SWNOVELS Chapter …. Lost Hope
The rest of the time in the canteen was spent in a comfortable silence, she was happy to not continue talking about her research, having done enough to distract him from her real research about lone wolves.
Eventually, Delta Asher breaks the silence
“I’ll take you up to the Alpha’s office for your meeting after this.”
She nods in reply.
“What’s your wolf called?”
She asks, realising she fought a Max all those years back, but he doesn’t know Tyra reached out to him.
“Max, why?” he asks
“Twenty-four years old?” the question evident in her voice
“Twenty-five, close, why?”
“I believe you trounced me in training when I was fourteen and a guest here.
It was my first time fighting in wolf form, so probably more memorable for me than you guys, I’d guess, I was excited to train as a wolf.”
“fourteen-year-old… hmmm… oh Goddess, I remember you, you fought just the once in our class, brown wolf, large and fast!
If it’s any consolation, I’d been training in wolf form from sixteen and that was my last class before moving to the warrior group as I was turning twenty.”
He smiles at the memory
“Oh, does that mean you are Alpha born to get a wolf at fourteen, that’s super rare?”
She can tell this is his genuine curiosity
“No, my dad was the Gamma before me, I think living as a rogue for a few years may have hastened her to me, for protection.”
It’s an easy unprovable line, not a lie, just a belief because she was as much at a loss as others on why she’d got her wolf so early and there aren’t other pups who live outside of both a pack or a family unit.
“Wow, so your life has been an interesting one.
Honestly Gamma, I’d love it if you extended your stay, and did some more research, getting to know you sounds like fun”
His words are spoken honestly, she can tell that, but he’s not thinking this through.
“Well not sure they would want me staying longer since someone decided I needed a twenty-four-hour watch, it may become burdensome, and let’s face it, I’ve seen enough visitors here to know this isn’t normal.
You are a Delta, you have a job to do, which isn’t babysitting me.
I’ll stick to the plan of leaving after the meeting, but it was a kind offer.”
She keeps her voice neutral because he is speaking from a place of honesty and doesn’t deserve a cold reply.
His face holds some surprise, that she had known having a permanent escort wasn’t normal, but as she’d said earlier, it was her job, after all, to notice things, but he nods sadly.
An hour later, she’s in a meeting room with the Alpha, in front of him is a file, that he keeps tapping as if trying to draw her attention to it, his actions are neither subconsciously done, nor look like natural actions of his, based on his body posture, leaving her to believe he’s trying to make it appear a casual movement.
“So, this is your official release from our wardship”
Alpha Nate states, having already checked her neck to ensure she wasn’t marked
“You are free to decide your future mate, assuming you haven’t yet found your fated mate.”
He smiles but, while it could be read as a statement it’s clear he means it as a question.
“No, I haven’t found my mate yet Alpha, but I’ve been granted a month away from the pack to see if I can find them” she acknowledges
“If that’s all?” He’s brusque in this dismissal
“There’s one more thing.
I’d also like to be released from the command that was placed on me at fourteen, to not be able to leave the pack without my Alpha’s blessing, nor to renounce my links to the pack.
I’m passed the point of childish reactions, but since that came from the Crown Prince, it would need to be him that releases me from the command.
It’s why I’d asked to see him as well.”
She has no qualms about being open with what she wants, having had to live, like a prisoner, for almost six years, with this one thing being her spark of hope for a better future.
Alpha Nate holds her gaze, but it’s an uneasy silence.
The Alpha’s phone goes off and he looks down at the message.
“Sorry, I need to be somewhere for ten minutes, something has come up, I’ll come back and discuss this afterwards.”
Getting up, he leaves the room quickly, leaving the file behind.
Toni can see the file he left behind has her name on it, but she crosses her arms and closes her eyes, waiting, if they want her to look at the file, they need to pass it to her, not leave it as bait, especially when this office, was definitely not the Alpha’s office.
A lack of items and scent in here made that clear, plus she’d noticed that the large decorative mirror, that was to one side of the room, didn’t appear quite right, she was sure that if she put her finger on it, there’d be a gap between the images, signifying a two-way mirror, how stupid did they think she was.
When Alpha Nate came back into the room, twenty minutes had passed, this time he didn’t take his seat again, just sat on the edge of his desk, Toni relaxed her body and shut down her emotions, feeling a tight knot in her chest building, taking over.
She knew if the Crown Prince hadn’t come in, this wasn’t going to be the news she wanted, letting the emotionless mask slowly take over her face.
“I’ve spoken to the Crown Prince” His voice is calm but serious
“His decision in this is he doesn’t intend to release you from any part of his earlier commands”
Alpha Nate pauses and looks carefully at her
Toni shows no reaction, but internally her wolf is clawing at her consciousness, unhappy that they are being given fewer rights than a normal wolf, and the tight feeling in her chest is threatening to explode, her breathing has become shallower, recognising this she tries to take longer, slower, breaths but she isn’t sure she’s succeeding.
A long five minutes of silence passes before she realises that the Alpha is not going to say anything else.
“Was a reason given on why I was being denied my request?” she finally asks
“Well Gamma, you don’t exactly have the most, well, shall we say, appealing reputation, so in the Prince’s eyes, it’s the choice between you remaining safely in a pack or risking you going Rogue.
Let’s face it, if you went Rogue and ended up as a feral, you would be a formidable opponent to track and put down.
Given those options, he’d decided that the command stays in place.”
If she’d been punched in the gut by a truck, Antonia thinks she’d be happier than she is now, for the last almost six years, she’d been working towards the point at which she’d be free to determine her destiny once the wardship broke.
That one dream, maybe not even a dream, more one small glimmer of hope, in her otherwise bleak life that had kept her going through all the punishments and pain, was now, well and truly extinguished, without even the respect of the Crown Prince telling her himself, he was one arrogant bastard.
Her throat had tightened making breathing feel like more of an effort, while a coldness covered her heart, shutting out emotions, retreating inwards to try and stop the explosion of feelings that threatened to overwhelm her.
All her training, all her years of hiding who she really was, everything has been slammed into her in this one moment and it’s extinguished that one small dream she had, she’d known at fourteen she wasn’t meant to have dreams, how could she have let herself become so deluded that she’d started to believe she may have had a chance and redemption.
She swears to herself that she will find a way out of the command, even if it is only via death, but that one action from the Crown Prince gives her a focus for all her disgust, the hatred of the life she is forced to live, everything is now focussed in one place, the Royal pack and specifically on both the messenger and perpetrator of her pain, the Alpha and the Crown Prince.
It takes some effort, but she swallows down the feelings as she trained herself with all the deaths she’s been forced to make and bottles it all up, she slowly gets up from her seat.
“Thank you for your time, Alpha, I think it’s time for me to get back to my journey.”
The flat quality of her voice is the only sign she’s unhappy, that she’s locked all feeling away.
“Delta Asher will escort you back to your car.”
He confirms as if she hadn’t already guessed it.
“He’s waiting outside, I’ll walk you to him.”
He picks up the folder from the desk, carrying it with him, talking but Toni isn’t listening to him anymore, she could find her way out easily enough but instead follows calmly behind the Alpha, the sooner she is away from here the better.
She remembers her father’s rules
‘Rule number Four – Never trust anyone, that way you can’t be betrayed’
She’d trusted that the Royal Pack would give her freedoms that every other wolf enjoyed, she could blame it on her young self, trusting that the Royals would be honourable, but in reality, she had been six when her father told her all ten rules, making her memorise and understand them, she should have been wiser, more careful.
Tyra is pulling at her to be allowed out needing a release for her pent-up frustration and Toni, well she needs to get out of there to assess what’s next for her, she will fight this, although she’s not sure how yet, but she won’t allow others to control her any longer.
That’s a promise she’s making to herself and she always keeps her promises.
Remember I said you can’t rely on anyone but yourself?
Well, what more proof do you need?
My whole life is just one big joke, I’m beginning to wonder if I have been forsaken by the Moon Goddess, or whether all the trials she’s sent me, I’ve failed at, so this is her retribution.
Remember I said in the Deadfalls pack, that even Omegas weren’t treated badly, well I’m currently wondering if having those basic rights removed, means that I am lower than any Omega, more slave than a wolf.
I can’t even believe that this life is how the Moon Goddess had decided my life would pan out, so now I’m left with pretty much two options
Stay as an assassin to Alpha Vincent, or
Let myself get killed in a mission and end this poor excuse for a life.
Honestly, this life sucks, but it is at least a life, so I will hold on and hope that something changes, of course, if my soul is already destined to be one of the dammed, then I could try and kill the Crown prince, that would also release me the command.
I bet he didn’t think of that option, and yes, I see you with the judgy face deciding I’m a bad person, but what about my rights?
Everyone has always made decisions on my behalf, maybe it’s my time to make decisions on them because let’s face what’s the worst that can happen if I do?
I die trying to kill him, well my life is over either way, or he dies and I live, eventually, my soul goes to hell, but then I’ve killed enough to believe I will not be invited into the garden of the Goddess anyway, so that option doesn’t scare me.
But don’t worry, I won’t kill him, but only because I’d need to kill a few innocent wolves that have to guard his entitled ass, but since I have no hope left, I can at least fantasise about it!
As they get to Delta Asher the Alpha stops, opening the folder he takes out some papers handing them to her
“These are your papers to prove you are no longer a ward.”
Toni stares at them, unsure why she needs them, but eventually, she reaches for the papers folding them down into a square and pushing them into a pocket, without bothering to look at them.
She doesn’t thank him; she’s done playing nice.