expand. How many new disciples?”

“We have about fifty humans ready to receive the enon. I don’t know about the Kamani.”

“Neither do I. I sense indifference in them. I don’t like that.”

“But you have allowed them to stay here,” said Kasethen. “They came to you, did they not?”

The Vasaath sneered. “They came because they were running from something else.”

Kasethen raised his brow. “Weren’t they all?” He sighed. “When we take this city, we will have many converters who are indifferent. More will be unwilling. They will submit because otherwise, they will die.”

“They will be ruled by fear,” said the Vasaath. “At least in the beginning. They will obey. Indifference makes people rebellious, unruly.”

“So why did you let them stay?”

“Because Juniper begged me to. Her disappointment would have been too great had I turned them away.”

Kasethen nodded. “I see. And what will Juniper say when you kill them?”

The Vasaath glared darkly at his advisor. Indeed, he knew there were only two alternatives—submit or die. The girl would hardly look at him the same way again if he killed the people she had sworn to protect.

He huffed. “They will learn, eventually. Juniper herself knows that submitting is their only chance of survival.”

“Are you certain of that, sir?”

He sighed. No, he was not. If anything, he believed the girl held on to futile hope. “She will learn, as well. She’s an intelligent woman, I have confidence in her.”

“Yes,” said Kasethen, “she is intelligent. But that doesn’t mean she will fall in line. There’s a chance it’s quite the opposite, I’m afraid. What will you do if that happens? If she refuses the Kasenon?”

The Vasaath sighed, his jaw squared. “That will not happen.”

“I hope you are right. I quite like her, you know.”

“She and I shared my bed last night,” said the Vasaath. “A bond has been formed.”

Kasethen raised a brow. “Well.” He huffed in surprise. “And was it as you anticipated?”

“We haven’t been intimate,” the Vasaath muttered. “We slept next to each other, nothing else.”

“Ah.” The advisor seemed even more surprised. “I must say, sir, that I am impressed. You have always been a disciplined man, indeed, but you’ve never really been known for your graciousness when being denied something you’ve wanted.”

“She hasn’t denied me,” said the Vasaath matter-of-factly. “And after last night, I’ve grown more confident that she won’t. I firmly believe I am earning her devotion.”

Kasethen, however, looked rather troubled. “My lord,” he said after long consideration, “is it possible that you have grown fond of the girl? That you have, well, strong feelings for her? Do you think it might be possible—” He shifted in his seat and furrowed his brows. “—that you are, well, devoting yourself to her, sir?”

The Vasaath slammed his cup onto the table, flustered. “How dare you?” he growled. “The girl has captured my fancy, yes, but I am merely interested in her satisfying my needs.”

“And what are those needs, exactly?” Kasethen was still calm, unfazed by the Vasaath’s sudden outburst. “Only physical? Or are they emotional?”

The Vasaath was bewildered. Romance was preposterous—a waste of time and energy. How could Kasethen even think such thoughts? And even more so—how could the man gaze straight into his soul? “Watch your tongue very carefully, my friend.”

“I mean you no disrespect, sir. I am merely entertaining the thought that you might be confusing the needs of the flesh with the needs of the heart.”

“And you don’t think I could tell the difference?” He felt his body tense, his chest hot with rage—and fear.

“Could you?” Kasethen challenged.

The Vasaath and Kasethen glared at each other, one furious and the other calm. The Vasaath huffed and relaxed, just a little. “I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

Kasethen sighed deeply. “My lord, we have known one another all our lives. And during all those years, have you ever felt for anyone the way you feel about Juniper? Have you ever cared about anyone the way you care about her?”

The Vasaath had to divert his gaze. He didn’t know. He cared about his sisters and brothers, he cared about Kasethen, he cared about the Great Mother, but it simply wasn’t the same. He remembered the sudden rage surging through him when Lord Christopher spoke to her the way he did, when he raised his hand at her; he remembered the overpowering need to protect her when he saw her bruised face, and the overwhelming need to touch her whenever he was near her.

Kasethen sighed again and lowered his voice to a calm, soothing song. “I know the pain and the fear you carry in your heart, my friend, if it is as I suspect it is. You know I do. I had to let go, but I have never forgotten the feeling.”

The Vasaath tensed and looked at his friend. “I thought you said you never wanted to talk about him again.”

Kasethen smiled. “It was a long time ago. It was a fate I couldn’t change, but it still hurts.”

“He fought valiantly, if that is any comfort.”

“Yes, he would have been a glorious kasaath.” Then he, despite it being a rather unusual expression on his face, clenched his jaw tightly. “But he wasn’t ready, or willing, to receive the Kasenon. I didn’t do enough to convince him. I wasn’t enough to convince him.”

“He was a warrior, Kasethen,” said the Vasaath. “I don’t think you could have done anything to convince him.”

“No, I suppose not,” said Kasethen. “But I was young and afraid. Had it been today, I would have acted very differently. I would never have tried to cage him. I would have released him and told him to run, even if that would be treason.”

“You wouldn’t have done that.”

“Yes, I would.” Kasethen’s eyes turned cold. “I loved him, I still love him, and seeing him die was the hardest thing I have ever done. I would trade anything to see him again.”

The Vasaath furrowed his brows. “Even your life?”

“Especially my life.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kasethen.”

The advisor sighed and leaned over the table. “My lord, answer me this: if Juniper was to deny the Kasenon, would you truly have the strength required to end her life, or would you rather set her free?”

“This thought experiment is fruitless,” muttered the Vasaath. “She will accept.”

“And if she indeed does,” Kasenon continued, “and if she is maasa, you know as well as I that she won’t be vas-maasa. No ohkasenon is. Are you then ready to share her?”

“A person can’t be owned, so a person can’t be shared,” the Vasaath muttered.

“That is true in thought, but is it true in feeling?”

The Vasaath grunted disapprovingly. “She won’t be maasa either way. She will be ohkasethen.”

“She will be out of your reach either way,” said Kasethen. “How does that make you feel?”

“Enough about this, Kasethen,” the Vasaath warned.

“Just because you’re a part of the Triumvirate doesn’t mean—”

“Kasethen.”

“—that you can change the rules simply because—”

“I won’t tell you again.”

“—you wish to have—”

“Enough!” His roar was thunderous. “Why do you persist?”

“You are a novice in matters of the heart, my lord,” Kasethen said, still calm. “You have bent over backwards to accommodate the girl—had your needs only been those of the flesh, you would have had her already.”

“I will not rush her!”

“That girl is already in your complete mercy!” At this point, even Kasethen was getting agitated. “If you didn’t care for her as deeply as you do, you would have seen that as clearly as I.”

He sighed, calming himself. The Vasaath bit his tongue, keeping himself from saying anything.

“I see the change in you, sir,” said Kasethen. “I have rarely seen you as furious as when you saw her assaulted face. You hold her when she is in pain, you build her a tent, you go against your own judgment and let her people stay simply because you fear her disappointment—and then you lay down with her, only to sleep?”

The advisor scoffed, but the Vasaath scowled sourly.

“That is not motivated by sexual desire, my lord,” said Kasethen. “That is a clear testimony of affection and deeper care. I’m sure of it.” Then he sighed. “If I’m wrong, which I know I’m not, you must tell her that you do not care for her as she cares for you.”

The Vasaath snorted, but he could not deny the truth that spilt out of Kasethen’s mouth like poison. His sigh was as deep as his despair as he said, “What am I to do, then? How can I possibly confess all these… feelings to her? I’m doomed if I do, and I’m doomed if I don’t.”

It was a gentle hand that landed on his as his dear friend looked him in the eye and said, “Have courage, venaas. Whether that means to let her go or to follow your heart, you have to act now while you still have time. Once she’s converted, it will be too late.”

Translation:

Enon – faith; philosophy; knowledge; truth

Kasaath – warrior; “strength of the people”

Kaseraad – spies; “the shadow of the people”

Maasa – healer

Ohkasenon – foreign follower of the Kasenon; “follower of the faith of the people but not of the people”

Ohkasethen – “advisor on foreign matters”

Rasaath – officer; dutiful soldier; true soldier

Saathenaan – elite warriors; “deepest strength”

Vas-maasa – “healer of the leaders”

Venaas – friend