The Gift

Mom walks in right after that carrying a paper sack. I moved the contents of my tray to the table, pushing it all together at one end, making room on the other end for Mom’s food.

Scooting over to the edge of my bed, I push my table out so Mom can share it. I unpack the bad as she scoots her chair around the table and we eat our breakfast together.

It’s nice having her around, even if it’s just sitting with me while we both eat. By now I know how important it is to eat when I can, but Mom doesn’t mag me about it. She knows I do the best I can.

We both finish eating with a little idle talk as she restacks my dishes on my tray.

Even though I know Jason was teasing me, I tell mom I need a shower. She collects up the things I need: clean clothes, towels and washcloths, soap, and shampoo, and puts them all in the bathroom for me. We call for a nurse and Jason comes in and stops my IV, unhooking it and capping it off for me to make the shower easier.

Finishing, he walks out quietly singing, ’Welcome to the Jungle’ by Guns and Roses and I vow to get my revenge.

Mom asks, “Need any help?”

I shake my head no. The room doesn’t spin, my pain is tolerable, and as a teen, having a parent help you bathe is only slightly less embarrassing than having a nurse help.

I get into the bathroom and turn on the water and adjust the temperature while I undress, making sure the protective barrier over my central line is all stuck down. I’d rather not get any infections and have to have another line put in elsewhere.

As I shower I start feeling the pull of my Gift. Crap. Now, really? It might sound selfish but whoever it is needs to hold out on their own while I finish here. I’m not jumping out of the shower and wondering around in a towel looking for someone. That’s the stuff nightmares are made of. Maybe someone will walk by and snatch my towel, or it’ll catch on a gurney or wheelchair and I’ll be in a corridor naked as a group of doctors are doing rounds. Or, better yet, a celebrity visit with all the media. I can make out the headlines now: “Sad patient wanders halls naked.”

I sigh and then stand under the water, wishing it would wash away some of the stress. Not working, I shut the water off, grab my towel and dry off, then get dressed.

I collect up my clothes and come out of the small bathroom, walking over to Mom who’s sitting watching TV. She has my laundry bag in her lap, which she opens and I drop my clothes into it, hanging on to the towel and washcloth which belong to the hospital. Mom tries to take them from me and I say, “I’m up and untethered, I’ll do it. Hit the call button to hook me up before I try to sneak out.”

She laughs and hits the call button while I put the rest of my dirty laundry into the laundry bin.

Jason comes back in singing, ’Smells like teen spirit,’ by Nirvana. I scowl at him while he smiles back at me. “All set?” he asks. I nod and he says, “Okay, show me some skin.”

I know what he means, but my Mom raises an eyebrow. I giggle and say, “Mom…” and pull the collar of my top out and down so he can check for leaks around the Dermaseal cover that keeps my central line in place.

He runs a finger around the edge and says, “All good. Let’s hook you back up.”

As he pulls the IV pump over, I gather my sleeve up, pulling it across my shoulder to access the port. Jason uncaps both the pump tube and my port, and wipes both with alcohol to disinfect them, then screws the two together and restarts the pump. “You’re good to go,” he says and I put down my sleeve. “Unless you need me, I’ll be back around lunchtime for the IV change.”

Crap. I quickly say, “After please? I might want to taste lunch.”

He laughs and says, “And you may not. I hear it’s mystery stew.”

I cringe at that, wrinkle my nose, and say, “Eww.”

“Sorry to be the barer of bad news.”

Mom says, “Maybe I’ll grab us lunch from the cafeteria.”

“Good call,” the nurse says to her.

I’m not on any kind of special diet other than avoiding certain foods that have strange interactions with meds and we know those as well as the staff by now, so I can eat pretty much what I want as long as someone brings it to me. The cafeteria workers won’t sell food to patients, so even if I had money (I don’t), what use would it be?

“Thanks, Jason,” I say, knowing that I should hurry as the pull from my gift is still there.

“Just doing my job. Don’t be too late getting back from lunch,” he says as he turns and leaves.

Mom waits just long enough for him to get out of hearing range and says, “He’s cute, isn’t he?”

Oh. My. God. I’m sure I sent mixed signals as I say, “Mom!”, roll my eyes and turn pink all at once. My ears were hot again.

She gives me an innocent look and says, “What?”

I just shake my head at her. Her smile beams at me. I sigh and say, “Can we go for a walk?”

“You up to it?” she asks.

“Yeah. Probably not a long one. Just a little fresh air. Well…” I shrug continuing, “… You know what I mean.”

“Yep. Lead the way,” she says, gesturing towards the door.