The Dark Elf’s Secret Baby (Secret Babies For Prothekan Dark Elves Book 1)

“Because,” I say, sighing at the hurt expression on Kerym’s face. “Because…” I step closer, looping my arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. “Because I don’t want to hurt you but I can’t uproot my life here. I can’t take Jasper from the only home he’s ever known.”

Kerym pushes me away gently, eyes downcast, drawing in on himself.

“Because,” I continue, stepping forward again. “Because your family is conservative and traditional. They wouldn’t be able to accept Jasper for who he is. You and I both know that mixed children are frowned on at best, and often mistreated by society. It’s not fair to ask me to bring Jasper into that. I can’t, as a good mom, take him into that environment.”

Kerym runs a hand through his hair, turning away from me. I can feel his anger and frustration from here.

“Jasper is happy here,” I tell him. “It’s the only home he’s ever known. I’m not going to take him away from that. We’re safe here, on Zerva. We wouldn’t be as safe on the continent.”

I have to do what’s best for my son. My parents did what was best for me. They made a similar choice. They knew that growing up in Orthani would be dangerous for a young woman like me. They made the difficult choice to transfer us to Tlouz, to the mining camps where we had family and there was less of a concentrated dark elf population.

I have to do the same thing. I have to do what’s best for my son. What’s right for him. I can’t just live wherever I want, I have to put his needs first.

“Please,” Kerym whispers. “Please come with me.” His voice gets louder. “I can’t lose you, Layla. I just found you again. And Jasper. I can’t leave him! I want to know my son. I want a relationship with him!”

“Well, I’m sorry but I’m not uprooting him just because you have your duties!” It feels like he’s trying to guilt me into changing my mind. He’s trying to manipulate me into doing what he wants. “You can write him letters. You can come visit.”

Kerym’s face contorts in rage and for a minute I think he’s about to fight with me, to scream and yell and demand that I follow him, that I bring our son and go with him, but instead his face drains of color and he looks almost scary-calm.

“Fine,” he says, teeth gritted. “I have to leave tonight. Can I at least say goodbye to Jasper first?”

I’m sorry it has to be this way but Kerym and I both know that it would never work between us anyway. He’s a dark elf, I’m a human. The world isn’t ready to accept relationships like ours.

We head to the school, where Jasper is outside playing with some of his friends, including Addie.

“Jas!” I call, waving at him. “Look who came to see you!”

“Daddy!” Jasper sprints for us, straight for Kerym. It makes my heart ache to see how much the two have bonded. I wish he’d never come. Now I’m the bad guy for protecting my child because I’m tearing apart father and son.

“Jasper,” he looks down at our son, swallowing hard. “Daddy’s got to go away again for a while,” he says carefully. “He’s got to do important business on the continent. But I promise to come back and visit really soon, alright?”

“No!” Jasper yells, scrunching his face up and throws his head back, wailing. “No go, Daddy!”

Kerym shoots me a look like“See what you’ve made me do?”“I have to go, bub,” He says, sadness in his voice.

“No go!” Jasper screeches, throwing himself backwards and starts throwing a temper tantrum the likes of which I’ve never seen before. He’s thrashing on the ground, kicking and screaming and sobbing.

“Jasper,” I call out, kneeling next to him. “Come on baby, remember I told you that Daddy is an important soldier? You know he’s been busy for a long time. And he’s got to go back to work now.”

“NO!” he screams, beating his tiny fists against me when I try to scoop him up. “No no no no no!”

Jasper has never behaved this way. He’s always been a smart, well-behaved kid. This temper tantrum is quite out of sorts for him.

“Baby,” I reach out and he smacks my hand away. Kerym kneels down as well, reaching out.

“C’mon bub, I’ll be back before you know it,” he says, voice weak, pleading.

“Don’t go!” Jasper sobs, clinging to Kerym who picks him up and cradles him close.

I hate myself. I hate Kerym. It’s not fair! Why would he come back and cause all this drama in our lives, stir up old memories and feelings, get Jasper’s hopes up, if he was just going to leave again? Why is he doing this to us? To our son?

Eventually we pry Jasper off Kerym, who’s sobbing to the point of nearly making himself sick and I watch Kerym walk away. I thought he would fight this more. Doesn’t he want to be with us?

Why is it so easy for him to walk away? I don’t even know if I want him to fight for us. I thought there was something between us but maybe I was wrong.

Maybe…maybe I was right to leave in the first place. Maybe it was always for the best. Kerym and I, we just aren’t meant to be.

I should have never held out hope he might come for us in the first place. If I’d never hoped, maybe the cosmos wouldn’t have put him back in our path. If I’d just been smarter, I wouldn’t have even let him in that day he came to see us.

Jasper is still crying as I take him back home. It’s early but I have to get him to calm down. If I can get him to lie down maybe he’ll calm down enough that he won’t make himself sick.

He’s fighting me, the entire walk to the bungalow, he’s fighting me so hard. I can barely keep him in my arms. He keeps screaming for “Daddy” to come back.

It makesmesick to do this to him. I hate everything about this. If only I were better, stronger…if only Kerym had never come back in the first place. Jasper is never going to get over this. I should have never let the two of them see each other.

Kerym is a dark elf. They never stick around. They don’t want human mates, they just want human playthings. And Kerym’s family would never allow him to settle with us. That’s why they’re calling him back, because they want him to live at their beck and call and they probably see him being here as a frivolous waste of time.

Good thing they don’t know about Jasper and me. I can’t even imagine how much worse it would be for us if they knew and forced Kerym to choose. Not that it would be hard to figure out what he would decide to do. His dark elf roots will always come before everything else, his ambition and desire to live up to his family name will always be more important than Jasper.

Or me.

I get Jasper in the house and he throws himself on the ground, still screaming. He lets off little bursts of magic that shatter the windows and I wince.

What am I going to do when he gets older and learns how to control his magic? How am I going to raise a half-dark elf child on my own? I thought I was prepared but seeing how much easier it was with Kerym around, now I’m not so sure.

Why does everything have to be so messed up?

Tears prick at my eyes but I manage to get Jasper into a warm bath, hoping that I can sneak in some rirzed oil which might help him come down from his tantrum.

He thrashes against me, still fighting but once I add the rirzed oil, he starts calming down almost instantly, sniffling and wiping his eyes.

“I’m so sorry bub,” I tell him, stroking his wet hair. “I know you’re upset. Daddy didn’t want to leave you. But he had to go.”

“Mama, can we pwease go with Daddy?” he asks, voice hoarse from screaming and crying. “Pwease! I be so good, I be good boy! I wanna go with Daddy!”

My heart shatters all over again. I can’t take him away from his home. I’m not going to be that human that follows some dark elf around like a pathetic puppy. Even if it hurts, this is what’s best for Jasper, what’s best for us.

Once he’s calmed down again, I get him dried off and ready for bed. He’s confused because the sun is still out but I know that he’s going to be exhausted from crying and he needs rest.

As much as I want to fix everything for him, I know that this isn’t something so easily fixed.

Kerym made his choice and I’ve made mine.