The Girl Who Was Buried in Her Ball Gown

Finally, I could offload! Martin and I mind-melded after I showed him how. It took a while before we managed to make a connection, despite our closeness – I had hoped he could not read everything I was thinking about him; it was pretty risky business but necessary. It was sometimes on the verge of embarrassing, actually.

I couldn’t appear for very long to him; it was just not possible to remain ‘smoked up’ for long periods of time. When the smoke dissipated, I disappeared again. So, mind-melding was really the only way we could have extended conversations. I rattled on for ages and I’m sure he fell asleep at some points but I was so shocked, hurt, freaked out and everything.

I talked to Martin about the worst news, which was when the judge pronounced nine months’ imprisonment for my Dad. I remember how I had appeared before his car that night, when Brian had come off his bike and he was still alive! Silly boy, took off his helmet and was sitting up in the middle of the road, while Dad kept on driving. I felt so guilty! I tried to stop him but I couldn’t. Dad didn’t know Brian was sitting up on the road, he didn’t even know he was there – how could he?

The lawyers pointed out all of the dents and damage that had been done to Dad’s car, and it all proved that Brian had indeed been sitting up in the road at the moment of impact. They were so hard on my poor Dad, trying to wear him down, saying he was guilty of murder! He wasn’t guilty; it was an accident, a stupid freaking accident.

But there were two things that it took, to pin nine months on Dad for this ‘accident’. One, he was talking in the courtroom about how his daughter – his dead daughter (so the lawyers kept reminding him, horrible people!) – was jumping up and down in front of his car and waving her arms at him; warning him to stop, but how he drove right over the top of me. He swerved a little though, but too little too late. Brian’s still dead! I didn’t see what happened to him either, whether he was taken up to heaven in a flash, or dragged down to hell with those horrible creatures – demons. I am sure that’s what they were.

So, the jury must have thought, ‘okay, he’s cracking up over the strain of his loss and therefore, may become a nuisance to society, rendering him dangerous’. It was so rigged I reckon, like Dad was simply a playing piece for the lawyers to show off their skills! I hated it – I hated all of it! Then Pohane showed up, adding fuel to the fire as Dad responded to her, masquerading as me once again. She’s an evil creature! Can’t she just leave us all alone! Pohane, had been the one masquerading as ‘yours truly’ to Martin continuously! I figured, so that was why he’d been in such a state! I hated her; I absolutely hated her!

I’m was so glad to have been able to vent!

The other reason Dad was sentenced, was because he’d been drinking the night he ran over Brian and killed him. He had been struggling with losing me, who wouldn’t? He was out at a farm, doing what vets do to some bloated cows; the farmer had lost a couple of them and was grateful to Dad, who managed to save a few of his cows. And at $900 a pop for good milkers’, the farmer was very happy.

The farmer had invited Dad to a barbeque for the evening, before he headed back home. It turned out that the farmer had also lost a daughter, to a quad bike accident around about the same time as Dad had lost me. Well, ‘birds of a feather flock together’; that’s how the saying goes. So, they ate and drank, and drank some more. And then Dad went home.

Nine months, is what he was serving up in Ngawha prison. I hadn’t been to visit him yet – it’d only been less than a fortnight since he was taken up there, but I’d definitely be seeing him soon. Maybe after this meeting, with Martin.

Martin was feeling much better by then and the two of us had communicated what we had been dealing with. I was feeling better too, but we needed to work out some kind of signal, or something so Martin didn’t have to ask me every time who my alliance lies with.

“Martin, if Pohane comes back how are you going to know if it’s her, or me?”

“Hmmm, yes I know what you mean. There is no way to tell by sight, or sound, or even mood. She has proved to be amazingly clever, with her web of deceit. Flawless actually.”

“I think she may have been doing this for a very long time.” I replied.

What Martin said next was interesting, “She can even tell me things, that there is no way she could know. Hey, remember that time in kindy, when we were digging around in the sandpit with the spades and you totally knocked me over, when you brought the spade up, filled with sand?”

“Yeah, and it got into your eyes. But you never told the teacher about that. You were a tough little critter, Martin.”

“Yeah. It was ages before the teacher asked me how I got the lump on my head. The blood had totally dried by then. I told her that I’d fallen over in the sandpit. She was surprised and amazed that I didn’t even cry about it.”

“I remember that.” Martin had a curious look in his eye that I needed to probe to find out why. “So, what about it? Why did you tell me this?”

“Well, she told me about it! How the hell could she know that? Also, she talked with me about the ‘Four Seasons’ show we went to see once, at kindy. Remember the butterfly and the birds’, that were doing their mating dance and then the laying of their eggs; and that fat caterpillar! How could she know all of that? Oh my god! She even told me about, when we totally stripped off at your place and painted each other, in the tree hut with the pink house paint, remember?” Hmm, I wonder what she looks like, under that ball—

“Ahh, yeah Martin. I also remember how much it hurt, when Mum and Dad had to use petrol to get it all off us! We had no turp’s to use; petrol was the next best thing. We screamed blue murder! It was white paint though.” Oh crap! I hope Martin didn’t just see what I was thinking then, but I saw his thoughts... “She knew this?” I felt like I needed to giggle about what I had just seen in his mind, what he’d been thinking about me but oh, it was also a very serious situation. “Are you kidding?”

“Nope, she knew about that and so many other things. That is why I was convinced that she was you. Cunning bitch! One thing though, remember how you can only stay visible to me, for short bursts of time?”

“Yeah. Before I disappear again.”

“That’s it! Well she can stay visible nearly constantly.” I think I was beginning to get his drift. However, it still wouldn’t be enough.

“Well, that isn’t really going to prove anything I don’t think, because what’s to stop her from doing just that? Disappearing, like I do? If she knows about that, about how I can’t stay visible. Nah, she could just pretend to have the same limitations.”

“Hmm, maybe you’re right, as I said she’s pretty cunning.” We were both stumped for a moment. We really needed to sort this thing out, otherwise, I would just have to tell him that I would never come to see him again, for his own safety. An option I didn’t want to take.

“What can we do then Martin? To know when it is actually me?” I suddenly had an idea, something I had read or heard somewhere, but I couldn’t quite put my hand on where. It might just work though. “I’ve got an idea Martin, and I really hope that Pohane cannot read our thoughts. I really do.” I could see more of his thoughts drifting all over my body, a body that I didn’t have anymore. I was blushing by then because I was pondering his masculine body too. His…

“So, do I – hmm…” I bet she is hot! Sexy red hot! “I don’t think she can though. What’s your idea then?” I cut him off as I tried hopelessly to stifle my giggles, I couldn’t help it. “Emms! What is your problem?” I think that’s when he suddenly realised.

“Oh… nothing Martin, just…” If I had a heart, it would’ve been exploding right out of my chest. I must have had such a hot, flushed face.

“Oh my god. You’re kidding me?” Martin had clicked, which only made me blush even more. And I saw his cheeks glowing red too, the blood rushing above his perfectly chiselled jaw, “Man, it’s getting hot around here Emma!”

“Nope! It’s not. Oh, and I bet you’re hot too, Martin!”

“Oh shut up Emma!” That was it, I burst out laughing. “Come on Emma, I’m sorry okay! Look I’m a male, males have needs!”

“Oh really? And we gals are all innocent and pure as the driven snow ourselves then eh? We could never think such things, such naughty, rude things Martin. Martin – you’re such a big boy!”

“Ahh, but you did Emms — I saw your thoughts too, your wicked desires. Hmm, I don’t blame you actually. I mean, you ain’t gonna find another hot looking guy like me … with a stick!” We were both buckling over now with laughter, it was so hilarious. Oh, I wished I truly was alive, to be able to get married and do things, naughty things with Martin. To have children and a little house with a bit of land and some animals, surrounded with a white picket fence, with flowers and vegies. And then I started to cry. It was true, we never could have. We would never be able to have that. My world was crashing down around me. It had been falling by now, for almost a year.

Mum always said, ‘If you can’t laugh, you may as well cry.’ And so, I did.

“Come on Emms, we are both going through tough stuff. We’ll pull through it. I know we are not going to be together forever, well, not for a while anyway. I could still join you though, remember.”

“NO! No, you don’t want to do that Martin. That is what Pohane would want, but not me. No Martin please don’t ever go there. I saw my Auntie Annie go there and it was horrible. The deception, the demons; no Martin. You must promise me you will never do that. Promise me!”

“Okay, I promise. I promise to live and not die. And when I finally do die, I will come together again with you.” I was touched, but knew that one day he could and should marry someone else. They will have those beautiful children and that picket fence; maybe not with me, but for me. But who would she be? Would I be jealous?

That was something altogether different to what we had right then. A strange friendship indeed, but deep and lasting. After some more moments, Martin popped a thought to me.

“Now tell me Emma, what is this idea you have? So I can tell just who you are, when I need to.”

“Oh, right. Now where was I?” I cast my mind back and remembered that Martin could not touch me at all, but I could touch him, so I had to modify my plan a little. “Okay, now Martin, we can make a signal, something that only you and I would know.” He looked at me, poker–faced, his mind was blank.

“Right, tell me.”

“If I squeeze you like this, imagine I’m talking to you – silently.” I gave him four evenly spaced squeezes – thinking – and I spoke the words into his mind as I squeezed. ‘Do-you-love-me?’ “You got that?”

“I think so. And yes, I do.”

“Charmed. I know and ditto too. Now, you can’t touch me, obviously, but you can nod, right? So then nod, three times; reply to me, ‘Yes-I-do.’ If we have to do it the other way around, then you could nod; ‘do-you-love-me?’ And I can squeeze back to you, ‘yes-I-do’. Got that?”

“Roger… no sorry, Emma.”

“Good. Next, I’ll ask you – or you will ask me – ‘how-much?’”

“Right, I hope this works Emms.”

“Do you have any better ideas? Now… at that point, you can try to hug me hard, which I know you can’t but it will still work, if you just try, as if to say, ‘this-much’. I’m hoping that it will be a huge hug, by the way.”

“Of course, and ditto from you too.”

“What do you reckon? Do you think it will work?”

“Hmm, it might just work. I might even test it, next time we – or whoever, and you know who that is – meet. I like it.”

“I thought you might. I think I’ll do the same with Dad too. He’s probably getting the same disgusting treatment from our friend as you’ve been getting. It wouldn’t surprise me at all.” I had noticed for a few minutes now that Martin’s mind was getting foggy and going blank more frequently. I wasn’t quite sure why, but then I realised.

We were both silent, not sharing any particular thing with our minds. I think Martin was getting tired. He was still human and needed sleep, even though I didn’t. I wanted to express something, but thought it best not to. Although, I couldn’t resist. Should I risk it? Would he laugh at me? It might be a few years away though. Still…

“Martin.” No reply, “Ahh, Martin; anyone home?” I supposed he had gone to sleep. I decided to tell him anyway. “I’ve been pondering something. If you ever meet someone else, someone you just might fall in love with, well, I know it can’t be me, obviously. But umm, I’ve been thinking. I have a suggestion of just who she could be. I think she would be perfect for you.” So, I whispered her name but I don’t think he heard me; he was quietly snoring, so cute.