The Chrononauts

Meanwhile, Victoria and Larry spent most of the days at the station. Victoria had her computer to entertain her. Harvard had changed completely after the assassination attempt.

Harvard looked over at Grogan. “Give me the leash, Grogan; I’ll take Larry for a walk. You want a giant chocolate ice cream cone, Victoria?”

She smiled. “Sure. I’m losing my tan in here.” They walked to the park and Victoria had a double scoop chocolate cone.

Harvard chuckled, “I am sorry I got so angry at you the first week.”

Victoria waved her pink sneakers and smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I gave it to you pretty good first. By the way, your two vandals are also the killers you are looking for. I know; I saw it all.”

Harvard was shocked. “You tell the captain about it, but no one else.”

Victoria laughed. “He already knows. He told me the same thing.”

Harvard asked, “Why did you tell me?”

Victoria smiled. “Snowflake likes you. That’s good enough for me.”

Harvard sighed, “Snowflake saved my life last week. I wanted to thank her, but she hasn’t been around.”

Victoria motioned towards a maple tree. “Tell her now.” The owl floated down to their bench and landed next to a shocked Harvard.

He smiled, “Thank you for saving my life, Snowflake.” The bird hooted once, nipped his ear gently and flew off.

Victoria laughed. “She says you’re welcome and thanks for the yummy ham sandwich and next time, she wants a vanilla cone.”

Larry left a monster pile of poop on the sidewalk. A little old lady stepped in it and stared angrily at Larry whose ears went back. He yanked Harvard to his feet.

Harvard laughed. “I think that’s our cue to leave. Boy that is one smart owl you’ve got there, Victoria.”

Victoria cringed. “Please don’t tell her that; she already has a big head.”

Fred came back in the room with a movie camera. “Do you recognize it, Mrs. B.?”

She looked it over. “It looks like mine, but this one is in bad shape.”

Fred laughed. “Oh, it’s yours all right. It has your initials on it.”

Mrs. B. stared daggers straight at Brady. “You took my camera to one of your stupid softball games?”

Brady turned white and panicked. “No honey, I didn’t.”

Fred smiled, “He’s telling the truth. I know what happened to it.”

Brady laughed. “What does it have to do with us?”

Fred said, “Well, that first video and the one I am going to play for you now were both taken with this camera.” The second video was played, showing the ELE that killed the dinosaurs.

Brady chuckled. “I like the first one better. I gather you think we took them? Well, why aren’t we dead?”

Fred chuckled. “That is the sixty-four thousand dollar question, isn’t it? Well, see that melted section on the back? It had your wife’s thumb print in it. It also has iridium melted into it, which is a signature element of meteor impact.”

He smiled. “Thirdly, there is a hazmat report from three months ago that shows you and your wife were covered in iridium dust. Now, this last tape takes us to the Museum of Natural History. My video camera this time.”

Brady chuckled, “I like to go there a lot.”

A cheery Fred smiled, “Excellent. This is my favorite video, since I am in it. Talk me through what you see, Brady.”

Brady smiled and shrugged. “Okay with me. You’re examining a fossil of a pterodactyl? A young one, I think. It has a broken wing. Someone is waving a metal detector over it.”

Fred interjected, “Well, the museum called us when the specimen was being wheeled into the exhibit area and set off the metal detector.”

Brady nodded, “Okay, there is a hole in the skull; it is round. You’re probing around and pulling out a bullet. A nine-mil, I think. Wait a minute. If it was shot into a dried skull, it should have shattered the bone.”

A surprised Fred nodded, “That was impressive, Brady. By the way, the bullet is from your gun.” Fred’s phone rang, “Yes... What! Are you CRAZY? BUT...BUT! Yes sir,” Fred sighed as he turned to the Bradys and said, “You are free to go. Who are you people?”

They all got home at five p.m. They were surprised to find Victoria, Larry and Sergeant Smith at the house, lounging on the porch; even Snowflake was there. Brady smiled, “Thank the captain for getting us out of there.”

Smithy snorted, “He didn’t get you out; Victoria did.”

Victoria laughed and bowed. “I made a call to my dear grandfather and he called his pal…the president.”

A guilty-looking Smithy got up to leave. “Well, I got to get back to the precinct. Thanks for everything, Victoria.”

Brady looked at his wife. “Thanks for what?”

Mrs. B. laughed. “Thanks for helping get us out of there, of course.” She glanced over at Smithy, who was making a quick exit. She looked at a guilty-looking Victoria. “You made picks for those turkeys while we were gone, didn’t you?”

Victoria kicked the grass. “Yes, but I told him I would only give him seven winners, even though he was a relative.”

Brady looked confused. “He’s a relative?”

Victoria gushed. “Why, yes. Now I have got seven uncles I can e-mail every day.”

Brady looked at his wife. “Honey, is there something you would like to tell me?”

She chuckled, “Maybe we’ll talk after you’ve had a few beerskis, sweet cheeks.”

The next day, Brady walked into the police station and was shocked to see it filled with police officers, all watching Good Morning America.

It got weirder. Dave was on the show, talking about an alien abduction and being time-traveled back millions of years and he said he had proof. They all looked at Brady.

A surprised Brady smiled. “Enjoy.”

Dave was milking the situation. “The aliens wanted to see how humans interfaced with killer dinosaurs and beamed me back to the past. The video might be too graphic for the little ones.” He had on bellbottoms and his lucky Area 51 T-shirt and his pink headband. The two anchors sat totally still and tried valiantly not to laugh.

Every cop in the room looked back at Brady again. He chuckled, “Welcome to Dave’s world.” Brady leaned against the door to watch their reactions. The video started. Dave asleep on a rock got a few murmurs. Dave looks down and finds a one-foot mosquito on his chest got some genuine gasps.

Dave falling in the river got laughs. Dave getting hit by the pterodactyl and falling into the water got gasps and laughs. There were screams when the “bird” got eaten. There were loud gasps when the T-Rex saw Dave. More screams when the T-Rex grabbed Dave’s pant leg. Cheers when he undid the belt and fell to the ground.

The laughing got loud when they saw him in just a blue thong running to and climbing up a ginkgo tree. More laughter occurred when the three-foot mosquito attacked him in the tree. Laughing and loud whistling when it ended.

Brady was stopped by Harvard. “Watch Victoria closely; she witnessed the murders.”

Brady looked surprised. “I know, Lieutenant.”

Harvard cringed. “Just call me Harvard, please.” The mob all left and Brady realized his desk was missing. He saw two men dragging his desk out of the captain’s office.

The captain looked embarrassed. “Well, ah, the FBI, ah...we knew they would let Matt go...” The captain’s desk appeared in the elevator. Brady noticed Grogan had his chair. Smithy had his two lights. Dave came in with his stapler and waste basket.

Brady looked over at Matt’s desk: everything of Matt’s was there. Harvard brought back his file cabinet. “I’m sorry, Brady.” Larry the German shepherd crawled over and gently placed one of his spare shoes at his feet. Victoria brought in a picture of her and Snowflake. Brady didn’t know what to think. Captain Brown laughed, “We got you, Brady.”

That afternoon, the D.A. brought the picture he found in his coat pocket to Bob’s antique shop. He blushed slightly and laughed. “The picture and autograph are probably not real. My wife found it in a coat pocket of an old coat of mine. Funny thing is I always wanted a picture of the Red Baron since I was a kid.”

Bob looked at it under a microscope. “Well sir, the picture and paper are period...so is the ink. It is a genuine piece. I have seen this picture in archives. The man with the Baron was unnamed until now. He has a MIT ring on, so maybe his last name can be researched. The best part of this is that the Red Baron signature is genuine. It is worth thirty to fifty thousand dollars. Do you want to sell it, sir?”

The next day, court started at ten a.m. sharp. There were extra police on duty. All the detectives were present and armed. Brady and Mrs. B. sat closest to the witness stand. They did not know Papa Doc had an assassin on top of the building across the road on speed dial.

Victoria took the stand at 10:45. She started her testimony: “The two defendants approached me as I headed to school for a quantum physics exam. The little scrawny guy asked me if I would like to make twenty dollars. I said, ‘Get lost, you sick little pervert’.”

She sighed, “The big black gentleman said they just wanted me to stand in front of the garage camera for five minutes so they could screw with some guy’s car whose uncle pissed them off. I told them for grand theft auto, I wanted fifty dollars.”

She continued, “I said I needed a prop. I couldn’t just stand there. The black gentleman told his associate to go buy me an ice cream cone. The sleazy little pervert bought me the smallest chocolate cone they had.”

Sammy jumped up. “I resent being called little.”

The judge laughed. “So, I gather she was talking about you?” Sammy shrugged and sat down quietly. “Victoria, please refrain from referring to the defendant’s lawyer as a sleazy little pervert.”

Victoria blushed. “Yes, Your Honor. Um, after arguing with the poor ice cream vendor for a whole five minutes, the blood-sucking lawyer bought me a junior-sized chocolate cone.” The court erupted in laughter. She asked, “Was that all right, Your Honor?”

The judge looked at her pleading eyes with suspicion. “Ah... fine, Victoria.”

Sammy jumped to his feet, but the judge’s withering glare sat him back down. Victoria continued her testimony. “The big guy did the sticker thing and the smaller gentleman tried to pay another underage girl to give him a bubble bath.”

She giggled, “When the big guy was finished, the smaller man increased his offer to me to twenty dollars and fifty cents. I said, ‘No, thank you,’ um...sort of. I couldn’t repeat the words he really used; there are ladies present.” The court laughed loudly.

Sammy stood up and started his cross examination. “How old are you, Victoria?”

Defiantly, Victoria said, “You already know that. You asked me that in the police garage, remember?”

The judge looked at her with suspicion. “Answer the question, please.”

She jutted out her chin. “Fine, I am nine years old.”

Sammy chuckled. “Don’t you think that is a little young to give a positive ID?”

She glared at him. “No, I don’t, nor does the law in this state, I might add.”

Harvard started to smile. He muttered, “Never ask questions you don’t already know the answer to. You are making a grave error, Sammy...”

The lawyer smiled at the judge. “We are all set, Your Honor.”

The judge talked to her. “Victoria, the defense wants to test your powers of observation.”

She laughed, “This is a dumb move on his part, Your Honor.”

The amused judge chuckled. “Well, it is his right. You can look around and we will blindfold you and test your observation skills.”

She snorted, “I don’t need to look around, Your Honor; just blindfold me.” The clerk put on the blindfold.

Sammy gave her a devious smile. “Let’s start with an easy one. What am I wearing, Victoria?”

Victoria giggled. “Do you want everything?”

Sammy laughed and looked at the jury. “Sure. Knock yourself out.”

Victoria smiled, “You are wearing a toupée that was made for someone else. That why it is glued in the front. You have bifocals that have transparent tape on the nose section because it cuts your nose.”

Sammy’s jaw dropped. She continued, “You have a yellow shirt with a coffee stain by the third button. You have two pens, a red and blue one, in your coat’s left pocket. You have brown pants with all your goodies are in your left pocket since there is a hole in the right pocket and you write right-handed. Lastly, your black shoes are unpolished.”

The court gave her a standing ovation. She took off the blindfold. Flustered, Sammy stood up. “Just one more question. Sometimes, we think we recognize people because we saw them before, someplace else...”

Victoria nodded. “Yes, that is true. I’ve seen you two gentlemen before.”

Sammy laughed. “Okay, the court is waiting on pins and needles.”

She thought a moment. “Well, it might compromise the next trial. I would rather not say at this time.”

Sammy laughed. “What next trial is that?”

She responded, “Well, there has to be a trial for the murders of Big Red and his bodyguards, right?”

Just then, Papa Doc pushed the dial button. The sniper took a shot but was thrown off when an owl landed on his sniper rifle’s barrel.

The shot harmlessly blew out a court window. The sniper aimed again but the owl bumped him. A minute later, he went flying over the edge of the roof, screaming. Doc pulled a taped gun from under his table. Harvard dove for Victoria and got hit in the back with his shot. Papa swore at Sammy and shot him.

Papa was dead before Sammy hit the floor. Matt, Brady, and Grogan all fired and hit him in the chest once each. Mrs. B. grabbed Victoria and pushed her behind the judge’s bench.

Harvard was rushed to the UMass emergency room. The surgeon came out. “He will live, but he’ll never walk again.”

Victoria laughed derisively at him. “Don’t bet all your marbles on that, Doctor.” Victoria went for a drink of water.

The doctor shook his head. “What was that all about?”

Brady chuckled. “Let’s just say it will be a miracle when he starts walking again.”

The doctor sighed, “What is wrong with you people? He will never walk. I can guarantee you that.”

Out in the hallway, Victoria peered out the window at the rain. “I don’t know how I missed that weapon.”

Matt put his hand on her shoulder. “That is because it was smuggled into court before the trial. The now-under-arrest clerk didn’t realize the courtroom had a motion-activated camera. There was also a shooter on the roof of the building across the street that somehow fell off it. It is hard to fathom how a sniper could miss his target by three feet.”

Victoria stared out the window again. “Maybe he was aiming at someone else and not me...”

The next day, Victoria wore her new red dress and got to see Harvard alone. She talked to him for several minutes. Mrs. B. watched her through the window. He was pretty glum.

Victoria said something that he didn’t expect to hear. He seemed to immediately get more upbeat. Mrs. B. looked thoroughly confused at a happy Harvard telling jokes and laughing with her.

When she came out, she sat with Mrs. B. They watched the rain blast against the building. Victoria was watching Mrs. B. looking at her in the reflection on the window. “Go ahead, ask it. You risked your life for me. I will tell you anything.”

She nodded. “Okay, honey, what did you say to Harvard?”

She laughed. “That’s obvious. I told him not to worry. Snowflake would have him walking again in a couple weeks. She hesitated. “Do you have any more questions?”

Mrs. B. thought for a moment. “No, honey I don’t.”

Victoria giggled, “Thanks, mom.”

That afternoon, the bomb squad families were coming to see Harvard. Victoria brought Snowflake in with a perch. “Snowflake says, to cheer you up, she will help you do magic for the kids. Just start talking and move your hands around and she will do the rest.”

The room started to get crowded fast. One little red-haired kid shook Harvard’s hand and a Power Ranger appeared. He screamed, “Wow, mom! Did you see that?”

Soon things were floating in the air and live fairies began flying around. The kids were all going nuts. Harvard got more and more bold. One little boy gushed to the fat nurse, “Boy, the owl is really smart.”

She laughed and said it wasn’t the owl doing magic. “It is just a fat, stupid owl.” She stood up to leave and farted loudly. Every step she took made a loud, wet fart. A loud buzzing noise came out of her pocket. She reached in and pulled out a buzzing foot-long purple vibrator. It bounced onto the floor.

She tried to pick it up and leave, but it was bouncing around and hard to catch. A doctor came in and stepped on it. He handed it to her with two fingers and a big smile. She looked back at the bird with a nasty look. She farted loudly again as she stormed out.

Harvard was sent to rehab in the Burbank facility in Leominster. He liked to sit in the sun alone, down by the river.