The Gift

Since that day I haven’t felt the tug. I’m not sure if Lucas gave me time to adjust, or no one actually needed my gift – until Felix.

Those of us who can get around, usually do. To play, to talk to other kids, or just to pretend that we are normal. It’s better than being cooped up in a room, alone with nothing to do.

I was out visiting a girl next door to Felix whose name is Alice. She’s the one who told me that Felix was in the last stages of his cancer and wasn’t expected to make it more than another day or two. The two of us went over to this room and talked to him for the few minutes he could keep his eyes open with all the pain medication they were giving him.

After he fell asleep, we went about our day, talking and playing with other kids our age, then visiting some younger ones to try to cheer them up some. Even simple company helps here. A hug, someone to hold your hand, someone to talk to or listen to you; every little bit helps.

All day I know that at some point I would see the tug from Felix, but it didn’t happen until the next morning when I woke up.

As I sit here with his cold little hand in mine, I know I have to do this, even if it means losing time of my own.

I feel a tingle in the hand that holds Felix’s. I’m not sure if anything has happened or not until I feel the tun on me fade, as the tingle in my hand fades as well.

Suddenly I feel drained, and know whatever should have happened did, so I sit back in my chair, letting go of Felix’s hand. I realize that I don’t know what’s going to happen next, or even when it might. I could be an hour, or even twenty-four hours.

I sigh. It’s not like I have to be here now, but I know it would help me decide what to do in the future, so I decide to sit and wait until I’m forced to go. Not that I now have the energy to leave right this second anyway.

Time passes and I hear food being passed out. It is already breakfast time. A nurse’s aide comes in and sees me, then walks back out. I guess she didn’t want to disturb us.

I realize I was wrong when she returns a few minutes later with a tray of food. “I doubt Felix will be up to eat, so you go ahead. If he does wake up, push his call button and I’ll bring him hot food.”

“What floor and room are you in and I’ll let them know where you are so you aren’t missed.”

I tell her and she leaves the room. I’m still tired and not too hungry, but I pick at the food anyway, knowing I need to replenish my strength. It seems that Felix and I like the same food – French toast.

A while later the aide comes back into the room to see if I was done. “Yes, thank you,” I say.

She takes the tray and starts to walk out, then stops and turns back around. “You seem like a good friend, so I think I should tell you I don’t think he’s going to wake up. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, I know already. I just don’t think he should be alone,” I say to her.

“You’re a good person, hon. His parents should be here soon.”

“Okay, thanks,” I say and she nods and leaves the room. I sit in the semi-silence of the room and start to regain my strength.

A half hour goes by before two people walk into the room. I can tell they are Felix’s parents because he looks like them. They are holding hands and his mom is trying not to cry.

I start to stand and Felix’s mom sees me and tells me to stay, it’s okay. Then she says to no one in particular, “He’s such a good boy. Why?”

I silently agree, adding all of us to that question.

“M-mom… D-dad,” comes out of Felix in a whisper.

His mother gasps, then lets out a sob, but quickly stifles it. “Felix?” his dad says.

“I… love you two. Don’t be sad. Remember the good times and don’t forget me, but don’t let the grief consume you. I’ll always be with you…” Felix says quietly before falling silent again.

His mother is still trying to find words to say but she is cut off by the monitor’s alarm and its accompanying flashing red light.

I look up at the monitor only to see it’s now a flat line and I know Felix is gone, but he was able to have his last say to his loving parents.

All three of us in the room start crying and Felix’s mom turns to her husband and grabs him for support.

Medical staff start coming into the room, but like most of us, Felix is a no-code patient. What’s the point of reviving a terminal patient? To only prolong their suffering?

Felix’s mom remembered I’m here and leaves her husband to come over and hug me. It makes me appreciate my own parents. I make a mental note to tell them everything I need to tell them, because I can’t give myself time when my time is up. Felix’s mom hugs and kisses me, then thanks me for being with him in his last moments.

I hug and kiss her back, then tell her I should be getting back to my own room. I shuffle out, pole in hand, and bear claws clicking on the floor.

As I walk back to my room, I wonder how many people I’ll be able to help, and if I can, in good conscious, ignore the tug and deny any kid a last goodbye, even at the cost of my own life…

Lucas watches Amanda walk down the hall and knows he made the right choice. He had big plans for the girl with the big heart.