The Gift

We finish up and get me back into bed just as Ben walks in alone.

Anna stops and looks at him. He stops and cocks his head and says, “Good morning Anna. Amanda,” and continues to the chair and sits.

Anna stares for a few more seconds, then shakes her head and resumes taking my vitals and checking me over. Finishing up, she says, “Door stays open. You’re not getting pregnant on my shift,” and walks out.

Oh God. Did she just really say that? I know I’m red and I look at Ben and see he’s red too.

“Okay, so I guess that’s out,” I say to break the tension.

“Good to know you’ve got boundaries,” he replies and we both laugh. He scoots closer and takes my hand.

I turn on my side so I can look at him and cover his hand with my left hand.

“Well, that looks like it’s working better today.”

“All of it is. Do you know you tilt your head with you, uhh, see?” I ask.

“Do I?”

“Yes, and it’s so cute.”

“Okay, pleasantries are out of the way, spill it. What’s going on?”

“Geez, like that?”

“Yes, I’m worried?”

“And if I tell you not to be worried?” I ask.

“Sorry, still worried.”

“I can’t really tell you.” Although Lucas didn’t say that. “Let’s just say I got a promotion. I couldn’t pass up the perks. However, the timing isn’t the greatest,” I say, trying to assure him without really telling him.

“You sound like my doctor trying to tell me I’m gonna be blind without telling me,” he says.

Caught. “The good news is you were right. We are soulmates. We can be together for eternity.”

“You’re trying to gloss over or ignore the bad news. Out with it.”

“I’m dying,” I say, still evading the truth.

“Duh, you told me that already. Eighteen or so, minus what you give. Oh, plus whatever Trevor gave you back. See, I was paying attention.

I sigh. “Promise not to be mad?” I ask.

“Absolutely…Not. Have you lost it?”

“No, it just won’t help to get upset. And it will only hurt what’s left…”

“How bad will this upset me? Three, four years’ worth?”

“I hope not. That would put a real damper on my happiness.”

He takes a deep breath and exhales. “Fine. Three or four minutes. I promise. That short enough?”

I nod. Doh.

“It’s okay. I’m watching you,” he says.

“You said that hurts you.”

“No changing the subject.”

“Fine. You promised… A day or two,” I say.

He’s silent for several minutes. I’m not sure what to do.”

“Say something. Anything,” I tell him.

“Hasn’t been four minutes yet,” he tells me, so I wait. Finally, he says, “Fine, I changed my mind. What the hell where you thinking?”

“Of others,” I say as calmly as I can without crying.

He stops, watching my bottom lip tremble, and is quiet again. Calmer now, he says, “But I’m an other. It doesn’t sound like you were thinking of me.”

“That hurts. I can’t really explain. It’s more than just you and me. Lots more. But don’t ever think that you weren’t part of that decision. I told you we were soulmates. I got that confirmation from a very good source.”

“Lucas,” he says.

“Yes, Lucas,” I confirm. “There’s more he told me, about you, about friends and family; I just don’t want to go into it. I don’t know if I even can. When you pass on, we’ll be together again. Forever.”

“Do you know something about me?” he asks.

“Drop it,” I say with meaning.

He decides to do so. “What about everyone else?”

“Brittany will be here after lunch and Holly before dinner. Mom and Dad tomorrow. Anna and Jason between now and tomorrow. And you… As often as possible between now and tomorrow.”

“Wow,” he says. “That doesn’t give us much time. Did you have to rush it?”

“I’m trying to be concerned about everyone else. The longer I go, the harder it’ll be on me. Should I give myself more pain to give you more time? I guess I can if you ask me to,” I tell him honestly.

He thinks about this for a second and says, “No. I couldn’t ask you to give up more than what you already are. No matter how much I want you to.”

“Thank you. I would endure it for you, but it’s better this way”

“So how can I help?” Ben asks.

It means a lot to me that he’s willing to help me in something like this. I explain to him what I want to do and he just nods.

Once I’m done, he says, “Other than what you asked me to do, and the time you need alone with that others, I’m not leaving.”

“That’s fine with me. Better than fine.” I need his strength right now. And I like him holding my hand, I admit to myself. And then there was the kiss.

The physical therapist comes - the same man from the day before. He’s carrying the box with the marbles in it.

Ben doesn’t want to let go of my hand and since my right side isn’t involved, he just scoots the chair over to give me room.

The therapist sets up the tray and bowl, then tips out the marbles.

I deftly pick up the marbles and drop them into the bowl. At one point, I pick up two, dropping one into the bowl and the other into my lap.

The look on the therapist’s face was one of amazement, as I finished putting them all into the bowl. He has me do it again and I repeat the process, including dropping another one into my lap. After I finish, the therapist says, “Well, I don’t think you need to do that anymore. It doesn’t seem to provide any value now. Let’s try your foot.”

He reloads the tray and I transfer the marbles one and two at a time to the bowl. I repeat the process again at the man’s request and he just shakes his head.

“You seem to have progressed beyond this overnight. Good for you. Since we’re done early, I’ll go get your walker and we can try that.” He repacks the box and takes it with him as he leaves to get the walker.

As soon as he’s gone, I hand the two marbles to ben who puts them into his pocket. “I’ll give you the rest before you leave,” I tell him.

We sit with our fingers entwined as we wait for the therapist to come back.

He comes back five minutes later with a walker. Moving the table, he unfolds the walker and explains to me how to use it.

“It’s pretty straight forward,” I say. I grab each side and hop up.

This catches him unaware and he spasms trying to put himself in a position to catch me if I fall.

Standing, I say, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Have you done this already?” he asks, as I shuffle a few feet forward.

My progress is good, but my left foot drags a little still. “Nope, but it’s not really that difficult. A girl with no legs did it for me, so I can do it for her.”

“So you’re the one,” he says with a twinkle in his eye. “Then none of this really surprises me. Although it should. I heard you were special, but… Now I’ve seen it for myself.”

I blush, embarrassed and say, “I’m not… really.”

All I get in replay is a hum from him. “Since I’m up,” I say, nodding towards the bathroom.

“You need help?” Ben says.

Both the therapist’s head and mine swivel around to stare at him.

That was a little awkward, I think.

His head is cocked in that cute way of his, telling me he’s looking at us. “Hello? What, I’m blind remember? But I actually meant him,” he says pointing at the therapist. “Geez…”

Recovering, I say, “No, I think I can do this, but stick around for a minute just in case. Please.”

“Sure thing hon,” he says walking a step behind me until we get to the door where he stops hesitantly.

“I can get it from here,” I say as I close the bathroom door behind me, knowing I closed it in his face, but I didn’t need help. Walking to the toilet, I do a 180, pull down my bottoms and sit, using my good arm and leg mostly, with the other side assisting as well as it could.

Ahh… Crap! It burns, it burns. I silently mumble about the stupid catheters. Finished, I realize leaving is a little more difficult.

I pull everything up as far as I can sitting, then stand.

Tilted to the right, I use my left had to grab my clothes and tug up. Fingers work, arm is a little iffy. I now have things up at an angle. Locking my left elbow, which I command to stay locked along with my left knee, I quickly reach down with my right to get my britches up all the way. I manage to fix the twists and turns in my underwear from being yanked up with a finger and am set to go.

Flushing, I open the door and walk out. The man was waiting just outside the door still. “You good?”

“Fine,” I say. “No problems. I should be okay on my own now.”

“Well… I guess I’ll tell Colton, the afternoon therapist, to cancel your appointment. Unless someone thinks otherwise, you don’t really need us except for maybe advice on things to get you back to 100%.”

“Thank you for all your help,” I tell him.

“You’re welcome. Call if you need anything,” he says, handing me his business card.

“I will.”