The Fabric of our Souls

Lanston is already waiting for me by the greenhouse by the time I walk down the stone path leading across the field. He leans against the glass doors, smoking a cigarette with his baseball cap pulled low like he’s worried someone will see him out here.

“You’re early.”

The embers of his cigarette fall as he lifts his head. He smiles weakly. “So are you.” He looks nervous as he drops his cigarette and stomps it out. “Come on, I don’t want anyone seeing us out here,” he whispers as he opens the greenhouse door and waves me through.

“Why are you acting so weird? Curfew isn’t until ten.” And even then, no one abides by it. I wrap my arms around myself and step in. The greenhouse is empty; apparently, no one believes in plant therapy here. It’s a shame. It’s such a lovely building with an abundance of potential.

Lanston grabs my hand and leads me to the back of the greenhouse. It’s dim in here, so he has to use his phone’s flashlight once we reach the back. A lone door is waiting for us.

“Lanston… where are you taking me?” I shift on my feet uneasily. We’re a good few hundred feet away from the mansion and unless someone is outside, I don’t think anyone would be able to hear either of us if something happened.

He looks at me with an annoyed expression that betrays no aggression or danger. “Somewhere you’ll understand what I’m about to tell you.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. Lanston is my friend—I trust him.

He opens the door and flips a light switch on. I follow him in and he shuts the door behind us.

My stomach drops.

The room is small, maybe intended to be used as a storage room. There’s a drain in the center of the floor and blood stains the cement around it.

I gasp and instinctively recoil back toward the door. Lanston grabs my hands gently.

“I know. It’s terrible… You want to know about Crosby, right?” He closes his eyes and takes a long breath. “Are you ready to listen?”

I hesitate. I can’t stand the sight of blood. This is like an X-rated horror film. My head is becoming lighter by the second. But I have to know.

I nod.

Lanston holds my hand tightly, his palm sweaty and hot.

“I didn’t know Crosby was going to use this space for something so awful. He told me he wanted to make a private space where we could all sneak off and escape for a while if we needed it.” He pauses and lowers his eyes to the dried blood on the floor. “So when he asked if I knew of a place like this, I didn’t think anything of it. I told him.”

“Crosby was Liam’s old roommate, right?” My stomach is in knots and I want to throw up. If this is going where I think it is… I don’t know if I should’ve asked to begin with.

Lanston nods. His eyes are heavy and grim, filled with sleepless nights and regrets. “Yeah. For a few months, actually. Everything seemed fine at first, but then Liam’s cuts kept getting worse. He wasn’t acting the same. Every time I asked if he was okay, he’d smile and nod… He never said what was really happening to him.” Tears spring to Lanston’s eyes. He dips his head to hide beneath his baseball cap.

“You mean he brought Liam… here?” I cover my mouth and press my back against the cold brick wall.

“Yeah,” he says on a shaky breath. “He brought Liam here and hurt him. I don’t think Liam will ever tell me to what extent, but the night I found out, it was already so far out of control. There was blood everywhere. Liam was lying on the floor and he wasn’t… he wasn’t moving.” Lanston looks at me, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Crosby was already gone—he knew he went too far. Yelina helped me get Jericho and then Liam went to the hospital for his injuries.”

I stare at him bewilderedly. I couldn’t force myself to speak if I tried.

“Before Jericho arrived, Liam regained consciousness and he told me about Crosby—to be careful in case he came back. He didn’t want to tell anyone, so Yelina and I have been keeping his secret. I think he’s afraid.”

My heart shatters for Liam. “Lanston, you have to tell Jericho or somebody what really happened. We need to report this right now!” I move to open the door, panic and dread consuming my body as fear slips into my skin.

He blocks the door and grabs my shoulders. “Wynn, you can’t tell anyone. Liam made me swear and I made Yelina promise too. It’s not our truth to share.” He grunts as I try to shove past him.

I shake my head. “We aren’t children! There’s a psychopath out there and he could come back at any time. He could be here now. No one knows what he’s done or what he’s capable of doing. Liam needs us.”

“You can’t,” Lanston begs, but I won’t listen to him. I push him aside and fling the door open. “Wynn, stop! We don’t know how Liam will react if you tell Jericho!” I run through the empty greenhouse and exit through the glass doors. I hear Lanston running after me but as soon as I hit the grass, I dart the other direction and head straight for the forest.

Once I reach the tree line, I dare a glance back and see Lanston searching for me by the mansion. His distant voice calls my name over and over.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

My heart races. Everything in the world seems so fucked up. Because it is, right? Why else would something this horrible happen to someone as precious as Liam? I can’t handle it.

I just want all the pain to stop. I don’t want to hurt anymore.

My feet drag over leaves as I make my way through the forest. It’s pitch black out now. I pull my phone out and check the time. Nine o’clock.

Shit.

If I’m not back by ten, James will get a phone call. If I don’t go back or answer the phone, he’ll probably fly out here again.

I click through our texts from earlier and frown.

James: Don’t worry about the price. Seriously, remember that promotion I was telling you about? Well, I got it. And you never asked me about the industry I work in. Harlow is just one of our many facilities.

Wynn: You swear it’s okay? I don’t want to be a burden. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.

James: I swear. Love you.

Wynn: Love you too. Thank you for never giving up on me.

James: You’d do the same for me. I know it. 🙂 Get better so we can take another trip to Ireland and get drunk.

Wynn: I’ll try my best.

I don’t deserve a brother as kind as James, but I appreciate him more than words could ever say.

You are loveable. You aren’t a monster. You don’t have to die. I drill myself with words that don’t sink in very deep.

I try ones that do. Do it for James. For Lanston and Liam.

Do it… for yourself.

I continue walking until I reach an opening in the forest. My eyes widen. It’s the moonflower field. They’re wilting from the cold now, but some are still flowering this close to death. I’m glad I got to see their last full bloom before the plummet.

I walk to the center and fall to my knees.

Then I cry.

Why did this happen to Liam? Why can’t we tell anyone? Why won’t he get help?

I fist the flowers, covered in a light layer of frost, and drop my head. The sky starts to cry along with me and freezing rain meets my skin.

Why is the world so cruel?

So unfair and disturbing with dark, wicked souls surrounding us.

“Wynn?”

My entire body seizes at Liam’s voice. I slowly lift my head and look up at him, hoping it’s too dark and wet for him to see my tears and desperate eyes.

A long cut runs from the tip of his jaw to his ear. Blood mixes with the rain and stains his white undershirt red. He looks like he’s dissociating, staring long and hollowly at me. The kind of stare one has when not a single thought is fluttering through their mind.

“Liam?” I choke out his name. I can’t manage any more words. My heart hurts. My soul hurts. His brows pull together more as he focuses back on me, back from wherever his mind whisked him away to.

He hurt himself again, and it’s my fault. I yelled at him and bit him and acted like a psychopath.

“Hey, what’re you doing out here?” he says wearily, sinking to his knees in front of me. His eyes are dark and sunken. I’ve never seen him look this physically poor. He doesn’t give me a chance to reply before he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tightly, desperation pulling at his tone like a broken man. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

Is he asking literally or figuratively? Leaving, as in packing my shit and running? Or as in killing myself?

I shake my head, realizing in this moment that I don’t want either of those endings. Tears spill down my cheeks as I hug him back.

“Thank God,” he whispers.

“What happened to you, Liam?”

He squeezes me tighter and hushes me, stroking his hand down my head. “I don’t want to talk about it right now, sunshine. Please. Not now.”

I push him away. His brows pull together as I stand on shaky legs, my clothes now burdensome with the rain and mud. “Then when? I can’t stand to see you this way, Liam,” I say, a little more hostile than I intended. His eyes widen and I can’t help but look at the blood dripping down his neck again, turning our wilted white moonflowers crimson. I start walking back toward the manor.

He’s at my back in a few moments, gripping my wrist tightly. My scar stings and I whirl on him. “Stop, Liam. If you’re not going to tell me, then I don’t want to talk at all.”

“So don’t talk.” He pushes me against a tree and presses his forehead against mine. His breath curls in the cold air. My bones ache from the chill but heat sparks in my chest.

“What’s wrong with you?” I struggle against him and manage to shake his hold. I run toward the manor, Liam’s footsteps close behind me. The rain stings my eyes and makes it hard to see.

I make it to the east-wing door and throw it open, running down the hallway and making it to the dark lobby just as Liam reaches me again.

The only light is that of the fireplace. It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Liam breathes heavily as he stares at me. Longing and torment mix in his eyes as he backs me onto one of the sofas. I sit back and watch him carefully.

“Tell me,” he mutters, dropping to his knees before me. “You tell me first. Then I’ll tell you.”

Is he testing me? I can’t stand him when he’s like this.

“Tell you what?” I ask carefully.

He grabs my arm and runs his finger down the long cut that was supposed to be the end of my story. There’s something so painful about the way his eyes have dulled since this morning. Blood continues to trickle down his neck and it makes my stomach curl.

Can I do this?

“I—I don’t want to be this character anymore.” I press my hand to my chest. “I can’t keep waking up and being disappointed with who I see in the mirror. I don’t want to be me.”

“That’s all it takes?” he murmurs cruelly.

My lower lip quivers and I bite my cheek to keep the tears away. Anger storms behind my eyes and a list of furious responses spills out of me. “I don’t have any friends in the real world. Everyone hates me. I hate me. My only family left is my brother. The person I called Mother hurt me her entire fucking life and then she died. I have a bad heart. All I do is hurt people. I hurt everyone. Is that enough for you?” I say the last bit louder than I should have, but God, does it feel fucking good to say it. To shout it.

“That’s a long list,” he says, not unkindly. His eyes soften.

“Your turn.” I take a steadying breath. That was actually a lot easier to say than I thought. The weight that’s been looming over me for so long has stopped festering.

“I cut my face because I felt guilty for earlier… and because I ditched Yelina on the highway. To be fair, I told her to shut up and she wouldn’t,” he says nonchalantly, a slight smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. I don’t smile. He needs to stop trying to be funny when it’s clearly anything but.

I don’t believe that’s the entire story… but at least he’s trying.

His brows pinch and he rests his face on my leg. “Can we stop spiraling? I want to numb your pain, Wynn. I want to be star-crossed lovers again.”

I smile wearily. “Star-crossed lovers? You read too many romance novels.”

He peeks up at me and gives me a boyish grin. “Only the ones I read on your Kindle while you sleep.”

“Traitor.”

The walk back to our room is quiet. We pass Lanston’s room and then Yelina’s. Both lights are on, so I suppose we know they’re both okay and safe. I feel bad for running on Lanston like that. He must be worried I’ll tell Liam everything… or tell someone else. I make a mental note to apologize to him in the morning.

Liam heads into the bathroom. I stop in the doorway and watch as he pulls his soaked hoodie off. The white shirt beneath is drenched in blood. His scars are long, some too awful to linger on. His tattoos cover his entire chest: skulls, forests, upside-down cities, and an astronaut floating in the space between. The dark ink tells stories I crave to hear from him.

“Come here,” he mutters as he pulls down his pants, taking the underwear with them. He didn’t ask; it’s a command. My blood warms with lust at his deep, dangerous tone. “Let me numb you.”

His body is perfect, sculpted just for me, with all his imperfections and flaws. His dick is already at half-mast and taking my mind off today’s burdens.

The bathroom is empty and dark. He walks over to the shower in the far corner, turns on the faucet, and tests the water until it’s warm enough to move under. His skin steams and relief rolls across his expression.

Liam’s eyes burn as he watches me strip out of my clothes. My nipples harden against the cold air; I didn’t realize how chilled to the bone I was. He beckons for me to come to him. His eyes linger on my bare pussy and his swollen cock only grows bigger with each step I take closer to him.

His dark hair is wet and slicked to his forehead, steam billows around him and I want to be consumed by his warmth.

I straighten my back and try to push any insecurities about my naked body away. He’s already seen every inch of me. His eyes lock with mine as I gently brush the cut on his jaw with my thumb to wipe the blood under the stream of hot water. He winces, but desire and pleasure flare in his eyes.

“Make me numb, Wynn,” he whispers against the shell of my ear.

A shudder runs through me as his fingers coast my breasts.

I skim my fingers down his neck, his flesh still cold beneath the warm, rushing water. My lips press softly against his shoulder. We’ve fucked so many times already, yet this feels more than that.

More than fucking and numbing. More than filthy sex and loose words.

This is intimate.

He wraps his hand around mine and lifts my wrist to his lips, dotting my cut with kisses and leaning his head into my hand. “Can you make me forget, Wynn? Even if it’s just for tonight?” His voice is somber and hushed, sad and heartbreaking.

“Make you forget what?” I rest my cheek against his chest and listen to the pattering of his heart as warm water spills over us.

“Everything that isn’t you. My life before you. Make me forget all the tragedies so that I can—” He cuts himself off and grits his teeth

“So you can what?”

He guides me to the wall. The tiles are like ice against my back, but his taut chest presses against mine and sends heat throughout my body as his dick presses between my thighs.

Liam’s lips brush against mine. The soft tingling of his words reverberates through me.

“So that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

Then he kisses me. He kisses me like he’ll die if he pulls away. His hands hold the sides of my head and caress me as if I’ll break if he’s not careful. Everything I thought I knew, or didn’t know, goes out the window. Nothing matters except us. Not when he’s kissing me so sweetly and professing his heart.

“I can’t get you out of my head, Wynn,” he rasps between deep kisses. “I hated being away from you tonight. I hated the thought of Lanston being near you. You’re meant for me, no one else.”

My heart leaps in my chest like a wild thing, so starkly unlike its usual lifeless and heavy self. He won’t even let me get a word in, he’s so ravenous. All I can do is moan with each confession and unyielding kiss.

“I wanted to pull Yelina’s hair when she forced you to take her to town,” I admit with a small grin.

He chuckles and brings his lips to mine. “Such a vicious little creature.”

His mouth is on mine again and the sound of the shower fades out as I get lost in him. Our tongues brush against one another with hunger. His hands are greedy and pull me close, his swollen cock pumping between my thighs and stroking my clit over and over.

I moan with each thrust. Heat pools in my core as I reach down and fist his shaft, squeezing his girth and guiding his tip to my entrance.

“I want to tear you apart. I want you screaming my name and crying for more.” He groans as he slowly pushes inside me. I moan so loud I’m sure half the hall hears it. His teeth edge my jaw and he stops at my ear. “I love you, Wynn.”

“You’ll lose your mind,” I say, pushing him back enough to look into his eyes as my lips curl into a sad smile. “You’ll lose your mind if you follow me into the dark, Liam.”

“Already there, baby.”

He remains still inside me. We’re connected and one and… and…

“I love you too.”

He dips his head down and rests it on my shoulder. His hands grip my skin bruisingly as he starts to move his hips, pulling his dick in and out.

“You’ll lose your mind,” he echoes me and I can’t help but laugh. He groans as my muscles squeeze his dick tighter and he thrusts into me harder.

“Liam,” I moan as he brings his mouth back to mine. I’ve never kissed lips as cold and soft as his. As crushing and all-consuming as his are. I love every inch of him, every joke and snarky remark.

“Never let me go,” he says between our kisses.

“Never,” I murmur back.

He pulls out of me and motions for me to bend over. I set both hands on the cold tiled wall and jut out my ass for him. The hot water warms my back. He crowns my entrance and shoves in again. “Oh fuck, Wynn. You’re so fucking tight.” He lets his head tilt back and groans as he grips my hips and fucks me.

I moan and pant as he works my pussy toward climax. My entire body is on fire, numb, and my weary mind full of his confessions of love. I look back at him, watch him take me, watch as his thrusts slow and pleasure pulls his brows together. His eyes are hooded with those beautiful long lashes, but that doesn’t keep the hunger from shining through.

He circles my clit with his talented fingers and it sends me over the edge. His thrusts are brutal and demanding.

My lips part and I cry out, “Liam, oh God, don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

“Come for me, Wynn. Wash my dick with your precious come.”

I do. I come and everything in my body ignites with ecstasy. Liam pumps my sensitive flesh a few more times before he comes, spilling himself into me and groaning as his dick throbs. His pumps slow and he presses kisses up along my back.

I straighten and his arms wrap around me possessively, lovingly. He grips my chin and guides my lips to his.

“Wynn… you’re fucking perfect,” he whispers into my mouth and I bask in each and every word he gives me. “You’re my cure.”

“Holy shit, that was hot.”

I squeal and cover my breasts at the sound of someone else’s voice. I can’t believe I forgot this was a communal bathroom and the entrance is never locked. Oh my God, was someone watching us fuck? My cheeks flush and I feel dizzy. How the other patients fuck in here in broad daylight is beyond me.

Liam’s eyes turn cold and he swings around, blocking my body. “Who’s there?” he snaps.

The light flicks on. Yelina and Lanston stand in the doorway with amused looks while our entire hall stands behind them, standing on their tiptoes and trying to get peeks at us.

“Oh my God!” I shout, keeping my breasts covered as I make a beeline to the towel racks. I grab two, wrapping myself and then handing Liam one. He takes it and covers his lower half before stalking toward the doorway.

“You guys are dead,” he says in a voice so low and sinister that even I believe it. Yelina laughs, but before she takes off running like everyone else, she gives me a hard stare.

She’s hurt. I know she likes Liam… Is she the one that brought everyone here to watch? Out of spite? I mean, he did leave her on the highway.

Lanston doesn’t run away like everyone else does. He only shrugs. “Don’t get mad at me, I just got here. I didn’t see anything. Well, except for the end.” He winks at me. I don’t miss how red his cheeks are.

I cover my face with my palms. Lanston really watched Liam fuck me and make me come? Oh my God.

Liam tousles his wet hair with frustration and groans. “I’m so sorry, Wynn. Are you okay?” His blue eyes inspect me carefully. I can’t help but laugh about this whole thing.

“Yeah—I am, actually.”

Lanston looks relieved too. He must realize I didn’t tell Liam about what he showed me tonight in the greenhouse. Also that I’m not too upset about him seeing his two best friends fuck in the shower.

“Don’t worry, I’ll give Yelina hell for inviting us all to the show.” He puffs out his chest before nudging Liam and leaving the bathroom.

Liam dips his head and sighs. “I hate this place sometimes.”

I pick up our wet clothes from the floor and put them in our laundry bin. “It’s not so bad. I mean, it’s where I met you and Lanston.” I take his hand and lead him back to our room.

He doesn’t say anything, but his hand squeezes mine tightly, and I think that says enough.