The Forbidden Freshman: A College Sports Romance (Nolan U Hockey Book 1)

I’ve changed three times already, and for a girl who’s not opposed to dragging clothes out of a laundry basket to re-wear them, that is a huge deal.

I stand in the mirror, adjusting my shirt and then rethinking these pants.

“No,” Ethan growls from the bed. “You are not allowed to get changed again.”

And just because he said that, I unzip my pants and kick them off my feet. He groans and flops back on the bed while I rummage through my bag and find a pair of cargo pants that are old but comfy.

You know what? Screw it. I know we’re going to some fancy restaurant in town—like the only one there is—but I can wear cargo pants if I damn well want to. Apparently, my dad booked the restaurant yesterday. He called to let Ethan know we’re doing brunch.

Brunch, for fuck’s sake. Who the hell does brunch?

Assholes like Jarrod do, which does not bode well for this meetup.

My boyfriend was beaming. “He must be rolling in it if he’s taking us there.”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t.

Talking has been basically impossible since I found out I’m seeing my dad. If I manage to switch my brain off, then I can laugh with the guys and hang like everything’s normal, but the second it hits me again, my mouth snaps shut, and all I can do is stare at the wall and obsess over the fact that I’m about to come face-to-face with my father.

I vacillate from anger to fear to excitement. It’s such a weird roller-coaster ride, and I’m less than twenty minutes away from finally looking that man in the eye. What do I even want to say to him?

Part of me wants to scream in his face for abandoning me, maybe punch him in the balls and watch him fall.

But then another part of me just wants to ask him why. Ask him how he could have walked away from his daughters so easily.

The thought makes my throat swell, and my nose starts tingling as I shove my feet into my comfiest pair of Converses.

Ethan eyes me from the bed, and when I spin with a challenging glare, he closes his mouth against whatever he was about to say. Probably something along the lines of “You know this place is pretty high class, right?”

Instead, he smiles, his gaze softening with this look that always makes me feel like I’m the only girl in his world. “You look great.”

And I nearly change again.

He’s standing there like a freaking supermodel in his black jeans and button-down shirt. The leather jacket he’s pulling on is enough to make my lady parts water, and I momentarily hate myself for being so damn attracted to him.

It makes it impossible to stay mad. Especially when he says sweet shit like wanting what’s best for me.

Dammit! Why does he have to be so perfect?

Fisting my trembling fingers, I snatch my phone and shove it into my pocket.

Ethan swings open his bedroom door, and I eye the space I need to walk through. It suddenly seems like the entrance to some dark, haunted cave that’s going to swallow me whole and spit out my bones.

“Bummer.” I let out a shaky laugh. “My legs have stopped working. I guess I can’t go after all.”

Ethan huffs, looks up to the ceiling as if he’s calling on a higher power to give him patience, then reaches me in two strides. Without a word, he lifts me into his arms and carries me down the stairs like I’m a princess.

I frown at him the whole way, but he ignores me, not setting me down until we’ve reached his Ranger.

“I’ll carry you into that restaurant if I have to,” he warns me, plucking me off the ground and even pulling the seat belt over me.

“I can do it.” I snatch the belt off him and buckle myself in, fuming as he walks around the truck. I can’t believe he’s making me do this.

Crossing my arms and slumping down in my seat, I don’t say a word to him as we drive into town. He finds a parking spot right outside the restaurant, and my insides start clenching all over again.

I seriously don’t think I can do this. But then Ethan opens my door, takes my hand, and pulls me into the restaurant. By some miracle my legs carry me through those doors, and I spot my dad immediately. He’s already waiting for us, fidgeting with his watch, checking the time, then straightening the cutlery in front of him. He adjusts the wineglass, then looks toward the entrance… and goes still.

His eyes light with recognition as we weave around the tables, and by the time we reach his spot, he’s standing and staring at me with tear-filled eyes.

“Mickey Blue.” He chokes out the nickname he used to call me, and my insides crumple as an earthquake of emotion rips me in half. “Look at you. So grown-up. So beautiful.”

He’s struggling to talk as tears spill out of his eyes.

I don’t know what to do with myself, and if it wasn’t for Ethan’s reassuring hand on my lower back, I think I would have just stood there like a statue for the rest of the day.

“Please, sit.” Dad motions to the chairs opposite him, and we take a seat.

Grabbing my menu, I flip it open, needing something to do. My eyes scan the selection, all fancy words written in a fancy font that’s barely legible. I’m not taking any of it in.

Ethan shakes Dad’s hand, introducing himself in person and then smiling as my dad thanks him repeatedly for reaching out.

“I’ve been waiting for so long,” Dad rasps, his glimmering eyes drinking me in. “Hoping. Wishing. Praying for that moment when you’d finally forgive me and track me down.”

I frown, slapping my menu onto the table and making the cutlery rattle. “What do you mean?”

He goes still, blinks at me like he doesn’t understand my anger.

“Why should I be tracking you down? You’re my father. Shouldn’t you have been trying to find me? Make sure I was okay? Keep in touch!”

“I…” He blinks at me again. “Mikayla, I… I did.”

Yeah, right? Does he honestly believe that bullshit?

I glare at him, ready to unleash a little hell—list out every time he let me down—until I realize that he’s not lying. His face is so sincere, his eyes filled with sad bewilderment.

Holy shit.

But that can’t be right.

I never heard from him. Not once.

Air whooshes out of me—a husky gasp that’s more of a shudder. “When? When did you call me?”

His face bunches with confusion, and there he goes again, straightening his already straight cutlery and realigning his already aligned wineglass. “I… When your mother first kicked me out, I tried to keep in touch. I called you and Megan every day. But you didn’t want to talk to me. I sent gifts for birthdays and Christmas, but they were sent right back because you didn’t even want to open them.”

“That’s bullshit,” I snap. “I cried myself to sleep for months. Of course I wanted to talk to you. I was desperate to know you still loved me. And there were zero gifts, by the way, so stop talking out your ass!”

Ethan’s hand rests on my leg beneath the table. His gentle squeeze alerts me to the fact that I’m drawing every eye in the room. I clamp my lips together and look down at the menu. The words blur into black, unreadable blobs.

“Mikayla.” Dad’s voice breaks over my name. He clears his throat, but his voice remains gravelly. “Your mother told me you didn’t want to see me. She told me you hated me and that I needed to give you space.”

“That’s a lie.” Now my voice is breaking. “I never said that to her.”

His blue eyes, so similar to mine, darken with realization while I wrestle with the same reality. I’m pretty sure someone’s just punched me in the chest. I struggle for air while my dad clenches his jaw and shakes his head, looking sick.

I know how he feels. That… that bitch!

“How could you believe her so easily?” My voice quakes as I struggle with a fresh wave of rage at my mother. But the anger comes spitting out at my dad, because…” Why didn’t you fight for custody or something? How could you just walk away?”

“Because, I…” He sighs, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “When my parents split up, I hated the fact that I had to go see my dad every other weekend. The guy was an asshole, and I didn’t want to be near him. Those weekends sucked. I felt helpless. No matter how hard I begged, Mom would always make me go because the court said she had to send me.” His face crumples with a look of pure agony. “I didn’t want to put you through that.”

“But you weren’t an asshole,” I rasp.

“Sweetie.” He tips his head, his expression filled with remorse. “I cheated on your mother. She had every right to kick me out.”

I sniff and look away from him, pinching my lips against the sob brewing in my stomach. I won’t cry in this place. I won’t lose it in this fancy restaurant. The black rage against my lying mother builds like an inferno, rising up my chest until I want to scream.

But Ethan’s rubbing my leg, his soft touch keeping me grounded.

“Mick, I am so sorry.” Dad’s voice hitches. “I let you down. I thought you hated me for cheating, for being kicked out. I thought you never wanted to see me again. It broke my heart to give up physical custody, but I didn’t want to cause you any more pain. I was trying to do the right thing.”

“And Melanie was trying to punish you.” Ethan finally speaks. There’s a hard edge to his voice. “She hated you for hurting her, so she took away the one thing that meant the most to you. Your daughters.”

I glance at him, then dart my eyes to Dad, who’s nodding and looking ready to smash his fist through something. Our gazes meet across the table and his anger disintegrates, his eyes flooding with pain. “I should have fought harder for you, baby girl. I’m so sorry.”

Tears burn my eyes, and it’s impossible to fight them. I dip my head as the first few fall, quietly whimpering into my hand. Ethan’s fingers graze my shoulders, then come to rest on the back of my neck. He gives it a light squeeze, kissing the side of my head and murmuring in my ear, “It’s okay. We can leave if you need to.”

“No,” I manage, shaking my head and wiping the tears off my cheeks. “I can do this.”

“I know you can.” He smiles at me, then turns to my father. “Truth is, Mr. Hyde⁠—”

“Please, call me Michael.”

Ethan nods. “Truth is, Michael, she’s done it again. Your ex-wife is punishing Mikayla this time.”

Dad jerks in his chair, his face bunching with annoyance. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” Ethan looks to me and I nod, giving him permission to speak on my behalf. My stomach is still jumping with silent sobs, and I’m afraid if I speak that I’ll turn into a blubbering mess. “Her fiancé agreed to pay for Mikayla’s education, and because she won’t follow the letter of his law, he’s reneged on that. And Melanie is backing him.”

Dad’s eyebrows dip a little deeper. “What? She told me you were sorted. For college. She said you didn’t need any money for that.”

I blink. “When did you speak to her?”

“I…” His face buckles with confusion. “She’s my only avenue to you and Megan. We communicate through email.”

“But… I… What? I thought you walked away and never looked back.”

“Mickey Blue.” He tips his head like the very idea of that is absurd. “I may not have forced you to see me, but I was still a part of your life. I kept in touch with your teachers and read every report card. I haven’t missed one child support payment, and I’d already started a college fund for both you and Megan, but your mom told me she had already arranged all of that. I should have pushed harder for more information. What is this about her fiancé reneging on his promises?”

Dad looks pissed while I’m sitting here try to deal with this mindfuck.

She made me believe Dad didn’t give two shits about us, but he’s been watching from the sidelines this whole time?

“Mick?” he prompts me, and I blink, trying to pull my scrambled brain back together. “What happened?”

“I, uh… I failed to become a Sig Be sister.” I sigh. “I embarrassed her and pissed off Aimee—her fiancé’s daughter. He’s kind of precious about her, and now he’s hating on me and saying I breached the contract, so he won’t pay another dime toward my education.”

Dad’s nostrils flare, and it’s obvious he’s struggling to remain calm.

“Okay, go back a bit,” he grits out. “So, you’re at Nolan U.”

“Yes.” I nod. “Mom and Jarrod wanted me to go there, because…”

“It was her college.” Dad’s lips twitch. “She really loved it there.”

“Yeah, well…” I shrug. “She really wanted me to go, and it was the only school he’d agree to pay for, so I went along with it. But then they also wanted me to join her and Aimee’s sorority… and it just wasn’t my thing.” I glance at Ethan, who makes my heart trill with a little wink. “So I pulled out and everyone got pissed, and now they’re refusing to pay for anything.”

“That’s where you come in.” Ethan points at my father.

I bulge my eyes at Ethan, trying to shut him up.

He ignores me and throws a dazzling smile at my dad. “Not only was I hoping that you’d be able to reconnect with your daughter, but I was also hoping that you might be able to help her get this degree she so desperately wants. A degree she deserves.”

Dad pins Ethan with an appreciative look before turning his full attention to me. “What are you studying?”

“Oh, uh… business and sports management.”

His eyes light like I’ve just given him his Christmas wish. “Are you playing any college ball? I notice you gave it up for your senior year. Kind of broke my heart there, kid.”

“I…” I shake my head, letting out a watery laugh. “It was never the same after you left. I kept playing, but I never loved it as much without you.”

His expression crumples with regret, but Ethan makes him grin by quickly retelling the story of how I hustled Asher. Dad’s soon laughing, his smile filled with pride as he stares at me across the table.

It gives me the courage to tell him that “I want to be a sports agent. Representing female athletes.”

His smile grows even wider. “That’s perfect for you, Mickey.”

Oh man, he looks so freaking proud of me right now. It makes me want to cry in a whole different way.

“Of course I’ll help you achieve that goal. It’d be my pleasure. Like I said, I have the money already set aside.” His shoulder hitches. “I’m still going to keep paying child support until Megan graduates, and I’ll definitely offer her college funding if she wants it.”

“So you’ve been paying child support all this time?” I shake my head, still reeling from his earlier revelation.

His head jolts back. “Of course I have. You’re my daughters. I…” His voice trails off as another dark look storms across his face. “Did your mom tell you I haven’t been?”

I swallow. “She never said either way. She just told us that you’d moved on, found a new family, and… didn’t want us anymore.”

“That’s not true.” He gives me an emphatic look, and then his shoulders slump with a sigh. “I mean, yes, I have a new family. And I’d really like for you to meet them when you’re ready. But… I always wanted to be a part of your life. And I’ve missed you every single day.” His eyes fill with tears again. “I love you, Mickey Blue. That’s never gonna change.”

Before I know what I’m doing, my chair is scraping back over this shiny restaurant floor and I’m bolting out of my seat. I round the table with quick steps while Dad stands and spreads his arms wide. Barreling into his chest, I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes, breathing in his scent, which is so familiar even after all these years.

Dad sniffs, holding me against him while I’m transported back in time to those days when he’d hug me tight after a basketball game or carry me on his shoulders as we walked out to the parking lot after watching the Dodgers play. All those moments he made me laugh, read to me, watched movies with me. He understood me better than my mother ever could, and he did want me.

He wanted me, and he’s missed me.

And now he’s here, and it’s a chance to start again.