The Fabric of our Souls

The coffee shop had everything from fancy matcha tea to iced americanos, but Lanston and I instantly decided we wanted pumpkin-spiced lattes. We talked about Boston. Lanston’s dream is to move there someday, and the more he spoke of it, the more it became my dream too.

Kindred spirits and all.

We each have five books in our bags by the time we leave the bookstore. He thought it’d be fun to pick for one another, so I chose some I liked and a few new ones I haven’t read yet.

We swore not to look at the books until we got back to our rooms, so our bags are tied shut and the anticipation is killing me. I set mine in the bag attached to the back of my bike. “Thank you.”

Lanston beams at me and pulls his helmet on. “For what?”

“For not letting my day suck. Liam hurt me… and I was ready to just run away from everything.”

He lowers his head, and though I can’t see his face, I know he’s got that sweet grin pulling at his lips. “I know… and it’s okay if you still want to. I just wanted to give you a nice afternoon and see you smile. I had more fun with you today than I have in years.” His voice is vulnerable and my heart flutters. “Are you riding back alone or are you down to come to the tattoo shop? Liam might be there,” he warns but his tone is smooth.

We both know Liam has a heart of gold. He’s dealing with demons that I can’t even fathom.

“Lead the way.”

The tattoo shop is a few blocks down and when I see Liam’s white Camaro parked out front, my stomach twists.

Lanston gives me a sympathetic look and offers me his arm. “If he’s here, then he’s ready to apologize. Did you see the way I pushed him? You don’t come back from that unless you’re ready to say sorry,” he says sarcastically.

I smile hopefully with him. But I’m still hurt from what Liam did earlier.

When we enter the shop I’m relieved to find it empty. Someone calls out from the rear for us to head back and Lanston comfortably leads the way.

I wonder how many times he’s been here. Lanston always wears hoodies and sweaters with long pants so I’m not even sure how many tattoos he has. Liam, on the other hand—I’ve scoured his body obsessively for weeks. I don’t think there’s one I wouldn’t be able to remember.

The tattoo gun purrs as a man leans over Liam’s head. He’s tattooing something behind his ear. I grimace. It looks incredibly painful, but Liam’s face is impassive, at least until he looks up and sees the two of us.

Lanston crosses his arms. “Started without us?”

Liam grins but doesn’t respond. We take a seat while we wait, not wanting to disrupt the tattoo artist. He does a few more strokes of ink before wiping Liam’s skin and putting on a clear cover.

I try not to focus on Liam. I’m not ready to look at him and find that cold stare he gave me earlier.

“All right, Nevers, you’re next.”

Lanston gets up and switches spots with Liam.

I avert my eyes as Liam sits next to me and I try not to think about anything involving this afternoon except the bookstore and coffee shop.

He sets his hand on top of mine and I’m half about to cry and half about to lay into him about being a fucking asshole. But when my head turns and our eyes meet, he has an apologetic grin and weary eyes.

“I’m sorry about earlier, Wynn.”

My gut instinct is to forgive him instantly and never talk about it again. But he looks like he has more to say, so I don’t interrupt him.

“I lost myself for a bit. I’m much clearer now… I’m sorry for looking at you like that and saying what I did.” His eyes don’t leave mine for a second.

“Thanks for apologizing,” I say half-heartedly. It still hurts and I’m confused about where his heart lies.

We sit quietly for about fifteen minutes as Lanston gets his tattoo. It’s a Roman numeral III, just above the elbow crease on the inside of his arm. He already had a numeral two there.

They wrap up talking to the tattoo artist and pay him. By the time we walk out the door, I feel like I could sleep for the rest of the evening.

Liam walks ahead of me and I see his tattoo has changed to the same as Lanston’s. A three instead of the two.

“Are you guys going to tell me what’s with the number three?” I ask, looking at each of them.

“How about we race back and if you beat us, we’ll tell you.” Lanston smiles wickedly at me.

Liam starts his engine and laughs. “Like Coldfox could beat us in a race.”

“I’ll mop the floor with you two.” I pull my helmet on and take off.

Lanston shouts something with a laugh deep in his chest and Liam just revs his engine and chases after me in his Camaro.

We ride irresponsibly fast down the highway and the three of us all get tickets. The police officer even taps his pen on Lanston’s helmet while scolding us, he’s so pissed.

Once the cop pulls away and we’re certain no other vehicles are coming, we take off again. I’m laughing so hard that tears spill over my cheeks. I know Lanston’s laughing too beneath the roar of our bikes. I can’t say for Liam because he’s so far ahead of us.

We make it safely back to the garage, by the grace of God, and park in the designated spots. Liam’s white Camaro is parked across from us, empty, but the engine still makes crinkling sounds, so at least we weren’t too far back in the dust.

“That cop actually let us off pretty easy.” Lanston shoves his speeding ticket in his pocket after rereading it. “Still an asshole though.”

“He could’ve arrested us,” I mutter as I pull my bag of books from the luggage bag. “He’s a saint.”

“Only because you batted your pretty eyes at him! If not for you, he would’ve cuffed me and Liam on the asphalt.” Lanston feigns being sad as he places both his wrists behind his back.

I throw my helmet at him and he barely moves his hands quick enough to catch it. “You’re welcome.” I smirk and run toward the stairs with my book bag.

“Oh no you don’t!” he shouts after me, but I’m already swinging around the corner and taking two steps at a time. When I reach the first floor, I shove the door open and crash into someone.

My books break free of the plastic bag and scatter across the floor. I gasp and pray to God that I didn’t just run over our little old receptionist, Mrs. Abett, but thankfully, it’s just Liam.

He rubs his head and laughs. “Jesus, I was coming down there because you two were taking forever. I thought you’d gotten in a wreck or some—”

Lanston comes bursting through the doors behind us, trips over my feet, and lands beside Liam, groaning.

The three of us are sprawled out like idiots on the floor.

“Is this you groveling?” Lanston jests, punching Liam in the arm weakly.

“Liam? Groveling?” I roll my eyes, standing up and brushing off my pants. Lanston sits up and his eyes get big, frantically looking up at me and then back to the ground.

I raise a brow and mouth What? But it’s too late.

Liam picks up one of the books and my soul leaves my body when I see the cover. It’s of two damn-near naked people, and they are not fucking cuddling.

“Oh my God.” I rush to pick up the rest and Lanston can’t help but laugh at me as I scramble to get them all.

Liam smiles criminally and passes me the book in his hands. “You really let Lanston pick books for you to read?” My jaw drops and Lanston laughs harder.

“How’d you know?” I say as I look down at the other books, all similar to the first. My cheeks are as hot as when we got caught fucking in the showers last night.

“Because I have the same book gifted by the same jackass.”

Lanston shrugs, still trying to cease his laughter. “It’s a good book, okay? I can’t be silenced.”

The three of us look at one another with mixed expressions before bursting out with laughter. We gather our books and Liam insists on carrying my bag back to our room.

Lanston joins us and sits on my bed as he unties his plastic bag. He tosses his hat on my pillow and sets the pile down between us. Liam lies on his bed, propping his head up with amusement as he waits to see what I picked out.

“What are these?” Lanston says with pinched brows, flipping through some pages and reading the back of a few with interest.

“Murder mystery and dark romance. They will keep you up all night. I could hardly sleep after this one.” I pass him one with a skull on the cover and his eyes fill with horror.

“Wynn, I hate murder mystery.” Lanston groans and leans back to grab the stack he picked for me.

“And I’m supposed to love these?”

“Just try them.”

“Right back at you,” I say with a pointed look. Liam smirks devilishly.

We stay up way too late.

I haven’t had a night like this in a long time. Why did it take me coming to a rehabilitation institute to finally find people like me? People who hurt and understand the same way I do. People I cherish more than anything

Liam suggests a movie and pops in a thriller. We act like complete children and throw all the pillows and blankets on one bed so we can all sit together. Lanston brings popcorn and coffee in paper cups from his room while I sneak into the kitchen to snag a bag of chips.

By the time the movie is playing, I’m sitting between the two of them and smiling so easily it feels like a dream. Can being happy truly be this simple? I hope so. I want this forever.

Lanston scoots in much closer than he needs to, but I guess he’s pretty freaked out by horror movies. It’s sort of cute to see him hide his face beneath his hands.

On the other hand, Liam and I are on the same page. Our eyes are wide open and we smile at every jump scare and gory scene. He nudges me and nods toward Lanston. I glance over and see his head completely covered with the blanket.

“You chicken.” I grab his side to scare him and he yelps.

“You’re so cruel!” he jests and falls over my lap laughing.

Liam cracks up and covers his mouth in an attempt to hide his gorgeous smile. “Dude, it’s just a movie. None of this shit is real.”

“It says based off a true story.” Lanston finds the DVD case and holds it up for us to see. It does say that. But don’t most movies say something along those lines?

When you’re in your mid-twenties, coffee either goes two ways. Either you are buzzing all hours of the night or you have an outrageous amount of energy for an hour and then crash.

Lanston leans against my shoulder, completely passed out, while Liam is wide awake. He puts in another movie and checks his phone, frowning at another message—his mom, I’m guessing.

“Hope you like slasher films too.” He smiles as he scoots in close. His eyes linger on Lanston’s head resting on my shoulder but he keeps the cheerful mood up anyway.

“Are you kidding? I live for them.”

His grin grows and he presses play. We watch silently for about ten minutes before Lanston topples over and lies down on my pillow.

“He’s such an idiot,” Liam says with a sarcastic tone.

“You really freaked me out today… I didn’t know what was going on with you, and Lanston was worried too. You’re all we have, Liam.”

His blue eyes lower to my hand and he murmurs, “I just really got in my head… Do you have any idea how hard it is to have the two closest people in your life want to die?”

My eyes instantly burn. I know he isn’t being mean, but it’s horrible to hear out loud. The truth is unbearable.

“That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? To get better.” I brush my hand across his cheek and try to urge him to meet my eyes, but he won’t.

“And what if you don’t get better, Wynn? What if—” His jaw tightens. “What if I can’t save you two? Then what? You know I’ll be here every day when you wake up. But with you two… I have to keep my heart guarded because I don’t know if you’ll be here tomorrow.”

My chest curls into a painful knot.

I didn’t think of any of this from Liam’s perspective.

Lanston sleeps heavily, his soft snores the only sound between us until the victim in the movie screams. What if I woke up tomorrow and learned that Lanston had died by suicide? It’s the worst feeling in the entire world. It’s so painful I can’t even think about it.

I hate it.

But that’s who we were before the three of us crashed into one another, right?

“I’m not saying I’m fixed or Lanston is either.” I brush his light-brown hair from Lanston’s forehead and admire the sweet smile on his lips before looking back at Liam. He stares at me with pain tugging the darkest parts of his heart. “But I’m no longer the broken person you found in the hospital by chance. And Lanston isn’t the lost man he was when you saved him in the showers. Our chemistry has changed. And it’s because we all met here. Even if Harlow sucks, it’s where I met the two people I cherish more than anything.”

His eyes soften and a relieved breath passes his lips.

“You’re saying our cure had a secret ingredient named Nevers?”

I laugh and lean in close to Liam, letting my head fall on his shoulder as I say, “Yeah, I am, I guess. Nevers, Coldfox, and Waters.” I shut my eyes as he combs his fingers through my pale-pink hair. He’s so warm and his touch makes my heart flutter.

“You know he loves you, right?”

My cheeks heat. I don’t say anything. What would I say? I do know… How could I not?

“You know I do too.” His eyes search mine, looking for answers that my lips refuse to speak. In a perfect world, it’d be us three against everything, living our best lives. But this is reality—of course, he wants me to choose.

He wants to know where my heart is, truly.

It’s not even a question.

“Liam,” I angle his head and pull him in for a kiss. His lips are soft and when he wraps his hand behind my neck my entire being melds into him. We kiss for only a moment, but it feels like perfect, endless heart-pounding adrenaline that you get from jumping off a cliff or screaming atop a mountain. He’s the only person I’ll ever want. “I love you both completely, but in different ways. It’s only ever been you.”

Liam runs his thumb over my bottom lip and says, “The tattoo is for the three of us. It was just me and Lanston before, but you’re a part of our healing as well, so we decided to add you.”

I softly gasp and look from Lanston’s arm to the skin behind Liam’s ear. Have I really been able to mean that much to them?

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Wynn. Nothing.”