The Foiled Plan: Chapter 3
‘It’s not like you to drink, Raf,’ Carlos’ voice echoes in my ear as he slides in the seat next to me at the makeshift bar we’d built at the warehouse.
‘I screwed up,’ I admit, taking another swig of vodka.
As soon as I’d concluded my meeting with Cisco, I’d checked again on Noelle to see she was fast asleep. Only then did I dare leave the house, knowing I needed to blow off some steam.
Because as things stand… I messed up. I more than messed up.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘The plan to take out both Noelle and Michele. It backfired,’ I take a deep breath.
‘What?’ He frowns.
The plan had sprung out from a need to prove to myself that Noelle didn’t matter to me. That she isn’t compromising my focus and my commitment to get revenge.
So I’d reached out to Cisco with the outline, not expecting him to actually agree to it. The plan had been rather simple. I would use Noelle as bait to arrange a private piano recital, hyping it up in select circles by dubbing Noelle one of the prodigies of the modern age. The rumor would go that she is a reclusive pianist and this would be her first appearance in front of a public audience. With Michele’s propensity for both grandiosity and classical music, this would be right at home for him and would serve to draw him in the open.
The idea had worked perfectly. As it stands, Michele has already taken the bait. Our last report indicates that he purchased tickets through a third party, with Panchito being able to track the transactions clearly and ascertain that the buyer is, indeed, Michele.
‘I don’t get what the issue is. Michele’s already on board with it,’ he asks as he pours himself a glass.
‘The issue is,’ I laugh sarcastically, ‘that I just found out that Noelle is innocent. Entirely innocent.’
His eyes widen at my statement, and I quickly go over my findings, including what I’d found out from Cisco.
‘Holy shit,’ he curses, clearly shocked.
‘Indeed,’ I drawl. ‘So you see, I find myself in a quandary. Cisco doesn’t want to cancel the plan, and I don’t want to go through with it and risk Noelle’s safety.’
‘If he’s threatening you, then the best you can do is make sure she’s protected at all times,’ he adds grimly. ‘We’ll help you with that, and I’m sure Cisco will mobilize his men too. After all, she is his sister.’
‘Yeah, that doesn’t seem to help much where Cisco is concerned,’ I mutter drily.
‘So what now?’
‘Now? I don’t fucking know,’ I curse out, taking the bottle and filling the glass to the brim. ‘Worst of all is that all this time I’ve been picking on an innocent. Fuck…’ I shake my head.
Tipping the glass, I enjoy the burn of the alcohol, the only thing that seems to give me a modicum of peace now.
‘Is it only that?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I know you, Raf. You wouldn’t be here, getting sloshed just because of that. So spill. What else is bothering you?’
‘Nothing…’ I mumble.
‘Raf,’ he purses his lips. ‘I’m going to be brutally honest with you, which maybe, I should have been from the beginning.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘You like her. You like Noelle.’
‘What…’
‘No, listen to me first. You like her. You feel attracted to her. But you’re also mad at yourself for that because you feel as if you’re betraying Lucero. Isn’t that right?’
I can only stare at him, my eyes unblinking.
‘I see that I’m right,’ he chuckles as he fills my glass again before doing the same with his.
‘You are,’ I take a deep breath. ‘Before, it was easier to deny it because in my mind she was the enemy. Now?’ I shake my head, my fingers drumming over the surface of the table. ‘After I found out the truth, it was like something was freed inside of me. Something…’
‘You don’t have to justify it. To be perfectly honest, I could see it from the beginning. I could see how you were behaving with her and how she took over your focus entirely. It wasn’t normal, but I refrained from saying anything since I was sure you’d figure it out sooner or later.’
‘Well, it seems it’s rather late.’
It’s funny to hear that everyone around me had been noticing what I was trying to bury. Because they are right. From the beginning I’d been drawn to her—desired her more than I’ve ever desired another. And that was the problem. Because that would mean what I felt for her was stronger than what I felt for Lucero…
From the beginning, my hate for her had been my lifeline. I’d used that resentment to feed my thirst for revenge and keep my feelings for her at bay. But instead of squashing them, I’d only stifled them so that the moment I found out how wrong I’d been about her, they resurfaced a hundred times stronger than before.
‘Raf, it’s been two years since Lucero died. It’s ok to move on. It’s ok to feel something for another person. It’s ok to let go,’ he pats my back in a fatherly gesture.
‘What you had with Lucero was beautiful and it kept you alive. And because of that I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to languish away or deny yourself the opportunity to be happy.’
‘I know that,’ I start in a strained voice. ‘Logically, I know that. I’m aware that no one spends their entire life loving just one person. Yet in practice? I don’t know if I can let myself. There’s this guilt inside of me every time I think of a future together—because Lucero never got that chance. She died and she never got the chance to be free…’
‘So what are you going to do? You married her. Are you going to keep her at arms’ length forever? What type of life is that?’
‘I get what you’re saying…’
‘No, you don’t,’ he intervenes in a stern tone. ‘You’re using Lucero as an excuse. I know you, Raf, and I know that whatever you feel for Noelle isn’t a trifle. You’re just bloody scared to face it.’
Anger shines in my eyes as I look at him. But just as it comes, it’s gone, a deep calm settling over me as I admit to myself Carlos isn’t wrong.
I want her. I more than want her.
I want to lose myself in her body and brand her with my touch so that’s the only thing she remembers. I want her to belong to me—only to me.
‘You’re right,’ I nod, baring my deepest fear to him. ‘You’re right that I’m scared. Because what if she dies too? What if I’ll get her killed? For God’s sake,’ I groan, letting my head fall into my hands. ‘How would I ever forgive myself if I failed yet another woman?’
‘All I can tell you is that you’re not going to be better off if you don’t take a chance. In our walk of life, death can come any moment. Do you really want to regret not trying at least?’
‘You’re a very good pep talker,’ I give him a smile.
‘I’m just presenting you with facts,’ he flashes me a grin.
‘And you’re very good at it. I agree that I have my own issues to work through. But now that I’m here…’ I trail off, looking in the distance. ‘I can’t back down. I’ll just have to do whatever it takes to protect her.’
‘See, I knew you’d see the light of it. If life is presenting you with a second chance at love, you should take it,’ he winks at me.
‘Wait, wait, wait,’ I put my hand up. ‘You’re jumping the gun. I want her—I desire her. But that’s it. I’ll do my duty as her husband, and maybe we’ll find some happiness together. I’ll certainly do everything in my power to make sure she’s never harmed again.’
‘Sure,’ he nods. ‘Of course. You only desire her.’
‘Yes, and now that I know she’s innocent, there’s nothing holding me back.’
‘Right,’ Carlos nods, but he doesn’t seem convinced.
‘I don’t see why we can’t have a perfectly satisfying marriage. I just need to get her to open up to me,’ I take a deep breath, realizing I’ve probably mucked that up.
‘Raf,’ Carlos stands up, pursing his lips in amusement. ‘You have your work cut out for you, so I can only wish you good luck.’
‘Thanks,’ I mutter drily. ‘I’ll probably need that.’
A little more vodka than I would have cared for and I barely manage to keep myself upright as I enter the room.
Squinting, I try to make sense of the furniture around me so I don’t bump into anything.
‘Fuck,’ I utter a low curse as I step on something sharp.
But just as the words are out of my mouth, the light goes on, Noelle’s worried expression greeting me.
She’s in her nightgown, propped against the headboard, her eyebrows pinched together as she looks at me questioningly.
‘Chocolalte?’ I call out, but I realize my words are failing me. ‘Chocolate?’ I repeat, satisfied when I get it right.
Lifting the bag in my hand, I wave it in front of her.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I brought you chocolate,’ I say as I sway a little before propping myself on the bed.
Dropping the bag in her lap, I turn over to take my shoes off.
‘Why would you bring me chocolate?’ She asks in a confused tone.
Tilting my head to look at her, I frown.
‘Isn’t that what girls need on their periods?’ I ask innocently, removing my shoes and pushing them under the bed.
‘How would you know that?’ She seems rather suspicious as she unpacks the chocolate, turning it on both sides to check the seal.
‘I read on the internet,’ I shrug.
Bringing my hands to my shirt, I start unbuttoning it.
‘Wait, wait, wait,’ she puts a hand up, her eyes flashing at me. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’
‘Getting in bed?’
‘No, you’re not. At least not this bed,’ she waves her pointer finger at me.
‘Yes, I am,’ I state confidently, almost ripping the shirt off my back as I fling it to the floor.
‘What’s gotten into you, Raf? Why are you behaving like this?’ She asks on a soft sigh, and I note the tiredness in her face. ‘Is this the part where you pity me? Because you saw the scars? Is that why you’re acting so nice?’
She raises her eyes at me, and her expression hits me straight to the chest.
There’s an aching vulnerability to her. It’s in the way she’s clutching her blanket to her chest, her brows slightly arched, her lower lip quivering as she looks at me.
And so I’m once more reminded what a total ass I’ve been to her. How I’ve hounded and taunted until she doesn’t feel safe in my presence.
‘I’m not pitying you, Noelle,’ I tell her, slowly advancing towards her. ‘Why would I pity you for something that’s out of your control?’
She regards me wide eyed, and I note the slight jerk of her body as the bed dips under my weight. She leans back, trying to put some distance between us.
‘Then why?’ the words are barely above a whisper.
Without speaking, I turn, showing her my back.
‘What…’ the words tumble out of her mouth.
‘You’re not the only one with scars, Noelle,’ I tell her gently.
My back, not unlike hers, speaks of everything I’d been through at the hacienda and before. Lashings, brandings, canings and everything in between. There are scars from instruments I can’t even name. That and a couple gunshot wounds she should recognize…
There’s a brief pause before the tips of her fingers make contact with my mangled flesh. A sudden intake of breath and I tense, her touch featherlike, but searing itself on my skin.
‘What’s this?’ She asks as she traces the mark on my right shoulder. A circle that houses the letter A, it’s also the source of most of my nightmares.
‘A brand,’ I reply, my voice heavy with emotion.
‘A brand?’ She repeats, and I feel the confusion in her voice.
Everything inside of me is telling me to walk away. Pretend this never happened and go sleep in the other room. The mere thought of the brand is enough to send shivers down my back, making me want to bury my memories deep inside and never gaze at them again.
But I can’t do that.
If I want us to bridge the gap between us, then it’s up to me to offer some honesty as well. Especially after everything I’d found out about her.
She needs to know she’s not the only one. If she’s ashamed of her marks, then I should be infinitely more.
‘Before I came to the hacienda,’ I start, taking a deep breath and steeling myself against the shudder that threatens to overtake me at the thought of Armand. ‘I was sold to a man. His name was Armand.’
‘Armand… Why would he…’ she traces the A etched in my skin, no doubt putting two and two together.
‘He claimed I was the love of his life,’ I give a dry laugh. ‘In his delusion, I was there of my own free will and we were one happy couple.’
‘You mean he…’ she trails off, and I hear her soft whimper.
‘Yes. He raped me,’ I say as I turn.
The sight of her, however, almost kills me.
Unshed tears line her lashes, her eyes moist as she barely keeps herself from crying.
‘No, don’t,’ I whisper as I bring my hand up, brushing a falling tear from her cheek. ‘I didn’t tell you this to make you sad. Or to pity me,’ I give her a strained smile. ‘I told you so we would be on equal footing. I know some of your trauma,’ I pause, letting my knuckles caress her cheek, ‘and now you know some of mine.’
‘But how?’ Her brows furrow in confusion. ‘I don’t…’
‘I was drugged most of the time, so I was never able to fight him off. I stayed with him until he died, and then I was sold to the hacienda.’
‘I’m sorry,’ her soft voice soothes me deep in my heart, and without thinking, I bring her to me, my arms coming around her as I hold her to my chest.
She gasps in surprise, but doesn’t manage to get away.
‘I am sorry,’ I say in her hair, nuzzling my nose in the crook of her neck.
Her scent invades my nostrils—a mix of flowers and cream; a comforting yet spicy sweetness that leaves me wanting more… So much more.
And as my hands move over her slight body, I can’t help the way my brain conjures up the pictures I’d seen, the injuries she’d suffered and how close she’d been to dying.
‘Can you forgive me?’ I ask on a ragged whisper, my voice raspy and full of the emotions of the day.
She keeps herself still in my arms, not pushing me away but not encouraging me either.
‘Why?’
‘Because I didn’t believe you,’ I breathe out.
She doesn’t answer, her harsh breath the only sound permeating the air. I feel her rib cage expand and contract against my chest as she inhales and exhales.
‘You… You believe me?’ she finally asks, her voice lacking her usual conviction. In fact, I detect traces of wonder in her tone, almost as if she doesn’t dare let herself trust my words.
And fuck if that doesn’t hurt. It reminds me that everyone’s been playing with her, accusing her of lying and making things up for attention.
Everyone, including me.
‘I do,’ I assure her. ‘I believe you, Noelle.’
Her breathing accelerates, and out of nowhere, sobs erupt in the air.
‘Shh, don’t cry,’ I bring my hand to her hair, threading my fingers through her silken locks.
It’s the first time we’ve been this close to one another without throwing insults at each other, or engaging in a battle of wills. It’s the first time I’m feeling her pliant body under mine and fuck me…
I stifle a groan at the plushness of her skin, the fit so perfect it’s like we were made for each other—she’s small where I’m big, she’s soft where I’m hard.
I’m a fucking bastard for reacting to her nearness like this, but my cock doesn’t seem to realize that it’s not an opportune moment to make a rather hard appearance.
‘Noelle,’ I taste her name on my lips, but this time it’s not in anger. It’s not in frustration, and it’s not in resentment. No, this time, it’s just her.
Sweet, brave Noelle.
Knowing everything that happened to her and looking back at our interactions, I can only feel a sense of pride filling me to the brim. From the beginning she stood her ground, meeting me on equal footing, giving as good as she got.
I don’t know why Cisco is underestimating her so much when she’s got a core of steel. And that makes me even more in awe of her.
‘Thank you,’ she whispers as she draws back, her eyes red from crying.
‘You don’t have to thank me for anything,’ I attempt a smile as I let my fingers caress the sides of her arms.
There’s a sudden shyness to her as she regards me, her chin tipped down as she barely finds the courage to meet my eyes.
I lean in, instinct and want threatening to overtake me.
Closing my eyes, I simply breathe her in—her scent, her presence, the very warm air she breathes.
‘Raf,’ she says my name, that throaty voice of hers threatening to undo me.
I move closer, yet not close enough.
My lips ache to mate with hers.
Everything in me wants to reach and seize this moment—turn all my desires in reality.
But I can’t. Not yet.
I don’t deserve it yet.
Hovering over her lips, I mutter a low curse as I bring my lips higher, brushing them against her forehead.
‘Are you feeling better now?’ I ask her, my voice harsh. I barely trust myself with this proximity, especially as I’m fighting a raging erection from the contact of her skin alone.
‘Yes,’ she nods. ‘The pills helped.’
‘Good. Good,’ I murmur. ‘Let’s sleep then.’
And before she can protest, before she can remind me that my place is not in her bed, I draw her in my arms, nestling her against me.
I’m sitting on top of the blanket. She’s under.
The temptation is agonizing.
Yet for now I’ll settle to have her near. To win her trust step by step and show her I’m not the bastard she’s come to know. That she can trust me with her secrets and her pains.
But more than anything, that I can be worthy of her.
Because if she knew what I did…