The Gift

Happy to have someone to talk to, I tell her about meeting Ben yesterday and then seeing him again this morning.

“Did you call him?” she asks.

I frown and tell her that my cellphone is at home, but I didn’t get his number and that I was distracted yesterday and he left before I could think about asking him for it. Now it was probably too late.

I knew his name as well as his mom’s name, but unless the phone was in her name… Not to mention that even with Trevor’s suggestion of 411, I didn’t know what city he lived in. So I was still at square one.

Holly pulls out her cell and says, “Let me see what I can do. I gotta go right now, but I’ll be back later and we’ll see what I’ve been able to find out.”

“Okay,” I say and we hug again before she leaves.

I pull my top on over my tank top and try to decide on what to do since I’m still full of energy and it’s still early.

Since I was free from my ball and chain, and had excessive energy, I decide to go and play with the younger kids, doing what Anna did.

Maybe I could cheer up some kids today.

I put on my slippers and head to the nurses’ station and ask the clerk what floor she thought had the most smaller kids to play with.

“You know, I’m not sure,” she tells me. “Let’s find out.” She calls all of the floors, asking how many kids five to eight they had. When she was done, she told me that she picked those ages so it wouldn’t be too tiring on me. Chasing the smaller kids would wear me out faster.

It turned out that the sixth floor had the most kids that fit the clerks age group, so I tell her that’s where I’ll be if they need me, but I’ll be back for lunch.

The clerk wrote the information on a sticky note and stuck it to the board net to my room number.

I head off and take the elevator up to the sixth floor, now amused by the stares I was getting from people in the elevator.

Let them wonder, I think. I get out on si and stop at the nurses’ station and talk to their clerk, telling her what I’m up to and where I’m from so she knows in case someone tries to find me. She tells me there are several kids in the playroom already and I’m welcome to go down and play until I want to go.

I skip down the hall to the playroom and look in to see how many kids there were. There were four kids between five and eight and one older girl about my age sitting off to the side by herself.

Now fearless for some reason, I say, “Okay, who wants to play?”

Everyone stops and looks at me. One of the younger kids and the oldest one gape at me like they are looking at an alien or something.

I hear two say, “Cool.” The last immediately says, “Me.” The two who said cool join in saying, “Me too.”

The younger one who’s mouth was open finally finds his voice and says, “Uh, okay.”

I look at the last girl who just looks down finally.

A challenge, good.

“So what can we all do together?” I ask the group who had come over to me. They suggest coloring, puzzles, and tag. I tell them they are all good ideas, but tag might be a bit much for me, and depending, maybe for them too. Someone suggests cards, then other suggests Uno.

Perfect. We can sit and still have fun. I tell one of the kids to get the cards and the others to grab six chairs.

A girl says, “But there’s only five of us.”

I ask, “What about her?” pointing at the girl my age.

The little girl shakes her head and says, “Brittany doesn’t do anything with us. She just sits there.”

“Get six chairs. Let me see what I can do, okay?”

“Okay,” she says with a shrug.

I walk over to where Brittany is sitting and say, “Can I sit for a minute?”

She looks up and me and shrugs. I sit and hold out my hand, saying, “Amanda. Mandy. Terminal lymphoma.” Might as well try the direct approach.

She looks at my hand like shaking is a foreign concept.

I forge on. “One of the kids said your name is Brittany. We’re going to play some Uno and I’d like you to play with us.”

“Why?” Brittany asks.

“Why not? No offence, but it doesn’t look like you’re real involved with anything right now and I imagine that anything is better than sitting and moping. Trust me, I do enough of it myself. After a while I got use to the dying part. Now I just mope and complain about the pain part.”

She sat staring at me and my outstretched hand. Possibly sensing that I was going to go away, she finally takes my hand and says, “You already know my name. Osteosarcoma. In remission… for the moment.”

“Well, come over and play a silly card game with us. I’m here to cheer people up. It doesn’t happen often, trust me. Normally I have enough energy to make it to the bathroom and back and I’m done.”

“I… I can’t,” she says.

“Oh for goodness sake, why not? You look like a smart girl, it’s zero through nine and four colors and a few cards like skip and reverse. You can handle that can’t you?”

“It’s not that. I-I can’t make it over there. I’m usually the first here and the last to leave. The other kids don’t know. Both… both my legs are gone from the knees down. So I just sit here.”

With no shame I look under the table and see two feet. “Uh, sorry. I see feet,” I say dumbly.

“Prosthetic,” she says.

“Umm,” I say, chewing on my bottom lip. “I think I’m missing something. Sorry. That came out totally wrong,” I say mortified, but instead of being mad she giggles.

“Nope, I am,” she says.

“I mean, you have prosthetics, so why can’t you move?”

“They were both removed recently. They hurt and I still can’t stand or walk by myself.”

“Is that all?” I blurt out. “So if we can remedy that, you’ll play?”

“I don’t want to be embarrassed, please…” she begs.

“Oh good grief. You’re in the wrong place for that. How many times have you been naked in front of strangers?” I ask knowing that it is probably the number one embarrassing thing we girls go through at this age. I know I’m right when she turns bright red. “Exactly,” I say.

A saying from my mom comes to me. In for a penny, in for a pound. I stand and turn towards the kids standing, waiting for me. “Everyone come here really quick,” I say to them and they walk over.

Brittany, not being able to get up and leave, was looking horrified.

Once they gathered around, I say, “This is Brittany. She feels different because her cancer made the doctors cut off her legs at her knees and she’s still having trouble walking. Are any of you going to make fun of her?”

There are shakes of small heads and a few “no’s”. “Now, will everyone tell her your name and what you’re here for?”

They all do, taking turns, then I tell all of them mine. Brittany still looks worried but not quite so bad.

“Okay, go sit,” I tell them. “We’ll be right there.” They kids walk back and I pull the table back from in front of Brittany to give me more room.

“Okay, your turn.” I stand in front of her and bend over. “Hands around my neck. I’m gonna lift you and you’re gonna stand. Ready?”

Looking into my eyes I can see she’s scared. “WE can do this together,” I tell her. “I won’t let go of you.”

She gets a look of determination on her face and nods. “On three. One… Two… Three.” I lift and she stands, arms still around my neck. “That wasn’t hard,” I say.

“Now, keep your right arm around me and I’m going to go that way. My right has a central line. Then, like old pals, we’re going to walk arm-in-arm to the other table and sit. Then play and have fun. When we are done, I’ll walk you to your room if you want. Ready?”

She nods and I spin her to her right and put my left arm around her and under her left armpit. “Just like before your surgery, one foot in front of the other. Pick one and step,” I say.

She did. “Now the other.” One step at a time we move to the other table. It look a bit out of both of us, and we both sat heavy.

I had one of the other kids shuffle and deal, and we play Uno until lunch.

The other kids leave, each telling Brittany that they would help her when she wanted, and that she didn’t have to just sit there.

A nurse came to help Brittany to her room, but she asks if I would do it instead. The nurse looks worried but saw the girl was in a different spot so she agrees.

I say, “Sure, I told you I would.”

We repeat our dance to get her up and walking and we shuffle back to her room. I help her into bed and make sure she knows what room I’m in so she can call and I tell her I’ll come and visit.

She hugs me before I leave and return it.