SWNOVELS Chapter 19: Stuck in Time
Mikalya's P.O.V
I got out of the car and looked at the ruins closely. The truth was that I didn't even know what to make of it. It was a national monument so to speak but still, standing in its presence was a thrilling experience, one I couldn't even put to words. "Wow," I whispered, more to myself than anyone else.
I had to give it to Abhay, he had gone above everything I had ever imagined and. Even I never realized that a place like this had existed in the middle of the desert. The structure was in ruins, but still, I could feel the rich cultural history just by standing in front of the collapsed remains of what was once a magnificent castle.
Abhay came around, coming to stand beside me as he took my hands in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. And for the first time, I didn't want to remove my hands from his.
Usually, I never liked having someone hold my hand or act lovey-dovey with me. I never could stand acts of PDA. But with Abhay...I wanted to do certain things that were totally against my character.
"You like it?" he asked in his nervous whisper.
"I don't like it... I love it," I grinned up at him to see relief flood his eyes.
"I'm glad," he smiled.
"Do you know what this place is or who it belongs to?" I asked, looking back at the remains.
As beautiful as this place was...it was surprising to find that it wasn't being swarmed by tourists who wanted to take pictures and enjoy a picnic in the cool shades of the rocks. For this place to remain this abandoned...it didn't really sit right with me.
"I really don't know but I believe that it must have belonged to a forgotten king who got wiped away long ago. No one really knew him well enough to convert this place into a tourist destination," he shrugged. "When I asked the locals, even they didn't name the King, just told me that there was a place where lovers usually went to...um..."
"Frolic?" I laughed at his expression, nodding to myself.
Yes. This was definitely the kind of place where lovers would come to do 'un-conventional' activities. But I was surprised that Abhay of all people would bring me here for a photoshoot. It made me want to laugh when I saw how flustered he looked, but at the same time, I really appreciated his gesture.
"So now, this place is in ruins with no one to take care of and no news of restoration." I muttered.
Abhay nodded in agreement. "I doubt the government even cares about this. They are more concerned about palaces that are still fully functional and decorative."
It was true, that a monument as beautiful as this was left to rust and decay because it didn't serve any purpose, or simply forgotten because it was too ruined to attract tourists. But this place too was built on memories, memories that now lay scattered in the dunes. All that hard work, all those dreams and aspirations...just...gone...
As I stood next to Abhay, looking at the beautiful ruins as the sun began its decent down the vast skies, I could tell that this castle too was once a magnificent arrangement, no less beautiful than the ones that are now more famous as tourist destinations and are being transformed into hotels.
As I walked around the main area, I couldn't help compare this palace ruins to that of the village Mouri, that had vanished without a trace after I burned it to the ground. The memory of that day had me stopping mid-stride as the screams of the dead echoed though the walls, as if reminding me of the horrors I had committed.
Now, the world holds no recollection that such a place even existed. I was the only one who remembered that village, that place where women were never welcomed...and the cruel Alpha Rafael who had done horrible deeds that made even the dead shiver in their graves.
"Are you okay?" Abhay's concerned voice snapped me out of my trance, and I looked up to find his brows drawn in worry.
I seemed to have zoned out once again. Maybe it was because I was leaving all of this behind soon that my mind was trying to remind me of what I had left behind...or maybe, I had built this mental prison all by myself and the only reason I hadn't been able to move forward is because I hadn't been able to forgive myself...I didn't know.
But as Abhay's warm hands squeezed mine in reassurance, I knew that I wasn't alone...at least in this very moment.
"Yeah," I whispered. "I'm fine."
I hated to keep Abhay out of my life like this, especially when I knew he was trying to move our relationship further. But he also knew nothing about me. How would he react when he finally found out who I really was? Or should I say 'what' I really was?
And even if it was one of those rare case scenarios when the human counterpart actually accepted a shifter as who they are...would I be truly able to open up to him about everything? About my past? About all the things that I had done? As I stood there, thinking about the memories of the past, I knew one thing. The only thing that people still remembered and feared was the name, BloodPledge. Uttering that name alone inflicted gear in the minds of the people who knew about the history of that pack...a pack who had whipped out most other packs in the southern regions before finally settling in Gujarat.
For some reason, I still liked that name and no matter how much I tried, I hadn't been able to erase it from my life. It was a name that was stuck to me, and will only be erased from the world the day I died.
The name was beautiful and I had a feeling that it could've symbolized a pledge of protection and trust. It seemed archaic, trusting in a sense. But now, the world remembered that name as a symbol of malice and mistrust. "Sad," I muttered, having no idea that I had spoken out loud.
"You seem to be lost in thoughts so often," Abhay murmured, his voice low and thoughtful. "Am I a...boring company?"
I didn't want Abhay to think he was boring company, because frankly, he wasn't. It was just that this place...it seemed to have unlocked a floodgate of memories within me that I had long kept buried in the corners of my mind. But ever since I set foot into this palace ruins, I kept thinking back to BloodPledge, to all the things that had been and could've been.
But I needed to snap out of it, because I didn't want my last moments with Abhay to be discouraging or boring because the last few days with him had been the best days of my life. I had laughed like never before and I had had fun with him. "Abhay, I don't want you to think that you are a boring companion. Frankly, I enjoy being in your company because it helps me to see things in a new light, see things that I might have forgotten or kept aside. I promise you, you are not the problem." I sighed. "It's just that...I've got a lot of things on my mind and I'm sorry for being distracted like this."
And this just solidified my point that I shouldn't be with him, not when I was still piecing together my life that had been shattered a century ago. He didn't deserve an absent partner who was stuck in the past. He deserved someone who would love him wholeheartedly, laugh with him, and remind him of just how good of a man he was.
"Being with you makes me remember things that I thought I had long forgotten but apparently, that's not even the case." I smiled sadly, knowing in my heart that he'll never get to experience the demons that I had.
He remained silent, thinking about my words. I knew he didn't even know what to make of it as I clearly saw the confusion in his eyes.
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" he asked finally, seemingly hesitant to find out the answer.
"I think it's both and it solely depends on the memory. But sadly, I don't have control over which memory will be unlocked and when." I sighed.
But none of this was Abhay's fault, and I thought that he needed a sincere apology from me.
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"I'm sorry for being the boring one on this date, it was never my intention." I confessed. "I know you're probably wishing that you came here with someone else. Not an ideal date, am I?"
"No, no! It's okay." Abhay gave me his cute smile, with no traces of nervousness this time. "Actually, this is the most I've ever talked to a stranger and even though I don't know you that well, you make me feel things I have never felt before and I think it's a good thing."
He gave my hand another squeeze, making me realize that we were still holding hands after all this time.
"So, I wanted to let you know that you're not being a boring date at all." He grinned. "I couldn't have wished to be here with anyone else, even if I had the chance to."
His reassurance was comforting; however, it also made me nervous. Because it meant that the mating bond between us was strengthening and he was getting just as attached to me as I was to him.
I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let him be subjected to a life where 'kill or be killed' was the norm, a life that wasn't meant for such a simple, pure-hearted person like Abhay.
"What's wrong? You seem nervous?" he asked.
Looks like he was getting better at reading my emotions as well.
"We could go back if you aren't up for this, I totally understand." He said quickly, trying to make me feel better.
I shook my head, refusing. Because this was going to be our late date together...and I didn't want to spoil it for either of us.
I didn't want to get his hopes up, but damn if I could say that to my heart. So I did the only thing I could at that moment.
"No, let's explore." I smiled.
He smiled back, showing how happy he was that we didn't turn back. And then, hand in hand, we finally took the first step into the ancient palace ruins.