The Darkness We Hide

Silence reigned in the car as Nancy navigated the long miles back to Michelle’s apartment. She’d tried to think of what to say to the young woman, anything that might make this easier, but nothing came to mind.

She thought of her own turning, of how the ceremony had been so beautiful. Mitch, taking her gently by the hand, leading her into the pack circle. There was never any fear or doubt, just love and welcome. She had been taught what to expect, and she’d known the changes that were ahead of her, but Michelle had had nothing but fear and pain.

As they reached Michelle’s old neighborhood, Nancy really wished there was something she could say or do to make things better.

“Just drop me off here,” she said through clenched teeth, waving to a random street corner.

“Michelle,” Nancy said, not wanting to let Michelle go without offering some sort of help. “Let me take you back.”

“No,” Michelle answered fumbling with the door handle. “Just let me out.”

“Michelle,” Nancy urged, placing a hand on hers, “please don’t leave like this. It’s not easy going through the change alone. Let us help you.”

“I’ve had enough help from all of you,” Michelle said angrily, opening the passenger door. “I just want to be left alone.”

With a sigh, Nancy let her go. She realized there was nothing she could say or do that would change her mind.

Michelle stood, her body a collection of screaming instincts all trying to drag her back to Gareth. Watching the car drive away, she wondered what she was going to do. Nancy was right, her old life was gone, she had no idea what to do, and, joy of joys, her car was totaled.

She stopped long enough at the nearest liquor store to buy the largest cheapest bottle of vodka she could find willing to try anything to ease the pain that radiated through her body. The cashier looked at her bare feet and oversized clothes quizzically, but thought well enough not to ask any questions, he didn’t even ask for her drivers license. Digging in her pockets she found a wad of bills she’d stolen from Gareth’s wallet.

Hailing a taxi, dressed as she was, Michelle was forced to step out in front of one to make it stop. The driver was dubious, but when she flashed a hand full of her remaining cash he agreed to take her where she wanted to go.

She gave the driver her old address; where else did she have to go? Settling into the backseat, she drank directly from the mouth of the bottle ignoring the looks the driver was giving her.

Reaching her apartment building, Michelle realized for the first time that she didn’t have anything with her aside from the ever dwindling roll of cash she’d stolen.

Her purse, keys, phone, all of the things that a person needs in this world to function were either in her car, at Gareth’s condo, or just lost to the ether of tragedy. She couldn’t even get a hotel room without photo identification.

As she stood, bare feet cold on the rough pavement, Michelle wondered what she would do next. There was the money in her savings account, but she’d have to find a way to prove her identity to the bank to access it.

Taking a deep swig from her new best friend, Michelle sat on the steps of her once home and tried to think. Maybe this could actually work in her favor. She could reinvent herself, change her name, her career. She could disappear from Gareth and Richard’s radar and start over.

She remembered the blood that bound her and Gareth together. If he wanted to he could follow her to the ends of the earth and there was no way she could hide.

“Fuck me,” she sighed before draining the rest of the bottle trying to block out the near blinding agony that was her body.