The Dark Beast's Love

Riven tapped up a hot bath for me once we got inside again, but even the warm soothing water couldn't remove the feeling of absence from the night. I had barely been able to walk from the graveyard to the house, my legs started shaking as soon as I put a little too much weight on them and there were several times the corner of my vision started to darken, only for Riven to snap me back to life by regaining my focus. It was a miracle that I didn't fall asleep in the bath and drown in the process, the outcome wouldn't have been so bad,

Riven took a bath right after me, and meanwhile, I laid on the couch, giving my body all the rest I could offer. I was pretty sure that the bed would have been a better option but it was further away and the couch had a comforting smell of moss and ocean salt so I stopped caring and just relaxed my body into the cushions. Riven came to a halt when he saw me buried into the couch, but said nothing of it, instead, he just walked towards the room where most of his clothes were to replace the towel that currently hung around his waist, covering any improper part of him. Luckily for me, Riven had placed my clothes on the floor before leaving me to clean myself, so I had gotten the luxury of being able to drown in the soft and slightly too big clothes almost immediately after I'd dried off.

"I'll make something for us to eat," Riven announced when he entered again fully dressed. "I... I don't really feel like going out there yet so I'll just use whatever we have inside if that's okay."

I nodded as a response, and even if the gesture should have been hidden considering the fact that my face was buried into the couch, Riven seemed to understand because he said nothing more as he started working. Soon enough I could smell the scrambled eggs and hear how he rinsed off the vegetables, probably tomatoes, lettuce and cucumber if I remembered right, as well as something that sounded like someone was slicing through apples. My hunger and the scent of food kept my stomach growling and my senses awake despite my body wanting to do nothing but sleep, so I gave up the fight and sat up on the couch again.

Riven's back was turned towards me when I looked over at the kitchen and I could see the two plates coming together, but I could also see that there was a third one that had been hastily put in the sink after he realised that there was no need for a third anymore. It was the proof I needed to know that Riven was as affected by this as I was, but that years and years of unwillingly taking has made him better at hiding behind his need for survival.

"How long have you tried?" The question was out before I could even think it through.

Riven's shoulder got tense. "What?"

There was no going back now. "How long have you tried to kill yourself?"

Riven carefully put the plates down, probably to prevent himself from actually smashing one. He still hadn't turned to face me, which was a little out of his character but I also recognised a person needing time to process when I saw one so I said nothing more. It took a while before he spoke again, but this time with his words carefully laid out, almost as if he was approaching a sensitive bomb instead of answering a question.

"It got more frequent after Xavier," Riven's voice was small and vulnerable. "But the first time was after the third visitor hung herself."

The crashing emotion of guilt came over me and I had to look away to not be completely overtaken by it. Since I'd arrived here, I'd seen Riven like some kind of villain who allowed the murders to happen for his own survival. I'd looked at the place he built and the chores he'd perfected in a schedule and thought to myself that if I were in his situation, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. But I had thought that Riven was far too selfish to even consider the thought, when in reality, he's been trying to stop the curse for months without any results. He was a boy who was forever cursed to take things he couldn't return, just like he'd said.

"I'm sorry," I said then and I saw the way Riven flinched in surprise. He had not expected my apology. Of course he hadn't, the first time we sat down and he tried to explain himself, I had cursed him by promising him my hatred, and after that, I had done everything to keep him out of my space. As soon as this morning I had cursed him and everything he'd ever lived for, wishing death upon him and the beast inside him without much hesitation. I had shown him what I felt about him, and now come to apologise, the sudden turn would have been too much even for me.

"What?" He croaked out and tried to hide his obvious vulnerability. I wonder how long ago someone actually apologised to him.

"You heard me," I said, not wanting to repeat my words again. "I fear that I might have judged you unfairly. Do not mistake this as total kindness, I still gave reasons to hate you, but I will admit that this was a little too hasty." "I don't want your pity..." His response threw me off guard and he violently placed the plate on the table in front of me.

"What?" I said as I looked at the plate and then at him.

"I. Do. Not. Want. Your. Pity." This time his eyes finally met mine and I saw the burning with anger, and with hurt. "Only because you don't feel like kicking a man that's already down doesn't mean you need to apologise to 'redeem' yourself. So do not apologise for my sake."

"Well then it's not for your sake," I snapped back. "Then it's for my own. Then this is my selfish attempt to have an understanding between us so that I don't have to suffer this bitterness for the rest of my life."

"I have not been bit,ter towards you," Riven growled.

"I know," I exclaimed furiously. "Trust me, it would have been easier if you were. But the beast is not even half of you is it? Its instinct becomes stronger during full moons but otherwise, you tame its thirst." "Our thirst," Riven corrected me and I was not sure what he meant. "I told you, I was a taker and I still am. Now I just can't control what I take anymore."

"Isn't there anything else?" I pleaded. "Isn't there something it wants more than blood?"

I realised the answer as soon as I said the words, and judging by Riven's stiffness, he was thinking about the same thing. There was one thing they both wanted more than blood. My promise to myself was to slay the beast and stop the murder to avenge my mother. When I'd failed the first, I thought I'd failed completely, but now with the options in front of me, I realise that it might not need to be the case. I would break another promise to myself, but it could save lives, and when the dilemma was between one or many, one always seemed less significant.

"And if it could have me?" The next words came out slowly and carefully. "If I gave myself to you, could you promise me that no one else gets hurt?"

Riven stared at me with wide eyes.

"You don't know what you're bargaining," He said at last, tone warningly. "It will not satisfy with only holding hands and conversations over tea. A bargain like this would give us permission to devour you whole."

"I know," I said slowly.

Riven thought for a moment.

"You're in shock,” He chuckled suddenly, almost relieved. "You're in shock and that's why you're not thinking clearly."

"No," I shook my head. "I am thinking clearly, and I don't want more to die. Would it work? Will you stop the killing if you can take from me instead?"

Riven growled low at the sound of it.

"You have a fiancé," Riven hissed. "Don't think that I have forgotten."

Nathan...

Of course, I hadn't forgotten him. He'd crossed my mind more times than I'd like to admit, and some days I still spent hours daydreaming about him finding me here and taking me home. But daydreams would remain daydreams, and I wasn't even sure if he was alive. Who knows, perhaps he was tonight's victim? I shuddered at the thought. Either way, this was the only way I could try to keep him safe. I am not getting out of her, the realisation dawned upon me days ago, but if my bargain meant that he would get to live, then perhaps it would be worth it all.

"I will never see him again and we both know this," I said as neutral as I could. "Our chances died the moment I ended up here."

"Great to know that I am a second choice," Riven muttered.

"Listen," I demanded, fed up py his attitude. "If I'd gotten it my way I would have been married by now and you would have been dead. But none of that is happening, so I offer the best thing I can come up with here. I just need to know, will it work?" Riven scowled.

"Yes," He responded harshly. "But you must know what you're bargaining with."

"I know what I'm giving up," I said determinedly. "You get me, and no more blood shall be shed."

He studied my face closely, searching for something behind my eyes or on the expression I wore. Hesitation perhaps, or fear. But I did not falter. With every passing moment, I was more determined that this was the only choice I had. I could not live with another month of massacres. I could not live with another month of doing nothing. So instead I'd offered everything, and now it was up to Riven.

"I will give you time to think this through," Riven said and based on my reaction, it was clear that that was not the response I was expecting.

"So you accept?" I said, my throat was a little drier than I could recall.

"You know that all I ever wanted was you," His voice was almost soft and longing, a complete change from the energy of this conversation, but then he collected himself. "But I give you until next morning to think this through, without my involvement."

"I..."

"I will not hear it," Riven interrupted me. "You make up your mind tomorrow and not a day sooner."

And with that, he left the building, one plate of food on the table untouched while the other was still staring directly at me from where it sat in front of me. I wondered if I'd made a huge mistake by offering this bargain. And I wondered how I could already have made up my mind.