The Christmas List: A Novel

By the time Kier landed he knew exactly where he was going, or at least who he wanted to see. He just didn’t know where to find him. As soon as the plane taxied to the gate, he turned on his phone and called Linda.

“Are you back?” she asked.

“Just landed. I need you to call Dr. Kuo, get the name of Sara’s oncologist, then call me back.”

“I’ll get right on it. How’d everything go with Jimmy?”

“About the same as the rest of my visits.”

Linda sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ll text you the info as soon as I have it.”

By the time Kier reached his car he had the doctor’s name and address. He threw his bag in the back seat and drove to the Huntsman Cancer Center.

He walked up to the reception desk, glancing down at his cell phone to make sure he got the name right. A maternal-looking woman with gray hair smiled pleasantly at him. “May I help you?”

“I’m looking for Dr. Halestrom.”

“Dr. Halestrom’s on the third floor. Room 312.”

“Thank you.”

Dr. Halestrom’s office waiting room was about a third full, and half the room’s occupants wore hats or headscarves to conceal their baldness. The young woman sitting behind the desk glanced up as Kier entered. “Yes?”

“Hi. James Kier to see Dr. Halestrom.”

“Just go ahead and sign in with the pen right there.” She reached for a clipboard. “Is this your first visit?”

“It’s not really a visit. I mean, I don’t have an appointment. I just need to speak with the doctor about my wife.”

The young woman looked at him as if he belonged in the psych ward instead of oncology. “You don’t have an appointment?”

“I just need a minute of the doctor’s time. My wife is one of his patients. Sara Kier.”

Immediately the woman’s face lit with recognition. “Of course. Mrs. Kier’s a lovely woman. You said you’re her husband?”

“I know this is unconventional but I just need a minute of Dr. Halestrom’s time. It’s very important.”

She looked at him doubtfully. “I’ll see if Dr. Halestrom can fit you in.” She disappeared through an opening behind her. Kier looked over the signs the woman had posted in her workstation.

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain.

When life is more than you can stand, kneel.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about?

A moment later, she reappeared. “Dr. Halestrom says to take a seat, he’ll be with you as soon as he can.”

“Thank you.”

Kier sat down in the corner of the room near a large ficus plant that draped over several chairs, ensuring his solitude. He lifted a copy of Newsweek from the table next to him and began thumbing through it. About ten minutes later a nurse wearing a green smock came through the office door, her eyes scanning the waiting room.

“Mr. Kier?” she said loudly toward the center of the room.

Kier stood. “I’m James Kier.”

“This way, please.” She held the door for him, then led him down a long coridor to an examination room. She stepped inside, holding the door for him.

“You’re here to see Dr. Halestrom?”

“That’s right.”

“Have a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

“Thank you.”

Kier sat on a chair in the corner; it was another ten minutes before the doctor came in. He wore a white smock and carried a clipboard. “Hi, I’m Dr. Halestrom. You’re Sara’s husband?”

“Yes, James Kier.” Kier reached out his hand. The doctor gave him a brief, disinterested shake. “What can I do for you, Mr. Kier?”

“I want to know how Sara is.”

The doctor looked at him quizzically. “Why don’t you ask her?”

“Let’s say we’re having a little trouble communicating lately. I asume you know we’re separated.”

“You really should ask Sara. There are privacy laws that prevent my sharing her medical information without her permission. If she wants you to know, I’m sure she’d tell you.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me,” Kier said flatly. “I know I’m putting you in an awkward position, but I’m not asking for me. I want to help her . . .”

For several moments the doctor just looked at him. Then he shook his head and sighed. “I really shouldn’t be doing this, but I’m going to bend the rules because I believe you’re acting in her best interest.” He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “She’s dying.”

The directness of the doctor’s reply hit him. “Dying? Aren’t the treatments helping?”

“The treatments are palliative, not curative. That means they’re for improving her quality of life and prolonging her life. In this regard, the radiation and chemotherapy have been somewhat helpful, but the cancer has continued to spread.”

“Does she know this?”

“Of course.”

“There’s got to be more we can do.” Kier tried to keep a note of desperation out of his voice.

“We’re doing everything we can.”

“What about a pancreas transplant? Money’s no object.”

“It’s not about money. Her cancer has spread through her entire lymph system; there are tumors in her liver, kidneys, lungs, and peritoneum.” The doctor leaned back against the counter. “I know it’s hard to accept. But you’re coming to this a bit late.”

Kier combed his hand through his hair. “How long does she have?”

The doctor shrugged. “Only God knows. She’s a strong woman. If it were anyone else I’d give her a few weeks. She could even make a month, but I’d be surprised if it were much longer. She’s holding on until your son’s wedding.”

Kier felt numb.

The doctor looked at Kier. “Anything else?” he asked, not without sympathy.

He shook his head. “She’s had to go through all this alone.”

“She’s had her sister, and her son.”

The lump in Kier’s stomach now lodged in his throat. “I am so sorry.”

“You should tell her that.” He walked out of the room. Kier’s legs felt wobbly. He sat back down in the chair. A few weeks? Things were moving too slowly. Everything, but the cancer.

His legs still felt weak as he walked out to his car. While he drove from the parking lot his phone rang. It was Lincoln. The man’s relentless, Kier thought. Kier answered, and without waiting for Lincoln to speak, he said, “Here’s one for you, old man. The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. ‘I’ll increase your income tenfold, give you four months of vacation each year, and you’ll live to be a hundred but never look or feel a day over thirty. All I require in return is your wife’s soul to rot in hell for eternity.’ The lawyer thought about it, then said, ‘What’s the catch?’ ”

Kier hung up before Lincoln could speak, shut off his phone, then headed off to see Sara.