SWNOVELS The Charade: Chapter 33
AFTER EXPLAINING TO ELYSE, Carter, and me about how he’d heard my mom was pregnant but had thought she’d had a miscarriage because that was what she’d told everyone, Dr. Aarden left the room, saying he needed to make a few phone calls.
‘Who do you think he’s calling?’ Elyse asked Carter when Dr. Aarden disappeared into what looked like an office just down the hall from the great room we’d been sitting in for the past ten minutes.
‘You want my honest guess?’ Carter asked, a wary look in his blue eyes.
‘Yes,’ I said, though from his foreboding expression I wasn’t sure that I really did want to know. I had a sinking feeling it was the exact answer we’d been hoping to disprove by coming here.
Carter sighed. ‘I would bet that he’s calling my dad right now.’
‘I-is your dad back to a place where he has service?’ I asked. Carter had told me before that his dad had planned to fly back home in time for Cambrielle’s party but wouldn’t be in contact with anyone until then.
‘He doesn’t have his cell phone turned on—just has it with him in case of an emergency. But Dawn has the number for the house that he’s staying at, so I’m guessing that if Dr. Aarden can’t get ahold of my dad on his cell, he’ll call Dawn for the info.’
‘So do you think he’s our dad then?’ Elyse asked, a look of hope in her golden-brown eyes.
She had never minded the idea of Carter’s dad being our father in the first place, so none of this was bad news to her.
It was just really inconvenient for me and Carter and our feelings for each other.
Carter blew out a low breath before saying, ‘I think there’s a strong chance that he is.’
We walked out to Carter’s truck. On the drive back to the school through the rain-covered streets of Eden Falls, Carter told Elyse and me about the phone conversation he’d overheard his dad having the day after he’d first met Elyse and me. And even though Carter hadn’t heard very much, he’d heard enough that I was suddenly more scared than ever that Carter and I were related.
I knew I should be happy for Elyse and myself.
Happy that after seventeen years of longing and searching, we’d finally found our dad. And it wasn’t just any random guy but Mr. Hastings. A guy who—even though I’d only been around him briefly—I knew was a really great man. The kind of dad most girls would dream of having. He was successful, he took amazing care of his family, and he had a great relationship with each of his children, as far as I could tell.
We’d basically hit the jackpot where biological fathers were concerned. And not just that, we’d have Cambrielle and Nash who already felt like family to me as our brother and sister.
It was the kind of situation that I’d dreamed of having my whole life. The picture-perfect family. The amazing house. The answers I’d been searching for.
I should be ecstatic at the chance of being Joel Hastings’s daughter—an heir of the seventh richest man in the United States.
But I couldn’t be happy about it right now, because if I was his daughter and if Cambrielle and Nash were my new brother and sister, then it meant that Carter was also my brother. And while I knew he was a great brother to his siblings and would be a great brother to Elyse as well, I didn’t want him to be my brother.
I didn’t want to share even an ounce of his father’s DNA. Because if I did, then everything I’d felt for him over the past few weeks would no longer be a beautiful and magical thing.
It would be twisted and disgusting and actually illegal.
Marrying your half-brother may have been acceptable a few centuries ago—back in the day when kings married their own sisters to maintain a higher quality of noble blood in the royal family. And sure, Zeus might have been able to marry his sister Hera because he was the most powerful of the Greek gods.
But that wasn’t how things worked in twenty-first century America.
Brothers and sisters did not have romantic relationships with each other. They didn’t fall in love and date and kiss and eventually get married. They didn’t have babies and build dream homes together and live happily ever after.
That kind of thing was just simply not done.
It made me feel icky inside just thinking about it.
I’d just been making out in my dorm room with my brother! I’d just been unbuttoning his shirt and letting my hands explore his chest and arms, and get my fingers tangled in his hair. I’d let him run his hands along my arms and back and lay his strong body on top of mine, let our tongues dance together in a way that made my belly swirl with heat. I’d let him kiss me until my lips were swollen and his five o’clock shadow chaffed at my sensitive skin.
I’d fantasized about having a future where he was the first person I talked to in the morning, and the last person I saw before I closed my eyes to sleep at night.
I’d thought about building a life with Carter after high school, having him by my side through all the big and little events of our lives, the twists and turns, the good times and the bad.
I just hadn’t imagined that I’d be doing those things as his sister.
But now that the path of my life was shifting in front of my eyes, I saw the years stretching ahead of me. Instead of being the bride at his wedding, I’d be the bridesmaid. Instead of having his babies, I’d be sitting in the waiting room with the rest of the family as we waited for Carter to come out with a huge smile on his face to tell us that his wife—his wife who wasn’t me—had given birth to a beautiful baby girl or boy.
I’d get to hold his babies and watch them as they grew from children and into adults, but they wouldn’t be mine. They’d be someone else’s. They’d belong to some lucky girl who got to have everything I wanted because her mom hadn’t kept a huge secret from her her whole life.
If my mom had just told me the truth from the very beginning, then I would have met Carter years ago and I would have known from the start that he was off-limits. I never would have thought of him as anything but an older brother from the first day he came here from Guatemala.
I would have thought his bright blue eyes looked beautiful against his tan skin. I would have been intrigued to get to know this human who’d had a very different upbringing than me.
But I never would have looked at him with the longing I’ve felt for him ever since the first day we met, because I would have known from the start that he was my brother.
While lots of other girls would get crushes on him, I never would have been tempted by his exotically handsome good looks because the rules for our relationship would have been set from the beginning.
I wouldn’t be dealing with these confusing feelings swirling around inside of me every time I looked at him, like I did right now.
Yes, even now when I knew that we were related, I still wanted to find an excuse to ignore the facts and find myself in his arms again. To have just one final moment where I could soak everything up and know it had to mean goodbye.
But I couldn’t have that.
Couldn’t even let him know that I wanted one last moment with him.
Because it was twisted.
It was forbidden.
It was wrong .
The city passed in a rainy blur as we drove through the small town, and I barely registered where we were until Carter pulled his truck to a stop on the front drive of the academy.
‘I’m going to head inside,’ Elyse said from the backseat, as if sensing I needed a moment alone with Carter before heading up to our room. ‘I’ll see you in a little bit.’
‘I’ll be up soon,’ I said.
Carter and I sat in silence as we watched Elyse walk up the steps leading to the school, her umbrella protecting her from the rain. And even after she disappeared inside, we still didn’t speak right away.
A full two minutes passed with just the sound of our breathing and the rain hitting the windshield before Carter cleared his throat and said, ‘Interesting day, huh?’
I glanced sideways to peek at him. When our gazes locked, his sad eyes told me he felt as hopeless as I did.
I drew in a long, shaky breath and released it slowly through pursed lips before I said, ‘Yeah. Interesting day.’
What else was there to say?
Nothing.
I had nothing to say because talking about tonight would just make it all the more real.
And I didn’t want any of it to be real.
We sat there for another minute, and I just watched the windshield wipers wipe the rain away in a rhythmic motion. But since it was getting late and I knew we both had classes early in the morning, I finally moved to unbuckle my seatbelt. ‘I guess I better get inside.’
Carter nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. ‘I-I’ll walk you to the door.’
I knew I should just walk up the steps by myself and get used to the reality where Carter didn’t do gentlemanly things for me like opening doors for me and walking me to the school to make sure I got there safely, but I found myself saying, ‘Thank you.’
He grabbed his umbrella from where he’d stored it between his seat and the driver’s side door. Then he stepped out and walked around the truck to let me out, holding the umbrella up and over my head.
For a moment, he looked like he wanted to offer me his arm but seemed to reconsider a split second later. So we ended up walking side by side with zero contact between our bodies.
‘Thanks for walking me to the door,’ I said to Carter once we were at the top step.
‘Of course.’ He nodded, half of his face lit from the overhead light, the other shadowed in the dark night.
I knew I should go inside and head upstairs—it was getting late and I was exhausted from the emotional evening—but I didn’t want to say goodbye yet. I was planning to call my mom when I got inside and ask her to finally give me the answers I deserved to have for the past seventeen years. But I knew that once she confirmed everything we’d discovered, it would just make this nightmare more real.
And I didn’t want it to be totally real just quite yet.
Carter didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave, either, because he just stood there, watching me, studying my face like he was committing this last night together to his memory.
‘I hate this,’ I finally said, after we’d just stared at each other for a minute.
‘Me too.’
He closed his umbrella and set it against the stone wall, and then took my hands to pull me into the little alcove that was protected from the rain.
He sighed, still holding my hands, rubbing his thumbs across my knuckles. ‘I wish we could go back to a couple of hours ago.’
I bit my lip and nodded, a sudden surge of emotion taking over me. I wiped at my eyes and pushed out a low breath, hoping to keep the tears at bay. ‘I should be happy. I know I should be happy that I may finally have the answers I’ve always wanted.’
‘But you’re not,’ Carter finished for me, understanding exactly how I felt without me needing to say the words.
I cast my gaze down at his shoes because looking at his face was hard right now. ‘I don’t want to be your sister.’ My voice broke. ‘I don’t want any of this.’
He sighed and pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me and smoothing his hands up and down my back in a comforting gesture. ‘I don’t want you to be my sister, either,’ he mumbled into my hair, his hot breath sending chills racing across my shoulders.
We just held each other for a long moment, breathing deeply. I pressed my ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat that had become a comfort to me over the past few weeks. It was still as steady and as strong as it had been the first time I’d listened to it, but now, instead of making me feel excited, it just made me sad. Because this was probably the last time I’d ever have an excuse to listen to it. Brothers and sisters didn’t hug each other like this.
But Carter felt so good. He was just the right height for me to tuck myself under his chin. His narrow waist the perfect size for me to wrap my arms around. His signature cologne just the right combination of clean and woodsy with a subtle citrus overtone.
He smelled like happiness, and maybe a little like love, too.
My heart squeezed with that thought.
Getting over Carter was going to be so hard.
I rubbed my face into his chest, wishing that it would help me wipe away reality.
He sighed again and smoothed one hand down the crown of my head, down my hair, and back up until he cradled the nape of my neck in his hands. He coaxed my face to look up at him. He looked deeply into my eyes, then his gaze traveled to my lips. ‘I should probably go home,’ he whispered, the regret in his voice clear as a summer day. He met my eyes again, and after releasing another long breath and squeezing me closer, he mumbled, ‘This is so hard.’
‘I know,’ I said quietly. And then, to keep myself from wanting to kiss him since our faces were only inches away, I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck to hug him tighter.
He wrapped his arms around my waist again and pulled me with him as he leaned against the stone wall.
We stood like that for another long moment, and it felt like my heart was trying to beat its way into his chest. But then Carter straightened up and slid his hands away from my back and to my hips, signaling that he was really going to leave now.
I released my arms from behind his neck and made myself take a step back, forcing some space between us again.
‘Good night, Ava,’ he said, tucking some hair behind my ear—and even though it was just a simple touch, it still sent sparks racing across my scalp.
‘Good night, Carter,’ I said.
He stepped out of the alcove, actually about to leave me for real. After opening his umbrella and holding it over his head, he turned back toward me one last time. With a shrug, he said, ‘Just think—you may have finally found your dad after all these years. It’s what you’ve always wanted, right?’
He didn’t wait for me to respond, though. He just started down the steps and headed to his truck whose engine was still running. And as I watched him, I couldn’t help but think that the universe was really cruel. Because it turned out that finding what I always thought I wanted was making me give up what I actually did want: Carter.