The Counterfeit Lover (War of Sins Book 3)

His arms are around me as he gathers me close, picking me off the chair as if I weighed nothing and cradling me to his chest.

‘You’re fine. You’re fine,’ he chants in my hair, his voice haunted, almost lost. ‘Goddamn it, pretty girl, I thought I lost you. I thought…’ he chokes on a sob as his arms tighten even more around my battered body.

The discomfort from before is still there, but I stifle a cry of pain as I simply absorb his presence—the physical evidence he’s here with me.

‘You chose me,’ I whisper, needing the words more than anything in this world.

‘I’ll always choose you,’ he brings his big palms to my cheeks, tilting my head back so he can look in my eyes. ‘I’ll always choose you, pretty girl. I love you,’ he says with so much emotion I can’t help but burst into tears, wounding my arms around his neck and bringing my lips to his for a sweet kiss.

I can taste his tears. My tears.

I can taste the love, the sadness, the sorrow.

I can taste him.

My Raf. My love. Mine.

He’s here. He’s touching me. He’s…

I cry harder, the exhaustion getting to me as I seek to bring my body closer to his, needing the perpetual proof that this isn’t a dream. That we’re here. After everything that happened, we’re here.

He brushes his lips lightly across mine, a heart-wrenching kiss that makes me relive all the horrors of the past—everything I endured to be with this man.

And it all led to now. This moment.

‘My, my, my, what a reunion,’ the sound of hands clapping breaks us apart.

I’m still clinging to him, holding on for dear life. He tries to set me down but I don’t let him. I simply tighten my hold around his neck, whimpering in protest.

The screen in front of my chair blares to life, Michele’s form appearing before us as he claps mockingly, an insidious smile on his face.

‘You took a risk, didn’t you, baby bro?’ Michele arches a brow.

‘You…’ Raf’s chest rumbles with unreleased pressure. He squeezes me to his chest as he takes a deep breath in an attempt to control his anger.

He’s hanging by a thread. I can feel him and the fact that Michele pushed him too far.

‘Congratulations for passing the test. You’ve circumvented my plan and made the correct choice. Or, I should hope it is the correct choice,’ he smiles mockingly.

‘Show yourself,’ Raf grits out. ‘At least have the decency to challenge me face to face and leave the innocent out of it.’

‘Innocent? Who? I don’t see any innocents there. Or, maybe, the woman you killed. But you’ll never know now, will you?’

Raf narrows his eyes at Michele.

‘Ah, you’re wondering what I’m talking about. Should I tell you myself or should I let your wife tell you?’

My eyes widen as I realize my mistake. This has never been about choice. It was all about pitting Raf and I against each other.

And he managed, didn’t he? Because if Raf hears the madness I concocted… The fact that I would rather take him to my grave with me than let another woman have him.

I don’t know how he will react.

You do. He will look at you like the monster you are.

I thrust that tiny voice inside of me aside. This isn’t lost. As long as it’s my word against Michele’s, nothing is lost.

‘I made a deal with him. As long as you chose me, we walk out free,’ I tell him confidently.

‘Don’t worry about it, pretty girl. I’ve got this,’ Raf shakes his head, barely paying attention to my words. Because that’s my husband, always ready to bear everything on his shoulders.

‘You just made a deal with me? Why don’t you tell him the whole thing, Noelle. You proposed that should he choose you, you’ll both walk out of here alive, sure. But should he choose Lucero, both Raf and Lucero would die, isn’t that so?’ Michele chuckled, and before I can reply, I hear a playback of our conversation—how easily I’d condemned Raf to death simply for not being mine.

I look away, shame eating at me. Yet I find myself unwavering in my conviction.

Raf is mine or no one else’s. Just like I am his or not at all…

It’s as simple as that.

I would have killed him. Then I would have killed myself.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

My mind is clear now—too clear. And I know myself for what I am.

Wicked.

Selfish.

So obsessed with this one man I could never function without him again.

And that… That is both my blessing and my curse.

 Raf’s features are harsh as he stares at the monitor before glancing at me.

‘Noelle…’ he whispers my name, and I don’t know what to make out of his tone. For the first time, I feel completely in the dark about his intentions.

Is he…disappointed in me?

‘Does that mean we’re free to go?’ he suddenly asks, ignoring the previous conversation.

I continue to huddle in his arms, my face in the crook of his neck.

‘For now? Yes. I can see the back-up you brought is already in the building.’ Michele sighs, shaking his head. ‘I thought I told you to come alone, baby bro.’

The alarm in the building suddenly blares.

‘It’s your brother’s men,’ Raf tells me softly. ‘We need to get out of here,’ he says just as he moves.

I’m still in his arms, and I don’t have any intention of moving.

‘Well, this was fun for how long it lasted,’ Michele interrupts. ‘Just an fyi, I’m not in the building anymore so don’t try to look for me,’ he chuckles, winking at us. ‘Oh, and a second fyi, since, why not? There’s a bomb. The alarm triggered it. So you should have,’ he pauses, looking at his watch, ‘less than five minutes to get out. Good luck.’

Michele gives us a mock salute before the screen goes black.

I’m about to tell Raf that we should hurry when he shushes me, clicking on his comm and addressing my brother.

‘Pull out your men. The building’s about to blow up… Yes we’re leaving now.’

‘Raf?’ I ask tentatively.

‘Hold on tight. We need to find the way out,’ he says just as he wrenches the door open, moving at full speed as he races through the hallways of the building with me in his arms.

‘Three minutes left,’ I whisper in his hair, trying to keep track of the time.

‘This damn building and its infernal layout,’ he grits out.

A few more dead ends and we finally manage to spot the exit.

He runs towards it, his grip on me tightening as we dash out of the door just as a loud explosion resounds behind us, the building erupting in flames.

The power of it propels us forward, and Raf turns us around at the last minute as he lands on the ground, his back hitting the pavement with me on top of him.

‘Raf?’ I mumble, worried when I see a smudge of blood on his brow.

My fingers go to his temples, softly caressing his skin.

His eyes snap open, that deep blue shining brightly as he looks intently at me.

‘I’m not that easy to kill, pretty girl,’ he smiles, bringing my knuckles to his mouth for a kiss. My lips tremble as I attempt to return the smile.

Getting our bearings together, Raf swoops me up in his arms again, walking towards a nearby location where my brother and his men are all gathered, geared up and ready for war.

Cisco takes one look at me in Raf’s arms and gives a brisk nod before going back to his car and driving away, instructing his men to do the same.

‘Well, there goes my welcome,’ I mutter drily as Raf puts me down when we reach our car.

Waiting for everyone to leave, he doesn’t immediately get inside the car to drive off. Instead, he opens the trunk of the car to hand me a bottle of water, spread out some food for me and a change of clothes.

‘Raf…’ I whisper, touched by his thoughtfulness.

‘I got a little of everything,’ he says awkwardly. ‘I didn’t know how I’d find you and I wanted you to be comfortable.’

He’s so impossibly sweet my heart bursts in my chest.

I take the bottle of water, drinking greedily.

‘I don’t think I can eat anything now, but thank you for thinking about it.’

‘Sure, anything you want, pretty girl,’ he nods, immediately packing up the food.

He hands me a folded cotton dress and a cardigan.

‘You really thought of everything,’ I smile.

I don’t like the gaping silence or the way he looks at me as if he doesn’t know what to say to me.

What is he thinking?

As soon as we’re completely alone, I shrug the hoodie over my head and I take my leggings off. I’m not wearing any panties and Raf is quick to note that, his eyes snapping to my face in question.

‘Did…’ his face contorts in pain as he takes a step towards me.

Taking the dress from my hands, he places it over my head, gently pulling it down my body.

As soon as he’s done dressing me, I glance at him.

He swallows hard, his eyes on my shoulders—on the marks left by the electric wands—before going lower as he thoroughly inspects my body.

‘Did he…’ he clears his throat, the question obvious.

‘No,’ I answer as I step closer to him. Grabbing his hand, I place it to my waist, moving it up my body as I meet his gaze. ‘Only you, Raf. Only ever you,’ I whisper, though he doesn’t realize the magnitude of my words yet.

He exhales in relief.

‘Thank God,’ he sighs, simply pulling me to him for a tight hug. ‘Thank God, Noelle. I don’t think I could have ever forgiven myself for it,’ he murmurs in my hair, swaying slightly with me.

I cling to him, absorbing his body heat and that tantalizing scent that is simply him.

Finally, I am home.

Yet my optimism doesn’t last long as we strap in for a long ride home, the same awkward silence enveloping us.

Raf is driving, focusing solely on the road, his entire body stiff and closed-off.

I’m trying to get a read on him but I can’t, and so I end up worrying about the worst.

He’d chosen me over Lucero when all along he’d thought of her as his love. Is he mourning her? Is he regretting his choice? Or is he disappointed about my deal with Michele?

The options are endless, and the more I try to rationalize this maddening silence, I can’t.

I can’t have him upset with me.

Bringing my fingers to my mouth, I bite my nails in anxiety, all the while sneaking glances at his profile.

He’s so handsome, I want to cry tears of joy just for being next to him again—for having him in my life.

Alive. Well. Mine.

His sharp jaw, straight nose and plump lips fill my field of view. And as I drag my eyes lower, to those muscles he worked so hard to attain, I feel an even deeper admiration for him. Now that I know everything he’s been through, I can’t help the way my heart swells in my chest for him.

I’d never thought my love for him could be more. Yet it is, and growing still.

He came for me. He saved me.

My lips tremble in a hesitant smile.

He’s always saving me, isn’t he? Whether it’s from others or from myself, he’s always there to save me.

My lips pull into a smile, my feelings for him overwhelming me.

He turns his head right at that moment, catching my wistful look and the way I’m eating him up with my eyes. My cheeks heat up, but I don’t look away.

Raf’s eyes pin me to the spot, the intensity of his gaze so perilous I find myself floundering again.

What is he thinking?

The entire ride is silent. Only when he parks the car a few streets down my brother’s house does he finally turn to me, a weary sigh escaping him as he brings his hands to scrub his face.

‘Raf?’ I ask tentatively.

He brings his hand to the necklace nestled against his chest, his fingers tracing the contours of the stone reverently.

‘I need to tell you something,’ he starts, his voice ominous—so far away I immediately think of the worst.

‘What is it?’

‘You asked me about Lucero before,’ he swallows hard. ‘And I told you I only met her a couple of times in person. That isn’t necessarily true.’

‘I… I don’t understand.’ I frown.

‘The few times I met with her was in the darkness of my cell, or when my eyes had been too swollen to be able to see properly. I only worked out what she looked out when I heard other people calling her name while I was working outside. And it was that Lucero that responded to that name—the one I killed.’

There’s so much anguish in his voice that I worry for his next words.

‘What do you mean?’ I inquire softly, slowly angling my body towards him, instinctively seeking the heat of his body—the perpetual proof that he’s next to me.

That he’s not a mirage.

‘I was wrong,’ he states in a pained whisper.

I don’t reply, merely waiting for him to continue.

His hands shoot out, his palms around my cheeks as he pulls me closer to him—close enough to see the turmoil in those blue eyes I love more than anything in this world.

‘I was wrong, pretty girl. I’ve been wrong all this time…’ he shakes his head, averting his gaze as one tear slides down his cheek.

‘I’ve been such a fool. You were under my nose this entire time and I…’ his voice breaks, his forehead falling on top of my shoulder as his breathing intensifies. ‘How can I ever forgive myself for everything I’ve done? How can I live with myself knowing I hurt the only woman I’ve ever loved?’ he rasps, his hands falling to my waist as he brings his head to my midriff, holding tight as sobs rack his body.

‘Raf… You’re not making sense,’ I whisper, a small lie, but one I’m going to ask for forgiveness later.

‘It’s always been you, pretty girl,’ he raises his head, looking at me with so much emotion I feel my own throat clog with the magnitude of this moment—of the feelings he evokes in me. ‘I saw a recording of you before…before Sergio. And I heard your voice. The one from before,’ he squeezes his eyes shut, biting his lip in pain. ‘The voice I would never, never not recognize—the taste that still coats my tongue.’

‘What are you trying to say?’

‘You don’t remember. I know,’ he sighs. ‘I don’t know what happened, how it happened, but it was you. All along, my Lucero was you,’ he states.

I freeze. I hadn’t expected that. I hadn’t expected him to be able to recognize me. Not now, not ever.

Slowly, I blink, still caught in the impossibility of the moment.

‘I see…’ I add numbly.

‘This,’ he leans back, taking his necklace off. ‘This is all yours,’ he continues as he brings it to my skin, fastening it around my neck. ‘And now it’s finally back to its rightful owner.’

He proceeds to tell me how he’d gotten to the conclusion, sharing some tidbits from his time in captivity and how I’d been there for him. He tells me with as much detail as he can, but it’s still obvious he has severe gaps in his memory.

He remembers a fraction of what actually happened—and I don’t have the heart to enlighten him on everything else.

At least not now. Not when I finally have him. After what feels like an eternity without him, he’s here—he’s finally here.

‘Will you ever forgive me? Could you ever forgive me?’

‘Raf, there’s nothing to forgive,’ I palm his cheek, swiping my thumb over his lips. ‘You’re here now. I’m here now. Why dwell on the past?’ I ask, even as the lie burns on my tongue.

The past is always there, one door away from my consciousness. I’ve done a good job now of keeping everything from spilling, but that’s not to say it won’t happen in the future.

But not now. Not when I have a modicum of happiness after years of bleakness.

‘Noelle, God, Noelle,’ he groans. ‘I don’t deserve you. I never did,’ he breathes out, his features contorted in pain.

‘Don’t. Don’t go there, Raf,’ I murmur. ‘I admit I’m a bit shocked by what you’re telling me. But don’t you see it? This is our second chance. We were lucky enough to be given a second chance and I’m not going to squander it, do you hear me? You’re mine. And I’m yours. Always.’

Even to my ears my words don’t make much sense, but there’s a frenzy building inside of me—one that only knows one objective.

Him.

It’s always been about him.

Everything I’ve ever done has been about him.

‘I love you. So, so much,’ I confess.

‘I love you, too, pretty girl,’ he gives me the words I’d been yearning for all along and God if they don’t hit me right in the chest, warmth spreading all over my being at hearing him say those coveted words. ‘More than anything in the world. More than you can realize. Fuck,’ he rasps. ‘I feel like a madman, but there is no quantifying the love I feel for you. Even before I knew of the past. Before anything. I just…love you as instinctively as I breathe. There’s no other way to explain this feeling that comes so naturally it’s like it was embedded in my DNA.’

His forehead is on top of mine, his breath on my lips as I listen to his words—the sweet melody of those words of love I’ve been wishing for all along.

He brings his lips to my forehead, slowly skimming soft kisses all over my skin.

‘To think I was about to lose you… That one wrong choice and you would be gone…’

That’s when I finally realize why he’d been so aloof. He’s been suffering all along, hasn’t he? He’s been beating himself over everything.

‘But you saved me,’ I try to assure him.

‘Barely. I sensed what Michele was about. But it was all a matter of chance. I can’t say there was anything more to it than a gamble. And it’s something I never want to do again. Fuck… You have no idea what those few minutes after I administered the syringe did to me. I thought I was seeing my life flash before my eyes because I don’t think I could ever do this without you. Not again. Not ever.’

‘Raf…’ I trace his features, looking into his eyes and seeing the same type of emotion reflected back.

He understands.

He knows exactly how I feel and the fact that there’s no life without him.

‘Where you go I go, pretty girl. This time forever. I don’t care what people think. I don’t fucking care if they judge or blame us. But I can only be here because you are here. You get me?’

I nod, a tightness in my chest that’s about to explode.

‘It’s you and me, baby,’ he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. ‘It’s you and me against the world.’

‘Or not at all,’ I add, a blush going up my cheeks at the implication. At the fact that I’d taken it upon myself to decide his fate should he not choose me.

It’s selfish.

It’s insane.

But it’s the only thing that makes sense to me—that will always make sense to me.

‘I don’t begrudge the deal you made with my brother. I know you’re worried about that,’ he assures me when he sees me biting my lip in worry, almost as if he could read my mind. ‘How can I judge you for something I would have done, too? Fuck, Noelle. I know it’s not normal. It’s anything but normal, but I would have done the same. It’s you and me or nothing.’

‘You’d kill me if there was another man?’ I ask softly, pleasure spreading to my core.

‘Before I killed myself,’ he nods severely.

I can tell he has a hard time coming to grips with this side of himself—with how out of control we are. With how we’re beyond normal together.

‘You’re really not mad at me about that, are you?’ I repeat in awe.

I know myself. Now, more than ever, I know myself.

For so long, I’ve had just one purpose—him.

Death isn’t an idea that scares me. Not anymore. The only thing that absolutely terrifies me is living in a world without him. So I know what I would do.

But to hear that he’s the same? That he’s pondered the same difficult issues and had come to the same conclusion?

‘How could I be mad at you when what I feel for you defies logic? I tried to temper myself. Cool down my feelings for you so I didn’t overwhelm you. But that was a mistake, wasn’t it?’ he smiles, almost sadly. ‘All along you’ve been ready for me—for everything I want to give you and take in return.’

Before I realize what he’s about, his hands are on my waist as he pulls me on top of him. He touches me reverently, all the while staring at me with love, desire and something else. Something that couldn’t be captured in just one word.

Something special.

‘We defied death. Together,’ I tell him, closing my eyes as my legs come to rest on either side of him, my center against that hard part of him.

‘All along you’ve been my light,’ he smiles when he sees I don’t react negatively to the word. ‘Mi luz. My eternal love,’ he continues, moving his hands up my body. ‘Whether I knew it or not, it’s always been you.’