The Forbidden Freshman: A College Sports Romance (Nolan U Hockey Book 1)

I crack my eyes open, my slushy brain wrestling free of this black oblivion that⁠—

Nope.

I snap my eyes shut again.

The searing light that’s trying to burn a hole through my retinas is pure torture. As is the pounding in my head, and the fact that I’m pretty sure a skunk farted in my mouth last night.

I groan, my stomach roiling as I lick my lips and try to sit up.

Nope.

I flop back down again, my feeble moan disrupted by a soft snicker.

“Rough night?”

“What?” I croak.

“Here.” The bed moves beside me, and I smell him—the sweet, fresh scent that is all heaven.

Ethan.

“Drink this.” His fingers are feather soft as he brushes them over my ear.

Braving the light again, I force my eyes back open and eventually make out his thick, jean-clad thighs, his crumpled T-shirt, and then the glass of water he’s holding.

“You need to rehydrate.”

Wincing, I try to sit up, but my body seriously feels like it’s been hit by a bulldozer.

What the hell did I do last night?

Ethan’s arm comes around me, helping me to sit. I lean against him, my hand shaking as I hold the glass and try to drink. Water dribbles down my chin, but I force it down, knowing Ethan’s probably right about the whole hydrating thing.

Hangovers suck.

This is why I don’t drink.

The first time I got drunk off my ass was at Rachel’s place. We were sixteen and curious, and it’s lucky we both didn’t die of alcohol poisoning. When her mom walked in the door, she read us the riot act. Apparently. I don’t remember it, so she did a replay the next morning as we sat there nursing killer migraines. She made us clean her entire house, and then we had to go to my place and confess all… then clean Mom’s house too.

Worst. Day. Of. My. Life.

Well, second worst.

A pain that seems more vibrant in my current condition scorches me, and I’m suddenly fighting the urge to sob uncontrollably.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Ethan takes the glass off me and lays me back down. “You’ll feel better soon. Let me get you some Advil.”

He walks out of the room, and my eyes rove the space. I’m on a big double bed, tucked under the covers. The space beside me is still neatly made, which makes me think we didn’t do anything last night.

My scrambled brain tries to piece together what went down, fragments of unease filtering through me as the blurry images flash past my mind’s eye. We kissed on this bed, but then… I can’t remember.

My eyes bulge as I picture myself giving him a blow job, but… I don’t remember how that ended, and then my stomach starts churning as I recall some guy’s hands on my ass, me pushing him away. Ethan roared. He shoved a guy. I remember that. And then⁠—

I bolt upright, my head spinning. I hold it with a groan as the faces of my Sig Be sisters appear crystal clear. They were pissed.

“I screwed up,” I whisper.

The door pops open, and Ethan reappears with two red pills. I take them without question, trusting him because he’s good and kind and carried me out of the party and doesn’t deserve to be publicly humiliated.

I guzzle the pills, willing them to work at lightning speed. Setting the glass down, I nearly spill it, and Ethan grabs it before it hits the floor.

“I take it you don’t drink much,” he murmurs.

“No,” I croak.

“So, why’d you get so wasted last night?”

“Because I’m an idiot?” I frown.

He laughs and tucks my hair behind my ears before his gaze turns serious. “It could have gone pretty bad, lil’ mouse. You scared me. Who was that guy?”

I shake my head, trying to get out of this. I can’t tell him. How do I look at that beautiful face and confess the truth? He’ll be so pissed, and then he’ll stop tucking my hair behind my ear and giving me these gentle smiles.

So, I lie.

Like a coward, I mumble, “What guy?”

His expression turns dark, and for a moment, I think he’s pissed at me for trying to pull a fast one on him, but then he growls, “The one who was dragging you down the hallway. Ignoring you when you told him you weren’t interested. You yelled at him to let go, and he still wouldn’t take his fucking hands off you.”

I touch Ethan’s arm, the move instantly calming him. Sort of. His breaths are kind of punchy and his muscles are vibrating beneath my fingers.

“Thank you for keeping an eye on me.”

“I didn’t do a very good job.” He shakes his head, his expression pained. “I couldn’t find you… and what if I’d been too late?”

My expression crumples, and there are those tears again, burning the back of my throat. I swallow them down and manage to whisper, “But you weren’t.”

Touching his face, I rub my thumb across his cheek and give him a grateful smile.

Crap, I can’t hurt this man. I have to come clean and tell him about the initiation. My stomach clenches as my muddy brain tries to conjure the best words for this big confession.

“Ethan,” I rasp.

“Yeah?” His eyes soften with a look I’ve never seen before.

It steals all my words, and I’m frozen still as his lips curl at the corners and he flashes me one of his smiles.

I don’t want to lose that. I want him to keep staring at me this way for the rest of… forever.

With a soft snicker, he leans into me with a featherlight kiss that I want to deepen, but the door swings open before I can.

“Ah-huh! Busted!” Asher crows, then takes in the scene, his face bunching with confusion. “Wait. What did you guys do last night?”

Ethan stands with this dark look on his face, stalking toward the door. “Nothing happened, and fucking knock next time!” Shoving his friend out the door with one hard push, Ethan slams it shut and turns back to face me.

“What was that all about?” I try to laugh, but it comes out like a croaky snicker.

“Nothin’.” Ethan shakes his head, and I can tell he’s not being honest, but that’s okay because I can’t tell him the truth about the party, so let’s just call it even.

I lean back against the headboard and take in the rest of his room. It’s pretty simple with just a few hockey posters on the wall—action shots that no doubt inspire him. His dresser is in the corner, two of the drawers not closed properly as T-shirts and a pair of socks pop out over the side. There’s a framed family photo on the top, which I must check out when I can find the strength to make my concrete body stand and move around the room.

And then there’s his desk, covered with open books and obvious study notes along with his laptop.

“Studious,” I mumble.

“Huh?” He looks over his shoulder.

“Your desk. You obviously study.”

“Oh, yeah.” He shrugs. “What’s the point of being here if I don’t?”

“I thought you’d be all about hockey.”

I watch his face as he turns back to grin at me.

“Hockey is king, but study’s queen. I need it as my backup. And I like what I’m learning, so it’s not that bad. Sports science is interesting, you know?”

I nod, knowing it is. Anatomy, nutrition, all that stuff has always interested me too. But I’ve still got my heart set on being an agent.

“So… lil’ mouse.” Ethan shoves his hands in his pockets, walking around the bed and taking another seat beside me. His arm comes over my legs, and I can’t help smiling as he boxes me in.

It feels good, safe, thrilling.

“What are we gonna do today?” His eyes seem to sparkle, and I can’t take tear my gaze away from his.

My lips flirt with a giddy grin while my pounding head reminds me that I won’t be up for much.

“I’m thinking—” He runs his fingers gently down my arm. “—some carbs, a ton more fluids, and even more rest.”

“Wow,” I croak. “Sounds exciting.”

He laughs, then kisses the tip of my nose. “Stay here. Rest. I’ll be back soon.”

And once again, he’s gone. I close my eyes with a relaxed sigh until images of sisterly glares fill my brain.

“Shit,” I mutter, rubbing my forehead and wondering how the hell I’m gonna walk back into the house today. They’ll slaughter me. Not literally, but they’ll make me feel like crap for not following through last night.

I’m gonna get kicked out of that house, and then I’m screwed.

“Here we go.” Ethan swans back in with a tray full of food and a smile so damn sweet that I’ll be breaking my own heart into a thousand pieces when I hurt him.

I have to get out of this initiation somehow.

Placing the tray of toast beside me, he snatches a triangle and starts munching while I tentatively pick off a corner and nibble it between my lips.

A large T-shirt lands on my head. “Hey.”

I pull the cotton away while Ethan stands there chuckling. “Feel free to put that on if it’ll be more comfortable for you. The bathroom is down the hall, on your left.”

Slipping off the bed, I pad out of the room to relieve myself, then change into Ethan’s monstrous T-shirt. It must be big on him, surely, because it practically touches my knees. Sneaking back out into the hallway, I’m relieved there’s no one else around as I dash back to his room.

He’s on the bed, setting up his laptop when I close the door behind me. He glances up, his smile faltering when he drinks me in, and then he swallows.

For a second, I think I spot pure hunger, but it’s gone so fast I must have just imagined it. A blurry memory of me trying to give him a blow job, then him gently pushing me away, makes my stomach pitch. I busy myself by laying the dress over his desk chair so I don’t have to look at him.

“Can I borrow a pair of socks? My feet are cold.”

“Of course.”

I grab the pair sticking out of his drawer and take a minute to look at the family photo. A young Ethan is standing in between his parents, beaming at the camera. His mother is laughing while his father grins at her. It’s a happy, beautiful moment in time, and my throat swells, thinking about how Ethan will never have that again. His mother will never drape her arm around his shoulders again. He’ll never hear her laughter. He’ll try to remember it, but the sound will inevitably fade.

I know.

Because I can’t hear my dad anymore.

Swallowing, I shuffle back to the bed and pull Ethan’s socks on while lifting my chin at his laptop. “What are you doing?”

“When I’m hungover, I want comfort TV.”

“Oh yeah?” I grab a triangle of toast. “And what’s your comfort TV?”

“Sports movies.”

“Of course.” I laugh. “Let me guess: hockey, right?”

“Not necessarily.”

Oh my gosh, his face is adorable.

“I’ve seen The Blind Side and We Are Marshall about ten times each, and Point Break is my jam, although I prefer the original version.”

“Smart man,” I agree.

He grins. “But when I’m feeling as shitty as you are right now, there’s really only one series that will suffice.”

“O-kay.” The look on his face is making me suspicious.

Then he starts wiggling his eyebrows. “Mighty Ducks.”

I burst out laughing. “Mighty Ducks?”

“Oh yeah, baby. We’re gonna watch all three.”

With a mock groan, I cover my eyes while he lets out this gleeful little laugh and lines it up. We nestle into the pillows, instinctively leaning toward each other. My cheek is soon resting against his shoulder as I nibble my toast and watch. I think I’ve seen the first one, maybe. I can’t quite remember. It’s kind of old, but in my state, it’s perfect.

And yes, I’m the girl shouting at the screen during the final game, begging the team to win and prove what they’re made of. Not great for the headache, but totally worth it.

Ethan’s laughing at me while he loads up the second movie, and I end up snuggled against his chest for that one, his arm around my back.

Yep. It’s heaven.

And as the second movie comes to an end, my headache has eased while the rest of my body has become hyperaware of his every movement. The way his muscles shift and twitch beneath me. The strength of his body is phenomenal, and my entire body is tingling, making the third movie harder and harder to watch.

I rest my hand across his stomach, desperately wanting to lift the soft cotton and explore the skin beneath. But he pushed me away last night. As my head clears, the memory comes back with more clarity. I wanted to make him come. You know, kind of a little thank-you for carrying me out of that party. Plus, I wanted to hear him moan. I loved the way his fingers dug into my hair, and I wanted to feel his body jerk and fall apart.

I’ve given a couple of blow jobs in my time, and there’s a certain triumph to it, but it wasn’t about that last night. I just wanted Ethan to feel pleasure. Bliss. Ecstasy.

But he wouldn’t let me.

The thought sits ugly and heavy in my stomach, ruining the last movie for me. Why wouldn’t he let me do that for him?

Unless he’s just a really good guy who didn’t want to take advantage of a drunk girl.

I try to focus on that fact, spinning it around until I feel better. He was just protecting me. Being a gentleman.

So, do I…?

My hand inches down his body. He tenses. I grin when I notice the rising tent in his pants, but then he shifts, letting out this awkward laugh.

“Good movie, right? I think the third one’s my favorite.”

I force my eyes back to the screen and nod. “Yeah, it’s great.”

Hiding my disappointment will be impossible if I keep talking, so I grit my teeth and keep my hand on his stomach, begging myself to just focus on the movie and the comfort of being wrapped in Ethan’s embrace.

But it’s damn hard work, and by the time the movie’s done, I’m ready to leave. Being this close to the guy and not being able to do anything about the fire burning through my muscles is a weird kind of torture.

“Well, I should⁠—”

“Wanna play a game?” Ethan sets his laptop on the desk and pulls out a pack of cards, wiggling them in the air with a grin.

“Huh?”

“A game. Rummy, maybe?”

“You… want to play rummy?”

“Yeah.” He shrugs and grins at me. “Got a problem with that?”

“I just…” Closing my eyes, I shake my head. “I thought I should probably go.”

“Aw, come on. You don’t have to go yet.”

I let out an awkward laugh, wishing I could explain how difficult it is to be around him without sounding like some kind of sex fiend.

“Look.” He sighs. “It’s my day off, and I just want to spend it with you. Hang with me, lil’ mouse. Play cards. Eat junk food with me.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “What are you really playing at?”

“Nothing.” His eyebrows pop up. “I genuinely like spending time with you.”

My cheeks burst with heat, and I have to look to the floor, biting my lips together so a giddy giggle doesn’t burst out of me. With a little sniff, I pull myself together and try to sound unaffected as I murmur, “I like hanging out with you too.”

“Excellent. Then come over here and sit down.” He slaps the bed. “Let me kick your ass at rummy.”

I laugh and walk over to the bed, dropping to my knees and collecting the cards he’s dealing to me.

And that’s how my afternoon goes. Playing rummy and laughing my ass off. I love the way we can play off each other’s jokes and banter. He hassles me for being obsessed with Justin Bieber when I was twelve, and I hassle him for owning a Kanye West album.

“I can’t believe you were into rap.”

“It was a phase!” He shakes his head, his cheeks brighter than the sun.

We eat toast, popcorn, and enough gummy bears to make me feel sick again. If it wasn’t for the gallons of water I was drinking, I’d be on a total sugar high. Along with all that, I find out that he’s a damn good rummy player, that we’ve both read every Goosebumps novel ever published, and that visiting Hobbiton in New Zealand is on both our bucket lists.

So yeah, not falling for this guy has become an impossible task.

The feeling grows with each passing minute, and by the time five o’clock rolls around, I seriously need to bail or he’ll have my heart for good.

I change back into my dress, staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and trying to quell the giddy bugs dancing in my chest.

He’s freaking amazing!

Calm down. You can’t have him.

But you can’t stop yourself either!

Gritting my teeth, I shuffle back to the room, bumping into a shirtless Casey along the way. Holy hell. Is drop-dead gorgeous a requirement to live in this place? I can’t help glancing over my shoulder and checking out his back, which is covered by a massive dragon tattoo. An entire Chinese scene that I want to stop and study. But he must sense my gaze, because he turns back and catches my eye, giving me an all-knowing grin that sets my cheeks on fire.

If I react that way to Casey, I’m pretty sure my entire body will melt if I ever get to see Ethan shirtless again.

“Hey, you good?” Ethan’s sharp eyes must read something on my face when I walk in the door, and I scramble to even out my expression.

“Yeah.” I throw the shirt at him. “Thanks for the loan.”

“Anytime.” He grins, tossing it on the end of his bed before raking his eyes over me.

I tug at the dress, pulling it down my thighs, before snatching my heels off the floor. “Well, I better get back.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll walk.”

He gives me a skeptical frown. “In those heels?”

I hold them up with a laugh. “These things? No way. I’m walking home barefoot.”

This answer seems to please him. The smile on his face makes my heart kick out of rhythm, and yeah, I really need to leave now.

“Okay, well… um, thanks for the day. You’re awesome… and I’m gonna go.”

“Let me at least walk you.”

“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t need an escort.”

“What if I want to escort you?” He grins.

I smile right back. “What if I need a minute to call my girl in Cali and tell her about this super-hot guy I’ve been hanging with today?”

He saunters across the room with this cocky grin and stops right in front of me. Cupping my cheeks, he gazes down at me like I’m special, and even that’s enough to turn my weak insides to goo.

And then he kisses me.

It’s hot and searing and over too fast.

It turns my legs to sticks of chewed gum, making my walk down the stairs hard work. Liam notices me in the entrance and gives me a worried frown before spotting Ethan behind me.

I wonder what that look means, but then he’s grinning. “Hey, Mick.”

“Hey, Padre,” I murmur, glancing over my shoulder at Ethan.

His smile is extra bright, making me wonder what he must have signaled to his friend behind my back. I want to ask him about it, but then I don’t because I really should get out of here. I’ve gotta call Rachel. I need to unpack this stuff with the only person in this world I 100 percent trust.

“See ya.”

“Definitely.” Ethan leans against the doorframe, watching me walk down the path. “You’re still coming to the exhibition game, right?”

I spin and smile at him. “You know it!” This answer makes him happy, and that goo in my chest goes all warm and soft and… yeah, I really need to call Ray-Ray.

Pulling out my phone, I touch Rachel’s name on my screen.

She answers after four rings, sounding kind of breathless.

“Hey, bestie.”

“Hey.” I squint against the sunshine, wishing I had my shades. “What’s up? Why are you out of breath?”

She giggles, and I groan.

“Ugh. Do I even want to know?”

She laughs again. “I was just doing a workout.”

“Really? Since when? You haven’t turned into a gym bunny since I’ve been away, have you?”

“No, I’m just doing these Zumba classes online. In my room.”

“Wow.” I raise my eyebrows, kind of impressed. Rachel’s always been allergic to exercise. That’s basically the one thing we don’t have in common. I’d run track and she’d watch from the bleachers. I’d jump in on a basketball game while she cheered me on from the sidelines. In middle school, I’d actually get involved during PE classes and she’d linger in the background, avoiding the ball at all costs. She even tried the I’m allergic to sweat line once with our PE teacher but was made to run two extra laps for lying.

She quickly learned that her best defense was the I have my period card, and she served that up once a month like clockwork.

And now she’s doing Zumba in her room.

“That’s awesome. I’m proud of you.” I grin. “You’ve always been a great dancer. Zumba is the perfect exercise for you.”

“I know it.” She laughs. “It was actually Theo’s idea. He’s into the gym and wants me to be fit and healthy too.”

“Nice.” I nod, impressed by the guy. I like that he’s encouraging my girl this way. For a second, it makes me want to tell her about Ethan. About the awesome day I’ve just had—how he took care of me, nursed me through a hangover, made me forget about all the angst from the Sig Be house and just let me be myself.

That is why I called her, right?

But for some reason, I can’t get the words out, because then I’ll have to admit that I’m falling for him, and it’ll no doubt come to light that I’m supposed to hurt the guy and she’ll be totally ashamed of me.

“So, actually, I was going to call you today because I have some news,” Rachel says.

“Oh yeah?” I blink, relieved by the fact that we can focus solely on her.

“Yeah, um… you know how Mom’s leaving, and I was feeling kind of edgy about living on my own?”

I gasp. “Did you find a roommate?”

“Sort of.”

“What do you mean, sort of?”

“Well… Theo’s asked me to move in with him. And I’ve said yes.”

I stutter to a stop, my bare feet scraping on the pavement. “What?”

“He asked me to move in with him.” Her voice gets brighter and perkier. I can’t tell if it’s forced or if she really means it.

Dammit, why didn’t I video-call her? I need to see her face for this.

I nearly tell her I’m hanging up to call her back, but she’s gushing on about how great it is that everything is working out. The timing is perfect. Her mom will leave, they’ll rent out the house for extra income, and she’ll move in with Theo.

I really don’t want to kill her happy buzz, but surely I have to say something, right?

“Wow, that’s… really fast.” I say it softly, hoping I don’t ruin her happy vibe.

She doesn’t seem to notice my obvious trepidation over her big news, because she lets out this giddy laugh. “Well, when you know, you know, right?”

My stomach sinks as images of Ethan’s beautiful face flash through my mind. Crap. My heart totally gets what Rachel is saying, because today, when I let myself forget everything else, I swear I knew. I knew I was already falling for Ethan, and it was the easiest thing in the world.

And somehow, I’m supposed to shit all over it… sabotage this beautiful thing so I can get myself a free education.

I can’t let that happen.

So how do I get both?