SWNOVELS Chapter 55: Status
It's been hours since Heloix closed his connection with me, and despite my attempts I'm unable to reach him. John has prevented me from leaving the wing a couple of times, going as far as to tackle me to the ground when I try to sneak past him.
At some point it got late and he insisted that I try to get some sleep before practically forcing me into the bed. He says that Heloix will come to me when all is over, but with each passing minute I believe that less and less.
My throat is dry and raw from all my crying, and I wince a bit as I try to swallow.
The position John and I are in is arguably quite intimate, and I know that should anybody see us they will get the wrong impression, but I can't bring myself to care. John has been my best friend since childhood, and his presence brings me the comfort that I desperately need right now.
Eventually John's movements on my arm slow, his hand falling from my shoulder and landing around my body. His breath comes out in a slow, even rhythm, and I find the repetition relaxing. I know this means that he's fallen asleep, and I debate sneaking out and trying to find Heloix.
Even as I think it though I know it's a bad idea. If I run into an angry Beast I'll be dead within seconds. The risk is just too high.
My mind runs as the night continues to darken, but I remain still as I repeatedly try to connect with Heloix's Beast.
I tell myself that he probably just shut his emotions off and will return to us soon, but the later it gets the harder it becomes to believe it.
At some point exhaustion wins over, and my puffy eyes close into a fruitless sleep. I feel my consciousness reappear what feels like every couple of minutes, my mind maintaining enough of an awareness that it wakes me up at every creak and rustle heard within the room.
My eyes pop open as goosebumps pebble up along my skin, the feeling of being watched spreading within my body and putting me on high alert.
Glancing up, I lock eyes with Heloix standing at the edge of the bed. The moonlight filtering in through the open window illuminates his naked body, casting him in an eerie light. To say he looks exhausted would be an understatement, his eyes half shut and his chest rising slowly with each breath he takes.
Absolute bliss fills me at the sight of him, my body slumping as it truly relaxes for the first time in hours. His skin appears clean and hair wet, and I wonder how he managed to take a shower without me waking up.
I watch as he looks between John and I, his body trembling as he struggles to hold myself upright.
My arms push against the mattress as I move to sit up but I pause as he holds up his hand, signaling me not to move.
With an inaudible sigh he crawls onto the bed behind John, the weight of his body causing the mattress to sink in the middle. John groans a bit as his body is jostled around, his arm tightening around my stomach.
I expected Heloix to be angry at the sight of John comforting me in such a way, and am surprised at his lack of care. I'm sure it also helps that he can feel my emotions, and knows I feel no lust for John.
He sags down into the bed and presses his front against John. His arm wraps around us both as he pushes John's hand away from my stomach and replaces it with his own.
His hand wiggles slightly as he slides it up the front of my skirt, apparently wanting more skin-to-skin contact with me.
"Thank you for caring for my mate." Heloix murmurs to John, shocking me.
"I hope that's not your sweaty, soft penis pressed against my back." John grumbles in return, his back arching to create some distance between them.
Heloix yawns, his hand pressing firmly into the skin of my stomach, fingers spreading to hold as much of me as he can.
"Shut up, human."
____
Both John and Heloix are long gone by the time I wake up in the morning, their spots on the bed cold. The second I note the absence I'm on my feet rushing out into the living room.
Heloix is standing in the kitchen with his back to me, and I sprint over to him with a cry. He spins around seconds before my arms wrap around his torso, the front of my body colliding with his.
I'm unable to hold back the sob that falls from my throat as I bury my face in his chest, the joy at seeing him overwhelming. There's a loud clatter as he drops whatever is in his hands, freeing them up so he can return my hug.
"I thought you were dead." I cry, pulling back to look up at him. "What happened?"
Up close I notice how ill he looks, his face pale and eyes sunken into his head. Sighing, I raise my hand and press it against his skin, concerned with his warmth.
Heloix closes his eyes and leans his head in my touch.
"I'm okay, still getting used to the bond but doing much better." He assures. "We were able to push back the commoners last night. King Stephen's men are patrolling the city to keep the peace, and our men are on guard in the castle in case anybody else tries to break in."
His eyes are black as he opens them. I stare into them confidently, relishing every second of it after having convinced myself that he was dead last night.
"Is everybody okay?" I probe.
Heloix frowns, the expression alone answering me. "No, we lost a lot of men last night."
"How many?"
"Too many." He admits. "About sixty guards, and another couple hundred humans across the entire kingdom."
My heart drops as he shares the numbers with me, my optimistic hope that we would come out of this relatively unscathed disappearing. While I expected there to be a couple of deaths, I wasn't anticipating this many.
"What are we going to do with the humans that we took from the estates?" I question.
Heloix's arms wrap around my body and lift me slightly. I gasp quietly, having not expected this, and try wiggling out of his grasp. He shouldn't be exerting any energy while still sick, especially doing something as silly as picking me up.
His feet slam against the ground as he walks us over to the couch, quiet pants falling from his lips at the effort. His body crushes mine as he throws us down on the soft cushions.
"There are some households that treat their humans well, so they will go back immediately. The remaining humans will be moved to the castle until we have a safe plan for them." He whispers, pressing a soft kiss against my forehead.
I nod, wishing that the humans could have more of a say in what happens to them. This change feels like an excellent opportunity to give them more ownership of their lives, yet we will still be treating them as slaves.
"What's wrong?"
I share my concerns with him, watching as he nods his head in consensus, his eyes wide as he listens to my every word.
"I agree that that would be ideal, but it's just too much too fast." He confesses. "I promise you that I will work to get us to that point though."
I reach out to try and feel Heloix's emotions, wanting to feel his honesty, but he still has them blocked off. It annoys me slightly but I don't comment on it, too occupied with figuring out what exactly happened last night.
Pulling back slightly, I look around the room for John. The area has been picked up, the plate I broke last night no longer scattered in pieces by the front door. John's lanky frame is nowhere to be seen though.
"Where's John?"
Heloix shrugs, glancing around. "Beats me. He left in the middle of the night after complaining about my suffocating heat."
I hum quietly, not at all surprised. It took a while for me to get used to Heloix's all-encompassing warmth, and even longer to get accustomed to his insistence on throwing his heavy limbs over my body.
Heloix chuckles quietly to himself.
"Why are you keeping your emotions from me?" I question, unable to hold back the issue any longer.
An audible sigh falls from his lips, making me weary.
"I'm not exactly feeling great right now, and I don't want my discomfort being shared with you."
Heloix's eyes beg me not to push the subject, but I do so anyway, not appreciating him closing himself off from me. Being able to feel him brings me so much comfort, and I don't want him to hide any of it. Besides, I can handle a little discomfort.
"I want to feel what you're feeling, even if it's not the most pleasant." I whisper, glancing down and connected our hands.
His thumb rubs gently along my skin, his bond remaining closed despite my request.
"I can't do that, Addie." He grumbles.
Frowning, I pull away from him slightly, unhappy with his reluctance. I open my mouth to argue some more, but stop when he releases my hands and cups my face instead. He seems a bit anxious as he looks me over, his eyes darting all along my face.
"You're pregnant."
My body goes rigid as he speaks. Of all the things I expected him to say to me just now, this was as far down on the list as he could go.
"What?"
"You're pregnant, and it's not safe for me to share any negative emotions with you. I tried to keep you in the know last night, but after feeling the anxiety it was causing you I knew that I needed to shut them off until I'm better."
I blink slowly, remaining silent as I try to wrap my head around this information. I'm on birth control, and Heloix and I have only had sex a handful of times. There's absolutely no way that I'm pregnant. I haven't even taken a test or felt any symptoms.
"I'm not." I inform him, reaching out and patting his hand affectionately.
He made his excitement about having a baby with me very clear when I requested going on birth control, and must have gotten it in his head that because we had sex a couple of times without protection that I must be pregnant.
Heloix frowns, rubbing his thumbs across my cheeks. I allow him to do so, feeling bad for ruining his fantasies.
"Beasts almost always impregnate their mate. We only needed to have unprotected sex once for it to happen. I can smell our baby inside of you."
His eyes bore into mine as he explains this to me, his desperation for me to believe him clear. I shake my head, refusing to accept it.
"Then why am I on birth control?" I question, referring to the pill he has been giving me each morning.
Heloix frowns, his tongue darting out to wetten his lips.
"It wasn't the right time to tell you, and there wasn't a good way to explain to you why you don't need it without informing you of the truth."
"Isn't that bad for the baby?"
"Your human medicine will do nothing to my strong baby." He scoffs, puffing his chest out.
My hands go clammy and I clench my jaw shut as I pull away from him, livid that he kept this from me. While I admit that it probably wasn't the best time to tell me, it still wasn't his decision to make. And then to go ahead and give me birth control every day, furthering the lie and making me believe that we are being safe.
He watches me carefully as I maneuver to my feet and take a couple of steps away.
"I don't want a baby right now." I admit.
Heloix's eyes flash at my words, his Beast angry with my rejection of his child.
"You should have thought of that before you begged me to fuck you." He snaps, reaching up to rub at his temples. He sounds defeated as he opens his mouth and speaks once more. "I'll care for the child if you don't want it."
My eyes widen at his words.
"I'm obviously going to care for and love my child." I state, unsure how he could even think that I would have this baby and leave it for him to take care of.
Heloix's head slams back against the couch, and I wince at the loud bang that echoes out from his skull hitting the wooden frame. Sighing, I move towards him and pull his head away, not having the energy to fight right now.
His jaw clenches as I touch him but he refuses to meet my eye.
"We can take you to a doctor if you really oppose to this." He chokes out.
His hands clench into fists as he says this and I reach down to loosen them. I know how important children are to the Beasts, and I would never take this from Heloix, even if I'm not quite ready.
"I don't want to do that." I whisper, sitting myself down on his lap.
I don't need to be able to feel his emotions to know that he's crushed by my reaction. It's not like I don't want them, and haven't thought about how lovely it would be to start a family with Heloix, but with everything going on I fear for its safety. This baby will be part human, and I don't want it being treated differently because of that.
"What if it comes out more human than Beast?"
Heloix's eyes snap to mine as I ask my question, his face lighting up at my interest in our child. His hands gently grip my hips and pull me closer to him.
"Then we will teach my people that physical strength isn't a be-all-end-all." He murmurs.
"And if it's more Beast than human?"
Heloix shrugs, leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to my chin. "My actions will not change."
I nod slightly, satisfied with his answer.
"I'm tired of all the secrets, Heloix." I admit.
He nods, agreeing with me. We chat some more on the logistics of having this child, a slight blush spreading across my skin as I start to feel a little excited about it. I can tell that Heloix recognizes my budding enthusiasm as his own excitement becoming increasingly apparent, but he says nothing about it.
His hands rub gentle circles into the skin of my hips, but after a while he stops the movements and leans back to look me in the eye.
"There's a lot of damage control that needs to be done." He sighs, looking down at me with a soft smile. "Do you want to come with me? It'll be good for people to see their Queen in action."
____
Only one chapter left!!!
If you like this story (which I should hope you do considering you've read up to this point) then you might like the new one I'm working on, Áine!