The Girl I Once Loved: Love & Hate Duet

Over the past few days leading up to Daisy’s wedding, I’ve taken to wandering around the island. Trying to think through everything with the ocean breeze brushing against my skin.

Tonight, my path is alive with the soft, silvery glow of the moon, casting an enchanting spell over the world. I don’t know why I chose this particular place; maybe I’m a sucker for torturing myself, but nevertheless, I follow the winding trail like a woman possessed.

The trail is still bordered by ‘No Trespassing’ signs that had been there when I’d come with Noah. It’s a path of memories, a trail through my past that leads me closer to the ocean. My heart races with anticipation as I venture deeper into the darkness.

The path opens up to a small parking lot, barely more than a patch of gravel, and I walk along its edge, my footsteps soft against the rough ground. The sound of the ocean grows louder with each step, a soothing symphony of waves crashing against the shore. The moonlight paints the world in shades of silver and blue, and I feel like I have stepped into a dream.

As I continue along the edge of the lot, my eyes catch sight of the narrow, moonlit path leading down towards the water. It’s a hidden trail, one that Noah had carried me down once upon a time. The memories of those nights come flooding back—of secret escapades and stolen kisses, of laughter and our bodies exchanging whispered promises that were still ingrained in my mind.

I follow the path, the cool sand giving way beneath my feet as I make my way down to the beach. The sound of the waves grows even louder, more intimate, and soon, I find myself standing at the edge of the shore. It’s a secluded cove, surrounded by towering cliffs that stretch up to the heavens.

There is no one else here, just me and the vast expanse of the ocean. I walk closer to the water’s edge, the cool, salty breeze tousling my hair. The moonlight dances on the surface of the sea, creating a mesmerizing display of silver and indigo. The waves lap gently at the shore, a tender caress that speaks of both solitude and solace.

I sit down on the sand, my legs crossed beneath me, and I simply stare at the ocean.

Though I’d wanted to come here and find that it wasn’t nearly as magical as I’d remembered it, to my chagrin, that wasn’t the case.

It’s like the sand and the water hold memories of those nights. And I’m forced to face the memory of them. I can’t help but wonder if this place holds any answers, any clues to the path that lays ahead.

Noah floods my mind, and I don’t try to hold back the memories. I remember the way his eyes always sparkled in the moonlight, the warmth of his touch, the taste of his lips. We had been young and in love, and nothing had seemed impossible back then.

I sigh, my breath mingling with the salty sea air. How had it all gone so wrong? How had we let something so beautiful slip through our fingers?

I know that Noah had his reasons, but I can’t seem to let go of all the time we’d lost. What if I had never returned to Thatcher’s Bay? What if, because of my refusal to come home, I’d never found out the truth? What if I’d had to hold onto that fake betrayal for my entire life?

That was the hardest part to forgive—not the lie itself, but all the time that was wasted. Life is fleeting. Over before you know it. And we’d lost so much of it. The ache in my chest is still there, a constant reminder of what might have been.

But as I sit there, alone with my thoughts and the gentle rhythm of the waves, I finally begin to accept that I can’t change the past. I can’t erase the pain or the mistakes. All I can do is move forward, step by painful step, and try to find a way to heal.

I close my eyes, letting the sound of the ocean wash over me, and I whisper a silent prayer to the universe. Maybe, just maybe, there is still a chance for us, a chance to rewrite our story, to find our way back to each other.

But even if that chance never comes, I know that I will carry the memories of our love with me, like a beacon of light in the darkest of nights. And as I sit there on that secluded beach, I make a promise to myself—to never stop hoping, to never stop believing in the power of love to heal even the deepest of wounds.

‘Just trust me.’

‘I do,’ I immediately say. And I realize that it’s true. I trust him more than anyone else in my life. It’s a scary thing.

He takes my hand and we walk along the side of the parking lot until we get to a small path illuminated by the moon. Taking it down, we make it to a small beach enveloped by cliffs. There’s no one else here, and no lights.

‘This is old man Winter’s private beach. But he doesn’t come here this time of year so we’ll be totally fine.’

Noah suddenly looks lost as he stares at the ground.

‘Fuck, I didn’t bring the blanket I keep in my saddlebag, I really didn’t think this through.”

I press myself up against him. ‘Just lay your jacket on the ground. That’s good enough for me. I just want you,’ I whisper.

He groans as he captures my lips in a supple kiss, his hot, wet tongue sliding into my mouth, tasting me.

His tongue takes deep long licks, and it feels like he’s fucking my mouth the same way that he does other parts of me.

Finally, he breaks away, his mouth moving to my ear. ‘You’re so fucking beautiful,’ he murmurs. “And I’m so in love with you.’

I hear footsteps behind me, and I don’t have to turn my head to know who it is.

Noah.

Our souls seem to have a bad habit of reaching out and touching no matter where we are.

Noah sits next to me in the sand, his presence beside me casting a warm and reassuring glow despite everything. It feels almost like destiny as we sit there, as if the universe has conspired to bring us back together in this place of memories and regrets.

‘I’m beginning to wonder if you have a tracker on me,’ I finally tease, a playful glint in my eyes.

Noah chuckles softly, his gaze fixed on the horizon. ‘I don’t need a tracker, Sky. I know you better than anyone.’

His words hang in the air, carrying a weight that is both comforting and painful. I have always believed that Noah understood me in a way that no one else could, but it was that very understanding that had torn us apart all those years ago.

‘Why didn’t you trust me to make the decision all those years ago then?’ I ask, my voice barely more than a whisper.

Noah turns to look at me, his eyes filled with a mixture of regret and longing.

‘Because I knew you would sacrifice everything for us. And you’re too bright, too big for that to happen. You’re a star. You’ve always been a star. And I couldn’t hide your light. You might have said you were happy, but you would have always had a ‘what if’ in the back of your mind, and so would I. What would you have become if I wasn’t in the picture? That question would always haunt us.’

The words hit me like a tidal wave, crashing over me with their painful truth.

‘Thing is, I know the answer to that question. Miserable, I’d be miserable without you,’ I admit, my voice trembling. ‘I have been miserable without you.’

Noah reaches out and gently cups my cheek, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that had escaped my eye. ‘Baby, me too.’

His touch sends a shiver down my spine, and for a moment, it’s as if the years apart had never really happened. I lean into his hand, closing my eyes and savoring the warmth of his palm against my skin.

‘I’m so sorry, Noah,’ I whisper, my voice filled with the weight of all the years of longing and heartache. Because I need to apologize too.

Maybe that night I’d believed his betrayal so easily because I’d been waiting for something like that to happen all along. Maybe I’d never believed in us like I should have.

He doesn’t say anything in response. He doesn’t need to. Instead, he leans in closer, his lips meeting mine in a kiss that is both gentle and filled with a hunger that mirrors my own.

As we pull away, our foreheads resting against each other, I know that the road ahead will be filled with challenges and uncertainties. But I also believe that maybe we can be on that road together.

The ocean whispers its secrets to us, its waves singing a lullaby of love and possibility. And as we sit there, wrapped in each other’s arms, I can’t help but feel that, perhaps, the universe is giving us a second chance—to rewrite our story.

But I don’t tell Noah that.

At least not yet.

I wake up the next morning with a crazy idea.

And for some reason, Noah has decided to go along with it.

The water stretches out before us, a vast expanse of shimmering blue under the midday sun. We stand at the edge of the dock, our small boat bobbing gently on the surface. I clutch the edge of my life jacket, my heart pounding with a mix of excitement and fear.

‘Noah,’ I say, my voice trembling, ‘I want to try it. I want to conquer this fear.’

Noah turns to me, his eyes filled with concern. ‘Sky, are you sure? You don’t have to do this.’

I shake my head, determination burning within me. ‘No, I need to do this. It’s like my fear of the water is holding me back in life, and if I can face it, maybe I can figure everything else out too.’

It sounds crazy coming out of my mouth, but something in my brain is insistent that I’m right about this. That I need to face my fears one at a time. Why not start with this one?

Noah reaches out and squeezes my hand, his thumb tracing comforting circles on my palm. ‘I’ll be right here with you every step of the way, Sky. You’re not alone.’

With a deep breath, I step onto the dinghy, feeling its familiar sway beneath me. Noah follows, his movements smooth and confident. He casts off the dock lines, and we slowly drift away from the safety of the shore.

The water around us is a stunning shade of azure, the sunlight dancing on its surface like a million diamonds. I gaze out at the horizon, feeling a mix of awe and trepidation. It’s as if the water holds all the answers, and I’m determined to uncover them.

Noah pilots the dinghy with ease, his gaze never leaving me for long. He knows how much this means to me, and he’s there to support me every step of the way. The wind ruffles his hair, and the sunlight plays on his skin, casting him in a golden glow. He looks like a guardian angel, ready to catch me if I falter.

We reach a calm, open stretch of water, and I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart.

‘Stop the boat,’ I say suddenly, surprising even myself as I unzip my life jacket like a woman possessed.

Noah raises an eyebrow but complies, shutting off the engine and allowing the boat to come to a standstill. I know he’s concerned, but he doesn’t protest.

I climb to the edge of the boat, my knees shaking as I stare down at the water below. It’s so clear, so inviting, and yet, it holds the power to terrify me like nothing else.

Without giving myself time to overthink, I take a deep breath and jump. The shock of the cold water hits me like a bucket of ice, and I gasp as I resurface. Panic surges through me, and I flail for a moment, fear dragging me down.

Noah’s voice rings in my ears, calling my name, but I can’t hear him over the roaring in my head. It’s like all my fears, all the times I’ve been scared in my life, were converging on me in this moment.

But then, something shifts within me. I remember all the times I’d tried to hide in the shadows in high school, trying to avoid attention, trying not to stand out. I remember the years I’d spent ghostwriting for others instead of writing my own stories. I remember the years I’d spent being afraid of everything in general.

This fear of the water is just another layer, another barrier that’s held me back for far too long.

I want to be done with all of it.

I want to emerge from this water, reborn, unburdened by fear and doubt.

With all the strength I can muster, I push myself to the surface, breaking through the water like a baptism. I gasp for breath, the air filling my lungs with newfound life. I tread water for a moment, the fear slowly receding.

As I move around in the water, my thoughts become a swirling tempest. Memories of my past mistakes and regrets churn in my mind like turbulent waves. The times I’ve held myself back, the chances I’ve missed—all of it weighs heavily on me. But here, in the water, it’s like I have an opportunity for redemption, a chance to rewrite the narrative of my life.

The sensation of being buoyed by the ocean is both liberating and terrifying. It’s a reminder that life is filled with uncertainty, that sometimes we must let go of the safety of the shore and venture into the unknown. It’s a metaphor for the journey I’m embarking on—to confront my deepest fears, to heal old wounds, and to become the person I’ve always longed to be.

With each stroke, I try to let go of the past, to release the pain and regrets that have held me captive. The water seems to absorb my fears and doubts, carrying them away with the waves. I think about all the times I’ve been scared in my life and how those fears have shaped me. It’s as though I’m shedding layers of my old self with every movement, emerging from the depths as someone new.

The fear that initially threatened to overwhelm me now takes a backseat to a growing sense of determination. I’ve spent too long allowing fear to dictate my choices, to hold me back from living the life I deserve. In this moment, I refuse to be controlled any longer.

As I swim, I imagine all the missed opportunities, the moments when I hesitated or turned away from what I truly wanted. I’ve carried those regrets with me for far too long, and it’s time to let them go. The water washes over me, cleansing my soul as I embrace the unknown.

I dip below the surface once more, allowing the water to envelop me completely. It’s a moment of surrender, a symbolic act of shedding my old self. In the quiet beneath the waves, I feel a sense of peace and renewal wash over me.

When I resurface, gasping for breath, I’m filled with a profound sense of liberation. The ocean, once a source of terror, has become a symbol of my resilience and strength. I’ve confronted my fear head-on, and in doing so, I’ve reclaimed a piece of myself.

Noah had jumped into the water when I did, and he’s watching me with a glimmer of pride. He reaches out, and I take his hand, letting him pull me closer.

‘You did it, Sky,’ he murmurs, his voice filled with awe.

I nod, tears mixing with the water on my face. ‘I did it.’

We swim back to the boat together, and Noah helps me climb back on board. I sit there, shivering but feeling strangely exhilarated. The world around me has taken on a new clarity. The sunlight dances on the water’s surface, and I feel like I’m part of something greater than myself—a universe filled with endless possibilities. The fear that once held me captive has loosened its grip, and I’m determined to keep moving forward, to face whatever challenges lie ahead with courage and grace.

Noah wraps a warm towel around my shoulders, his fingers gentle as they dry my hair. ‘You were incredible, Sky. I’m so proud of you.’

I smile at him, feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. ‘Thank you for being here with me, Noah. For helping me face my fears.’

He leans in and kisses me softly, his lips warm against mine. ‘I’ll always be here for you, Sky. Always.’

As we sail back to the shore, I think that perhaps, this moment is just the beginning. I’ve taken a step towards conquering my fear of the water, and now, I’m ready to start conquering the rest of my life.

With Noah hopefully by my side.