The Fabric of our Souls

We walk shamelessly back to the glow of the festival. I know loving Wynn is dangerous, but I can’t stop myself from yearning for her every breath.

My phone buzzes. A chill runs down my spine but I ignore it the best I can. Not tonight. I’m not going to let that bother me tonight.

Lanston calls out to us as we reemerge from the shadows.

“Where’d you guys go?” He studies our faces and frowns. “And why do you look like you just got done fucking in your car?”

Wynn covers her mouth with a short gasp and shoves his shoulder.

They both laugh but I don’t miss the pain in Lanston’s eyes.

This is a shitty situation.

These two people mean more to me than anything else, but whatever I do hurts one of them. Guilt ebbs into me and the itch to hurt myself sends goosebumps up my arms.

“You promised me a dance.” Lanston grabs Wynn’s hand and she throws me an apologetic smile before running out into the street with him among the other couples. He whispers something to her and she laughs. His eyes shine at her with affection. I take a seat on the bench next to Yelina.

I see many others from Harlow dancing here tonight. Staff, patients. Jericho has a beautiful young woman in his arms and a flush across his cheeks that makes me grin.

I watch Lanston and Wynn dance in slow movements. They smile, completely engrossed in the moment.

“That bad, huh?”

“What?”

Yelina pulls out a cigarette and lights it. Her eyes are dull and she looks like she’s had enough of tonight already. “You’re in love with her,” she states nonchalantly, as sure as the smoke she breathes in.

“Yeah… I am.” Lanston’s hands are low on her waist and Wynn’s arms are wrapped around his shoulders like she’ll never let him go. My heart twists uncertainly.

“Well, isn’t she lucky? Are you both fucking her?”

I cast Yelina a cold, warning stare. “No.”

She laughs cruelly. “We’ll see about that.”

In my heart, I know Lanston would never do that. But my eyes and brain tell me differently. They hold one another so casually, affectionately. Yelina isn’t helping the dark whispers in my head.

Just like that, the seed of doubt has been planted.

And the darkness inside me itches.