The Faerie Slayer

Abby's Pov

I had woken up early morning and it felt as if I had never even went to sleep. My state of subconsciousness had conferred me no mental repose, no solace nor comfort. Every time I had woken up, it's been violent and extreme. Night sweats had soaked my face and body, I had been too scared to slip back to sleep in the case that I would dream again. How was it, that in a matter of hours I had lost two people that I deeply cared about. My reaction to Ben's confession haunted me the most. I had began to laugh in his face, I stumped my feet, I yelled at him and told him that his timing could not haven been better. The look of horror on his face bid me guilt. It made my stomach turn, almost as badly as the the memory of Caleb's face as he controlled the poor little bird and driven him into suicide. I sat up in my bed, still wet from the sweats and retrieved my phone. For the first time in a long time, I woke up to no calls or text messages from Caleb or Ben. On my nightstand was Caleb's phone. He too, had zero notifications. I wondered where he was, and how he would contact me if he cannot remember my cellphone number. I hoped that he'd show up here or maybe during my lunch break at school on Monday. I even wondered if I wanted him to, it should have been a deal breaker what he had done to that poor animal. He had said something about trying to control his powers more, was I willing to standby in the name of love and watch as he murders a dozen more helpless creatures?

I fiddled with his phone in my hands and debated going through it. I finally caved and was able to get into the phone without a password. I opened up the icon for messages first and scrunched my face in confusion at the display. The only text thread that existed was mine, there was no other message nor a saved number besides mine. The phone was completely empty, no pictures, no applications. The call history was just myself. It was almost as if he's used the phone to contact me only. I opened up the notes application. One entry that read ; Aubrette Fawn/Evergreen.

I placed the phone down and reached under my bed for the book that he'd given me. I reread the first two pages again.

'when a child is formed on a star. What is it if not an alien? It could look like you and I but it hosts the abilities that we have not unlocked yet. Not quite the cliche of powers but aptitudes, defined as the natural skill and talent that a person posses and is born with. These creatures bear innate intelligence and wisdoms beyond your wildest imaginations.'

I scavenged my mind restlessly, pleading myself to find an answer amongst the cloud of dither and doubt. I came up short every time. Who the hell is Caleb, if not my boyfriend? The boy who can manipulate wildlife was suddenly gone and stripped away from my life, leaving me with nothing but a strange man's diary and an empty cellphone. I suddenly wondered if he ever existed or maybe I had made the whole thing up. The only thing that bid proof to his existence were the items in my possession.

I thought of the strange boy in the alleyway, the one who had Caleb's phone. I remembered him from the bar in Boerum Hill when he'd rescued me from a flying glass. I could not remember where else I had seen him, but that could not be the first time. He carried a certain aura around him, most masculine yet gentle enough to fend for a fly. I had never met a stranger before whom I immediately trusted with every inch of me. Something about his captivating gaze haunted me, behind those dark hazel eyes were thoughts that I was curious about. He looks at me as if he knows me. I thought about last night and how I could almost feel his touch on me now. I closed my eyes in an attempt to relive the moment. Lost in a state of subconsciousness, I watched as he retrieved leather from a jar he'd carried with him. I remember peering at his boulder like arms and the endless veins that had emerged when he'd brutally ripped at the cloth. There was a certain state of panic in his actions, he was almost desperate to help me. I hadn't felt that admiration with anyone, certainly not Caleb. He hadn't asked me to disinfect the wound and go home, he'd demanded it like he cared. I wanted to fling myself into the home of his chest and cry for hours. I did not know this stranger, but he'd helped me twice already. I wondered if I would see him again. I would question him more, about finding Caleb's phone, about possibly seeing something that was strange or out of the regular flow of life. I remembered Ben, and how big his eyes had gotten during his confession. I don't think there were a time that ever exited that my dear friend was more vulnerable. He hadn't acted this way ever, not even when his dad had left. I sat up, tossing the stupid book aside and called Ben. I called him a dozen times but I was sent to voice mail every time. Finally, I decided that I was going to show up at his place in person. It would be harder to ignore me in the flesh I'd imagined. I showered the night sweats off and put on some fresh clothes. I did not bother with the bags that had made camp beneath my eyes. Concealing them would irritate them into being worse. I made sure to be silent as I skipped through the hallway past my mother and fathers room, and down the stairs. I could not afford to explain my appearance nor did I have it in me to cough up an explanation. I was far to mentally and emotionally drained. In reality, I wished that I could turn back time, but I did not know what I would have changed. Maybe I would have refused to go out for a smoke with Caleb. Had I not bore witness to his crime and display of power, where would we stand now?

I was outside now in the fresh autumn air that hit me like a ton of brick. I was now forced awake and jolted out of my state of tumbling misery. Summer was just a few weeks away, yet the rustic leaves lingered and swayed, teasing the pavement beneath me and suddenly the scene was not so beautiful. In my night of unholy slumber I felt as if I had aged a decade. I did not take the train to Ben's house. I preferred to walk in hopes that it would give me time to forge the right thing to say, although I did not believe it existed. Saturday morning was quite, everyone was deep in a state of sleep, most had their windows open, cuddled up to their loved ones wrapped with the bliss and magic of the perfectly tempered breeze. I rehearsed what I would say to Ben, over and over again. It wasn't until I was less then a block away and his small two story house was within my sight that I realized I had not asked myself the one question that he'd homed for years.

Was I willing to give it a try?

I had not bothered to ask, because I knew the answer. Some things were not so black and white, some things, or rather, most things were grey, but not my feelings for Ben. There wasn't a world where I could imagine us as soulmates or lovers. It would have been a perfect match, no doubt, a pairing decided by the heavens but I could not forge my heart into being convinced. With every fibre of my being, I knew that Ben was my best friend. Maybe, even if I were to one day be married and bear kids, deep down I would still care for him more then my own partner, but it would always be a different kind of love.

I found myself standing outside of his aged front door. On the other side of Deadwood Creek, this suburb was further away from the strip of forest, there were no birds that chirped, less leaves, less noise. I raised my fist and announced my presence with a knock. Just for a second, I'd hoped for no one to be home, although his mothers Nissan stood parked outside their garage. I lifted my fist to knock again, it was Ben's cat; Mitten-that greeted me first, rested on the couch if their living room peering out at me from a slightly parted window. She yielded me a soft 'meow,' and a pur. I took a step back and gazed up at the upper floor. Ben's window was closed, thick black curtains masking everything that was inside. There was no indication of his presence.

The front door was being answered, with obvious hesitation. It was Ben's mother on the other side. She was a tall and lanky women, much like her son, she wore her long curly brown hair in a bun and the look in her eyes told me that she already knew of everything.

"Hi Abby," she greeted and for the first time since I could remember, she guarded the side of her door as opposed to stepping aside immediately and letting me in.

I tried to speak but my throat was dry and so I cleared it," Is Ben home?"

"He's not," she shook her head," and I don't know where he is."

Of course I didn't believe her. I did not answer for a few seconds, hoping of catch sound of his presence inside.

"If you could just let me talk to him, just for a minute-" there was a pleading taint to my voice.

"He's not here, Abby, I told you."

"Please," I stared at her with despair in my eyes. I'd hoped that she could see the desperation I housed. Her next words where whispered.

"He needs to be alone for a bit, why don't you give him some space, sweetheart?"

I could only nod. I lodged the part of me that urged to push past her and run upstairs into his room. I retrieved backwards and spared Ben's home one final glance. A wave of memories had spun my head into a frenzy. My eyes were locked in a staring contest with his window. I thought about the endless times that I had slept over. I pondered over the tree house his dad had built for us a over a decade ago and the warm summer nights we'd insist on spending our sleepless time inside. For all of my life it had been just Ben and I, we could not have grown any closer. Ben had fought off my bullies even if it meant getting his lunch money stolen at the time, he'd done it over and over again. There was no expiry nor limit to his loyalty. I suddenly felt as if my heart were dropping within my body. My chest felt empty, I felt the same sensation as if I were on a steep hill or rollercoaster.

Suddenly, a moment so quick I could have sworn I'd made it up, I seen his curtain move and knew that he must have been watching me.

Ben's mother was still at the door, waiting for me to leave before safely shutting me out.

"I seen him," I said, lifting my phone to dial his number," he's by his window."

"Aubrette, please-"

The line hardly rang before it went to voicemail. I picked up a rock from their front lawn and tossed it as his window.

"Aubrette!" She screeched out," you're going to break the window!"

"Ben!" I screamed out, careless to his panicking mother," I know your in there!"

Ben's face emerged from within the mystery of the curtains. He wore a baggy Metallica t-shirt and I could see that the bags under his eyes mimicked mine. Through the small part of the window he shouted," what do you want, Abby?"

"I'm sorry about how I reacted!" My neck was beginning to ache. The heat of the sun on my face combined with my sleepless slumber moulded into a state of severe fatigue," can I come up? Or you come down?"

When he didn't respond, I added," I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

"Let her up," Ben shouted and disappeared back into his room. Ben's mother seemed to be in doubt but I did not care. I marched back to the front door and past her when she'd moved to the side. I ran up the stairs and hesitated in front of his door briefly.

I don't have to come up with a script or rehearse, I convinced myself, this is Ben. My Ben.

I let myself in without a given warning. It was the same, familiar room that I must have seen a thousand times. The walls were plastered with dozens of photos of bands, a gaming desk, a dresser with all the drawers wide open, spilling contents of clothing. Although Ben had done a pretty consistent job of keeping his room a mess, this time is was somehow worse. His navy sheets housed an open box of pizza and their crumbs. Empty soda cans littered the carpet, dirty napkins, unkept dirty laundry and an overall chaos of a place to sleep. Beside the window, standing with his hands in the pockets of his black sweats was my best friend.

"Hi," I could only say now, although I felt as if I had so much more to say just a few minutes ago.

"Hey," he greeted, his eyes locked in a gaze with the floor in front of my feet.

"How are you?"

"You said you wanted to talk?" He seemed to cut to the chase," what did you want to talk about?"

"Ben," I took a step forward and stopped," I'm sorry about last night. You caught me so off guard. Never in a thousand years was I expecting that."

He flinched and I realized that I'd already put my foot in my mouth.

"What I mean is-"

"This isn't a good idea. You should leave-"

"Ben stop. Let me talk to you-"

"What more is there for you to say, Abby?" His eyes plead for something we both knew I could not give.

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you've secretly been feeling the same way I have all this time. That you'll give us a chance."

"I can't say that Ben," I did not mean for my voice to go so slow. The part of me that hated to admit this seemed to thief my most of my voice.

"Why not?"

"Because it's not true. I don't think you're in love with me Ben, I think your confused-"

"First you reject me, then you tell me I'm crazy?"

"That's not what I meant,"I could not decipher which were true, whether my best friend was being much more defensive then usual or if I was saying all the wrong things. I settled on that it was a mixture of both. This moment truly could not get any worse. This was the nightmare that I never could have seen coming.

"You can't tell me how to feel, Abby."

"I know that, Ben. I'm not trying to. Just stop for a second and think. It's me," I took a couple more steps closer and tried to catch his eyes," I'm your best friend. I've known you since you were a baby. I don't want to lose you Ben."

"Can't you see? That's what makes it so perfect," he grabbed both of my hands with his and held it to his abdomen," we're meant to be. There's no one I care more about."

I stared at him, truly stared at him for minutes. He really believed it, in his mind, that we met because were soulmates.

"No, that's not true Ben. We met because we complete each other in a different way. You're like my brother."

"It's Caleb, isn't it? You're too busy with worried about him to freaking open your eyes and realize!"

"It's not Caleb, Ben! I think we might have even broken up last night."

He paused for a second. He did not look relieved, only concerned. He must have been expecting for me to break down in a pile of tears as I had the pervious time that a boy had broken my heart and Ben was there to mend it.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, but I can't afford to lose you too right now."

"I wish I can be there for you, Abby. Like I've done everyday for almost two decades now."

"I was always there for you too," there was a look on his face that made me wonder; what are you really saying?

I could begin to read between the lines but I simply did not want to for I was afraid that the pain would end me.

"Not in the same way that I was for you," he continued.

"That's not true Ben."

"It is true. You don't know how much it hurt, to watch you pass me over, everyday for different guys that don't treat you half as good as I do. I was invisible to you, no matter what I did or how hard I tried."

"Ben-"

"The truth is, I've confessed my love to you a million times but with actions and you've rejected me every time. I don't think I could do it anymore-"

"Stop talking!"

"I'm sorry, Abby."

Suddenly, I wished that he'd never confessed and that we could have lived the rest of our lives without ever unveiling the closure that he secretly craved. Suddenly, I wished that he'd kept it in forever, for my greedy and selfish benefit, we could have proceeded as nothing more then best friends for eternity. I would have been content in my naive bubble of forged belief, that my best friend was like my brother but in true, it would be him that was naive all along. It did not hurt to admit this to myself, I was far too angry with Ben for ruining the greatest thing in my life.

How could you do it, I kept thinking, how could you fall in love, how could you doom us?

We were forever stained, there was no erasing, no going back. How do we move on?

I stared into Ben's eyes and through their reflection I could unmask my own sorrow. I did not think that I have ever quite looked so sad and hollow. I felt as if you there was an echo of abandonment within me. It ached slightly when it wasn't completely numb.

"I hope you change your mind," I said to Ben," I hope I can see you again soon." I could not register the look on his face. Part me of had already checked out.

I walked out of his bedroom, I ran down the stairs through the ringing of my ears and burning vision of thunderstorms of rain. My tears flooded my surroundings. I could only see nothing as I stumbled through my journey home.