The Chronicles of Moon

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Doctor Lewis scratches his jaw and looks at Moon with a severe expression.

“I think I may have an idea what that voice meant.” He is slow and thoughtful with his words.

Moon looks up at him, hopeful that he will just say what he thinks. He sits thinking another moment as he flips back through the papers in her file. Moon is close to taking the file from him and looking at it herself, but she knows she wouldn’t understand most of what it says. Finally, Doctor Lewis looks at her again.

“Well, you definitely have a wolf. You aren’t losing your mind like I’m sure you think you are. The higher levels of enzymes in your blood aren’t typical, though. Your wolf is much stronger than I would have guessed if the tests are right. I thought perhaps you were an omega wolf or even a half-breed, which would explain your wolf’s late arrival. While it’s normal for lesser wolves to be late bloomers and half-breeds may never fully get a wolf at all, that isn’t the case for you. If all of this is right, you have a very strong wolf trapped somewhere in you. I also think that might be what your wolf is referring to. I don’t know how you managed it, but you are suppressing your wolf. I haven’t ever seen a case of this myself, only read about it. It is also strange because in all the cases where wolves had been suppressed, it was not a very strong wolf to begin with. But the enzyme levels in your blood, even a human would find them and see something odd.”

Doctor Lewis looks hard at Moon. She shifts uncomfortably, trying to absorb everything she was just told. She has a wolf and a strong one. Apparently, she is suppressing her wolf somehow, but she doesn’t know how she could do that.

“But wouldn’t I know if I was suppressing my wolf?” Moon questions.

“In most of the cases I have read about, yes, the person purposely does it for different reasons. Mainly, being stuck in a situation that would have led them to be killed if they were discovered. Are you sure you aren’t doing anything to suppress your wolf?” Doctor Lewis tilts his head and looks at her.

Moon thinks for a long moment, but she’s sure she isn’t doing anything purposely to suppress her wolf. She has wished on more than one circumstance that she had a wolf.

“No, I don’t think I am. I was sad when I never got mine, but I also somehow knew I wouldn’t. It was just a feeling, but I knew.” Moon shrugs and looks at her hands again. Now would seem like a good time to cry if she was the crying type.

“How do I fix it? How do I stop suppressing my wolf, Doc?” Moon asks, looking at him again, trying to feel hopeful. She has a wolf. She just needs to let it out. Unfortunately, Moon doesn’t have any idea how to accomplish that.

“That is the hard part.” Doctor Lewis scratches his chin again as he thinks.

“In the cases where people finally get the chance to connect with their wolf, they need to be in a place they feel safe and accepted. In very few cases, the person reached their wolf in moments of danger when they needed their wolf to save themselves or others.”

Moon thinks back to the last few near scrapes where she needed her wolf to save herself, but she didn’t feel her wolf at all any of those times. Clearly, that wasn’t going to be her answer. Moon then, thinks. Is there any place where she feels safe or accepted? Her first thought is, of course, back home with her pack. She feels safe there. The more she thinks about it, she wonders if she does she feel accepted.

Doctor Lewis watches Moon as she thinks long and hard about where she should go and how she should find her wolf. When he clears his throat, she looks up at him, her large blue eyes filled with emotion.

“I don’t know your pack or anything about your situation there. Is that a place you feel safe and loved?” He gently asks.

Moon can’t find a way to explain that while yes, she feels safe and loved, but at the same time, she knows she has never been completely accepted. She has always been the one to just be tolerated. She was never Alpha Mark’s grandchild. The members of her pack couldn’t even call her Sarah after the former Luna. She has always been just Moon. Most of the time, she felt overlooked. Everyone knew she would be wolfless and nothing but an annoyance most of the time. While no one was directly mean to her, they also never really accepted her, and she knew it. That was why she wanted Ben to take her place as Alpha. Moon just can’t find the words to explain all of that to the Doctor sitting across from her, so she does the next best thing: she lies. She doesn’t tell him a complete lie, but she still lies nonetheless.

“Yes, sir, they do,” she smiles and hopes it’s enough to fool the Doc.

“Well, then, I think you should go home, try to relax, and let your wolf find its way to the forefront. It may not be easy, but having people around you that care about you will help.”

He smiles warmly at her and Moon’s heart falls just a little. She knows Ben and Emily love her and seem to accept her, but they always want her to change in some way. They tell her to act more like everyone else or beg her not to embarrass them in front of other people. She knows they don’t mean to be hurtful, but the years of being reminded how to act and what to do and not do are draining. Moon just wants to be herself: she is a funny disaster that is a bit of a mess most of the time. She might trip and fall into something or forget that she’s baking cookies, so she sets them on fire. She wants to be herself without judgment or reminders of how incapable she is. She is capable of many things, but no one seems to believe in her. If she is completely honest with herself, she doesn’t believe in herself anymore.

“Okay well, I guess I need to go home. Johnny will be all right now, won’t he?” She quietly asks.

“Yes, he seems like he will be fine. Beta Chris will see to that.” Doc Lewis chuckles a little, and Moon smiles. She’s glad that Johnny is happy.

“You won’t tell anyone I have a wolf, why I’m going home, or anything will you?” Moon looks at him. Her eyes are pleading.

“Moon, I can’t tell anyone about this. It breaks all doctor-patient confidentiality,” he reassures Moon.

“Okay, I’ll go as soon as I can,” Moon sighs. She doesn’t know why, but she feels sad at the thought of leaving. She never wanted to leave her pack before, but now she almost doesn’t want to go home.

“I think a certain Alpha might be upset about you leaving though.” Doctor Lewis playfully smirks at her as she lets out a gasp. Her eyes go wide again.

“Colin…” Moon gasps out.