The Goddess of Beasts.

Today marks exactly two months since I had revealed myself to my group of friends. Exactly two months in which Alexander had disappeared, and I was afraid to ask where he had gone. Two months in which I have been living as if I was a shadow in my life. Yes, I was free from the claws of my stepmother, but I was still doomed. Hunters are trying to kill my friends, thinking that all of them are werewolves. Wendigo, killing the town people, taking their human form, trying to get to me. Trying to kill the one that might be able to control them, and they did not like that one bit.

So far I have learned that I can control anything supernatural, anything that humans think that they are beats of nature. Also, I know how to create fire from my hand, melting the wendigo’s heart from the inside out. One of my favorite ability is making mates on my own. And it is not like I can choose whoever I want them to be with; it is more like this intuition, to those who need to be together. Those who need happiness in their life. My mother the Moonlight Goddess said I was able to give those who need a second chance or is refusing to open their heart. Or help those who think they do not need a mate. Apparently, wolves are becoming more reluctant when it came to having mates.

Ever since I have paired off Daniel and Grayson, they have completely changed for the better. They are smitten, and I couldn’t be happier for them. Juliet and Natasha turned out to be amazing and the whole pack has learned to love them. It is like everything is turning for the better for Daniel, and so happy for him, he needed this for a while now. But couldn't help feeling a bit jealous of them. They both accepted each other right away, unlike me, it only lasted a couple of weeks when he decided I was not the one.

“Ayla? Are you alright?” Adrastea waved her hand in front of my face. It seems that I have dazed off once more. It has become a constant thing.

“Yes, sorry what were you saying?” Looking back at her; worry, and pity seems to be permanently painted across her face.

“Are you finally going to tell me what the hell happened between you and my brother?” Slamming her hand against the table.

We were currently in her house, ever since Alexander moved out, Adrastea and Zaiden forced me to stay in Alexander’s room. Using the excuse to ‘keep me safe’. It only made it harder to forget him. To keep his intoxicating smell away from me. But there was no use, I just couldn’t sleep whether it was in his room or back in the cabin. My mind just runs wild, reminding me of those few moments we had together. Reminding me of the sparks and connection that we have and how he ignored them, all because I was not good enough.

“She won’t tell us. She is the reason why he left in the middle of the night.” Janus said.

Ever since he left, Janus had placed the blame on me, but if they only knew who it really was. His words kept on just digging a deeper hole in my chest. A hole that Alexander had left behind and his guard is only making it bigger. Alexander would have stayed, he could have rejected me and stayed, but it was his decision to leave. But it would have been even harder to go to school and see him. It was easier this way. An argument broke through the house, my head started pounding immediately.

“Stop it!” My hands landed on the glass table, vibrating to the point where it made the glass shatter underneath my hands. “No! I was not the one that ran away. I was not the one who rejected me because I was different. Because he didn't know what I was. Because I am not a good fit to be queen. It was not me who gave up before we even tried.” All of the tears that I have been trying to hold back for the last two months just came rushing down, like strong waterfalls. How did I lose control? It was not supposed to happen.

Alexander was meant to still look like the good guy, but I guess I have reached my limit. After two months I was finally going to stand up for myself. To stop putting Alexander first, when clearly he would never do the same thing for me.

“That is a bloody lie, he would not have left without a fight.” Janus was still first in line to defend them.

“You know nothing of such sorts. My brother apparently is a fucken coward. Ayla is telling us the truth. I know she is.” Adrastea was always there to defend me and I couldn’t love her enough for it.

"That is bull shit, he does not quit easily. I know him he doesn't." Janus tried to justify.

"They why is she here crying? Why did he leave like a coward? Please enlighten me. I love me, brother, to pieces, but he can be a dumbass at times." Adrastea walked to Janus, trying hoping he will understand.

****

The argument did not end well, right now everybody is locked up in their own room. It has been three hours. Three hours after the fight and none of them will come out of their room, and I cannot help to feel guilty; it was my fault that they stopped talking to one another.

As I lay down in Alexander’s room, I couldn’t hold back the tears. The pain has just become too much to hold in. His rejection was now settling in as if my body was accepting the pain.

I lie there in his bed staring straight at the gray wall, picturing him next to me, tears stained my face. All of a sudden my body felt as if someone was suffocating me. All of the air was taken out of my body. My lungs burned, and urged me to take a breath of air, only when I opened my mouth I was not able to inhale anything. Leaving me in such agonizing pain, when I tried yelling for help nothing came out. It did not take long until I was left in nothing but darkness.

I just passed out. I was soon faced to face with my mothers’. Sadness was written all over their face. I knew they had heard what I said earlier. They now knew about Alexander, he did not want to be my Kindred Soul. I tried keeping it a secret as long as I could. Three months was long enough, my body could not handle it any longer. And Janus did not help.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Mother moon asked. Giving me a tight hug.

“Because I did not want this...” waving my hand in front of me like a maniac. Signaling their pity looks with this whole situation.

“I did not want the pity of all of the people I know. I have come to accept the fact that he doesn’t want me to be his Kindred soul. That he doesn’t want me at all. And I am fine with it. I will learn how to live with the pain, and I will still find a way to unite the vampires and the werewolves. And please stop giving me that face.” I started to walk away from them. Walking into nothing and in no particular direction. Everything looked the same. Beautiful green garden, with lots of colorful flowers and butterflies. A large pond adorned the middle.

“Oh and one more thing; why did you bring me here, I was in so much pain.” Remembering how I was not able to breathe. They normally visit me through dreams or transport me to this paradise, but it never hurts.

“We did not bring you here, my sweet, you came here by yourself. After you accepted Alexander’s rejection; well that was your body rejecting the whole idea of not living with him. Your heart and soul truly knows that he did not fully reject you. He did not go through the proper procedure.” Mother night explained.

“So, I cannot reject him?” Both of my mothers moved their heads from side to side.

“No, my dear even if you want to reject him out of spite you can’t.” Mother moon added.

How is that possible? How can he reject me but I cannot reject him? So if he never accepts me as his Kindred soul, I will have to live with this pain forever?

Both of them just stood there as I was still trying to process the new information that they had just given me. Sadness reflected in their eyes once more, although I had visited them every night since the day Alexander told me I was not good enough for him or the kingdom. I had just assumed that they knew, seeing how they are both goddesses. I just took the impression they knew I didn’t want to talk about it, so they never brought it up; I guess I was wrong.

“Why?” Trying to hold back the pool of tears that had formed in my eyes. Falling like heavy rain they stained my face.

Feeling their warm embrace, they softly cooed loving words into my hair, this was the first time I cried with my mothers. They knew there was far more meaning to ‘why’. They knew what I meant and I was asking them why he didn’t want me. But then again there is nothing extraordinary about me. I was bullied by my stepmother, and stepsister, I do pretty well at school. Read a lot so I can get into medical school to become a doctor, like my mother and father.

Apparently to Janus, Alexander has been with many women of his own kind, and I am assuming that I am not as beautiful as one of his girl flings. I am not even worth having a one night stand with him. As I started overthinking, I only made matters worse for myself. Causing my cries to become ugly sobs.

But all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Something that has become all too familiar.