The Fabric of our Souls

It’s already ten by the time I’m showered and dressed, hurrying to my first session of the day.

Skipping breakfast is fine. I found some granola bars on my desk and snagged one for the walk to the workout room. Exercise is crucial to mental health, according to Jericho, and we always begin our mornings with an hour-long workout.

I wolf down the granola bar and steel myself to meet more unfamiliar faces today. The shower this morning was pretty vacant besides a few other women, thankfully.

The workout room is on the second floor and overlooks the rear of the manor. I enter the room hesitantly and Jericho stands.

“Good morning Coldfox. You look like you slept like shit,” he mumbles as he checks off my name on his clipboard.

I feign a smile. “Yeah, first-night jitters, I guess,” I lie.

Liam was already out of the room when I woke up and I have no clue what his schedule looks like. I’m relieved I don’t see his name on Jericho’s list though.

“Yeah, that should pass soon. As well, your brother contacted us this morning requesting some sleeping medication for you, so I’ll have that to you by tonight.” He looks over my head as a few more patients step in and head toward some treadmills in the back.

“Thanks,” I mutter and take a look around the room.

Everyone seems to be in their own zone. Most people have their headphones in or are buddied up with someone. The options are treadmills, cardio cycles, ellipticals, or weights.

I settle for a treadmill in the front of the room so I can at least look at the forest and the low clouds, heavy with rain.

Someone takes the treadmill to my right. I don’t bother looking up as I press a low setting on the machine. The belt starts moving and I walk in a steady stride.

A few of the other patients behind me are chatting in low voices. I can’t help but eavesdrop.

“Did you see the updates in the hallway?” one woman asks the other.

“No, why?”

“The lobby now has surveillance, and if you leave Harlow for good, you must check out or they’ll report you missing.”

The other girl is quiet for a moment. “Do you think it’s about those missing people?

“From like ten years ago? I don’t think they’re actually missing. I think they’re dead and buried in the basement.”

Wait, missing people? Like the articles in Liam’s journal?

“Sidney says that if you don’t push your shoes up against the door at night that they’ll whisper underneath it,” another girl says with a fearful tone.

I couldn’t be walking quieter if I tried as I desperately listen to each word they say. Fear drips through my body. How did I not hear about this? Then again, this is Montana, where nothing is ever a big deal except the bison at Yellowstone.

“So, what’s with the pink hair?”

I physically jump and a small squeal escapes my throat. I glance over at the man to my right. He’s easy to recognize because of his handsome features. One of the only people I remember from yesterday.

He laughs as he turns on his treadmill. “Fuck, sorry about that. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

I take a few grounding breaths. “Lanston, right?”

He grins and nods. “Yeah, I’m surprised you remember. And I meant my question in a good way. I like your hair. I was curious, why pink?” Lanston sounds nervous and his cheeks are already bright red.

His black Under Armour shirt is tight against his sculpted chest. His gray sweatpants don’t leave much for the imagination either.

“Pink is my favorite color. I dyed it after I quit my corporate job, you know, just in defiance of it all.” I quirk a small smile at him.

Lanston laughs. The low rumble of it comforts me. He’s one of those people who radiates warmth. His smile makes you want to smile.

I wish I could be like that. I wish I could have that warmth.

“Well it looks really good on you.”

“Thanks,” I say as I return my eyes to the window overlooking the forest. The conversation behind us has ended but their words are heavy in my mind. What happened at Harlow Sanctum?

We walk in silence for several minutes before he starts up again. “Are you getting along with your roommate?”

I sigh and my brows pull together with frustration at the mere mention of Liam. “Not particularly, no.”

Lanston chuckles under his breath. “You know, I’m not surprised. Liam hated my guts when we first met too.”

I look at him with curiosity. Are they friends or something? I’m shocked, given how cold Liam is. Lanston is his stark opposite. “Are you a masochist too?” I ask. I can’t recall if he mentioned his illness in session yesterday.

“No, I used to be suicidal. I’d like to think I’m better now, but I still fall into that pit some days. You know?” His smile falters, vulnerability flickering across his eyes.

“Yeah, I do.” Lanston, he’s like me. A small light in this dark, lonely place.

I hesitate before deciding to open up a bit. Why is it that strangers are so easy to talk to? The lack of history, I suppose.

“Right now, I feel sane. I know that deep down, I don’t really want to die. I like looking outside at the clouds touching the trees. I like the crisp air in my lungs. I am content being here. But tonight, that could change. Tomorrow, it could change. There’s no telling what will trigger me. What will make me throw in the towel? I know I’m sick. But in those dark moments… I can’t seem to think rationally. Not sane.”

He frowns and his hazel eyes watch me with deep sympathy. He murmurs, “I’m not sane either, Wynn. You’re not alone in this castle of tragedy.”

We look at each other for a few seconds.

“So Liam hated you?” I ask, not sure how Liam could get past Lanston’s illness. It seems to be the sole reason why he dislikes me so much.

“Yeah, that asshole would let me have it. He’d go on tangents on why I should cherish my life. How lucky I am to be able to feel emotions so entirely that I’m overcome with them.” He pauses when my expression turns to horror, and laughs, his perfect teeth showing and tugging on my heartstrings. “I know, a fucking monster, right? Well, I thought so too at first. But then I had a really bad mental slump.” His smile dims and his eyes grow distant with memory. “I tried to kill myself in the bathrooms. It was really early in the morning, so I didn’t think anyone would find me until after dawn. But the second my feet left the stool, Liam was already holding my legs, keeping the weight of my foolish act from killing me.”

Liam saved him… I wonder if it was by chance—if Liam was on one of his weird early-morning walks and just happened across him.

“And after that incident, we sort of became inseparable. We’d sit next to each other at meals and spend time hanging out. We even got matching tattoos.” Lanston pulls up his sleeve and reveals his tattoo, a Roman numeral II.

“So you’re saying he’s not a total dick?” I deadpan.

“Yeah, he has a hard exterior but he’s all mush on the inside. Don’t let his initial scary phase spook you.”

Jericho flicks the lights to get our attention and announces that the morning workout is over.

Lanston groans as he turns his machine off. “We hardly get enough time for the morning workout. Where are you heading next?” he asks before taking a swig of his water.

I grab my phone and check the schedule. “One on one with Dr. Prestin.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah.”

He pats my back as I step down from the treadmill and heads toward the door. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t expect a ton of chitchat. Prestin is like a gargoyle.”

My lips pull up into a smile. “What a weird comparison.”

He shrugs and nudges me. “See you at lunch?”

I nod as we part ways in the hall. I watch Lanston until he vanishes down the stairs. Did I just make my first friend here?

The first friend I’ve had in a long time.

Dr. Prestin’s office is in the corner of the second floor, facing the front of the mansion. It’s bright with multiple windows lining both sides of the room. His desk is fancy, made of dark, glossy oak. His doctorate degree hangs behind him, along with many trophies he’s apparently won for his research in mental health.

“How are you acclimating, Miss Coldfox?” Dr. Prestin looks at me through his thick-framed glasses. He certainly looks just as tired and impassive as he did when I met him at the hospital.

“Good,” I state plainly.

He writes down a few sentences in the file before shifting back in his seat and threading his fingers together in thought.

“Do you find your roommate suitable? Waters is your partner, correct?”

“He’s… fine. That’s correct.”

God, he talks about us like we’re lab rats. I suppose we probably are rats to him, the people he steps on to get those blood trophies he’s so proud, hanging from insignificant nails on his gray walls.

“Fine? Waters is probably our most deviant patient and the hardest yet to cure. Surely, given your personality charts, you’ve already quarreled?” Dr. Prestin presses me.

My fists clench at my sides and I can’t keep the disdain from my voice as I say, “Yes, he’s been fine. We’ve disagreed on a few things, but it’s manageable.”

Do it for James. Do it to get better, I scold myself.

Dr. Prestin watches me for several moments before nodding. “I see. Very good.”

He spends the rest of the session talking about new medications he would like to try and boring psychological stuff that I don’t understand the majority of. Then he sends me off with a stiff nod and a “See you next week.”

I grab an apple and a wrapped Italian sandwich at the buffet. There are tons of available tables but I venture out into the courtyard for some fresh air. The three-foot stone wall lining the garden bed is dry, so I take a seat and wipe the apple off with my shirt before taking a bite.

The marigolds and mums are bright yellow and orange, a nice contrast to the dark, gloomy weather we’ve been having. I enjoy sitting in solitude. Some people hate it, feel vulnerable even, but there’s nothing more peaceful than embracing your own silence. Only you exist, no one else.

“Hey, I was looking for you in there.” Lanston’s cheerful voice draws my attention away from the garden flowers and I see Yelina and Liam in tow behind him.

So much for solitude.

“It’s a nice afternoon so I thought I’d get some fresh air.” I smile the best I can. Lanston and Yelina beam back at me and eagerly sit down while Liam just gives me a dirty, sarcastic smile that says he knows mine is fake.

I hate this man.

My eyes linger over his arm where I bandaged him up this morning. His hoodie hides it well and I’m sure no one suspects a thing.

Yelina eyes Liam as he sits next to me, so close that we’re touching shoulders.

“You can sit next to me,” Yelina chirps to him. Liam snags the apple from my hand and takes a bite. I take a deep breath and ignore him. Yelina’s brows pull together. “Do you know Wynn already?” Her green eyes lift to Liam.

He takes another bite of the apple and grins. “Yep.”

“They’re roommates, Yelina,” Lanston mutters as he unwraps his sandwich.

Her cheeks flush red and her eyes flash at me. I still, squeezing my sandwich harder than I intend to.

“That’s not fair.” She stands abruptly and storms back inside.

I raise a brow and glance at Lanston. He looks tired. I wonder if he took a nap since our workout this morning. “What’s her deal?”

“Yelina is prone to outbursts. It doesn’t help that she’s in love with Liam either.”

Oh, well that makes sense.

“Why did you ignore her then? That was rude.”

Liam shrugs. “She’s annoying. I’ve never been nice to her, so it’s not my fault she’s into me.”

Lanston laughs but stops when I shoot him a warning look too.

The three of us are silent for a second before I crack a smile. Lanston elbows me playfully.

“I think that’s your first.”

“My first what?”

Liam leans to look at my face. A glimmer spreads through his eyes as he murmurs, “Your first genuine smile.”